RP QNA #264 (sick)
Added 2024-03-27 12:47:42 +0000 UTCHey fellas. I think I have the flu, so I won't be doing this weeks Patreon video, but will set this up so I can do it once everything is back to normal.
I'll set up the post as per usual then do them next Thursday.
Good time to make sure you've finished the sidebar reading
Comments
Goals should be SMART. specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound. Right now it's a container word. Also write in the past tense. https://substack.com/profile/25233713-rian-stone/note/c-51667044 Why are you getting married? 1. You didn't handle this well. Do not argue with women in the first place. What were you trying to do. Arguments tend to be validation seeking, like you were trying to get her to see something from your point of view. It's not going to happen. Then you got in her frame from the passive aggressiveness. Nothing good came out of this. STFU and disengage. 2. You not asking what she likes is not rambo. What you should be doing is making meals for yourself. Act like she is dead and take care of your own business. 3. Clean up the mess yourself to your standards and don't ask for permission, or help. What I'm seeing is that you want your wife to be your surrogate mother. Clean and cook for you since that's what your mom did growing up. Take care of your own business and let her find ways to contribute. Or just let her be useless, and move on. It sounds like you are here because you want us to help you fix your wife. You can't fix her, you can only fix yourself and become the type of man you want to be. She can follow along or not. You missed Rian because you got your report in too late. This post was up for literally a week. Perhaps it's nothing, but I get a sense that you are just that unfocused/disorganized and unable to handle very much, though you are working, lifting and fighting(three different martial arts, unfocused?). Set a goal for yourself one totally within your control. Do less but do it better. Your salary seems low for a software engineer, not sure what's happening there.
Op Sec
2024-04-05 16:14:24 +0000 UTCStripper, ty
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-04 20:04:10 +0000 UTC4/4 This morning I was on the train going into work and made eye contact with an “8” at a train stop. She gets on and sits one row behind me on the right, I’m on the left side. I glance back and she smiles as she is settling in her seat and I smile back. I should have said something right here but I was too worried about saying the wrong thing rather than saying something. Coming into the city, I gather my things and so does she but I stupidly get up before the train is in station and stand in the aisle. I should have waited until the train stopped, then I would have had a more natural opportunity to let her get up in front of me to get off the train and initiate a conversation. Instead I got stuck in my head and waited too long and let approach anxiety get the best of me twice. Pretty sure I put her up on a pedestal in my mind too. No outcome independence. —- This past weekend I went out with my wife to a country bar and met up with her sister and sister’s friends. I hate country but need to get practice being more social, so “fuck it let’s do it live.” Did the instructional line dancing songs, tried following along on other dance but has fun making a fool of myself, then had some drinks by the dance floor. We met some of my sister-in-law’s friends and go get a table. These friends are great and I hit it off with a couple. Hope later the wife of this couple has an attractive sister that shows up who’s in town for the weekend (lives 1.5 hours away but has a part time job on weekends near by). We’ll call this chick Ava. Wife and I get introduced and proceed to talk a bit. Ava mentions it’s her birthday (she’s 3 years younger than us) and that a guy ghosted her who she planned to bring back to her hotel. My wife jokes and mentions Ava can share me for the night. Ava plays along and then my wife says “no I’m serious, we’ll have fun with you Ava.” Conversation turned very sexual, very quick. My wife, Ava and I all kept playing along with the hypothetical sexual situation and I got two rounds of shots with Ava while we exchanged back and forth. Ava dances with her sister for a few songs while I go back to the table and ask my wife if she’s fucking with me or serious about fucking Ava. She says she’s serious. If I can close she’ll join me but can’t promise how much she’ll participate. Two hours later, everything was going well; I got to practice building rapport while keeping the sexual energy going. My wife had been actively flirting with Ava the best she could and we all talked about what we might do in the bedroom together. End of the night comes and I ask Ava if she wants to go back to her hotel with my wife and I. She says she has to work a shift at her part time job the next day but would be available after she’s done. I ask for her number, get it, and say goodnight as she leaves with her sister and brother in law. I follow up the next morning while she’s at work. Little text flirting, then logistics, and have an early dinner planned later that night. Figured dinner would help ease any nerves my wife and Ava had. We all dress up, Ava meets us at Dinner and it goes well. There is clearly chemistry between us. We finish then drive 20 minutes to Ava’s hotel (not ideal but nothing good to eat near her hotel). My wife was a nervous wreck but I kept telling her there’s nothing to worry about, we’ll take it at her pace. We picked up a deck of cards on the way to the hotel. We get in Ava’s room, pour some drinks, and talk a bit. I pull the cards out and the girls suggest playing strip go-fish. I position myself in the office chair across from the girls on the couch. After 45 minutes all three of us are naked, looking at each other and joking around. I put the cards away while they put a movie on. I position myself between them both on the couch and touch both their legs, then slowly work my hand further up both their legs. I go to kiss my wife and she redirects me towards Ava suggesting she wants to watch us. I start kissing Ava and touching her body, slowly escalating to her tita and then playing with her pussy while my wife touches me. After a few minutes I tell Ava to go down on me. Decent. Not the best but not the worst, and it’s something compared to my wife not doing it at all so I’ll stop biting and enjoy the moment. After 20 minutes I go down on Ava while she and my wife lightly touch one another on the couch. My wife eventually repositions herself so her legs are around Ava’s head and I proceed to fuck Ava while her head resting on top of my wife’s pussy while my wife plays with her nipples. I’m in heaven. Rest of the night basically consisted of me fucking Ava non-stop in every imaginable position on the bed and couch. My wife didn’t want to fuck me so we just kissed a little bit but I had Ava so I didn’t care that much. Ended up fucking Ava door about the hours straight until my wife got tired and Ava’s pussy couldn’t handle any more. Sue me for bragging, but I don’t have anyone I can share this with in real life where it won’t cause problems. TLDR: Ava was the most attractive woman I’ve been