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The Conscience Was a Mistake - F4A - Fantasy Comedy - Trying to Be Good While Plotting Patricide

Added 2025-09-07 04:39:01 +0000 UTC

You were drunk, I was desperate, and somehow we’re getting married. Not really married. Just fake married. For a murder plot. It’s complicated. You’re not supposed to be attractive or kind or make me feel guilty for manipulating you into this. You’re supposed to be... evil. Or at least morally flexible. But no, I got stuck with the conscience-having adventurer who names stolen corgis and gives me feelings I cannot afford.

✧･ﾟ Meet the Players ･ﾟ✧

🧑‍🎤 Speaker Teaser

I’m not adorable, I’m not soft, and I’m definitely not catching feelings. I’m a knife with legs and you’re the idiot who said yes while drunk.

🎧 Listener Teaser

You were meant to be disposable. A walking distraction. Now I’m accidentally in love with your stupid face and we haven’t even made it to the castle.

✧ Filed Under: This Is What You’re In For ✧

[F4A] The Conscience Was a Mistake [Fantasy][Comedy][Romance][Adventure][Grumpy Ex Assassin Roleplay][Reluctant Companion Listener][We’re Pretending to Be in Love So Don’t Catch Feelings][Your Quest Begins at Rock Bottom][If He Doesn’t Kill Us, I Might][Corgis Solve Nothing][I’m Not Tricky I’m Just Strategically Persuasive][You’re My Idiot][No One Else Wanted to Come Kill My Father][Stop Calling the Corgi Fat][You’re Too Pretty to Die Right Now][Fine I Tricked You But You’re Welcome][I Regret Having a Conscience][We Might Die But At Least We’ll Look Good][I Paid for Your Drinks That Makes You Mine][I Didn’t Flirt I Manipulated][You’re Attractive But Not Evil Enough][I’m Going to Kill You With Love and Also a Knife][I Am a Good Bitch Now and It’s Very Inconvenient][Flirtatious] Manipulative][Charming][Tender][Snarky][She’s Trying Not to Fall for You][You’re the Only One Who Said Yes][She’s Not Good She’s Just Tired][Falling in Love While Plotting a Murder][Fake Engagement][fake relationship][Fake Dating to Real Feelings][Gender neutral][We’re not going to die. We might die. We probably will die][You said yes while drunk, and now we’re on a mission to kill my father, pretend we’re in love, and keep a corgi alive. I’m trying really hard not to regret all of it. Especially you]

⚠︎ Read Me Before You Regret It ⚠︎

Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, coercion, deception, implied violence, dysfunctional romance, power imbalance

✧ Just One Question... ✧

Alright, we need to look convincing in front of my father. You know, gazing longingly, pet names, the whole nauseating performance. So tell me, what should I call you in front of him without actually vomiting in my mouth?

Here are the least offensive options I’ve come up with: