The Paypocalypse 3 (& DungeonCorp Survey)

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“Any slave can buy his freedom, but only a real man can negotiate the price.”

• DungeonCorp’s Employee Self-help Booklet tagline. 

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Martin’s new rentfree home turned out to be exactly what he expected it to be: a run-down three story apartment building stuck between a dense cluster of half-collapsed project towers and narrow alleys. It stank of poop, kebab, and merguez.

Nonetheless, it reassured him that he wasn’t the only human here… well, sort of. A lot of the locals looked like his fellow Homo Sapiens at first glance until Martin noted their pointy ears, comically small size, horns, or other subtler features.

“Is it just me, or does everybody around here look…” Martin cleared his throat for fear of looking racist. “Humanoid?”

“Of course they do, because at DungeonCorp, cohesion rhymes with se-gre-ga-tion!” Lerne replied proudly through her screen interface. “The bipeds on one side, the quadrupeds on the other, and so on!”

Martin nodded and moved to the block he had been assigned. He passed by a sketchy group of beer-drinking, green-skinned humanoids that reminded him of stereotypical orcs straight out of a fantasy game. One of them, a burly giant two heads taller than Martin and with more tattoos than a Yakuza, immediately approached him.

“You look new,” he said in a strange language that Martin’s Employee Class immediately translated. “Would you be interested in joining a Union, kid?”

“Uh, no, not really,” Martin replied on his way to the door. “I’m not into office politics yet–”

The greenskin’s hand occupied Martin’s shoulder like Nazi Germany did with Poland. “Everybody needs a Union’s protection sooner or later. ‘Member that.”

Martin felt suddenly uneasy about that stranger. “Do they?”

“No, absolutely not!” Lerne replied with her usual chirpy tone. “Union membership is not compulsory, because management never listens!”

The greenskin didn’t care. “I’m just saying, it would be a shame if somebody ill-intended were to steal your lunch money or something…”

“You mean ill-intentioned?” Martin asked, because he was a grammar nerd who always picked up on those things. 

“I’m just saying that if you don’t have lunch money, then you’re the lunch around here. You get what I mean?”

“No,” Martin replied frankly. 

“Eddie, if you continue harassing our new employee, then I will have to file a complaint to Mortal Resources,” Lerne said, her tone shifting from cheery to deeply ominous. “You don’t want to be… removed from the budget, do you?”

“Hey, hey, calm down…” The greenskin immediately removed his hand and tried to play nice. “Jeez, you can’t teach a newbie the ropes anymore?”

“No, because ropes are for hanging only!” Lerne replied. It was eerie how she could shift from threatening to cheery in the blink of an eye. “Anyway, Martin, let’s visit your new, safe, and wonderfully rentfree semi-permanent employee residence!”

Martin walked into the project apartment building without a word while that so-called Eddie returned to his group. He had forgotten the first and most important rule of corporate life; that it was a dog-eat-dog world where only the ruthless, the wealthy, and the well-connected survived. 

He would have to work hard and fast to become strong so that no one would pick up on him. 

The building at least had a functioning elevator, with his own apartment being on the uppermost floor’s western edge. He moved to an old wooden door and knocked. The door immediately and magically opened on its own, with some catchy video game music coming out of the threshold. 

Someone immediately arrived to greet Martin. He at first mistook her for a human girl around his age until he spotted her pointy ears and crimson eyes. She was dark-skinned, with long white hair woven into a braid falling down all the way down her back. She was clad in casual clothes, wearing a white shirt that didn’t cover her belly, blue shorts, and socks with holes in them. 

“Hi there,” she said with a friendly smile. “You’re the new guy?”

“Y-yes, I’m Martin,” Martin introduced himself before offering his hand. He wasn’t sure how they did things in this strange new city. “Sorry, are you an elf?”

“Did the pointy ears give me away?” the girl teased him before shaking his hand. “Yes, I am. Name’s Olivia. Nice to meet you.”

“Yo!” a male voice called out from deeper inside the apartment. “Wanna play The Perfect Lap?”

“Kenji, one NEET in this house is already one too many!” Olivia replied as she welcomed Martin inside. “Come, come, I’ll show you around.”

“Happy homecoming!” Lerne declared before cutting off the connection. “Call me if you need anything!”

And so, Martin walked into his new claustrophobic reality as the door closed behind him. 

It was indeed a free apartment, but the kind that would be barely big enough for one person, let alone three. The kitchen—a sink barely tucked between a microwave and a fridge—faced a three-leveled bunk bed in what Martin guessed served as the bedroom, and there was only one shower and toilet with no walls. The main room had no table or chairs, so Martin’s final roommate had to sit on the floor as he played some kind of go-karting game on a television screen encrusted on the wall. At least they had a window, small as it was. 