with in my life and I fucked the shit out of her. Problem 1: I never came while fucking Ava. Not sure if this was because of the Condom or too in my head. Interested to hear from anyone with similar experience. Problem 2: I realize I’m more resentful towards my wife after fucking Ava. Almost like I’m going through the anger stage all over again. Tried initiating multiple times daily this week with hard no every time. Then I got this gem last night: Her: not right now, maybe when our parents are watching our kid. Me: great, so a marathon this weekend (parents are watching our kid this weekend) Her: maybe the next time they watch her Me: you seem to always want to wait…. Her: I like waiting, it turns me on. Me: that’s interesting. … I was instantly done with this exchange and heard all I needed to hear. Went and did something on my MAP. Good news is I’ve kind of awakened to the reality of how little my wife desires me. Yes I have work to do, but also realized my wife has serious issues and our non-existent sex life is not 100% my doing. Time will tell. Reminding myself the stay plan is the same as the go plan. —- Two weeks ago I pick my wife up from work at night. As I pull up, I See her smiling ear to ear talking to the male security guard at the front desk. Get that feeling in the pit of my stomach like something seems off. Definitely picked up very flirty body language and mannerisms. Maybe, maybe not. But at least I'm aware of it. Recognizing the real issue is my own piss poor self esteem and lack of confidence making me feel insecure. I don’t believe I’m the prize right now and that’s causing me to have oneitis for my wife. Scarcity mindset. Can I replace my wife within a week? Probably not, so I have work to do and focus on improving my skills and lift to get confidence in time. Driving home in the car we stop to get my wife food. In the car waiting and my wife tells me she flirted with two guys last week in conversation at work. I STFU while she retold the interaction where she “caught herself” flirting with the two guys in separate conversations. Said she realized she shouldn’t have done it but wanted to tell me. I said okay, thanks for letting me know and asked if she was telling me because she felt guilty. Said yes, realized she shouldn’t have done it. I said okay, well I trust you’ll know how to handle yourself so I’m not worried. I’m kind of angry because she’s giving them attention and the validation I’ve craved for so long, but it was also kind of comforting being snapped back into reality. I feel like I had the wife goggles slapped off my face at the same time as the pedestal I’ve been propping my wife up on shattered into a thousand pieces. No blatant cheating to my knowledge, but I instantly connected like 50 flashbacks of her bad/red flag behavior prior in our relationship. Reminder: stay plan is the same as the go plan. Pretend my wife is dead. What would I be doing if she were not here? Therapist kind of helping. Just need to lift, work and sleep now. Otherwise I’ve been reading the book of Pook and it’s for some reason connecting the dots for me. Also watching Rians sidebar videos.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-04-04 18:57:51 +0000 UTCThat’s pretty much how I feel; cold hearted af when it comes to women, but not with my kids, I never lost that love thankfully.
ErikTheRed
2024-04-04 18:19:03 +0000 UTC- Age 30, - LRT – 6 Lifting – x2-3 a week, 70kg, Bench. Deadlift 140kg, Squat- Low (due to knee) - Martial arts (MMA, Kick/boxing/BJJ) x3-4 a week – Taking the sparing down a notch this year, too many injuries now. striking is affecting my lifting (e.g. knees and wrist) - Work is going well. Earning 77k mid-level software engineer - Reading- Developing Assertiveness by Anni Townend (feminine point of view ) . Interesting this book and other assertiveness training courses often reference W.I.S.N.I.F.G. But okay-ish so far, it’s uses the “I am okay, you are okay” mental - Sex life is alright 6/10. This has gone done from an 8/10. - Goal of the next 2 months - leading my relationship - Relationship status – Engaged. (I think this is worth mentioning- My fiancée has some inheritance money (100k) and has agreed that she is happy to use some of the that money to put a deposit down for a house after the wedding. Part of me really wonders if she will follow through) - Light bulb moment – LB. Me reflecting as I write I have recently moved in with my fiancée mum’s house to save up 20k each for a wedding and a house. It’s been 2 months now. We has our own apartment before. The mum was just living by herself in a 3-bedroom house. Since moving 1 room for her mum, 1 room for me and my fiancée and a room is being used as my office. Since moving in I have noticed that the power dynamic has changed 1. I apologised for something that I should not have. I have asked a question, which essentially questioned her character. My question made her upset. Me – During an argument “how do think you are helping me by saying you are trying to get me to manage my emotions when I am mad. Do you get me mad and get help me later”. Her - in front of her mum, “mum will a relationship work if you partner never apologises. Mum – “No”. Her – “It will never work” Me – “I apologise for the way that you feel.” Then I walked out. I think I handle this kind of well enough. 2. I have noticed that her mum does a lot of cooking and the laundry for all three of us. From the day I met my fiancée I made it clear that love being with a woman that likes to cook (LB- I don’t even often ask my fiancée what she likes and dislikes, I’m really focused on myself. This is quite bad, I think. Is this me going Rambo). There have been sometimes when I come home and find no food at home, and this makes me very mad and I don’t talk to her, I behave like a child. Its stupid having the arguments sometimes because I know she works from home, and she sometimes work long hours standing. Growing up food was seen a love language, sitting as a family and have a nice meal together. Possible Solutions - I have tried meal preparing, but I find it hard to stick to. I have asked my fiancée to meal prep, but this does not happen often. Just like many aspects of my relationship my fiancée often follows through when I initiate things (including sex). What I am think of now is stating what meals we are having for the day. 3. I really don’t like being a woman that is messy. It’s really a massive turn off. Since moving in my fiancée has been keeping the bedroom messy. I have told her to tidy it up, but she doesn’t seem to be listening. So last night I came in I didn’t event kiss or hug and I slept downstairs this didn’t feel good it. But I remembered N.M.M.MN.G. rule of doing something different. This help me https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/346jvl/how_to_get_her_to_do_more_housework/ I did open my stupid mouth and expressed my annoyance of the messy room and the cooking. I did catch myself arguing. 20mins later I stopped. I wanted to express myself despite me not wanting to argue. I keep on saying I want to express and set my boundaries. I don’t want to encourage messiness. I don’t exactly know what to do from here. I’m thinking. But I do know I am not going to tolerate this.
