Dungeon in My Closet Chapter 2

I’d walked a fair ways from the wooden cabin with the dungeon and the closet portal, and I pulled myself out of my frozen trance to shift further down the slope I’d found myself on. I grabbed at a tree branch to steady my hasty shuffling, and my sneakers skidded on the dewy leaves beneath my feet, until finally I broke free from the tree line and found myself on the bank of a small river.

The stream rolled and bubbled happily along in its current, with crystal clear waters and thin disc shaped gray stones beneath the steady ripples, and it was probably clear enough to drink.

Or, it would’ve been, if it hadn’t been for the gigantic creature that had waded ankle deep out into the water.

It let out another thunderous bellow, as if to confirm my fears, and I even found myself nodding in reply to its deafening shout, as if to say to myself yes, it was in fact the hideous creature that had made those sounds I’d heard before.

It was an ugly thing, with mottled greenish gray skin that gleamed unattractively in the sunlight and made it look like it had been submerged in water for years. The creature stood at least seven feet tall, and though it was humanoid, it was definitely nothing I would ever find in the human world. His brow was massive and furrowed like a caveman, and his nose was huge, round, and squashed flat against his ugly face. The thing had tiny little black eyes, almost hidden beneath folds of greasy gray skin, but they honed in on me almost instantly.

Fuck.

We sized each other up for a split second, and the gigantic troll-thing glared at me with sheer hatred in his beady black eyes. I’d frozen again the moment I’d laid eyes on the creature, with my hand gripped for dear life around a jagged tree branch, until my left foot suddenly slid against the slick leaves that littered the riverbank.

The moment I moved, the spell was broken, and the troll screamed yet again. Its teeth were like mini tombstones, as gray as his skin and as hard and brittle-looking as stone, and his tongue was a disgusting wet snake dripping with thick tendrils of saliva.

“Easy…” I murmured, and I held my hands up as the creature’s deafening roar reverberated through the forest behind me.

At the sound of my voice, the troll growled deep in the cavern of his chest, and he huffed out through his nose as his little black eyes stared at me.

I kept my hand up and open, in the universal sign for ‘I come in peace,’ and I even attempted to plaster a nonchalant smile on my face as I nodded encouragingly.

Just like training a skittish dog. Or a horse. Emit the emotions you want to receive.

Except, despite his caveman skull and his lack of words, my troll-like adversary was far too intelligent to be swayed by such rudimentary tactics, and he let out another furious bellow as he started to crash through the water and head straight toward me.

“Oh, shit!” I yelped and immediately turned on my heel.

I bolted out of the troll’s path, and I dipped and weaved through the tree line as best as I could without slipping again on the leaves that littered the forest floor. I could hear his thunderous footsteps behind me, and I was pretty sure that if I’d had the opportunity to test the theory and placed a cup of water next to the creature, I’d have gotten a pretty impressive ‘Jurassic Park’ style water shake.

My mind at this point was just throwing stupid pop culture references to the forefront of my thoughts, anything to ignore the fact I’d been pulled through a fucking portal in my dorm closet and into some crazy fairytale world filled with supernatural creatures hellbent on having me for lunch.

I skidded along the tree line, and every single one of my limbs scrambled to pull me further away from the gargantuan creature tearing through the water after me, until there was a sudden bend in the river. The direction of the stream turned sharply, and my own momentum had me slipping against the bank and into the water itself.

“Shit!” I gasped as the water hit my skin.

The water was icy cold and took my breath away as I splashed into the stream up to my knees, but I didn’t have time to grumble at the temperature. I took the opportunity to put more than just air between me and the troll, and I quickly waded through the stream toward the other side. Then I clambered up the riverbank with my chest heaving and my heart pounding against my ribcage, just as the troll rounded the same corner.

He screeched across at me in fury as he too skidded to a halt, and I knew the water wasn’t going to stop him for that long. It would just take maybe a little while longer to process in what I assumed was his pea sized brain.

“Shit,” I gasped again as I shivered in my now soaking clothes.

I looked around for something, anything, that might help me get away from this thing, and I noticed a gnarled old tree on my side of the riverbank that had almost completely upturned roots.

The thick tendrils had sprouted out from the ground and formed a miniature sort of cave, but it wasn’t the tree itself that caught my eye.

It was what was nestled beneath the canopy of roots.

There was an ornate hunter’s bow along with a leather quiver stock full of arrows.

Now, I’d never in my life taken an archery lesson, nor did I know anything about how impervious to arrows this creature was, but I figured grabbing the pointy flying things could only help my cause. I scrambled almost on my hands and knees across the riverbank toward the tree, and then I grabbed at the bow and quiver as the troll roared furiously behind me again.