Speaking of his other roommate, he seemed like an athletic boy around Martin’s age at first… with curved dark horns peeking out of pinkish-red hair. His eyes had black spots around yellow irises, he dressed in a casual white sweater with tiger-colored pants, and strange blue tattoos glowed on his skin. He looked utterly transfixed by his game, chewing on a lollipop while turning a car-driving frozen skeleton around a virtual street.

“Kenji’s half oni, half dwarf,” Olivia said before Martin could open his mouth. “Don’t ask how it happened. It’s gross.”

“Screw you, Oli,” the horned boy replied while smashing his joystick. “Name’s Kenji. Almost done, I’ll be with you in a minute. Or you’ll be with me, if you’re up for it.”

“Sure,” Martin replied. He liked kart games. “But uh, no offense, I’m completely lost right now.”

“I suppose Lerne gave you the employee introduction speech?” Olivia guessed, with Martin nodding. “Okay, Martin, so a few ground rules: we have only one toilet and shower, the latter of which has a strict must do rule. We each take turns and do our chores in order. We also have a social mobility system with the bunk bed, with the newest arrival being at the bottom of the three.”

“Why?” Martin asked. 

“Because that way, when the upper beds fall apart—and they will—those below will cushion the fall of the person at the top.” Olivia chuckled. “Don’t look at me like that, I had my time at the bottom too. The tradition started way before any of us arrived in this apartment."

“Plus that gives us a sense of privilege that comes with age,” Kenji said before letting out a cry of joy. He had completed the race in first place. “Take that, you filthy AI!”

“Language, Kenji.” Olivia examined Martin head to toe, sizing him up. “You know, it’s pretty rare to see pure humans around those parts. The company tends to straight-up isekai most of them as unpaid labor.”

“I figured…” Martin scratched his cheek. “So… how are things around here?” 

“Pretty much like what Lerne told you,” Olivia explained. “We’re compelled to do mandatory gigs during the week, but otherwise we’re free to take additional work on weekends or just laze off. The three of us just happen to live together, mostly because we’ll often work on similar mandatory gigs as fellow E-Rank employees. Otherwise, we’ll each be busy doing our own thing.”

“We can also ascend the Corporate Ladder together,” Kenji suggested with a grin. “When you feel ready.”

“Hiretown is actually made of four places, with the Corporate Ladder being one of them,” Olivia explained. “The Board and President Golich reside at the top. Employees must ascend and pass trials to rise up in rank.”

“It’s a real pain though, so most of us explore it in teams,” Kenji said. “I wouldn’t try it alone. Our last roommate didn’t listen and never came back from a solo run.” 

“Then there’s the Offices,” Olivia said. “They’re private districts entirely under the control of a DungeonCorp subsidiary like Furiland or Standard Hero Delivery. Most C-rank and above employees eventually attach themselves to one and live there. The streets between the Offices, like the one we’re in right now, are relatively safe spaces called the Suburbs.”

Martin snorted upon recalling his encounter with Eddie below. “‘Relatively?’”

“Relatively,” Olivia confirmed with a giggle. “Fights do happen now and then, but Mortal Resources will send in muscle to enforce order if you file out a complaint to your Hydrassistant.”

“No such luck with the Cracks, though,” Kenji said. 

Olivia nodded. “The Cracks are an underground area below Hiretown where all failed or bankrupted subsidiaries sink into. Management and Mortal Resources never venture in those places, so the crooks and the lawless all gather there.”

“But there are sweet treasures to be found in old start-up ruins,” Kenji said while smashing his fist against his palm. “I’ve heard of a place where we could make lots of easy money.”

“Maybe later,” Martin replied with an uneasy smile. There was no such thing as easy money on Earth, and he figured that was the same here. “So basically, we make money, buy better Classes, and then use them to ascend the Corporate Ladder?”

“Pretty much,” Olivia confirmed. “Employees are ranked from E to S, with E being us expendable goons and S being the big shot members of the Board. The higher you climb the pyramid, the better gigs you’ll get and the more your salary will grow.”

“I’ve heard that the S-Rank Employees are so rich that reality bends around their net worth,” Kenji said upon spitting out his lollipop. “That’s how loaded you can get here.”

Martin’s heart began to quicken with excitement. “So I could become rich enough to buy a private island if I work hard enough?”

Kenji laughed as if Martin had said something incredibly stupid. “Dude, DungeonCorp owns galaxies. You can buy planets on the cheap!”

Martin coughed in shock. He recalled President Golich’s boast that DungeonCorp was a transdimensional union spanning multiple planes of existence and universes, but to think that one of their employees could own a goddamn planet? How did that even work?

Still, he couldn’t lie, the idea of having his own private Earth sounded incredibly awesome in his mind.

