Patreon, R&P Q&A #250
Added 2023-12-13 22:24:04 +0000 UTC
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Night out with no call: nothing to sell she was fucking me. It came off like I was being an asshole for no reason. As far as the AA stuff. I used to coddle her when she was hungover. Instead I started making fun of her. "awww, did someone drink too much". So a funny thing happens when you drink. It releases a ton of Seratonin and Gaba, and when you stop drinking, your seratonin lowers and you become more neurotic. So you seek reassurance. Someone that is hung over is easily triggered. So with every interaction, I started thinking "what am I getting out of this?". You want yell at me while drunk and the next morning snuggle you because you feel bad. I wasn't just going to snuggle without making fun of her, then at least I'm getting something. her: "I don't need that right now", I leave. That's fine, I refused to engage, and had some reading to do. She started hounding me and I would not say anything. Disengage. her: "Oh so you're just not going to say anything because you don't like what you hear". me: "yeah". I got tested pretty good, and the morning when this all went down, it was like a massive shit test that lasted a few hours. Then it was "I'm going to AA". It came out of left field as far as I was concerned. I had boundaries for myself she could deal with them however she wanted to. I had just listened to a red morning where a guy asks if he should paint his girlfriends toe nails. Why would he what is he getting out of it? It helped get me in the mindset. So what is your wife like after she's been drinking? idk, what is your situation? Are you letting her sleep in and keeping the kids quiet? Are you comfortable when she is hung over? How much consequences is she facing from her drinking. Perhaps very little, and she can handle it, your job is merely to not enable it. Now that's all alcohol. Weed is much harder, it was a performance enhancing drug for me, I did better work on it. It took some deep introspection for me to quit, sometimes I question my decision, and she didn't quit until we moved to a state where it was illegal.
Op Sec
2023-12-14 23:38:09 +0000 UTCcatch and release is for married guys
Op Sec
2023-12-14 21:11:31 +0000 UTCI do Strong lifts 5x5. I have a social circle and meet new people in my board game group, but thats just dudes lol. Catch and release = Trying to get phone numbers?
Am I red yet
2023-12-14 19:29:41 +0000 UTCremember tools in WISNIFG, agree and amplify works too. be more aware of her cycle. don't let the "arguments" become real. Manufacture them! stop spouting the rules. don't teach her the mistakes she makes just capitalize off them.
will zill
2023-12-14 19:12:02 +0000 UTCDo you even lift’bro’. : meaning are you doing the work. Get in the gym asap. Continue to catch and release. Do you have local make friends you hang with? Get that going. Join a bowling league. Keep posting hear, read othered. Learn what ooda is. Yes when you talked about exclusivity you messed up. Big time.
Cousin Eddie
2023-12-14 19:10:31 +0000 UTCYou "know" too much and have experienced fuck all. Get out of your own way! go get experience.
will zill
2023-12-14 19:03:43 +0000 UTCField report 17 Hey Boys / Hey Couch, What I have done this week Gym – x3 times a week. MMA - on schedule Work – Is going well. LTR- 6 years (Age 30 both of us, no kids) ------------------------------ What I am doing Reading – Married life Sex Primer since I am now engaged. For the past 3 field reports my focus has been on having sex and changing the sexual dynamics between my fiancée and I. For the past two weeks we have not been having sex and for the first time ever within 6 years, I vocalised to my fiancée that she doesn’t initiate sex within our relationship often. Do I want her to initiate sex yes and I would like her to do so 2/10 times, because I want to be desired and feel wanted as well. The best and wildest sex I have ever had was/is with my fiancée. But since we have not had sex for a while now. I then started thinking about my previous LTR’s and I noticed that none of my ex’s ever turned me down and many of them would just randomly give me blow jobs without me asking and I fucking miss that. I don’t know why these thoughts are coming now and they never came up before. So last night my fiancée came to bed and just started making out with my like crazy, this really turned me on, I wanted to have sex straight away and she then said she is on her period. This is true, due to an implant her periods last for about 6-8 days. I want her to come off it next year. So I said I wanted a Me- “Suckie Suckie”(blow job), Her - “have you showered?”, Me - “yes”, her “I just brushed my tooth”, me - good” , Her - its bed time I just want to be intimate with you. Me - You just turned me on, and I expressed that I want a blowjob and you then turned me down. We then got into a big argument last night about this, I expressed that Me - “I have been in a relationship were I have been turned down for sex for 2 weeks in row when I initiated”, her “that’s why I initiated and wanted to be intermate with you, since you said I don’t initiate, intimacy does not always have to lead to sex. I need to be in the mood to have sex or give you a blowjob. What are you going to do when I’m not in mood and pregnant” You are scaring me and its strange for you to demand sex, or a blowjob and expect it to happen. Me- Yes its strange for someone to demand sex, both people have to be in the mood for me. This went back and forth for a while I ended up just “fogging”. Me – “Listen, you wanted to be intermate, you kissed and initiated, I got really turned on, you said you are still on your period, I wanted a blowjob, and I thought you were in the mood too, but I read it wrong. Goodnight.” My takeaway from this is, is that from last week’s field report. My LRT will always blame me for her rejecting me and she is not that “hot” for me compared to my other previous LTR’s. I always initiate and I don’t think that putting pressures on her to do so is a good idea. I don’t know what to make off this. I have not spoken to her all day. But I have been more expressive about my desires and sex than ever before. In the past I use to the let the rejections slide but now I am been honest.
