Backyard Dungeon 5 Chapter 4

As I came back up into the backyard behind my trailer, my mind was locked on the problem of Ursenger. Amrila, Nileme, and I would have to go back to The Gloom in the next few days for the war council, and the Dwarves might be able to manufacture weapons to help in that fight soon.

I just needed to find out more about Belzat.

Growler and Dread ran up to greet me as I walked through the back yard, and I took a moment to throw a ball around for them, refill their water, and fill up their food bowls. It was wild how much like dogs the garms were.

“We should move you boys into the new yard,” I said as I wrestled the ball out of Growler’s mouth, and he jumped back and lowered his front quarter’s in a playful, puppy-like gesture.

I threw the ball again, but Dread shot across the yard like a white streak of lightning and got the ball first, and then he proudly brought it back to me and dropped it at my feet.

“That’s a good boy.” I grinned and threw the ball a couple more times before I went back to the new house.

When I walked through the front door, Ibseth was in the living room with her hands on her hips as she stared at the furniture.

“What’s up, baby?” I asked as I came up beside her and put an arm around her waist.

“I don’t like this arrangement,” the white-haired woman stated in a firm tone.

“What don’t you like about it?” I had to suppress the urge to chuckle, because this had started to happen more and more.

Maybe it was the effect of the pregnancy, or her just getting used to the fact that her opinion mattered. But the petite woman would see something, feel that it wasn’t quite right, and then have to take a while to decide why she felt that way.

For my part, I just accepted I would have to move the furniture around a few times before she was satisfied.

“Should your chair be closer to the window?” Ibseth asked as she cocked her head to one side and looked over at my lazy boy. “I don’t want you to have the sun in your face, but that dark corner feels so depressing.”

“You tell me what you want me to move, and I’ll move it,” I chuckled as I squeezed my first wife a little closer.

“You are so good to me.” The Elven woman smiled up at me. “Oh! That reminds me. I think you should get Nileme some clothes and some pretty things for her room. She would never ask for them herself, but I think she deserves to have nice things all her own.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” I grinned down at the thoughtful, blue-skinned woman. “Why don’t we get Nileme and Amrila and go into the city? Make a day of it?”

“What a lovely idea!” Ibseth replied as she threw her arms around me.

About twenty minutes later, we were all in the Rubicon and headed to Elyria.

After a quick stop at a drive thru for iced coffee and a smoothie for Ibseth, we stopped at some of our favorite haunts. The mall was up first to get clothes for Nileme, and we all piled out of the Jeep and headed into the climate controlled corridors, lined with shops.

“This reminds me of the market place back home,” the Dolrath woman said as she looked around at all the stores and kiosks. “But much, much bigger. There are so many options.”

“Look around until you find stuff you like,” I said. “Whatever you want. There’s no need to be shy.”

“I don’t even know where to start,” the dark-haired woman said with a nervous giggle.

“I do.” Ibseth flashed a warm smile as she took the taller woman’s hand and led her to a store with women and men’s clothes that had an fashionable outdoorsy feel. “You are a tough, strong woman, and need clothes to match.”

Amrila and I grinned at each other as we followed and watched Ibseth enthusiastically lead the warrior woman through the store.

The petite woman picked out several items to get Nileme started, like flannels and V-neck t-shirts made from a super soft jersey material. Then Ibseth got Nileme into one of the dressing rooms to try on what they’d found.

“Do you think we should go look around at some of the other stores?” I asked as Amrila as we waited and wandered around the clothes racks. “This could take a while.”

“Oh, no,” the horned woman replied with an assumed expression. “I want to watch this. I bet you it will take three outfits before Nileme starts to pick items for herself.”

“Yeah?” I snorted as I looked at a fleece lined button-up. “I don’t think Nileme really cares about clothes. She might just be happy to let Ibseth pick stuff out.”

“Nonsense.” My Zencarri wife shook her head. “Everyone cares about clothes. Even if they don’t follow the fashions, they care about other things, like function or comfort. Nileme cares about function, that’s why Ibseth brought her here first.”

“This is something you two have been talking about, isn’t it?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Of course.” Amrila shrugged and let out a devious little giggle. “And Ibseth will hand Nileme a bunch of girly things until she cracks and starts to pick things for herself.”

“Well,” I chuckled, “that’s one way to draw her out of her shell.”

Just as Amrila predicted, the first few outfits the Dolrath woman tried on were functional, but in softer colors that Ibseth typically wore. The first was a sweater with a wide neck, and a pair of light-colored jeans hugged Nileme’s muscular thighs and firm ass.

“What do you think?” Ibseth asked as the Dolrath woman looked at herself in a full length mirror.

