Goblin Swamp

I mentioned earlier that it was a slight deviation from my usual style. There's a lot of questionable consent but little actual violence in this kidnapping by horny goblin hillbillies. It's also more porn to story than I've been lately. I know some folks have mentioned too much story and humor in my stuff, and if that's the biggest complaint I'm totally fine by that. I do also have relatives in Louisiana, so a few of the first lines are based on a visit there.

I've got a bunch of relatives down in Louisiana. It's a muggy kind of place, but cozy if you don't mind always being hot and sweaty to the point that I had to explain to my little cousin what snow was. My aunt cooks up a whole pig for the family reunion and everyone's this rustic kind of polite. It's not a place I'd stay for long, considering I spent a lot of it sitting in front of an industrial strength fan, but really charming to visit.

There's even this bayou just down the road from my relatives' place. Or maybe it's a bog... or a swamp. It's the kind that's as mud as it is water, with those big twisting trees that can't decide what direction they're growing in. It just looks spooky as hell, and the perfect place you'd imagine hiding a body. When I point it out to Aunt Claire, she drinks her beer and shakes her head.

"That there's Goblin Swamp. Nothin' but trouble," she warned. "Things go missin' down by there. Even my grand-daddy went in there huuntin' and never came back out. Shit's cursed, I tell ya. Best to stay away."

"I... really wasn't planning to go walk in a swamp, Claire," I assure her as I took another drink. All that heat really has me going through the beers, and the night starts getting a little fuzzy the more things go on. Maybe someone dared me, or maybe I just felt cocky, but after some homemade doughnuts I remember wandering into Goblin Swamp. It wasn't pure sludge, because I remember a slender path that went through the sludge that, while muddy and overgrown by roots, made for a decent walkway. There was a lot of croaking and chattering in the trees and the water; that vague noise you could only really get from a load of small creatures making a lot of noise all together. I'm honestly surprised that there weren't more mosquitos than there were, and it's really kind of soothing. Between that and the beer, it's also really distracting. It must have been easy to sneak up on me, because I suddenly hear a whistle right behind me. I turned and didn't see anything, so I looked down. A little green woman with freckled tits and a dirty trucker cap over some blonde pigtails looks back up at me with big blue eyes. She smiles and points behind me, and when I turn again, there's another green creature. This one's standing on a thick branch just a few feet from my head. She covers the last few feet by swinging a wooden club right into my head when I black out.

"Hooooey! He's a biggun!" I came to at the stereotypical exclamation. Things were blurry as my eyes started to wake up with the rest of me.

"Joody! He's rilin' up!" A second female voice with a similarly thick accent joined on a little to my right.

"Hoo boy! Quick! Give him the good stuff!" I just barely made out the shape of the first green girl I saw; the tiny curvy blonde with with the big blue eyes. She came up close me by the time I recognize her, and her lips locked onto mine. They were soft and pouty, but then I got that taste in my mouth that reminds me of puddle water, bacon grease and bad mushrooms. The blonde spit it into my mouth and I swallowed it out of instinct, just to start coughing and gagging on the nasty taste. It's through that thrashing that I realized my arms are tied behind my back.

"Oops! I think he's chokin' on it!" the blonde drawled with a lazy tilt of her head.

"Well give 'em another! That'll fix 'em!" The second short shape stepped in and handed the first one a bottle that you'd see a cartoon bear playing in a jug band. The blonde one took a big drink from it, gulped some down for herself and turned back to me with her cheeks puffed out.

"No!" I coughed out. "Stop! I don't need any good stuff!" The blonde stopped just short of giving me the rancid kiss of life before looking back at her buddy. The other one, a redhead with short but thick shaggy hair, just shrugged. The blonde swallowed her mouthful.

"He's got enough good stuff, Joody," the blonde one reported before releasing a small belch. Despite tasting what's probably their goblin moonshine, I was suddenly wide awake and sober. It gave me my first real clear look at the two goblins, since I couldn't imagine them being anything else at this point.

They were both some shade of green, with the blonde one a bright lime green while the redhead’s more of a gritty avocado color. They looked like little green rednecks, even bigger stereotypes than anyone I’d seen in the whole state.