Cocky_funny
2023-12-14 19:00:31 +0000 UTCNight out with no call. Note calibration. It could come off like door to door salesman. “Fuck me or fuck off”. But if you did it in a way: I was doing my thing. Good spirited. and it makes her jealous then you did it correct. Luxury hand bag. Door to door will cause resentment. Good insight on your progress. Ty. I am interested in the aa. I have totally stopped monitoring my wife’s drug and booze habit. I refuse to be a dad. She can sink or swim on her own. Who knows maybe I am wrong and she can handle her habits. Catch and release also has been impactful for me.
Cousin Eddie
2023-12-14 19:00:17 +0000 UTCTy. Good points. I was a bit upset and h pressed her for the answer. I will post the health bucket at some point. Htma (hair tissue mineral analysis). Dr Paul eck. Then dr l wilson took it on. Look up “energy” by dr eck for an overview written in 80s. It is free somewhere or on Amazon. It is the western version of eastern herbal medicine.
Cousin Eddie
2023-12-14 18:55:15 +0000 UTCFR: * [Realizing the importance of bouncing back quickly/immediately after a rejection] The 35y/HB5 girl from last week's report started flaking last Saturday and I stopped giving any attention and moved-on. Monday morning she asked if we could hang out on Tuesday evening as she driving by my city on her way back from some work. We scheduled the meetup near my apartment, got a drink near my place and brought her home. We made out, got her naked and even got her off first but when I was finally getting the condom she changed her mind and wanted to go home. I pulled back, asked if anything was wrong, she said no just tired and got dressed. Got annoyed and became cold towards her, walked her to her car and went home. I was really annoyed and ended up ruining chances with another girl I was texting. Woke up next morning and realized I shouldn't have let this rejection affect me Thoughts/Questions: * Is there some list of boyfriend/beta signals documented somewhere I can reference?
Ban Mido
2023-12-14 18:21:54 +0000 UTC> This fight ended the next day with her hitting on me. It was a textbook Number 2 captain situation. I do not need a drama/sex loop in my life. Reward good behavior. It could be that she hit on you because she shit tested you and you passed. You don't need drama, but she might. You don't actually have to have drama in your life to provide some for her. It can be performative. You don't need her to agree with you. Can be "It's going to be this protocol, I considered the Dr's protocol and I don't want the kids on Ritalin". Don't rob her of indignation by making her agree with you. You don't actually need that. Curious about what your protocols are like. Care to elaborate?
Op Sec
2023-12-14 18:17:41 +0000 UTCGame: an exercise: try being outcome independent. Just talk with everyone. Be social. Extend conversations (day game stuff) After a month start adding escalation techniques. Basically actively turn conversations from general to about you and me. Work on push pull. Todv dating on YouTube has good actionable videos. Be more confrontational: “we would never get along” …
Cousin Eddie
2023-12-14 18:03:00 +0000 UTCCalibration: Only you know what is asking to much of your time. At one extreme you get a guy that moves on (Gaguan: Tahiti). and never entertains any family function. At the other is the passive aggressive nice guy. You have the right to be your point of origin. “I don’t want to go.” Stfu. These gatherings and “parading” their man and keeping up appearances is how woman compete with each other. You don’t want to be apart of that. It is not important to you. How does switching churches… catholism vs other religion debate…. Play into this? You both don’t agree on god? Or you prefer the driving distance? The holidays are filled with these covert contracts. We all have to decide (not our wife) what we will do and if that is a healthy way to be in a relationship. Or go to Tahiti. 😂
Cousin Eddie
2023-12-14 17:51:35 +0000 UTCFirst field report: Oneitis and FOMO (Non-native, so pardon my english.) Single-ish, 29, 6'1'', 220lbs, Week 6 of StrongLifts I have no idea where to post field reports as a single guy, but I guess the Patreon of the guy I watch almost every week is a good place to start. But I need to start writing them, just getting some order in my thoughts. OODA and shit. I read NMMNG, WISNIFG, The Rational Male, Fuccfiles and Praxeology V1. I also saw a therapist for a while; worked well with NMMNG as a person to dump all my toxic shame on and reveal the badness. Over the last year I lost 100lbs and finally had my first success with a woman. More than a month ago, I matched with a girl on a dating app and on the third date we had sex. Or at least we tried. I couldn’t get it up. Embarrassing. So I just ate her out. Later that week, I hit up a buddy and got some viagra. The next time I saw her, using the viagra everything worked out and I had sex for the first time at age 29. (I already saw my GP and I saw an urologist today, but they told me it is probably psychological. We can do some tests, see more later.) We spent the next weekend at my place and we had a good time. A few days later I told her something like “Let’s not see other people”. She answered “I did not intend to.”, but she looked annoyed, I feel like she lost a little attraction for me there. Anyway, I