“I like the pants,” Nileme said slowly as she turned to see what they looked like from behind. “But the sleeves of this shirt are too long. They feel like they will be in the way. I liked the shirt with shorter sleeves you picked out, but it seems a little cold for that.”

“What if you wore a shirt over it?” the petite woman asked. “Like Eddie does? You could also get a jacket for when you are outside.”

Then Ibseth and Nileme made another circuit around the store, and the Dolrath woman picked up more items that she liked.

I was surprised how quickly my violet-eyed wife’s plan had worked. Nileme was a very unassuming person and was clearly not comfortable with being spoiled yet, but with the shorter woman’s help, Nileme soon carried a big shopping bag of high waisted jeans, soft t-shirts, and flannels. The Dolrath princess also wore a white crop top that showed off her six-pack abs, some figure flattering jeans, and a dark denim jacket out of the store.

A sturdy pair of black combat style boots finished off the sexy, tomboyish look that had a definite appeal. The young guy at the cashwrap had been so distracted by how fucking hot Nileme looked, he dropped several items as he removed the hangers, and he had to scramble on the ground behind the register to retrieve them.

Now that the Dolrath woman had an idea of what she liked, we stopped at a few more stores, including a home goods store where we got some bedding, bedside tables, and several simple decor items. It struck me how similar Nileme was to me. Ibseth and Amrila both had strong aesthetic tastes, where the dark-haired Elf and I gravitated more toward practical and tangible preferences.

Amrila’s room was decked out in black and red, with moody lighting and plenty of skulls and daggers on the dresser and hung on the walls. But Ibesth loved pastels, florals, and anything that gave the room a serene feel to it. As I watched Nileme pick out things for her room, the warrior woman showed more interest in how the blanket and sheets felt, and whether the bedside lamp would provide enough light while she polished the nicks out of her sword.

After a few trips to the Jeep to load up our purchase, my stomach started to growl.

“Feels like lunchtime to me,” I commented to the women. “How about we go get something to eat?”

“I’m starving,” Ibseth agreed and placed a hand on her flat belly. “That sounds wonderful.”

“Do we want burgers? Or tacos?” I asked as I squeezed the last shopping bag into the back of the Rubicon.

“Tacos,” all three of my wives chimed at almost the same exact time.

“Tacos it is,” I snorted.

Then I drove us to a small Mexican restaurant close by that I knew had the best carne asada this side of the Mason-Dixson line.

It was a little past the normal lunch rush, and we practically had the restaurant to ourselves. After we got our drinks and put in our order, we munched on chips and fresh salsa verde with abandon.

“Are you sure you don’t want Mrs. Whitmire’s place once it’s ours, Amrila?” Ibseth asked as she dipped another tortilla chips in the spicy, green salsa. “As second wife, it’s yours by right.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” The horned woman nodded as she took a sip of her pop. “It’s going to take years to get the old-woman-smell out of there. And almost as long as that to paint over the horrible flowers all over the walls in the living room.”

“That’s actually wallpaper,” I chuckled. “You have to remove it before you paint or it looks terrible. It’s a pain in the ass.”

“All the more reason for me to wait for the next house Eddie buys,” Amrila replied as she wrinkled her nose. “Sorry, Nileme. I guess that sticks you with the terrible wallpaper and perfume stink.”

“I don’t mind.” The dark-haired warrior smiled and shrugged. “It’s good to stay busy, and it will feel all the more my own when I’m done.”

As my wives chatted and we waited for our entrees, I watched the three of them laugh and enjoy the special bond they’d all formed in a relatively short time.

Then I thought it might be fun to take them all on vacation. The forests of Ohio were filled with places where you could rent cabins, anywhere from the very rustic to the height of luxury. But none of my wives had ever seen the ocean either, and the idea of renting a beach house with its own private beach struck me.

I was a rich man now and could afford something like that, but that thought still felt completely surreal to me. I’d grown up pretty poor, and now I could probably take my three wives to the Mediterranean and rent a villa without a single worry.

But that would mean I’d have to get a new identity for Nileme.

Ibseth and Amrila both had IDs, passports, and papers that stood up to the scrutiny of an immigration agent. I needed to get some for my Dolrath wife, which meant a call to Owen McElfresh. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about the Irishman since our last encounter, but I did trust Travis Meyer. The prudent lawyer had vouched for McElfresh, and that held a lot of weight with me.

Maybe it was worth it to call the sketchy broker and see how things went. If I still didn’t feel comfortable with Owen after that, I had Travis’s list of other buyers to go to next time I wanted to sell gold or jewels I found in The Gloom.

