sunday update! been a slow one

unfortunately this week ended up not being very productive, with me struggling to focus and being stressed yet again by external forces.. to be frank i'm under a good bit of financial stress now because my only monetized (with permission!) video, my animation of "modify", got demonetized a few months ago by an unknown third party company, which took away a good 30%-50% of my income depending on how well the video's doing at any given moment.

that's not a call for financial aid, i think i'll be fine in the end, but it's definitely a mental obstruction on top of taxes which showed me what i'm really working with.. really i guess i'm just feeling a lot of pressure from myself to get something done and out given the time between uploads and now this monetary stress, which is completely counter-productive because it results in me getting very little done. money is a very bad incentive for getting things done, go figure..

i'd also been very confused on what i actually want to do long-term, if that hadn't been apparent enough by all the different projects and forms of media i'd started and stopped over these past 2 years, and the added pressure really hasn't been helping things. all that said i do still want to commit to the current animation since it ticks all the boxes for me and is actually within reasonable expectation to finish! but work has been pretty spotty due to those external factors which is why i mention any of this.

it's been getting pretty frustrating how inconsistent my work ability has been given all the random crap that's come up over these past 6 months, between heart issues preventing me from taking adderall (which im still working up to my previous dose on), chronic nausea developing over the winter causing the whole 'landlord threatening eviction' thing, and the demonetization of "modify".. despite it all i'd been blaming myself more than anything, because if i were more mentally stable i wouldn't have had such issues with work, but i try to not feel that way since it doesn't really help.

on the bright side, i am working to better implement some structure into my work life which should help things a good bit on top of ongoing therapy, so here's to hoping for a better rest of the year!