Cocky_funny
2024-04-04 18:15:53 +0000 UTCI don’t really “love” anything these days, I’m kinda checked out.
ErikTheRed
2024-04-04 18:04:45 +0000 UTCTrue. Also had a question about how to navigate spinning a plate if she's friends with my work colleague. They're all Indians (conservative by Western standards)
Ban Mido
2024-04-04 17:52:48 +0000 UTCHope you're feeling better couch! FR: * On Friday evening went out with an Indian girl (30y/HB6) I met at a house party last year. Back then I approached her at the party and struck up a conversation. Found out she was leaving town next weekend so I didn't bother to escalate and get her number at the party. Last month she reached out through a mutual friend and got my number. We texted a bit and I told her to let me know when she's in town next time and we can get coffee. Didn't hear from her until last week when she was in town again and we went out for coffee. She's a mutual friend with a work colleague from my team at work and I decided to keep it slow; strong eye contact, some push-pull teasing but limited kino (just touching her on her back while guiding her through doors or footpath). Towards the end she invited me to go swimming with her and her friends on Friday night but I declined as I had plate1 scheduled to visit me after her * There was a point where I had a clearer idea of my Frame; she asked me what's my type in women, whether I'm open to long-distance, how often I like to text, etc. Younger me would've answered with a "I'm more flexible and open to anything" kind of attitude. But now I'm very specific about what I want, what I like, what I'm attracted to, etc. Don't know if it's just a part of growing older or if it's part of me developing my Frame * Sunday evening went out with the same girl from Friday (30y/HB6); went outside my usual logistics as I felt confident and also had outcome independence (as she works in my company and is mutual friends with a work teammate). Still brought her home to chill at my place with some Netflix. Escalated to kiss her but didn't push too hard when she wanted to stop. She told me she's only had 1 bf in her life, has not much experience and doesn't have high libido (she's this anime-otaku-nerd who loves cats and grew up in conservative India. I'm inclined to believe her). I told her I'm a sexual person and if I get turned down 3 times in a row I'll check out of the relationship; she said she likes me and will think about what I just said. We cuddled, watched Netflix until 12 and then I booked her an Uber * Maturity is realizing that this awkward-otaku girl is a mid and that's ok. If she gives me value, I'll spend more time with her, else I'll find another girl Questions: * What's the RP guidance on dating a work colleague's friend? I'm concerned if I rub her off the wrong way and she starts complaining to my work colleague's wife about me, that'll make things unnecessarily hostile for me in my team. I'm on friendly terms with my colleague and he's the one who asked if he could share my contact with that girl (his wife wants to set us up) * Additional context: They're all Indians (conservative by Western standards). That girl has said she doesn't know how to date multiple people at the same time
Ban Mido
2024-04-04 17:30:47 +0000 UTCFR #3 Had a good weekend, saw the new girl and spent a lot of it hanging out and having hours of sex. Workouts, meditation and journaling were all consistent, except on days spent with her. Weight climbed a bit, but I suspect it is water as I had a bit more carbs the last few days. Have a Dexa scan Friday to see what I need to do the next 2 - 3 months for diet and exercise to hit 7% bodyfat. Still at the early relationship stage where it's on easy mode, and haven’t really been given many shit tests. There was a moment where I said something that she called dumb. I burst out laughing at that, and she briefly talked about the reasons why it was dumb. Within maybe 5 seconds of that, she apologized without any prompting saying it was wrong of her to say that, and that it actually did make sense given some other factors. I told her that it was okay as I hadn't been offended, and she argued it wasn't okay for her talk like that. I really hadn't felt any offense, but am wondering if I shouldn't have said something in case it was a shit test. I smiled and changed the subject, asking her a question about plans for this weekend. Reading the subtext of that conversation, I am a bit confused, as calling what I said dumb would be both confrontational and placing me at lower status. Then the apology and from what I can tell, adopting a more submissive posture was the reverse. That it was followed up it her disagreeing about it being okay, yet in a conciliatory way, still gives me the impression it placed her at higher status. I never really knew about that stuff until a few months ago after reading Vol 1 Praxeology, so I have a ways to go in understanding it. Sex is plentiful, fairly wild and when we aren't doing it she wants to be touching me. All that said, she is a bit needy, texting to say she misses me less than a few hours after I see her, wanting to do video calls several times a day. Now that I reflect on it, she can be a bit time consuming on days we don't see each other in person, and I haven't been as productive as I would have liked. Still get my workouts and regular stuff done, but not extra work and writing that I wanted to do. Debating with myself whether this is just the new relationship that will fade in a bit or if it is something I need to enforce boundaries on.
Philanthpenist
2024-04-04 17:07:13 +0000 UTCPowerful work with the parents. She is just having issues accepting the captain. Buying into your frame. Stfu You are also giving her bread (dog story.). You are still deering. —-I told her it was not my responsibility to defend against what’s in her head—- That is a deer. Just Stfu. Let her think what she wants. Keep building a life outside her. She will embrace or not.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-04 17:06:41 +0000 UTCIt doesn’t matter because figuring a girl out is a failed mental model. You’ll always be wrong and nothing in your behavior changes. It’s the Swiss Watch mental model: you’re trying to figure out the watch works, when in reality what matters is that it tells the time, and you’ll never be able to tell how it works. Also, why is (generally speaking) a stupid question: it rarely has any effect on how you act.