The entrees came and dragged me from my thoughts, and the four of us dug into the heaping plates of tacos and sides. It was all incredible. The steak and chicken were juicy and well seasoned, and the tortillas tasted as if they were handmade. The wives and I barely spoke until we were all so full we couldn’t eat another bite.

“Oh, god.” I grinned as I leaned back in my chair. “That was perfect, but now I think I gotta walk this off.”

“Me too.” Amrila nodded. “It never ceases to amaze me how different all the food is here. Back home, there are some differences in each region, but it’s all basically the same. Here, it’s like a whole different world in each place we eat.”

“I love it,” Ibseth sighed with contentment. “It’s like there’s always something new to try.”

“It’s a big world,” I chuckled. “Come on, we can look around for some gifts for people.”

I’d made a habit of getting gifts for the people I was closest to in The Gloom.

It had started as something my mother taught me about not showing up empty handed somewhere, but now it was more like a tradition. If I knew I would be in or around the Great Forest, I would bring candy or dried fruit for the Brownies. Most of the time I would get tea for Scourge, but I thought it might be good to mix it up this time.

The ladies and I hit up an outdoors supply store and looked around at what they had to offer. But I went straight to the place where the water bottles and thermoses were displayed, and I picked out a large, Yeti brand thermos, because I had heard they’d keep something hot or cold for ages. The Zencarri man would be able to brew a pot of tea when he woke up, pour it in this, and then just have tea for the rest of the day.

Bhathok was always a little hard to find something for. Last time, I’d gotten him some nice bourbon, but the glib general didn’t seem to have a lot of interests outside of his family and being a soldier.

“Hey, Nileme.” I turned to the tall, Elven woman. “What should we get for Bhathok? He seems to like cooking, right?”

“I never really thought about it.” The dark-haired woman shrugged. “But yes. He always volunteers to cook when we’re away from the Encampment.”

I walked over to the next aisle and found a cool set of aluminum pots and pans with handles that could fold up along the sides. They stacked into a small carrying case and were pretty compact and light weight when you put them all together. They weren’t very big, but they would be easy to carry.

“I think these would be great,” I said as I turned them over in my hands. “Bhathok’s soldier stew is great, but he could cook all kinds of stuff if he didn’t have to throw everything into one big pot.”

“That’s very true.” The Dolrath princess nodded. “I think he would like that a lot.”

“Where did Ibseth and Amrila get to?” I asked as I looked around for my other wives.

“I think they stopped to look at some plants near the front of the store,” Nileme replied with an amused smile.

Ibseth loved plants, or anything she could nurture really. Pretty soon, the new house would probably look like an indoor forest if she got her way. And I was happy to let her have her way.

“Well,” I said as I stood up and looked around, “I guess that leaves you and me to look around for something for your mom and Xuag.”

“You’re going to get a gift for Captain Xuag?” the muscular woman asked with a raised eyebrow as we started to wander around the store again.

“Of course,” I replied while I looked around for ideas. “He and Bolra helped Growler and Dread when they were hurt. And I think he could be a really strong ally to have in our corner. Xuag is well respected among the Crardu. But what do you get for an Orc warrior?”

“A weapon,” Amrila replied as she came up the aisles with Ibseth.

My first wife had a potted plant in her arms and a glow to her heart-shaped faces.

“A weapon is a good idea.” I nodded. “We could stop at Nathan’s on the way home and get him a really nice hunting or combat knife. It might be more of a tool than a weapon, since he carries a big ass sword around. But I think as a soldier he’d appreciate it.”

We made our way to the registers, and I paid for the thermos, camping cookware, and Ibseth’s new plant that looked like long blades of thick grass that stood straight up.

Then the four of us got back into the Rubicon and headed toward home. Ibseth was tired after a long day out, so I went ahead and dropped her and Amrila off at home. Nileme, on the other hand, rode with me to Nathan’s Arms and Surplus. The warrior woman had become a bit of a gun nut since she’d gotten my old Bulgarian AK, and she loved to check out Nathan’s new stock.

When we entered the store, the familiar buzzer went off to announce our presence. Nathan was busy with a mannequin that he’d rigged to the ceiling to look like it was snorkeling in a gilly suit, but the wild-haired shopkeeper turned when he heard the door and smiled.

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite customer!” Nathan laughed. “What brings you and the lovely lady in today?”

“Do you have any new guns in?” Nileme asked.

“Don’t you know it.” The sandy-haired man grinned back. “Come over to the counter. I got a really fun one.”

Nileme looked over at me with an excited smile and raised an eyebrow, and then we followed the eccentric man to the glass display cases.

