The Suicide Squad Cast List (VIDEO SCRIPT)

Readers, the official cast list of James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad has been released!

On Friday the 13, James Gunn went to Twitter and posted this image, containing the names of every actor -- both new and returning -- that’ll be in his highly anticipated follow-up to DC and Warner Brothers 2016 film.

The returning cast members include Jai Courtney as Captain Boomerang -- thank GOD

Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn, assuming this movie chronologically takes place after her girls night with the Birds of Prey

Viola Davis as Amanda Waller, which I am glad that James Gunn realized that he should NEVER mess with perfection

And Joel Kinnaman as Rick Flag. Or as I like to call him, the useless one. Because he’s useless.

Now keep in mind that these four actors are the only ones returning from David Ayer’s Frankenstein’d film.

Four...out of 24 actors

That’s right, Readers. /20 new challengers have appeared for this bitch/

Some I know about, and some I didn’t even know existed until this list was released

So what better way for me to simultaneously show my ignorance and how out of touch I am with modern-day Hollywood elite than to react to the freshman bitches of the Suicide Squad franchise?

Let’s begin with the ones I know. Starting with Idris Elba

Now apparently when he was initially cast, it was rumored that he was replacing Will Smith’s Deadshot

But I think it was James himself that confirmed he’s playing a completely different character.

This will be the second DC property Idris has been in with the first being The Losers, which was an alright film in my opinion.

Nevertheless, I’m looking forward to seeing who he’s gonna be playing and what he brings to the table

Ah, yes. Michael Rooker. James Gunn’s own personal Johnny Depp

You know what? That’s not fair; Gunn and Rooker’s relationship is more like Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell then anything else

Because even when Gunn is only serving as a PRODUCER he finds a way to work Rooker in the film; it’s actually quite impressive

Peter Capaldi: Also known as my second favorite Doctor and one of the best decisions Steven Moffatt ever made while running Doctor Who.

So, he literally had to shave his head for this role, and I’ve been wondering who it is he’s playing ever since.

One of my friends suggested that he’s playing Doctor Light, and I’m just honestly upset with myself that I didn’t think about that sooner.

Though something tells me he might be like, the main antagonist of the squad for this film.

I have to say “antagonist” because technically, everybody’s the bad guy

But I am glad he’s in this.

Taika Waititi. (Close up on rapidly blinking eyes) ...What.

Who... in the...ENTIRE world...

I’m honestly drawing a blank; I can’t picture anyone he could play

But that doesn’t mean...that I’m not interested.

Sean Gunn...is a given. Like I said about Michael Rooker, it’s better to associate James with Sam Raimi than Tim Burton.

Because LIKE Bruce Campbell, Sam finds a way to work his brother Ted into damn near EVERYTHING, and James is no different with Sean.

Nathan Fillion. (laughs) Alright.

Apparently in the first Guardians of the Galaxy, Fillion voiced the sexy-ass alien prisoner that wanted to smash Peter Quill in the first act of the movie and...could honestly REDACTED my REDACTED if he just caressed my cheek the right way

Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met. Hi. My name is trash

And apparently he wanted to PHYSICALLY cast Fillion as Wonder Man in Vol. 2, so the fact that he’s working with Gunn for Suicide Squad doesn’t really surprise me

Flula Borg. Once again. ...What

I’m sorry, not “what.” Just...why. Why? Why...are you in this?

I’m aware of your YouTube career. I’m aware of your music career. I understand why you were in the Pitch Perfect trilogy. Why are you in The Suicide Squad?

This is a question that I REALLY need answered.

Storm Reid? Like, Wrinkle In Time Storm Reid? (Nods) Alright. Okay. I’m here for it.

(Laughs) I don’t know who the hell you ‘gon play, but alright!

John...Cena... (covers up mouth laughing) Who the fuck...?