Owning My Shit
2024-04-04 17:05:50 +0000 UTCFR 26 In the shadow of Steve McQueen, right or wrong, at least I didn’t repeat what I used to do. I come home one night last week with the kids, we have a ten minute turn around before we have to be out the door for hockey. The girlfriend is in my bedroom crying. I don’t ask, honestly I’m getting tired of this shit and it’s pushing me away. I simply state, we’re leaving in ten minutes if you want to come, she wasn’t in the car after ten so we went on our merry way. Later that night this was followed by a conversation regarding how unsupportive I am. I tell her, “I’m not your therapist and I already have two children to support, I’m not looking for another one.” She goes quiet for 20 minutes and then everything is back to normal. The next day she finds out my ex wife went to the hockey game and was drunk, so this conversation followed: Her - Is this why you didn’t want me to come? Me - Yup you know it. Her - and you probably drove her home too… Me - Yup she even gave me a blowjob on the drive. Her (visibly upset) - So last night was just sloppy seconds? Me - I thought you liked sloppy seconds babe? Again she was quiet for 20 minutes and then came back around. This was so difficult for me not to DEER! As a nice guy I would’ve denied it, months ago I would’ve questioned her logic, now I joke and really don’t care. I’m not sure I really want to be with her, so that helps. I miss being free. I want variety at this point in my life, I miss dating and I miss my long earned freedom. As I’m writing, this thought just crossed my mind, what if this relationship was just another covert contract to win my ex wife back? Will this long standing unspoken competition between us ever go away?
ErikTheRed
2024-04-04 16:41:08 +0000 UTCI’m not worried. I’m glad I realized this and now see how many things I was doing because some other person told me I should want them. In regards to age, you should know I’m the RP poster-child ;)
Owning My Shit
2024-04-04 16:34:33 +0000 UTCHope you're feeling better...settle in, I'm back after a long layoff. Last field report was on January 17th when I mentioned being in a prolonged 7 month job hunt. Pressure was really ratcheting at the previous employer, my days were limited. OODA loop = observed I had been downloading insecurities about the job hell onto my wife, recognized she can’t help and it’s all downside, decided to stop entirely and just talk to my best friends and father about the job stuff. She noticed the shift and was not happy about it. Snapped at me that she’s here to help, should be my confidant, and talking to everyone else and not her makes her feel unloved. I told her she’s my wife, not my friend, and assured her I’d handle it and we’d be fine. In the ensuing 3 months I’ve found a way out and landed a new position with a startup. More pay, more responsibility, and more work. I started in the middle of February and have been on an intense ramp period. 2 of my top performers resigned within days of each other during the first 3 weeks and it’s been one fire after the next. Lots of pressure and stress but tremendous present and future upside. One major negative result has been a complete end to my workout regimen. I’ve lost definition in my arms, but thankfully haven’t gained weight. I can feel my energy levels have dropped substantially. I have blocked off time on my weekly calendar each week to get back on track. On the home front - Sex has been 3 or 4 times a week, arguments with the wife have decreased, and I treated myself to a new car after taking this job. I had been wishy washy about what to get for a long time - ultimately I bought exactly what I have always wanted. It felt good and I have no regrets. In February, I stepped away from some of the purely red pill canon and dealt with the failed parenting strategy issues you mentioned in Volume 1 Frame. I took a personal approach and have felt a real positive change in how emotional I am to the world and how quickly I become angry. It started by meeting my mother in person for the first time in many years. I’d previously cut her entirely from my life. During the visit I apologized to her for resenting her my entire life and for her raising me to have the nature of a woman. I conceded that she was the product of her upbringing and had no other choice, it wasn’t her fault. I then met my dad for dinner and did the same - apologized to him for not being able to handle my mother and hating him for leaving us kids / breaking up our family. Again, I told him it was not his fault and I had no right to judge him for it. The goal of all this was to relieve residual anger, resentment, and baggage I’ve been carrying throughout my life about my upbringing. It’s difficult to explain, but since those actions, I do feel more grounded and less emotional about daily interactions and events. I’m less reactive and susceptible to the ups and downs of any given moment. I’m working on becoming present and just observing the world rather than participating in it. That brings me to the most recent blow up and how I handled it. We packed up the new car with the whole family to head off for Easter at my in-laws. I had an inclination that the wife was PMS’ing and shark week was right around the corner. She was predictably snippy, on edge, and cold during the 4 day trip. On the last night we got back to her sister's house and I was enjoying a rare moment to chit chat outside with her dad and my brother in law. The wife came out and huffed at me, then went inside to feed the kids dinner / bath time. 15 minutes later her mom comes outside and says “she needs you, the baby hit his head”. When I got inside I headed for the tub and he’s crying but fine. She snaps at me for not helping and ignores my questions of what was needed. I’m just standing there with nothing to do while she, her mom, and her sister all attend to or are available to help with the children. After dinner my brother in law tries to calm the tension and tells my wife to “just relax, go sit down, everything is okay”. She listens to him, but 30 minutes later the anxiety returns. I echo his comments to her: “just relax, it’s fine”...she looks over in front of everyone and tells me to shut the fuck up and don’t talk to her. I just let it go and continued to interact with everyone until going to bed. Is there any point in being frustrated as the husband who is treated with less respect than other men? The next day we drove back in silence. When we got home I took care of dinner for the kids and did some chores around the house. She slept upstairs and apparently went looking for trouble. She grabbed my iPad and reviewed my Facebook activity. What followed was an irrationally invented story of me wanting to fuck an old high school friend because I liked a picture she shared of her, her husband (also a high school friend), and their children during Easter. I once again ignored this blow up. As she was yelling, screaming, and demanding answers I helplessly laughed. The absurdity was too much to keep in. That set her off even more and she threatened to start throwing stuff around the house. I left the situation and went to lunch with a colleague. During those 2 hours I received 7 texts, leaving them all unread. We went to my daughter's dance practice