The blonde one they'd called Joody had two tightly braided pigtails, long and elaborate knots of hair. Her eyes looked almost too big for her pretty little face and pouty red lips. She wore a trucker cap that was marked up with mud and small tears in the fabric, some faded and unreadable gas station logo on the front. She wears cutoff jean shorts or maybe they were just jeans that fell to pieces around her juicy thighs from roaming in the swamp for so long. Her freckles ran from her cheeks down to her grapefruit tits, her areolas peeking out from the flannel shirt tied into a knot beneath her chest.

The redhead had more of a tomboy look. Her red hair stayed above her shoulders, her pointy ears poking out from the bushy mess. She wasn't quite as busty as her partner, but it was still way more tits than belonged on that little of a body. She was technically topless, but she wore overalls that had the straps holding back and squishing her tits like a makeshift bra. She had simple straw hat on to finish up her bayou hillbilly look, barefoot like her sister to show her wide, three-toed feet.

"Howdy, big fellah!" the blonde greeted, smiling wide with her needly, irregular teeth that didn't match up with her kissy lips. "Feelin' horny?"

"Joody!" huffed the redhead. "Where's yer manners?! We gotta give this handsome piece of dick some Southern hospitality!" Overalls stepped up to me and patted me on the head. She seemed to be the brains of the outfit, and probably the older of the two since she was a couple inches taller (nearing 4 feet to Joody's 3 and a half). "I'm Gobby Mae. Hope you like the place. We try and keep it cozy."

I looked around and realized that "the place" was just a small island in the swamp. It was one of the healthier-looking patches of land with actual grass and a few good-sized trees, but nothing resembling a house to be seen. There were some jugs and pots laying around, and an old cooler to one side. There were some weapons carelessly tossed by a tree stump, varying from a stone axe to an old fashioned double-barrel shotgun. The larger trees had a whole tangled mess of branches above them, which I imagined kept out the rain (if they even cared about that kind of thing). I was left tied to one of their trees with some muddy hand prints and a few tears in my clothes.

"It's... uh... great," I manage. "Where am I?"

"You're in Goblin Swamp!" Gobby welcomed proudly. She hooked her thumbs on her overall straps, snapping them back so that her boobs jiggle around like water balloons. "It's a pretty nice place, ain't it? Got us a raft and a mushroom farm and everythin'. Ya hungry? We got some gator!"

"No, I... kind of just ate," I admitted. I knew some of my relatives to boast about eating the stuff, but I got the impression they were doing it just to make the city cringe. Besides, after that mouthful of "good stuff," I wasn't feeling hungry for anything that wouldn't get the taste out of my mouth. "But you just live in the swamp?"

"I know it ain't no fancy human city," Joody admitted with a sheepish but excited smile. "But I betcha you'll get used to it."

"I will?"

"Well if you're gonna be our new pappy, you might as well, right?" Joody went on, looking around the place as if making sure it was up to my standards.

"Your new what?! Wait a minute! I didn't agree to this!" I squirmed around, but despite their shoddy materials they're surprisingly good with knots. Gabby went into her back pocket and comes out with a long, sharp knife that made me stop my struggles on the spot.

"Quit yer wigglin', darlin'," she said sternly as she approached me with the blade. Gabby grabbed onto the waist of my shorts and cut skillfully up one side. It never broke the skin as she tossed my shorts and boxers away, leaving me naked from the waist down. "There. Didn't wanna cut off nothin' important before mama even sets eyes on ya."

"But we just couldn't wait no longer!" Joody chimed, bobbing her hips around as she wriggled with excitement. "We ain't never had a daddy of our own before!" Both of the goblin girls' eyes locked onto my crotch.

"So... when you say 'daddy..." I started carefully. "What does a daddy do?"

"He makes goblins into mamas," Gabby said like it's common knowledge that kidnapped humans become breeding hostages. The sisters darted their eyes at each other before they started to run the last couple feet for my lap.

"Me first!"

"Naw, me!"

"He wants me first!"

"He doesn't get a say in this, meathead! He's just the daddy!"

"He can make babies with you next! I get to go first!"

The goblins started pushing and pulling each other to get the first crack at me. I was still letting it all sink in, so it was a mix of optimism and despair that made me speak up. If they were a bickering pair of idiots, I might be able to pull one over on them to escape like some kind of fucked up fairy tale. On the other hand, I didn't have a chance at moving around and was only alive because they wanted the D.

"Uh, girls? What if I said I could make you both feel good at once?"

They froze in a comical position as most of Joody's fist was inside of Gabby Mae's mouth and Gabby was yanking down on one of the blonde pigtails.  "Yer bluffin'," Gabby said, but her uncertainty was clear.

