1.19.24 This Is What It’s All About

I’ve arrived.

Of course I still have ambitions and dreams for the future. There’s so many possibilities and opportunities. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the ideas, the directions I could take. Sometimes it feels like there’s not enough time to do it all-

As I spend hours a day watching YouTube.

But honestly, I cut myself some slack on that too. I still get into my little binge cycles where I’m just watching to numb or distract myself- to procrastinate, really.

But life is about BALANCE. I’ve been saying it over and over and over for years, but maybe it’ll actually settle in soon.

Balance is good. Because I actually get really inspired when I consume other content. It’s not a bad thing to know what’s popular, what the public discourse is, and see what other people are up to. As long as I’m not trying to recreate someone else’s vision.

What’s so crazy to look back at now is how many people were recreating MY vision. I truly didn’t understand my impact until the last couple of years. 

I did not watch YouTubers while I was a YouTuber. Like, at all. I think that’s why I didn’t realize how different I was, or why people were drawn to me specifically. I was unique because I wasn’t copying anyone.

But some people really, really inspire me. As creators, and as people.

And some people disgust me. It’s important to see that, too.

ANYWAY <3

I’ve reached the end goal, which was to end up back home to be near my family. That was the knife always twisting in my heart. I’m here now 🙂

I have ideas, no concrete plans yet, but I really think I can make a splash here.

I got stopped in Walmart today by a college student who worked there. He wanted to tell me he’s been a fan for a long time, he had my first book, and that he was proud of  me for stepping away from social media. I told him I was coming back soon, but it’ll be different this time. He said, I also wanted to tell you that I’m so glad to see you found your faith.

Now we have something to talk about. I love talking about my faith.

That’s why I’m coming back, I told him. I’ve gone back and forth with myself about whether or not I should come back or leave it behind, but what always comes back around is this:

I was given a gift. Of a platform, of wisdom, of The Truth.

I don’t get to just run and hide now that I’ve made my money and did all the things I wanted to do.

God let me go through everything I went through so that I could come back FEARLESS. Bold. Brave. I have strong convictions and I want to share them.

I WILL be one of the ones who make it cool to proclaim your faith. I WILL shepherd the gifts He gave me to spread the gospel.

The possibilities are limitless in my mind and spirit, I’m just waiting on God to show me how far I get to go.

He’s gonna be working in me for the rest of my life, Praise God! He’s done so much for me, so much IN me, my whole life but specifically these last couple years.

His timing is so good. I was there exactly how long I needed to be, and now I’m here. I’m just so IN AWE AND THANKFUL that he let me experience it ALL. He let me live the life I thought I wanted just to show me I don’t want it. 

Anyway, I just had dinner with my family at a Mexican restaurant in town. It was nice to be able to just be with my family at a Mexican restaurant in town.

My mom told me that during covid, they gave free tacos to any kid that was hungry.

Isn’t that so amazing?

God has a strong presence here. There’s more churches here per capita than anywhere else in Pennsylvania… or something like that.

It’s really refreshing to be around people who love Jesus and are very loud about it. It’s just the obvious way of life here.

Anyway, just expressing joy. I’m so glad God is using me, it’s exciting to see how he’ll continue to use me. When you let God into your dreams, he’ll blow them up bigger than you could even imagine. Seek first the kingdom and all these things will be added (Mt 6:33). There’s a lyric from a christian hip hop artist named Zauntee, it says, “God chose me so I don’t have to choose, I can live out my dream.”

That’s how I feel.

It just really hit me at one point- we all die. This life is finite, and eternity is… well, infinite. Eternity is eternal. What am I going to choose? Will I use my short stay here, that can end at any moment, trying to gain the respect and acknowledgement from people who will also be gone soon? Or will I use it to impress My King? The one who created and rules the entire universe. The One we all answer to in the end.

The one who suffered and died so that I can live.

The one who gave all He had, knowing The Father will provide for his needs always.

God will not let me fail. He promises, and I trust Him. I will always be okay. I will always be provided for. He blesses me so I can bless others. Sow generously, reap generously. God is able to bless abundantly so that we will have all we need to accomplish every good work. (2 Corinthians 9:6)

These are His promises. What more could we ask?!

I really hope people like the new stuff I’m coming out with.

It’s a lot of talking. I have a lot to say. I hope people want to listen!