considering a restructuring of sorts..

i think it's finally come to realization that whatever i'm trying now, whatever i've been trying to do for the past 2 and a half years, just isnt really working out for me or anyone invested in my art.. unfortunately this patreon may be part of that, very specifically the format i've set up for myself here with the weekly updates and precedent that i'd mostly be doing animation.. never get me wrong though, i absolutely appreciate all of your support past or present, by any means! i think it's just about time that something needs to change for me to get back on track with making and completing Anything really.

as for the current projects, i'd been struggling to put together that compilation of unfinished projects, because honestly, it's been incredibly painful thinking and looking back on that stuff. specifically, i feel a great deal of shame in seeing all of these promising projects that ended up being shelved for a whole myriad of reasons, with me knowing most if not all of them will never be finished for those same reasons.

i think a large part of my struggle to make and complete anything, especially when it comes to anything animation or art outside of game development, is that i've grown to be incredibly scared of my position, the internet, and people as a whole.. it's just not fun making and releasing things under the "aimkid" name anymore. i'm scared of having any sort of notable internet presence and i've suffered a lot because of said 'internet presence' as a transgender woman who's been pretty open before about her experiences with mental illness and trauma. people get very quick to use those things against you or will just be extremely prejudiced towards you inherently.

that's not to say i hadn't done any work this past week.. in fact, i've been doing a lot of it! i returned to an older project under a fresh lens, and it really feels like my Soul has returned to me after all this time, creatively and otherwise! the only problem! is that i cant show any of it, not here at least.. so it's not going to be a primary focus.

so, what now? i think for now, i want to try to focus on making and releasing some smaller stuff on my side channel, "rosie". specifically, i want to try and finish that "boogeymen" rough animation given it's already over halfway done, and post it there as a start! i may also be uploading the unfinished projects there one at a time instead of making one big compilation video for my main channel. there's more i'd like to mention, but this post is already pretty hefty and i'd rather get that animation done first before thinking too hard about what's next.