Finally!

I jumped when I heard the voice in my head, and I whipped my eyes back and forth through the forest tree line as I looked for its owner.

All this time, and I get found by someone who’s never used a bow and arrow before, the voice sighed. Typical.

“Who…?” I shook my head as my heart continued to race in my chest, and the troll continued to smash his fists into the water behind me. “What is this?”

The bow, master, the female voice giggled in my mind. Just point and shoot, I’ll do my best with the rest.

Master? The fuck?

“I’m talking to a bow now?” I murmured breathlessly as I hooked the leather strap of the quiver over my chest. “Really?”

It was a beautiful weapon, made from a light wood that was almost auburn in color and polished to a high sheen. It was inlaid with intricate goldwork that looked like lace against the soft wood, and the grip was wrapped in soft and supple leather that immediately molded to the shape of my hand.

“Woah…” I murmured as I held the bow in my hand and marveled at its even weight distribution.

I still hadn’t ever had any sort of archery training, but the bow felt somehow correct in my hand, as if it had been made for me, and I instinctively reached behind my head for one of the arrows.

I slipped one of them out from the leather quiver and inspected the weapon. The shaft was made from the same auburn colored wood as the bow itself, and the arrowhead was made from some sort of golden orange crystal that glimmered and shone as if it were trapped sunlight. The fletching on the end of the arrow was made from a bouquet of beautiful brown and gold bird feathers, and I slowly brought the arrow up to the bow itself.

I had no idea what I was doing, but my muscles seemed to, like they were privy to some memory I wasn’t.

A quick learner, the woman’s voice said, and I could hear the smile in her words. I’m impressed, master.

“Are you gonna help me take this thing out?” I muttered as I tentatively flexed my hand against the bow’s leather grip and steadied my footing in the wet mud.

Let’s see how well we work together, shall we? the voice in my head crooned softly. Notch your arrow and see how it feels. We don’t have long before that troll figures out he can still get to us.

Said troll was still throwing a tantrum on the other side of the stream, but it seemed to have taken a few steps forward since I last looked.

“Okay.” I nodded as I slipped an arrow out of the quiver, brought it forward, and nocked it against the bowstring. “Yeah, sure, I can do this. Never even held a bow ‘til today, but I can do this.”

Yes, you can, the voice of the bow assured me gently. I won’t let you fail, master.

An hour ago, I’d have scoffed at myself and sent my own ass packing to the psych ward.

But on my first day off college so far, I’d accidentally fallen through a magical portal, ended up in a mystical forest, and come face to face with an actual fucking troll. So, a bow that could telepathically communicate with me, impart its infinite wisdom upon me too, and called me master was actually pretty far down on my list of unlikelihoods.

Even so, what the fuck was going on?

I was interrupted from my scattered thoughts when the ugly gray troll roared again.

“Okay,” I repeated in a steely voice as I lifted the bow up with one hand and kept the arrow steady against the string with the other. “Tell me what to do.”

Breathe, the bow whispered in my thoughts. In through your nose, out through your mouth.

The voice was earnest, but excited, and whoever it belonged to sounded hot.

“I know how to breathe,” I murmured in reply as my lips brushed against the hand that held the end of the arrow.

I stared past my fingers and glared across the river at the slimy gray troll, who continued to roar steadily in frustration.

Do as I say, the voice commanded again. In through your nose, out through your mouth.

“Okay…” I said, and then finally did as I was told.

I drew in a long breath through both nostrils, held it for a moment, and exhaled slowly so my breath fanned out across my hand. I immediately felt the pressure lessen in my fingers, and my grip against the leather of the bow somehow seemed even tighter, but more comfortable at the same time.

Like we were somehow connected now.

That seemed almost as unlikely as falling through a portal to a dungeon world in the back of my closet, and yet here I was, ankle deep in river water with a mystical bow in my hand.

Envision your shot. The female voice sounded almost sultry as it talked me through the process. Your command of the arrow doesn’t just stop when it leaves your fingers. You have to tell it where to go.

“Uh-huh…” My own voice became husky as I honed my gaze on the troll’s ugly gray face, and I lined it up against where my fingers held onto the bow. “I understand.”

I knew you would, master, the voice said happily. Now, take another breath, bring your elbow up, and then release. All in one fluid motion.

“Tell the arrow where to go,” I muttered with my lips pressed against the side of my hand. “Right.”

I took a long breath, brought my elbow up, and then let the arrow fly.