Now out of the two that I’ve seen everyone say they picture him playing, I’ve seen Catman and King Shark

I don’t know about Catman, because that’ll require him to be open to the possibility of kissing dudes and GOD FORBID HE EVER HAS TO DO THAT

And apparently King Shark has already been cast by this guy I’ve never heard of, which is actually a good segue into the actors in this movie that I don’t know about:

Steve Agee (Ponders) You look familiar...

Wait. Wasn’t he one of the “gay” dudes from The Sarah Silverman Project?

I mean, I feel like it still counts of me never hearing about him because I’ve only seen like, the first five episodes of that shit

But this has to be a Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer situation; you’re probably just the VOICE of King Shark; there’s no way!

Alice Braga. Once again, you look familiar.

Ah, okay. She’s in that Queen of the South show on USA

OH. And she was whats-her-name in Predators and I Am Legend. Can you tell that I only know her by her face and not by any of the characters she’s played?

Tinashe Kajese. Yeah, we getting into the cold-cuts now. Because I’ve NEVER seen you before.

Oh, you were on Powers. A show based on a comic created by Brian Michael Bendis. Which probably explains why I have never seen you before.

Daniela Melchior. Another unknown that’s apparently playing one of Batman’s like...F-list villains Ratcatcher

Although I’m gonna make an assumption that she’s gonna be playing the daughter of the ORIGINAL Ratcatcher, like on some Stephanie Brown shit

So, there IS an actor named Julio Ruiz that’s going to be in this movie...but the internet doesn’t know who he is

Like not even IMDB has a link to his profile connected to the Suicide Squad’s official page

So we’re just gonna skip this one for now.

Jennifer Holland. Apparently she was in Brightburn, but I don’t remember seeing her in Brightburn.

She wasn’t Brandon’s aunt, and she DEFINITELY wasn’t the waitress diner he killed

WAIT! *claps hands* She was his teacher. In that one...and ONLY scene

I literally had to think about how many blond white women were in that movie, and the ones that were in the majority of that bitch rightfully took top priority.

Alright. We’re good now. We’ll see if SHE’s any good, tho.

Juan Diego Botto. You look like you came in second place in the Dos Equis guy replacement contest.

Which honestly, you should take as a compliment

This makes the THIRD unknown actor in this movie that’s LatinX, and honestly I’m kinda digging it

Especially if their ethnicities are properly represented in the roles they’re gonna be playing; that’d be AWESOME

Pete Davidson. (Looks at the screen disappointed and moves on)

Mayling Ng. (Shocked expression) ...Oh.

Alright.

Yeah, you belong in this movie, and you better do EVERYTHING

I wanna see you punch through walls

I wanna see you roundhouse a dude’s head CLEAN off his shoulders

If you are not utilized to your highest potential, I will call racism on your behalf.

Joaquin Cosio. Oh, so you playing a BAD GUY Bad Guy...

See, now I’m conflicted because I thought Peter Capaldi might be the big bad.

And now I’m seeing this dude and now I’m all like, “Well SHIT! Clearly YOU’RE the antagonist!”

David Dastmalchian. Also known as Crazy Henchman number 1

Yes, yes, I know he was a good guy in the Ant-Man movies

But we have to keep in mind his HUMBLE beginnings.

Like the henchman to the Joker that Harvey Dent was about to shoot in the head in The Dark Knight

And one of the people that can see the monsters in Birdbox without killing themselves

So I wouldn’t be surprised if his character in The Suicide Squad...was pretty much the exact same thing.

Readers, I’ll admit; while I’m definitely interested in seeing what half of the newcomers to the franchise are gonna bring, I find the other half to be...interesting

It’s not necessarily a good interesting and it’s not necessarily a BAD interesting.

It’s more along the line of “I can’t wait to see why you’re gonna be in this movie” interesting.

Which is partially why I can’t wait for a trailer to drop now that the cast is finalized and that production is beginning in Atlanta this September

Because between the established actors, the unknowns, and a couple of the left-field names thrown into the mix, something tells me that this cast is just what this movie needs.