It was bugging me a bit that page 21 LEAPED into page 22 without the fade-out I'd planned for. In my head there was a nice pause that would serve as a transition point. But I guess... I didn't really draw it!?!
Spent the day talking with folk and drawing up ice cream sandwich wrappers, to act as a bonus slow-down page. But I wasn't happy with how it was looking...
Version 1

... was just too empty and the wrapper was not very well thought out or designed.
So I tried version 2...

...which I dig, but I find leaping into such big text, jarring. It's not slowing things down but instead throwing me and the reading flow off! You can see what I mean with the pages back to back like so:

Just... abrupt!
In the end I sort of just expanded the 'some time passed' motif, to include the cookie I'd spent all friggin day drawing, and jazzed up the language a bit. The final two edited versions are in the header! I hope you all like it? It still doesn't feel ideal to me. That big cube eats up space that I enjoyed on the panel. But it does help the moment land and the transition come across.
Any lessons learned?
Maybe... work on my fade-in-and-outs. I need to learn how to end a scene!
Here are the two pages side by side! If you hate it lmk ha - I might yet flip-flop some more on it. I figure when I post it public is when it's set-in-stone.

I've updated the OG page posts to reflect the new files
NEW->>> Page 22
NEW->>> Page 21
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Amadose
2023-07-31 19:54:03 +0000 UTCFen
2023-07-31 15:16:20 +0000 UTCDawson
2023-07-31 13:29:59 +0000 UTC