Nathan grabbed the keyring at his belt, stretched it out on its retractable cord, and opened one of the locked gun cases. I enjoyed guns a lot, but my knowledge was far from exhaustive, so I didn’t recognize the pistol that he pulled out, but it looked cool as fuck. It almost looked like an inverted, black triangle when held, because of the way the jacket was designed.

“This here is your standard, semi-auto Kriss Vector,” Nathan said with a note of pride in his voice, as if he had introduced an old friend. “Now, it was originally designed to be a submachine gun, but given the law of the land, I couldn’t sell those. Though there are those clandestine types who buy or sell kits to convert the Vector to its former glory. But I wouldn’t know much about that.”

The wild-haired man said the last sentence as if he’d spoken to an unseen person in the shop, but I knew that was just the conspiracy theorist’s natural paranoia.

“Oookay.” I smiled and nodded. “It does look really cool.”

“Isn’t it a treat?” Nathan replied with a broad grin as he dropped the empty mag, checked the chamber, and then handed it to me to look at.

Obviously, the shopkeeper never stored any of his guns with ammo in them, but he religiously practiced gun safety at every step. It was one of the things I liked most about the man. Nathan also always had a Desert Eagle in a holster on his hip, but I suspected that one was loaded. I was sure that kept some people out of his store, but anyone who knew guns would be able to see right away they were in safe hands with the wild-eyed man.

“And what’s really nice about the Vector is it directs the recoil down, instead of back, so there’s less need to correct your aim between rounds,” Nathan continued as he pointed at the cyberpunk-looking gun. “And, while this is the magazine that comes with the Vector, I have extended 10mm mags that work with this pistol, though you should be aware state law requires you to store any magazines with a capacity greater than thirty separate from your firearm.”

“What do you think?” I asked Nileme as I handed her the Kriss Vector.

“I really like it,” the dark-haired woman said as her eyes sparkled.

“Then it’s yours.” I grinned and winked at the muscular woman.

“Really?” Nileme giggled. “Oh, Eddie. I love it.”

“You gotta love a woman who’d rather have a fine firearm than a diamond,” Nathan chuckled. “And that’s the perfect grip you got there. Some people like to grip it just above the magazine, but the mag release is right there. And you don’t want to drop that mag right in the middle of things, if you know what I mean.”

The sandy-haired man showed Nileme how to drop the mag, lock the pin back, and explained how to take the Vector apart to clean it with the energy of a dad teaching their kid to drive.

The Dolrath woman listened with the concentration of a soldier who was able to absorb large swaths of information at a single pass.

“Anything else I can get you?” Nathan asked as he set the Vector down on the counter top.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I’d like to get a red dot and a laser sight for the Vector. Same ones you sold me for the Galil if you have them in stock. Two of those magazines you mentioned, ten boxes of 10mm rounds. And… I was thinking about getting a really nice hunting or combat knife or something for a friend.”

“I certainly have good options for both,” Nathan said as he rubbed the stubble on his chin with his one remaining hand. “But do they just collect knives, or would they actually use it for utility?”

“He’s a soldier,” I said a little evasively. “But I could see him wanting it more as a tool than for personal protection.”

“Say no more,” Nathan replied in a grand tone. “Have you considered getting him a Leatherman? One of the best multitools on the market. The Charge Plus has gotten some really cherry reviews recently, and I have a few in stock.”

“Fuck it.” I grinned. “I’ll take two of them and keep one. My dad always carried a Leatherman in his pocket when I was a kid.”

“You’re dad must be a wise man then,” Nathan laughed. “Let me get those, and we’ll see what the damage is-- with your frequent flier discount, of course.”

Once Nathan had gathered everything up and was ringing me out, I noticed a flier on the counter for what looked like a new gun range in the area.

“What’s this?” I asked, and I was excited to think that I wouldn’t have to drive an hour either out in the woods or to a decent range in a bigger town.

“Oh.” Nathan shrugged as he looked at the flier. “That’s a place a buddy of mine just started. It’s a full obstacle course and gun range. You can rent out the course, take classes. Obviously, you can’t use live rounds on the obstacle course for safety reasons, but they have an indoor range, too. If you mention my name, I’m sure Earl would give you the friends and family deal.”

“Sweet,” I said as I pocketed a flier for a future date night idea.

After I paid, Nileme and I said goodbye to Nathan and headed out to the Rubicon.

You’d think from the look on the warrior woman’s face that I had bought her the moon.

“I can’t wait to try this Vector out.” Nileme grinned as she gently placed it in the back of the Jeep. “Will you help me ‘dial in’ the red dot when we get home?”

“Of course,” I replied as I closed the back of the Rubicon. “It’s gotta be ready for when we go back to The Gloom tonight.”