Spider-Man: Far From Home - Official Teaser Trailer (VIDEO SCRIPT)

(Pauses trailer) Well it’s good to see y’all being dust for a whole-ass movie ain’t get your spirits down...

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So this teaser trailer for Spider-Man: Far From Home... Y’all sure you didn’t just release the FULL trailer, Sony?

I’m asking, because y’all just let a lot of shit out in the wilderness that could’ve been easily reserved in a wildlife reservation

Not a Zoo, a wildlife reservation; those are two completely different things

Now I know a lot has to do with the fact that we already got spoiled a while ago when the trailer got revealed in Brazil about a month back

And there’ve been multiple news reports about the villains and the overall plot of the movie that were released before-hand.

But I mean, y’all could’ve NOT shown us that one to keep some surprise

Not that I’m complaining at all; the trailer we got was pretty interesting.

/I like that Aunt May is in Peter’s corner as Spider-Man now instead of being that old-ass relative that only learns about current events from Fox News ‘n shit/

/ALSO MYSTERIO LOOKS FUCKING DOPE/

/I also like that they’re taking a page out of Into the Spider-Verse’s book and taking their time with Peter and MJ’s attraction to each other/

Though with Spider-Man following their class to Europe, especially during that one joke at the end, I wonder if MJ’s gonna start putting two and two together, like:

“Damn, first Washington DC, now Europe? Why’s Spider-Man stalking my class? It’s almost as if one of my classmates is-OH MY GOD IT’S NED!

My only getup with this are the villains being used, and what Marvel’s doing as their workaround

Because you may think that the trailer has Hydroman, Sandman, Molten Man and... Hmm. What is his air villain’s name...?

But they’re apparently the Elementals, who are villains Marvel Studios own the rights to

Now you would think that they swapped these Spidey villains out with their own since they don’t want to give Sony that much extra play

But then you remember the term of Marvel Studios and Sony’s contract, /being that Marvel makes NO box office revenue from solo Spider-Man movies./

So why switch out members of Spider-Man’s rogues gallery with these 1-800-Rent-A-Bad’s as a way of sticking it to Sony when Sony’s already benefiting the most here? Why not just use his villains?

Is it the merchandising rights? Because you have all of those already!

Why try to push Hydron for Summerslam when you can easily make the same toy money off of Hydro-Man? Especially since people already know who the fuck he is??

This logic! I don’t understand it... It MAKES no sense...

Then again there’s a possibility that this IS Hydroman instead of Hydron, /given the fact that there’s an easter egg to his first appearance in issue 212 of The Amazing Spider-Man in the trailer/

But at this point, I don’t really trust Easter Eggs to let me know what’s cannon and what’s not in the MCU anymore.

After all, we thought the Infinity Gauntlet and the Eye of Agamotto in the first Thor movie was real up until Hela just called out all of Odin’s trophies as cheap Chinese knockoffs he got at a thrift store in Niflheim.

But other than trying to wrap my head around that tidbit, I enjoyed the trailer for what it was; a summary of the first half of the movie

I mean, yeah, I’m still gonna see it; I’m glad it’s Spider-Man kicking off Phase 4 as opposed to someone else

I just noticed that these Sony-made Marvel Studios Spider-Man films really like to show off the iconic portions of the movie in the very first trailer, and in turn, accidentally reveal too much

Or intentionally; who the fuck knows at this point...

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But I digress Readers, your homework assignment for the day; write in the comment section if you liked or had beef with the teaser trailer to Spider-Man: Far From Home

Either way, I’d love to know your thoughts.