in the evening and while she was cold, I kept it cordial. Got the kids to bed and once again she slept upstairs. The next morning she came into the bathroom and once again demanded answers. It was at this point I debated what to do. The hamster was racing to find an exit from this concocted story in her head,..but was it my responsibility to give that hamster an off ramp? I really struggle with the timing of this and what to do in these situations. When do I shut the fuck up and ignore these irrational outbursts and when do I communicate to help her out of the maze? I decided to ask her for a detailed reading of what she thought she knew and quietly listened to her story. I told her it was not my responsibility to defend against what’s in her head and pointed out how each detail of her created story has a more charitable answer. I then laid out the truth. When reality returned, she immediately moved the goal posts to “you clearly don’t love me, if you did, you would have just told me all of that when I was blowing up, you like me to be angry and upset, it makes you feel good.” I ignored all of that and reiterated it’s not my responsibility to indulge her stories. 15 minutes later it was as if a balloon had popped and all of that stored up anger, anxiety, coldness, and bitchiness had disappeared. She apologized to me and was normal. I felt like I navigated this using red pill strategies, but I’m really uncertain. Did I end up entering her frame by offering the off ramp? Was that off ramp smart? Did I somehow reward this bad behavior? Should I intervene more quickly or STFU like I did? Is this solipsism and her accusing me of wanting to fuck some high school chick is actually her dealing with the fact that she saw a former dude from high school back home she wanted to fuck? As you can tell, I’m uncertain if my approach was the way to go. This episode also raises other questions in my head. I’m working myself to the bone and wonder why? What am I doing all of this for? Is this just the cost of doing business in any relationship and I need to get to the point where it 100% doesn’t impact me? I'm 80% through the audiobook of Dread, 2 main questions have occurred throughout: 1) Am I in the "evolutionary selfishness" phase and this outburst is her way of looking to get out? Makes sense with the endless focus on a "mommy makeover". 2) You said that "in the end, it's all about what you want". That sentence landed like a bomb, and it's best to return to volume 1 because I really don't have a good answer. The best I can come up with is I want a family dynamic where I'm respected, appreciated, and get affection.
RUIN
2024-04-04 16:10:14 +0000 UTCWhat a change in your writing. It feels way more confident. 5 plates will do that. Lol
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-04 16:07:06 +0000 UTC——Dropping the act. And breaking character. ——. These stand out. I think you are an influencer… some public figure. Are you confusing your real identity with your stage role and then paying the price? Oms. Says it well. And I see the link between both your fn
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-04 16:00:01 +0000 UTCWhen I get angry it is a covert contract. When a woman gets angry it's because she's a woman(that time of month, hungry, needs sex, or no reason at all).
Op Sec
2024-04-04 15:58:06 +0000 UTC—-Wife, or oneself getting angry beung a sign of a covert contract. —- That is my canary in the Cole mine. I stop think, we’re is the contract? I had not thought to do this when she gets angry. But it is the same. Good point
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-04 15:52:16 +0000 UTCTy. Side note The house is prestine. You would never expect mold. But I still wanted a real mold test. Because of my health history and my knowledge of indoor mold. That is why they were all mad. The normal house inspector says no mold… it looks like a mint house…. You this… you that… Well, the real mold test showed it did have mold. (Like all houses). Not a deal breaker, but some issues that need to be addressed.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-04 15:47:48 +0000 UTCThank you for your thoughts Want to expand on „The point is it doesn’t matter“? Not sure I get it Any advice or resources on the „what are we speak“?
Am I red yet
2024-04-04 14:39:49 +0000 UTCWhenever your wife says "you're being a dick", it's womanese for "I love you". A good response is "I know", "Thank you" or "I love you too". Yeah, not much of a dream house if it has mold. Are you getting her a dreamhouse or are you getting yourself a dream house? > “I already tried to serve you food multiple times. I am eating now. this will have to wait till I am done.” First sentence wasn't needed. It's an explanation, the E in DEER. Generally solid.
Op Sec
2024-04-04 14:37:19 +0000 UTCAbout to eat dinner and watch some TV with wife. I purposefully snapped at her, about something inconsequential. She starts to DEER, I laugh at how funny it all is. I’ve finished the Gervais Principle, the ribbon farm book. Would highly recommend, this is his best work. One interesting tidbit, was how the sociopath humors himself by pushing other people’s buttons. There were lots of similarities to red pill stuff but the language was different. A sociopath sounded like a man with frame. Women laugh and giggle when I talk to them. Just from saying something. My deep narrative for lack of a better word has been adjusting to this reality. I also experiment. When sex isn’t doing for me and I zip up. I had been getting mad. Finding something else to do and leaving to go elsewhere all together. It has been effective. I wanted to try the recommended strategy of acting like nothing at all happened. I stopped and got ready to zip up. Are you angry? me: “No”. This was unusual, last time I had fun with it, “super mad”, “I can tell you are mad”. This time “no”, and that was that. Wife looked hurt, vulnerable, scared on her face. I probably stayed in the bed longer than necessary and gave too many snuggles (any amount is too many), but it wasn’t for her. It was for the practice letting it roll off you like it is nothing. Nevertheless an area of refinement. Pretty sure that most anger is just some covert contract surfacing anyway. Later she was in bed wanting to try again and although I didn’t get blown like other times there was much more enthusiasm and so I jackhammered away. This was more like marketing, whereas the other way was more like sales.
Op Sec
2024-04-04 14:31:47 +0000 UTCThe first girl might have kept her top off because she was on her period, didn't shave, wasn't into you enough, has sexual hang-ups..etc. The point is it doesn't matter. Girls just want not to be seen as sluts. You went there for a "yogurt", the rest "just happened". Nicely done. Text is for logistics and (personally) some banter. Keep it to a minimum otherwise it kills all the mystery and tension. Just set up the next date and say "we'll talk about that Friday". You don't have to fuck girls to know if you have options or not. Just knowing you could is enough. Herpes is chill. Make sure to wear condoms with all your plates man: be in control of the birth. "She was saying that her “hoeing days” are probably over now,": early frame announcement. Be prepared for a "what are we speak" soon.