"What's to lose? One on my top half, one on the bottom. All you need to do is untie me so I can-"

"Wait a dang ol' minute!" Gabby piped up. I thought I was caught and briefly wondered what they did with humans who were trying to escape. "I getcha. Good idea, daddy." She walked around behind me, but I wasn't daring enough to run just yet when they had at least one knife between them. Maybe once I had them exhausted from my oversized human junk...

I had no such luck. Gabby untied me from the tree, but she kept my hands bound as she let me drop into the grass. It's almost like they're too dumb to trick. I was stuck on my back when the goblin sisters finished stripping themselves down. They were completely hairless below the shoulders, although the mud and grime got everywhere on them.  The girls didn't waste any time in climbing right on top of me; Gabby went right for the dick while Joody called "the purty part" by sitting on my chest and rubbing her huge breasts around in my face.

I felt pretty scared in the moment, but the fact that I was being raped by two cute little goblin girls was more hot than terrifying. I'm getting hard from Joody's big tits in my face while Gabby has my cock in her strong little hands, tilting me around so that she has the best angle to get me into her thick hips. Either way, I figured I'd be more likely to survive if I'm useful. With my hands bound, I couldn't do much but roll my hips and kiss whatever ends up in my mouth, but the girls seem plenty pleased with that.

I end up sucking on Joody's tits as she lets out this dreamy, high-pitched sigh. Her chubby little nipples were hard in no time and she starts drooling almost instantly, dribbling globs of thick spit running down her chest and onto my face. Her saliva runs thick and warm, almost a syrup in its consistency. When she moved into a more comfortable position and sits on my stomach, I found that it’s not the only part of her like that. I haven’t laid so much as a hand on her crotch and Joody already feels like she’s ready to cum.

I gasped as Gabby seemed to find her way around a cock, planting her surprisingly thick and heavy hips down on top of my shaft. I instinctively tried to move my arms to hold her and control her pace a bit better, but the ropes keep me from reaching past Joody. Gabby started rolling her juicy hips hard on my cock. I almost thought she was laughing before I realized she was gasping and grunting so fast because of how rapidly she was stuffing my hardon and out of her.

"I told ya, sis... he's a biggun," Gabby moaned as she moves her feet to rest between my legs. It makes my balls rub against her dainty little heels in this way that drives my libido crazy.

"I wanna try too, Gabby Mae!" I got my first breath of fresh air when Joody pulls back off of me. Her sweaty and dirty tits finally out of the way, I coughed while she repositioned herself. She smiled down at me as she scooted up my chest. I can see Joody's gently parting pussy lips leaving a trail of her sexual juices along my body. There was a purple little gumdrop of a clitoris poking out from between, as if her whole body was trying to invent new ways to tell me she's in the mood. She smiled and batted her big blue eyes as if I was being romantic by doing nothing but grunting and staying tied up, giggling right before she locked her legs around my head and squeezed like she was trying to pull my entire face inside her pussy. She's small enough where I could still get my nose and eyes just outside of her groin, but I could barely see her face. Even then it was only when she humped hard enough that her tits bounced away from each other, just to slap back together between me and her chin.

Getting facesat by goblin pussy is just an experience in itself. It's kind of like burying your face in a jar honey. Joody was sweet and thick, enough that I found myself licking at her so long as I was down there. There was a definite smell about it; earthy and vaguely of the vegetation and mud all around us.

"Golly! Keep it up there, pa!" Joody gasped, her voice even higher and shriller than usual as I start licking deeper. I kept brushing against her clit when I can focus hard enough to go after it, but Gabby Mae had started to wiggle her hips from side to side. It added this whole new level of intensity as she rides my dick with her rapid passion, bouncing up and down like an excited lapdog. She only seemed to care about getting me into her as deep and fast as possible, and fuck was she good at it.

"Ooh, I think he likes that, Gabby!" Joody noted. She started to stiffen up, probably because I had started moaning and breathing heavier against her pussy. Eating Joody's pussy keeps turning me on while Gabby's riding is making my mouth vibrate against Joody. It would be more difficult to fight my instincts and avoid turning them on than the other way around. I'm pulsing inside of Gabby's slit while I'm drooling a mix of my saliva and Joody's cummy juices, and willing or not I just had to cum.