It sailed through the air with an almost electrical fizz, as fast as a bullet from a gun, and made almost immediate contact with my target.

Except my aim was ever so slightly off.

The arrowhead sunk into the fleshy folds of the troll’s neck, on the left side just below the mound of skin that could barely be called an ear.

“Shit,” I hissed. “I missed.”

Only by a margin, the voice replied. You did great. Except…

“Except now I’ve really pissed him off,” I groaned as I dropped my arms with the bow still firmly in one hand.

The troll suddenly began to beat at his chest, and his balled up fists made sickeningly wet smacking sounds as he punched his massive pectoral muscles. Then I watched in horror as he ripped my arrow out of his neck in a hot spray of blood. He threw the broken arrow, which looked almost comically like a toothpick between his fat fingers, into the rippling waters below and then bellowed at me as he took one thunderous step forward.

He’s realized he can cross the river to get to you, the voice in my mind said helpfully. You need cover, master.

“There is no cover!” I shouted and spread my arms. “We’re on a freakin’ riverside!”

When was the last time you climbed a tree? the voice asked.

I glanced over my shoulder at the trees that lined the river. They were satisfyingly huge, with massive twisted limbs and boughs thicker than my entire body, and I let out a whistle as I inspected the one with the upturned roots.

“Well, I guess I’m climbing one now,” I muttered as I slung the bow’s string across my shoulders, hooked it onto my back, and hauled myself up onto the root canopy.

You’ll need a good height difference, if you want an advantage, the voice said cheerfully.

“Talkin’ about height differences…” I grunted under my breath as I wedged my left foot into a helpful knot and used my upper body strength to clamber up to the first row of branches. “I’m six foot two…”

But that troll is easily over seven, the voice countered. I’m just being realistic.

“Realistic.” I huffed out a laugh as I continued to clamber up the tree branches. “Nothing about this scenario is realistic.”

You can still do it, master, the voice replied, and I fought back an involuntary smile.

“Just you watch,” I muttered as I straddled a particularly wide branch and shifted my weight back. “I’m gonna impress the shit out of you.”

I wholeheartedly hope that you do, she giggled in my ear.

God, now I was flirting with the voice in my head. In my defense, though, she did sound super sexy.

The troll finally thundered his way through the stream as I clambered through the tree branches, and as I settled my weight back, he skidded to a halt at the foot of my tree with his black beady eyes glinting in fury. He roared again and clawed at the tree trunk, as if he was trying to physically pull the tree down with his bare hands, and I grimaced as his long yellowed fingernails ripped out long ribbons of bark.

“I can hit him point blank from here,” I said as I reached behind my head and pulled another arrow out of the leather quiver on my back.

Don’t aim for the head. Their skulls are too thick to pierce with these normal arrowheads. You had the right idea to begin with.

“Go for the jugular?” I grinned.

In a manner of speaking, my bow replied in my mind. You need it to go all the way through, because then he’ll yank it back out.

“And that’s what’ll kill him.” I smirked as I nocked my next arrow. “You’re really smart, you know.”

I’ve just been in more open combat than you, it seems, the bow purred in a silky smooth tone.

I started to wonder what she meant by that. She’d called me ‘master,’ so did that mean she’d had previous owners? Had she been some sort of warrior?

I made a mental note to ask at a later time, just out of sheer curiosity, because for the millionth time that afternoon… What the hell kinda weird video game world had I somehow found myself in?

“Alright, alright.” I grinned as I brought the bow up to my face and cocked my elbow up. “Okay. Aim for the throat.”

Wait ‘til he roars, she suddenly said. He tilts his head back when he does.

“Your intelligence is my favorite thing about you,” I muttered against my hand as I aimed.

If only you knew, the voice said, and it was an odd mixture of sadness and flirtation.

I didn’t have time to decipher her meaning, though, because the troll that clawed angrily at the tree beneath us had just taken a huge breath into his gigantic chest.

The bow’s voice was absolutely right, and as the disgusting creature let out a long, chest-rattling roar that made saliva fly from his tombstone looking teeth, I took a deep breath of my own.

In through the nose, out through the mouth, and focus on where I wanted the arrow to go.

The projectile erupted from the bow string with a deadly hiss, and the arrowhead sank right into the blubbery flesh of the troll’s neck like a hot knife through butter.

I even heard it pop out the other side with a grossly squishy sound, and I whooped from my spot in the tree’s branches.

“Direct hit!” I cackled with satisfaction. “What d’you think of that?”

You did amazingly, master. The voice cooed in reply.

There was that ‘master’ again. It was like I’d rubbed a bottle for a genie, except I’d gotten a really hot sounding bow and arrow.