Owning My Shit
2024-04-04 13:21:49 +0000 UTC"kind of dropping my act"/"break character" What do you mean by this? Are you wearing RP as a suit or is it more the John Draper stuff. " I waited until Monday night and gave her a call" Bad idea. She pulled away and you chased. You were needy but surely made the excuse of "wanting to make sure she had blocked me". Don't beat yourself over it. You got one model, you'll get another. What matters here is to fix those unnatractive behaviors so that the same does not happen again. "This ever happen to anybody else?" On that boat right now. I think it's a matter of phases. Currently I'm on a "bodybuilding arc" and love it. Not interested in much else. I'm sure in some time though I'll feel the itch to go out again. Read my FR above, you might get something out of it.
Owning My Shit
2024-04-04 10:55:39 +0000 UTCRound 8 So model girl straight up ghosted me..... Lol I kind of knew something like this was going to happen too. I started feeling myself getting a little bit over invested and kind of dropping my act a little bit when we were hanging out on Sunday. I didn't think she was going to ghost me completely, but I kind of suspected things were going to be over with pretty quickly and that she was going to be the one that was going to pull the trigger. Anyway, she left Sunday night, I did all my stuff to get ready for the week and went to bed. I woke up the next morning and realized that our message chain on Instagram wasn't there anymore. I looked for her on my follower list and she didn't come up. I was all of a sudden not following her anymore either and she wasn't coming up on search. I waited until Monday night and gave her a call. Straight to voicemail. Tried her again a couple hours later. Straight to voicemail again Blocked on fucking everything....haha While we were hanging out at my house and cooking dinner, I kept telling myself in my head not to say the shit that I was saying out loud and I kept saying it anyway. It was basically a lot of validation seeking garbage, qualifying and a lot of openly stating out loud that I liked her and I enjoyed hanging out with her. Fucking rookie shit on my part for sure. I should have known better than to break character, but it is what it is. I just gotta learn from it and better follow the road map next time. I'm not really all that worried about it. There will be more I'm sure On other fronts, I'm starting to notice that I'm becoming way less tolerant of bullshit and that I'm doing things to try and stand out less and less all the time. This has accelerated significantly since my 45th birthday. My general uniform for basically everything at this point is jeans, band t-shirt, flannel shirt, hat and I've been driving my old Jeep pretty much exclusively. I actually don't think I've driven my BMW or my other old car once since I turned 45 (I don't think I've driven my other old car in 6 months at least). I also stopped eating at restaurants almost entirely and I kind of totally don't care about going out at this point either. Still in the gym, still fucking jacked, still boxing a million rounds a week, so I don't think testosterone is an issue on this one, I think I'm just fucking tired and I don't care anymore. This ever happen to anybody else?
McChickenshit
2024-04-04 03:02:26 +0000 UTCIn addition to my two existing plates I had dates with 3 new girls in the last two weeks. The first girl (~30 years) did not seem too interested on the first date. I touched her some. Her leg with my leg and put my hand on her leg. But she seemed shy. But she texted me a few dates later and came over for beer, we made out, she got topless and jerked me off. But insisted on keeping her pants on. But she slept at my place and I will see her again on Saturday. She seems shy and timid but I wonder how much she will open up then. I was actually extremely surprised how far I got with her on the second date. She actually teased me via text for the first time last night which was also pretty surprising. I think she is opening up. The second girl (early twenties) texted a lot beforehand and seemed very interested on the date. Loads of banter. I touched her legs under the table with my legs and did the “Interesting rings, give me your hand” thing where I then look at her rings while holding her hand and playing a little with the rings. Appears to work quite well with girls wearing rings. After that she suggested we go for a walk. I told her “Let’s go to my place, I want to eat some yogurt.” Which is hilarious that it worked, I never thought such a lame phrase would get me laid. But she later told me that she was more than willing at this point so every line with some grain of plausible deniability would have been fine probably. She is texting me a lot now though, probably advisable to not respond to much right? To keep some tension? The third girl (late thirties) seemed interested. We went for a walk twice. The problem was it was not my typical logistics, that kinda messed it up. I did some physical escalation (the ring thing from above again) and some leg to leg touching when riding the subway, but logistics did not really work out. Was about to write that I will invite her over to my place. Then I thought why not text her to invite her, so I can use the past tense. But the match is gone in the app. So writing it down helped me to get my ass in motion, but well did not work out in this case. These three girls made me a lot less obsessed with the girl from the last field report even though they are not as hot as the girl. Even the girl that fell off was useful in that regard. Really start to see the value of options. But I will slow down sourcing a bit now and be more picky about the quality of women I go on dates with now. Now that I have a little bit of a bigger roster. Work my way “up” so to speak. There was some small issue with the girl from the last field report. The weekend two weeks ago, she came to my place Saturday and she stayed till Sunday evening. Was loads of fun. But I texted her a few days later, asking how she is doing and she told me she had herpes on her lower lip (face). I joked around a little that her lower lip was my favorite lip. She laughed but also told me she was freaking out. I told her that I needed to do some googling and thinking but that we should talk in a couple of days. I don't have any symptoms yet, as far as I can tell. As it is almost two weeks I think I should be fine. She said I am the only guy she is currently with, but I am unsure if that is actually true. But who cares. As long as she does not drag in another STD. I called her today and she was very receptive. I think I was able to calm her down a little, she thought that she would always be infectious, which is not true afaik. So I told her I don’t think that's true, and that it is just an annoying skin condition without any actual repercussions. Providing some comfort. And I also poked fun at her a little. I am thinking about whether that was a good choice to provide so much comfort. I mean, she did sleep with me 3 times, if I count the last weekend she was at my place as one time. And she is really enthusiastic. And I believe that is not a good thing for her to be anxious about. She was saying that her “hoeing days” are probably over now, which is not what I want her to think lol. But maybe that was just some kind of shit test… If I remember right, I told her to wait until it goes away completely and then she will be fine. Should have told her that she “can hoe on then” would have been more cocky-funny…
Am I red yet