"YEE-haw! That's how I like it!" Gabby shouted happily. She bounced all around as my hips started thrusting, but she stayed on like a bull-riding champ (or probably a gator wrestler, given the location). I'm thrusting hard as she cums on top of me, this sticky and noisy experience. She made more of that gasping/laughing noise, shouting "Aha! AHA! AHA!" as she keeps grinding up and down to push herself over the edge. She's wet with sweat and who knows what else as her pussy makes this wet sucking noise like a plunger at work while my dick stuffs into her wet and stretching pussy. Her thick, yellow-green cum runs down my cock as her hands tried to reach out for my face, but she can only reach my stomach when she's impaled on human dick.

"Now THAT looks a treat!" Joody said as she admired her sister in action. "How 'bout y'all gimme one of those too there, sugar?" She turned her attention back on me, taking my hair in her long fingers and starts absolutely painting my face with her musky pussy. I can't keep up with her energy, especially with Gabby still catching her breath on me. She had yet to take me out of her snatch, and it felt like I could feel her every breath and racing heartbeat around my shaft.

Troody cums in this big slimey wave of wailing and moaning. She even grabs my bound hands to make me grab her big freckled tits and hold her steady. The weird mix of wet, smelly and hot as hell made me cum inside her sister, eliciting a whole new series of whoops and squeaks from Gabby Mae. The redhead wriggled around on my erection, leaving my cum to go squirting over her ass and pussy while Troody finishes cumming on me.

“Dang, that felt good!” Joody cooed, leaning back so that I can see both her big sweaty tits and her big eyes. “Lots better than finger bumpin’.

“You should try it on his pokin’ stick,” Gabby Mae said proudly as she climbed off my lap at last. “Betcha I’m gonna have a whole buncha kin offa that one.”

“Can we wait a second?” I ask breathlessly. I’m sore and beat, and more than a little dirty from being humped into the mud. 

“Why’d we go an’ do that?” Joody asked cluelessly. “I gotta get my buncha... awww!” she groaned. “Gabby Mae, you dun’ said he were a big one!”

“Whatcha talkin’... aww, heck. What happened?” Gabby looked back at my limp and shrunken cock soaking in her juices on my stomach. “I was gosh dang chokin’ on that thing before!”

“I just came!” I said, defending my mahood out of instinct. “It’s gonna take a while before I can do it again. Aren’t you two…?” I looked them over and see the girls have that same hungry look in their eyes, as if they hadn’t just cum mere minutes ago. They were still just as wet and horny.

“Gotcha. He just needs more of the good stuff!” Joody skips off back to their jug of moonshine before I can stop her. I tried to cut her off, but she fills up a dirty little mug and pinches my nose before dumping it down my throat. I sputtered and coughed some of it out, but most of it goes down sour and foul. I definitely knew I didn’t know what was in that stuff, because by the time I’m done choking, I’m hard again. It doesn’t feel any less tired and sore, but it did something to stiffen me up again.

“Okie doke! He’s all fulla gas again,” Gabby decided. She reached out and stroked me a few times, enough to make sure that I’m still squirming and moaning and can’t do a thing to fight back. “You want sloppy seconds on his baby boner, sis?”

“Boy howdy, yes!” Joody swapped places with her sister and latched her mouth around my dick to start slurping up the mix of my and her sister’s cum. She keeps squealing and humming so I almost cum just from that while her sister takes my by the chin and starts forcing some sloppy kisses onto me. 

“You made a real good daddy, handsome,” she purrs to me. “We’re just gonna love havin’ you around. And Mama’s gonna really love you when she comes back.”

“M-mama?” I mumble out when she breaks the kiss to speak.

“Yup. You’ll like her. She’s the oldest goblin we ever done met, and she’s right purdy,” Gabby insisted proudly.

Joody raises her head with a wet pop of her lips. “And fat!” 

“And old. I mention she’s old? Cuz she’s real old.”

“Mostly blind…”

“And loud. With a big ol’ belly from when she done squeezed us out.”

“With a voice like this!” Joody added with a shrill, crackling voice that grated the ears. 

“And she gets first call. Whenever she wants it, she gets to beat us to it cuz she’s the ah… mat… matri… hey, Joody! Wuzzat word again!?”

“Boss?”

“Yea! She’s dat. But don’t worry. We’ll getcha eventually when she’s done.” 

“But she went out huntin’ this mornin’,” Joody added before sealing my her mouth around my cock so tightly it hurts. It’s like my dick is harder than it ever wanted to be, and her sucking is trying to drain the cum right out of my balls like a straw. 