I watched with morbid satisfaction as the troll gurgled against the sudden intrusion in his neck, and when he finally opened his mouth in a silent shout, the tombstone teeth inside his head had been dyed a deep red. His blood foamed with saliva and dribbled past his gray lips, and his little black eyes suddenly became wide with panic.

The troll instinctively reached a hand up, grabbed the spindly shaft of the arrow, and yanked it forward.

The poor brute succeeded in what he’d planned, but he also sealed his own fate, because the jagged edges of the amber colored arrowhead tore his throat apart on its exit in a grotesque spray. He swayed for a moment, gurgled again, and then collapsed against the tree trunk in a pathetic slump as his heart eventually pumped the blood out of him and stopped.

“Holy shit,” I gasped as I looked down at the weapon in my hands.

Good job, master, my bow commended me.

“We make a good team, huh?” I grinned widely as I started to shimmy my way back down the tree trunk. “I should probably collect those arrows before they get washed away in the river.”

Not necessary, master, the voice of the bow giggled. I can replenish your quiver with fresh arrows.

“Oh.” I grinned. “Well, thank you. Saves me having to yank them out of that thing, and I don’t know if my stomach could take that.”

The arrows you fired at the troll are probably broken anyway, the voice said with another chuckle.

“You think this big lug had anything of worth on him?” I wondered as I stared at the collapsed body of the troll at the foot of tree.

I still wasn’t sure what the fuck was going on, but in almost every fantasy video game I played or book I read, the victor of the battle was able to loot their defeated opponents.

Certainly doesn’t hurt to check. The bow’s bright voice conjured up the image of a smile. You deserve some sort of reward for that endeavor.

“I’m glad I lived up to your expectations,” I chuckled as I hopped down onto the riverbank beside the troll’s corpse.

Quite fucking thankfully, the creature had worn some sort of disgusting loin cloth to cover his modesty, and attached to the waistband of the grimy material was a small drawstring pouch that looked like something he’d stolen and kept for himself as a trinket.

I pulled the drawstrings with baited breath, and then I whistled as several large clumps of solid gold tumbled out into the palm of my hand.

“Nice.” I grinned. “Hey, I can pawn this off, too.”

You can do what with it? the voice in my mind asked curiously as I pocketed the gold as my prize.

“I can take it to a pawn shop and change it up for cash,” I snickered. “And here I thought I’d have to find a job at college.”

What’s a pawn shop? the voice asked again. And what’s a college?

I faltered where I stood for a moment, with a dead troll at my feet, a voice in my head, and a handful of gold nuggets.

What the hell had just happened to me?

How the hell was any of this real? I now knew it couldn’t be a dream, because I was actually shivering in my wet clothes, and the palms of my hands stung with tiny cuts from hauling myself up the tree.

So all this had to be real. It had to be.

Then a thought drew me up short.

If that portal suddenly just appeared in my closet, could it disappear just as suddenly?

I took off at a dead sprint and splashed my way through the river, and I ignored the sudden cold of the water and the way that my heartbeat stammered haphazardly in my chest.

Hey, what’s wrong? the voice attached to the bow demanded, but I just continued to run full pelt back toward the dungeon that housed the portal without bothering to answer her.

I could feel my chest tighten, and the panic started to bubble and spread beneath my skin the closer I got to the little wooden cabin in the forest clearing.

I was hellbent on getting back to reality, and if another troll crossed my path right now, god fucking help it.

Are you okay, master? I heard the voice in my head ask me, and I closed my eyes against it as I stumbled through the cabin door.

Down, head downstairs. Toward the cellar.

I clattered down the tight spiral staircase and back into the cool confines of the stone room beneath the ground, and I let out a strangled breath that might’ve been either a laugh or a sob when I finally saw the old closet in the corner, with its door still slightly ajar.

I yanked the door open and pushed my way through the shimmering golden portal until suddenly, I was gasping for breath with my nose pressed against the light gray carpet of my college dorm bedroom.

I’d made it back again.

I let the panic come to a head the moment I knew that I was safe, and I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my nose harder against the carpet, desperate to feel the reality of it.

“Hey, I asked if you’re okay?” the bow huffed, and I could hear the worry in her strained voice.

“I’m okay…” I gasped into the floor. “I just… Hey, what--”

I ripped my head up from the ground and stared.

I no longer had the bow and quiver of arrows on my back, and the soft female voice was no longer in my head. I hadn’t brought the weapon back to my college dorm room at all.

Somehow, the bow and arrows had transformed into a beautiful woman the moment I’d collapsed through the portal in my closet.