2024-04-03 23:18:24 +0000 UTCLong Car rides grew into nasty events in my marriage. Trapped…. “Communication”= manipulation and fights. In the beginning When the hamster comes out Just say, “ i am good” Use the music and turn it up. As your frame matures you will take control and she will enter it. Potentially enjoying the ride. She will already know fights are not happening.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-03 22:10:05 +0000 UTCI like ops answer. Here is a slightly different take. Find a purpose in your life. Could be money or girls but open up to the idea of striving for something that is unique. Somthing not done by Everyman ever. That should balance out you need for validation or higher bank statements. What a snowflake he is! 😝
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-03 22:04:05 +0000 UTC52 How you spend $20 is how you spend 1 million. (Mapping) $20 dollar situation My kid, her friend, wife and myself were at an event. I got food for everyone. My kids friend refused to eat the sandwich and would only eat the chips and brownie. I said, “you have to eat or there is no slumber party.” She (they all) cried, got emotional and wanted to debate. I said, “I already tried to serve you food multiple times. I am eating now. this will have to wait till I am done.” Her emoting continued with me responding, “I am eating.” My wife stepped in and tried to accommodate, going against my position. People around us were watching our drama as I did nothing to placate. The friend was crying on my kids lap with my wife holding her hand. Me looking at this hilarious nativity scene. “Sorry, that routine is not going to work. Eat or no slumber party. Last warning.” Wife gave me the look and whispered “you are being a dick.” … I ignored. I dropped the kid off later. Tears, big emotions. I told the mom that her daughter was mad at me. A food disagreement. She responded “let me guess, she just wanted junk.” Me: “yes” The mother scolded the kid and said she is not allowed slumber parties until she learns to eat…”. And thanked me. My Wife apologized to me later. Rp point: I shattered covert contracts: not managing feelings, not keeping up appearances in public, not reacting to my wifes lack of parent unity. Not bending to bad behavior. I am my point of origin: On my schedule to my standards. Being called a dick is sure sign that you are prioritizing yourself before others. Mapped to $1 million dollar purchase Got accepted on a house. My only stipulation was a real mold test. I was upfront from the beginning. “ we will need to do an air test (gold standard of mold test) not just a guy with a flashlight.” Wife and realtor “of course…” We get into the inspection phase and of course it is a big deal because the sellers are living in the house. Proper test is easy but the house to be air tight -ish for 24 hrs. Them: “ but this , that , this…” Me: “tuff,I can schedule it on Monday. All days past that and we amend the contract.” (Lengthening escrow - blasphemy in a house sale.) Them: “ but they live there, what about the flashlight inspection, rain,Easter…Can they just…” Me: “the test will happen to the correct standards. No modification… or we extend the time… or it’s over” I update wife and she throws a tantrum. Her “you are going to throw away my dream home!!!…. “” your being a dick” Me: “no mold test, no home.” Her… Me: stfu Her… Me: “You can be on team Eddie or not. mold inspection will happen to my standards.” Anyone who has bought a house or handled a big contract knows where this goes. They don’t comply, delay, gas light (you want what? That’s not normal…). And then blame it on you. This ended up with me driving to the house on Easter to knock on the door and personally tell the sellers what I needed to get this test done while my wife cried and realtor got mad because it was Easter!. Finally they got on team Eddie and realized my simple requests were going to happen my way. Rp: getting the little stuff ($20) right sets up the the big stuff (1m$). note: I noticed how distinctly ‘married red pill’ these issues are and why if not handled correctly it results in death by a thousand cuts. These sales, mortgage women … kids, kids friends…and wife would absolutely throw me under the buss for their goals.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-03 21:49:38 +0000 UTC> I fixed it but shouldn’t say anything because this might be seen as validation and > Stipper gave a good perspective Do you understand why you are doing what you are doing and why? > I didn’t seek praise for planning it without her involvement and didn’t expect anything from her because of it. Why did you do anything at all? > I fogged by saying I can see you are frustrated, let’s start the trip out on a good note and hit reset. It's not your job to keep the peace. > These moments are difficult for me when I cannot withdraw my attention completely because we are stuck in the car 3 feet from each other. Why not? > is looking for a doctor to help. good, if they recognize an issue in themseleves and are taking steps to address it. > I have been resisting my instinct to jump in and schedule it for her and caretake. good yeah that covert contract you recognized is a big one.
Op Sec
2024-04-03 21:13:39 +0000 UTCField Report #10 Been at a plateau of my weight in the 198 range. I know the why, alcohol on the weekends (bourbon) and not tracking my food intake on the weekend. Decided to incorporate tracking into my weekends and tracked Saturday and Sunday. Saw how many empty calories I have been pulling in over the weekend and adjusted. Finished Frame. Stipper gave a good perspective last week by asking why I havn’t told her about stuff I have done around the house. I bounced from one extreme (look what I fixed, now give me an attaboy) to another (I fixed it but shouldn’t say anything because this might be seen as validation).This week I paused before starting a project or logistical item asking why am I tackling this? Is it truely for myself or is it to get recognition and validation for being a “good husband”. An example this week was planning for my wife’s birthday. I planned a drinks and theatre date. Secured the babysitter a few weeks ago, told her to block off the night. The night of, told her what type of outfit to wear and be ready to leave at 5:30. I didn’t seek praise for planning it without her involvement and didn’t expect anything from her because of it. Spring Break trip started with the wife getting a bitchy attitude when packing everything up into the car. Ignored it, packed up the kids their stuff but by the time we started the trip she announced to the whole car that it did not go smoothly and she was frustrated. I fogged by saying I can see you are frustrated, let’s start the trip out on a good note and hit reset. I wanted to be happy since we had a fun trip planned so that’s the attitude I had on the car ride over and if she wanted to be in a shitty mood that was up to her. I am not taking her moods seriously like I used to and not letting them affect what state I am in. These moments are difficult for me when I cannot withdraw my attention completely because we are stuck in the car 3 feet from each other. So I just listened to music and didn’t engage her in any conversation because I didn’t want to talk to her. I am aware that I may be building a giant covert contract of if I have positive attitude around the family then they will also be in a good mood and we won’t have any problems. Pausing for a beat and asking why is helping sort out whether it is genuine desire to be happy on my part or if I am trying to manipulate others mood. She has been depressed this week and said herself that she may have a hormone imbalance (a first for her to acknowledge this) and is looking for a doctor to help. I told her I think this is a good idea and I will support her by picking up the kids from school if she needs to drive a longer distance to see a doctor. I know if she really sees as an issue she will take the steps herself to find help but I have been resisting my instinct to jump in and schedule it for her and caretake.