“Yea, so she won’t be back fer a couple days, prolly. So hey! We can catch up witcha til she gets back, right? We can have us a real horny hootenanny til Mama’s home!”

Considering how messy and horny these girls are, a half blind, fat old version of them sounded even worse. Besides, while I can’t say it’s unpleasant, the girls wouldn’t take no for an answer. They ignored any kind of bargaining or logic or begging as they just kept riding, kissing and grinding on every part of me. I lost track of time completely… I think I was there about two days straight. The trees block out a lot of light, and I passed out at least twice. Whenever I’m soft, they just dump more of their good stuff into my mouth. I’m starting to get used to the taste by the end of it, but it’s never exactly good.

I remember them stopping to eat and they at least remember to hand-feed me some meat. I'm dizzy and weak by then, so I don't question the fact that it's spicey and tough. I definitely don't ask where it came from. "Lookit em go! Yer a big eater, ain'tcha, Pa? Must be where you get all that energy for all that good lovin'!" Joody sweetly praises my ability to eat while Gabby has already gone back to taking my dick up her ass since her pussy already is too full of cum. My cock's starting to get numb by the second day (I assume), because I can feel them grinding or sucking or riding it but don't get any usual arousal until the next big shock of my balls shooting cum from me to them. THEN it gets ridiculously hot, numbing my brain instead of my dick as they force the twentieth or so orgasm. If they're not eating, I'm getting fucked, and I have no idea when they sleep.

I ended up passing out again, and when I woke up there's not a part of me that doesn't have someone's cum, good stuff, sweat or mud on me. I heard some loud snoring and cringed at the idea that Mama had come back to add to the orgy. I focused my eyes and saw that it's just Gabby Mae passed out in the dirt. She had put her overalls back on and was scratching herself as she rolled over.

"Hey there, sugar." I jumped as little as I can in my weak, overfucked state, turning to see Joody. She was sitting on a nearby stump, smiling with the pretty face and bouncy tits that I'd come to associate with unstoppable sex. Maybe if I was able to eat and sleep when I wanted, it wouldn't be so bad... that and other urges. She also had one of the old shotguns in her lap, apparently... sharpening it with a dull knife. Just sliding it over the barrel with some quiet scraping noises.

"Oh. Hey. Joody?" I spoke raspily, and the little blonde nodded and smiled.

"Yup. I like how you say my name, city boy. You say it real purdy." She batted her eyes like she was already thinking of starting back up. I hoped she wasn't thinking of doing it while playing with her gun.

"Th-thanks. But I need to go pee." With a little discussion, I got my legs untied but the hands stayed stuck. The legs wouldn't do me much good since I'm surrounded by swamp water. There was the raft they dragged me in on, but I'd need to be able to steer it. That or I was underestimating myself. Maybe I picked up some fuckholm syndrome in the process. ...that's the word, right?

Joody walked over with me while I piss in the water, but I tried to draw it out so I can keep my legs stretched out for a while. "So... you like it out here, Joody?"

"Oh yea! We got meat. We got good stuff. Lots of water. What ain't to like?" She smiled proudly as she keeps whittling the gun.

"Well... sunlight, good food, clean water..." She makes a little noise like she wants to say something but stops herself. "You ever been outside the swamp, Joody?"

"Oh, naw!" she said firmly like I'm being ridiculous. "I ain't barely leaved the island none. Mama says there's all kindsa big stuff that'll getcha out there."

"Like what?"

"Elephants." I paused. "Dinosaurs. Oh, and werewolves. They'll gitcha good. And humans, o'course."

"Uh... Joody? Humans won't kill you. They don't believe you exist. And I could protect you, you know. ...also dinosaurs and werewolves don't exist."

It was Joody's turn to freeze. She stopped whittling and stared at me as I stopped pretending to pee. "But... but I saw pictures. Mama showed me one of them there magazines..."

"Yea, but they're stories. Dinosaurs died over a thousand years ago and werewolves are made up to scare people."

"And... what about the elephants?"

"They don't live in America... uh... they live on the other side of the world. I've never seen one that's not in a cage." Troody bit her lip thoughtfully. She was clearly scared, but considering it... and kind of horny, seeing how her nipples poked through her top.

"Think about it, Joody," I offer as nicely as I can. "You could live where it's warm and dry. I've got a big fluffy bed, hot water, stronger drinks than good stuff..." She squeaked and looked like she's on the ropes. "Annnnd... if we leave together to the outside, you could be the boss. No more waiting in line behind Mama."

