Batman vs Iron Man: Who Had The Best Christmas Movie (VIDEO SCRIPT)

I watched 4 different movies in order to make this video...about 2 specific ones. (Longingly looks directly into the camera before gesturing to the heavens confusingly)

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Readers, if you follow me on Twitter (which you should: readus_101), then you know how often my tweets and sub-tweets end up becoming video topics

The video where I first ranted about that horrific Gods of Egypt movie? That was a twitter thread.

My opinions on Red Hood over Winter Soldier? Me reacting to a tweet by Gail Simone

Basically, when I take into consideration how I initially reacted to the tweet, how others interacted with my opinion, I start to realize something:

This can be CONTENT

And you’ll be happy to know that the latest discourse turned video topic I stumbled upon was recently provided by an indie music producer that goes by the moniker Eye Love Brandon. Which, you should definitely follow him on his socials; his stuff is EXTREMELY GOOD.

The reason I’m mentioning him is because he proposed a discussion on his Twitter account at the end of November 2020: Which was the better Christmas movie? Batman Returns, or Iron Man 3?

(Slow zoom on me containing my giggle, followed by close-up on eyes with “You know you dun fucked up, right?”)

So, as some of you may know, there’s this thing -- this CONCEPT -- known as an unconventional Christmas movie

These are films of multiple genres that usually take place either on or around Christmas, but the plot has very little or nothing to do with the holiday at all.

So for everyone who argues that movies like Bad Santa and Gremlins are Christmas movies, don’t worry, they are.

The ones in question are movies like The Long Kiss Goodnight, Trading Places, and -- the more action-oriented example -- Die Hard. Which, we’ll get back to in a minute.

Now, in this case, both Batman Returns and Iron Man 3 fall under the Unconventional Christmas Movie category: Both films take place days before Christmas as can be seen both visually and acknowledged in both of the screenplays, but Christmas as a holiday doesn’t really play a heavy factor into either of their plots

But the question wasn’t who had the better UNCONVENTIONAL Christmas movie between Batman and Iron Man. And because of that, we have to actually take into consideration how much each film FELT like a Christmas movie despite them both feeling the same degree of unconventional.

And even though I’m ABSOLUTELY going to explain my answer, I’m not even gonna beat around the bush; the answer is Batman Returns.

So in order for you to understand why I think Batman Returns is more of a Christmas movie than Iron Man 3, I have to explain the reason why Iron Man 3 DOESN’T work as one. That’s thanks to writer-director Shane Black.

Now I want to start this off by saying that this is in no way me talking shit about Shane regarding this movie; if you wanna see me do that, either watch my Film Friday video on The Predator or wait until I eventually cover the Iron Man franchise in A Proper Movie Trilogy.

But the thing about why Iron Man 3 ONLY works as an unconventional Christmas movie instead of anything remotely closer to an ACTUAL Christmas movie, is that Iron Man 3 could’ve taken place at any time at all.

/Yes, Christmas was happening during the Extremis threat. We see the lights, we see the trees, we see the presents. But considering that Tony Stark was dealing with his anxiety post Avengers 1, along with Aldrich Killian’s plans with Extremis, Christmas wasn’t really incorporated into the story where it felt like there was any form of a NEED for the story to take place during the holiday season at all. Take the events of Iron Man 3 out of the week of Christmas and place it in -- oh, I don’t know -- the week of Halloween or Independence Day, and nothing other than that about the movie REALLY changes./

And this isn’t the ONLY movie written by Shane Black that allows Christmas to just be a forgettable setting that an otherwise interesting plot is happening in. The same can be said of yet ANOTHER unconventional Christmas movie that he wrote; this time single-handedly; 1987’s Lethal Weapon

Just like Iron Man 3, it ALSO took place during Christmas. Lights, trees, season’s greetings, the whole nine yards.

/But also like Iron Man 3, the plot of finding and stopping Shadow Company from pushing multiple shipments of heroin into Los Angeles and the subplot of Roger Murtagh and Martin Riggs learning how to gel well together as partners take so much priority over the course of the film to the point that you damn near forget that Christmas is coming until you see Murtagh’s Christmas tree on screen./

(It’s God Damn Christmas!)

The thing about Shane Black’s unconventional Christmas movies is that if you try to look at them AS something closer to Christmas movies, they don’t really work.

And the reason WHY they don’t work in that regard, is because that Christmas outside of being a set dressing isn’t really incorporated into the story enough to give it the illusion that it is. And the fact that Iron Man 3 and Lethal Weapon have enough of said set dressing for days makes it HELLA ironic.

/When he’s not trying to relive his old roles and make a less PC adult version of the Monster Squad, Shane Black focuses on the story of the film first and foremost, adding Christmas as a background element. And because of the story Iron Man 3 told along with how it could fit anywhere else on the calendar, it makes the Christmas elements of the movie pretty forgettable./

Batman Returns however, is a different story.

Batman Returns is both a movie that takes place during Christmas, and absorbs the holiday enough for it to play just as important a role in the movie to make it necessary for it to be set there.

/The lighting of the Christmas Tree ceremony. Penguin’s carnie henchman and the various gear and vehicles they rode reflecting twisted perversions of the holiday that you’d imagine be something Tim Burton would come up with. The mistletoe scenes with Bruce and Selina. Christmas doesn’t HAVE to be there per se, but Batman Returns does such a great job incorporating the holiday and making it an integral part of the plot that it’s very hard to disassociate the two or try and imagine it taking place -- time-wise -- somewhere else./

And -- and I cannot believe I’m about to say this -- as a lot of dads and dude-bros would agree, you could say the same thing about Die Hard.

Yes, one could say the same thing about Die Hard as Shane Black’s Iron Man 3 and Lethal Weapon, and you wouldn’t be wrong; you could definitely take the plot of Die Hard and have the Nakatomi Plaza heist happen during the company’s Halloween party and it stay the same movie.

But while it didn’t go out of its way as much to make the fact that it happened during Christmas as Batman Returns, there was a pretty successful attempt nonetheless.

/The office Christmas party, a lot of the dialogue that was used. Even the way the soundtrack used bells and chimes from time to time to remind you that this was all happening on Christmas Eve. There is DEFINITELY a reason why people associate Die Hard with Christmas./

So if I were to choose which one between Batman Returns and Iron Man 3 is MORE of a traditional Christmas movie rather than just an unconventional one, I have to say Batman Returns. I’m not gonna say it's the better movie, because I like both Returns and Iron Man 3 for what they are.

/But considering its the only one of the two that did the better job making us remember that Christmas was just as prominent as the plot, Batman Returns DEFINITELY takes the Fruit Cake here./

I was gonna say that Batman Returns wins this Reindeer Game, but considering I’ve never SEEN Reindeer Games, I didn’t wanna make an ass out of myself.

But, I digress, Readers. Your homework assignment for the day:

Write in the comment section below which superhero movie between the two YOU think is the most Christmas-ey unconventional Christmas movie; Batman Returns or Iron Man 3.

Or, if you feel like sharing with the rest of the class, your favorite unconventional Christmas movie that does a good job at making you remember that it takes place during the holiday.

Whichever you decide to answer, I’d love to know your thoughts.