“However, if you want to live long enough to do that, then you must follow the three informal rules of Hiretown.” Olivia raised three fingers. “The first is to never get into debt, especially with a Union or Manager. Don’t take loans, keep your finances in check, and you’ll avoid sinking into the Cracks.”

Martin nodded obediently. That sounded like common sense.

“The second is to not call your Hydrassistant by her name in a crowded place to avoid triggering a Hydraception event,” Olivia explained.

Martin raised an eyebrow. “‘Hydraception?’”

“It’s when people’s Hydrassistants start calling out to each other in an exponential chain reaction. I’ve never experienced one myself, but I’ve heard it can get very messy. Finally, the third and by far the most important rule is…”  Olivia leaned on towards Martin for better emphasis. “Don’t hire Bob Baroque for anything.”

“Bob Baroque?” Martin repeated. It was the first time he heard the name. “Who’s that?”

Olivia shuddered in place. “There will come a time, likely when you try out the Buddyguard feature, when you’ll notice a human employee with exceptional stats willing to work for dirt cheap. If that sounds too good to be true, that’s because it is.”

“No, seriously, don’t hire that guy,” Kenji said, his gaze that of a soldier who had survived something unknowable and traumatizing. “He’s a freaking disaster.” 

“You would need days to list all of his offenses, but the point is even if it seems like you’re in a desperate do or die situation that can’t possibly get worse, he will find a way to screw it up,” Olivia said. “The dude is violently insane.”

“Okay, I think I get it…” Martin cleared his throat, as his curiosity started getting the better of him. “Actually, do you have an example–”

“He ate one of his clients,” Olivia cut in. “Raw.”

“Okay, I get it now.” Martin wisely decided to drop that subject. “Surviving is fine, but what about prospering? What does it take to ascend to become a man of wealth and modest income here?” 

“Depends.” Kenji crossed his arms. “Are you willing to risk your life for money?”

Martin considered the question. He wasn’t especially brave, but he had been willing to fight goblins to the death on his first job for the sake of money and steady employment. Everything he had seen and heard so far informed him that opportunities he could only dream of once were now available if he would only seize them. 

In the end, it wasn’t even a choice. Whatever danger awaited him here, beat staying in the rat’s race. 

“I would give everything to earn a little more,” Martin said with all of his determination. 

Those sounded like famous last words, but he would stand by them. 

Kenji grinned ear to ear. “Then you’re in luck, there’s actually a way to accumulate money quickly; a gig that only E-Rank newbies without any additional class besides Employee can take on!”

“But it’s incredibly dangerous,” Olivia warned him. “Only one fourth of participants survive them on average.”

“One out of four?” That’s… that was a lot, but Martin couldn’t exactly chicken out after that bold declaration. “I… I’ll beat the odds!”

“That’s the grinding spirit!” Kenji moved to the television and touched the screen. A board full of what appeared to be job offers and requests swiftly appeared. It only took him a few seconds of browsing to find the one he was looking for. “Here!”

Side Gig: Apocalypse Beater

Difficulty: C

Restriction: Only available to E-Rank humanoid employees with a Starting Class for better immersion. 

Customer: DungeonCorp 

Location: Pocket Tutorial Dimension A-70 

Objective: Earth 33,706 is soon to undergo a System Apocalypse, and our sponsors aren’t looking for a Total Population Kill. Playtest a human-friendly Tutorial based on Earth’s most dangerous biodome, fill out the surveys, report the bugs (if any), and complete the scenario within to prove DungeonCorp’s products are perfectly balanced for all ages and humanoids! 

Reward: 3,000 Credits + everything you picked during the Tutorial. 

“3,000?!” Martin choked upon seeing the reward. Somehow, that sounded more important to him than the revelation that there was more than one Earth. “It’s thirty times my first paycheck!”

“C-Rank gigs almost always involve potentially lethal mandatory combat or danger,” Olivia warned him. “The higher the risks, the better the reward.” 

“But I nearly died on my starting E-Rank gig!” Martin protested. 

“Then it means you could have talked your way out of a fight, or that the enemies were easy.” Olivia gave Martin a knowing look. “It was goblins, wasn’t it? They’re pretty much bred to lose.”

“Anyway, you’ll be set for the rest of your career if you complete a Sysapoc Tutorial…” Kenji’s grin widened and showcased his sharp, sharklike teeth. “Because that’s where they playtest the Cheat Skills.”

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Next Chapter

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Welcome to this wonderful Dungeon Corp starting survey. To better improve our clients' situation in the next System Apocalypse, we must ask you the following question*:

In your opinion, which of these benefits makes you feel the most like a super special (and motivated) snowflake protagonist?

*The result may or may not influence the rest of your career. No pressure.