Amos_Durden
2024-04-03 20:34:20 +0000 UTCWell said Op. Basically the frame I think about is: “Do I want it or did somebody tell me to want it? Am I willing to do the work to get it?” If the answer to the first question is that “somebody” (including the RP space) told me to want it and/or the answer to the second is “No”, then it’s not a goal of mine and, so, I don’t care about it nor the actions I’d have to take to get there.
Owning My Shit
2024-04-02 21:52:10 +0000 UTC15 years ago, I ran a marathon. I had gotten in shape, and then made it a goal to run a marathon. After I did I had an immense high a feeling of elation, I was dead tired, but for some reason I felt like running another one(at a later date of course). I stopped. I had achieved a lifetime goal, after that I kept in shape but focused on sports. So you know what it takes to get what you want from the opposite sex. Yeah, if you stop doing it, you get worse over time. Just like if I stopped playing basketball I'd get worse at it. This is the same trap people get into with money. They want more and more and more. How much is enough? When does it become a problem. The solution to this is lifestyle design. There's a difference between someone that says, I'm not going out I'd rather play video games, when they have success going out vs someone who is afraid to go out and coping. Do you need to be top 10 in the world at this? Do you know what that would take and are you willing to pay that price. How about top 1%, 10%. Different costs at different levels, for different people (Brad Pitt doesn't have as high of a cost). If you want to escape seeking validation from women. Stop taking the actions that seek it. Why are you approaching this woman? To fuck her, burn the set to the ground. To practice? What are you practicing, are you trying something new, what needs work, be deliberate in your practice. In the end as always it comes down to knowing where you are, and knowing what you want... i.e. frame. BTW: these are what you call quality problems. Problems that are good to have.
Op Sec
2024-04-02 21:47:39 +0000 UTCHope you’re feeling better, snowflake. Validation-Seeking is a bitch to kill. I know confidence comes from what I do, but I'm so dependent on girls' validation. I can have everything in my life on-lock, but if I haven't had that validation for a while, I'll feel like shit. Yeah, it's easy to feel confident when I have a bunch of girls showing interest and all. But what happens when I don't go out for a few days or for some reason don't get that validation? I start doubting myself. I need frequent validation that I'm attractive, so I need to prove it to myself constantly by approaching, escalating etc. That was good in the beginning, but at this point in my MAP it's neurotic almost. I escalate, I approach, girls show interest, make-out etc: "I'm the man". Haven't done it in a week? I think: "Am I still able to get girls?" Constantly vigilant if I lost my skills. I've worked so hard this last 3 years to become so attractive that I became obsessed with it. Maybe being 22 years old doesn't help either. It's like the "PUA syndrome". I'm addicted to the validation that comes from the confirmation of my attractiveness. Also, and you've mentioned this: I love the validation that comes from approaching, teasing and the other good parts of my game so much that I avoid working on the weaker ones, like sexual escalation. I get that validation from doing something I already know I'm good at and then I'm "fixed", and so don't actually work on what matters. And while it's good to check if you still got it from time to time, the extent to what I have this is not helpful and it’s tiresome. Is this another case of men raised as defective women: constantly wondering how the other gender judges me? Is it too much time in this shit-hole? Is it a feature and not a bug? Who cares. A little over than a year ago, out of nothing something clicked and I realized I was on the 2-year dancing routine. Today I realized something similar, not with my girl specifically, but with women in general: even when I do shit for myself, it's always thinking about the effect it will have on my ability to get new girls and to increase the attraction of the ones I already know. I also noticed that I’m always trying to “maximize” every area of my life, even though I might already be good enough for what I want. I can already start convos with random people? Now I have to become good at it in even harder situations. Doing it for the sake of “always being better” - what the fuck does that even mean - even though it would not be fun to do it nor really useful. I can be just good at game, I don’t have to be great at it. Right now my skills are good enough for my goals. If this goals ever change, then I know what to do. You know how some people are addicted to seeing the number on their bank account rise and work themselves to death? I’m like that with my options with girls. I already have enough, but I get consumed by wanting more and more. Just like with money I now know how much I want and the effort I have to put to get it is exactly how much I’m willing to put into it. Basically the frame I think about is: “Do I want it or did somebody tell me to want it? Am I willing to do the work to get it?” If the answer to the first question is that “somebody” (including the RP) told me to want it and/or the answer to the second is “No”, then it’s not a goal of mine and, so, I don’t care about it nor the actions I’d have to take to get there - it’s outside my Frame.
Owning My Shit
2024-04-02 19:06:21 +0000 UTCpro tip: chug an entire bottle of vodka. it will disinfect your body and you'll immediately feel better
McChickenshit
2024-03-28 18:15:19 +0000 UTCRest up, Rian.
Diego Verga
2024-03-28 17:29:31 +0000 UTCget well soon 👌👌
Aaron Sheffield
2024-03-27 12:50:36 +0000 UTC
