Sorry : /

I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much. I just feel so uninspired lately. I hate to admit it but the timing of my cliff fall of inspiration really correlates post election. I do not think it's because of that, but maybe it just triggered something that was already slipping.

I read something recently that said ADHD people can get more dopamine from thinking about ideas than actually doing them. I have no idea if that's actually true, but it sure feels like it to me. I've often joked that "I'm an ideas person," because executing the idea, especially dealing with the minutia, is not always my forte. Although if I put my mind to it, it absolutely can be.

Something I have noticed about myself is that I get overwhelmed by choice or even just simply by access. Let me give you an example. I used to do more drawing and illustrating, in fact it was my job for a while. I used to find things online and in books and movies that inspired me. Then social media became more and more part of my every day life, and at first I was blown away with inspiration I saw everywhere from artists. Then I became overwhelmed with visual information and stimuli, and I sort of...froze. I stopped drawing. I stopped thinking I had anything unique to create, because I saw so much beautiful work everywhere I looked.

I feel this way about photography as well. I have for a while. I think I find the most joy currently in making others feel beautiful when I photograph them, but that feeling wears off quickly after they post (or don't post) the images. Everything feels like a formula, a machine lurching forward, faster and faster, steamrolling small moments of inspiration without enough time to really sit with it. Every app feels like QVC or a home shopping network my grandmother watched, but this time it's the faces of people my age - and much younger - hawking me products, or even just ideas.

I have more to share with you, I've just been feeling so blah. I'm really sorry. The last couple years I mailed free Polaroids to those who requested them around the end of the year...if I can get my motivation back, I'd still like to do that for you.

Also the messaging on this platform is terrible, so I apologize if I didn't see your messages sooner. Getting back to you today. Btw, here's a fresh OF link:

https://onlyfans.com/ernaburn/trial/a8w1apm8fuq6q98jizfwbq6ybthntdpj