Joody gasped at that and dropped her gun. Now I've got her. "Y'mean... runnin' away? No more gettin' yelled at by mama?!" she asked in this excited whisper.

"Yup."

"And you won't hit as hard as her, right?"

"...Joody, I'm not going to hit you. Not if you don't hurt me." She gasped again as if she might pass out.

"I gotta wake Gabby Mae! I ain't leavin' her!"

"Okay, but Joody!" I said more sternly. I had a foothold and a chance to escape, so I wanted to press all I can. "If we get out, that means we're equal. We only... uh... get to lovin' when I say it's okay."

Joody bit her lip, clearly thinking again. "At least twice a day. Each!"

"Fine. But you don't tie me up. Because we're friends now. Right, Joody?"

"You betcha, Papa!"

"My name's Mark, Joody."

She shook Gabby Mae awake while she gave me a confused looked. "Daddies got names now?"

Gabby woke up and Joody talks to her so fast in so thick an accent that I can't follow all of it. Still, I get the point and Gabby nods. "Okay... one more for the road."

"Wait, wait!" The girls were already on me, tackling me back into the mud. They were obviously excited by the prospect of leaving with me, but they were too horny and stupid to realize time was a factor. Joody started to suck on my balls while she jerked me off. Gabby put her butt right above my crotch so my dick slapped her cheeks while she started to kiss my chest and lick my nipples. I was grunting and squirming all over again, but at least I can spread my legs for it.

"Gobigail Mae!!? Joodgobby!!? You girls best not'a made a mess out of mah mud pile!!" A whooping, gravelly voice came across the swamp. I looked up as the girls just kept going, but I didn't see anyone around. She must have just been incredibly loud.

"Almost done," Joody moaned as she mounts my leg, grinding against my knee as she played with my cock.

"We don't have time!" I urged in my groaning voice. "Gabby, can you get my ropes?" Gabby kept rubbing her ass on my shaft, hotdogging my dick between her buns as she snapped her teeth at me. Surprisingly, they just bit right through the ropes so they fell off my wrists. Good. We're taking the express lane. I reached between each girl's chubby thighs, went under their respective overalls or shorts, and started fingering.

They were so wet and horny it's like fingering a jar of soft jelly. They're moaning and mewling in seconds, and my dick might be stiff and numb from good stuff but my fingers are getting their blood flow back enough to feel out their chubby little  clits. They start to bounce on my fingers like they're a couple of hand puppets, mouths hanging open. I take the opportunity to sit up and start kissing Joody. She moans and those big eyes flutter, and something about that moment made us both cum within seconds. 

One down, I took Gabby Mae by the hair and kissed her next. I oh so heroically ignored my tired cock as I started to pinch around Gabby's slimey clit. It slipped easily between my fingertips, so she's gushing another wave of cum on me in no time.

"Daym, city boy," Gabby mewled. "Maybe just one more..."

"Back home," I insist, picking up one of them under each arm. They let out these dizzy little squeals as they're lifted in the afterglow of their orgasms and I hurry to the raft. I shove off while they scamper back to shore and come back with a few basic possessions (really just the moonshine, one of the shotguns and knives) before we're sailing off properly.

When we leave the swamp, Gabby Mae and Joody seemed delighted just to see actual sunlight. Even the air outside the bog had them excited, sniffing it deeply over and over. I went back to the family with the goblins in tow, and I shortened the story a bit. I told them that I wandered drunk into the swamp and Joody and Gabby helped save me when I was lost, and that I'm rewarding them by taking me home. I took a very long shower while the goblins were rewarded with some actual Southern cooking. They flip their shit to this day over barbecue sauce.

I passed out on the guest bed for a while, sleeping through the afternoon. I thanked everyone but decided that I'm good to drive home tonight after that food and sleep. Once Joody and Gabby calm down about what a car is, they start to nod off. They're kind of cute when they're not raping me day and night. I got my first good long sleep in a long time, so I kept driving through the night. I figured they would love it back at my house with the modern conveniences.

I had no idea that goblins existed a few days ago, but I guess the world's full of surprises. After all, I'm driving home when I see this big gray werewolf out in the moonlight. He's just sitting on his rocking chair, smoking pipe and nodding at us as we pass by. I didn't dare say a word to Joody about the matter.