guess I established exclusivity. I guess I got a bit of oneitis for this girl and would be jealous if she sleeps with other men. For the following weeks we had sex like 3 times a week. After one month, she left the country to visit her family for the whole month of december. Now I am sitting here with exclusivity I can not actually use. I like the girl, or at least that is what my brain tells me, but I am pretty annoyed about the situation. But I guess I went 29 years w/o sex, I can go a month w/o sex again. After she was gone I left the house again and also got some attention from other girls (mostly looks and a little small talk) and one even gave me her phone number after I played Cpt. Save A Hoe (Story at the end of the post, if you're interested.) This led to a decrease in my oneitis and an increase in FOMO. Shouldn’t I be spinning plates? What am I doing, trying to get into a LTR? But as long as the girl is pleasant and sleeps with me, why look for something else? I know it is important to have options, but I am unsure I have the mental bandwidth for multiple girls. And I don’t have the highest sex drive anyway. A few days ago we talked on the phone. I tried to talk sweet to her but she told me she needed to shower, but she will send me a picture. And holy cow, she did. Very spicy, so I guess at least she tries to take care of me while she is gone. So I guess I am trying to achieve: - Unfucking my psychological state to no longer have issues with erections. - Not fucking up the relationship with the girl while she is gone - Keep having sex at least three times a week on average when she's back Urologist: Talked to the Urologist today, he did some ultrasound on my dick and took blood to check testosterone levels. We could test circulation with additional ultrasound tests, but that would cost me a couple hundred bucks. I could afford it, but I don’t want to waste my time. The urologist suspects my issue is psychological. On the other hand, I could double down on the psychological if I made sure it is not physical. Cpt. Save A Hoe Story: I was taking the last subway home. After I got off at my station a girl stumbled into me, grabbed my arm and looked up to me. She speaks badly in my language and she appears very drunk. She tells me she just did a B1-level language test and tells me she doesn't know how to get home. Then we start walking towards my place. She tells me where she lives and how she got lost in public transport before stumbling into me. I feel sorry for her and drive her home (10 minute drive). We chat in the car, that she is a refugee from Ukraine and that she has two kids. She tells me that I am good looking and then she gives me her phone number. She asks me something about sleeping. Maybe if I want to sleep at her place, but she does not speak the language well enough and is too drunk for me to really understand it. Anyway I drove home and I now hope she doesn’t text me, as I would need to make a decision then to see her again or not.
Am I red yet
2023-12-14 17:49:21 +0000 UTCwhat are you trying to accomplish? Church once a year for daily dinner seems like a great trade. That passive aggressiveness you're acting like a chick.
Op Sec
2023-12-14 17:48:48 +0000 UTCCan Rian or any of the crew here recommend an atty who has manifested this mindset to consult with?
Volare Alto
2023-12-14 17:47:54 +0000 UTCwhat is the value of having a joint account? My wife doesn't work. It started when we moved, it was going to take her sometimes before she started working. I started giving her an allowance. Unfortunately she never really made any money and the temporary allowance turned permanent, however, our finances are separate. Separate finances work well because she just gets to spend her money on whatever she wants and I do the same. I would think seperate finances is a goal to work towards. Perhaps all raise money goes somewhere else, or start having a new account for shared bills.
Op Sec
2023-12-14 17:27:23 +0000 UTCWent to have sex, zipped up stopped and went back to work. An hour later I left to work at a coffee shop. Wife got emotional as I left. Later that day tried again, zipped up again, when the night came, I went out for a drink. She tried to wrestle me to get me to stop, which would have been a good time to rip her clothes off, but I was too focused on going out. I slept alone in the bed that night which was nice. I got blown with some enthusiasm the next day. I was going out of town for a few days the next day and she asked for a phone call in the evening when I was done for the night. BJ for a phone call, I’ll take that. First day out of town: Was out late drinking with co-workers. I got in very late, so I sent a text but didn't get a response and I fell asleep. The day after coming back, we had sex again. I talked to her afterwards and she was emotional, but was submissive and cooperative. So I heard her out. I think she was mostly just venting. I listened and nodded but didn’t say much. Not much stood out. She didn’t ask what happened that evening that I didn’t call, while insinuating that I probably cheated, but never asked about it like she didn’t want to know. She didn’t like that she had stayed up waiting for nothing, not even a text. She apologized for all the times she lost her shit recently. I thought it was interesting that I didn’t really care about that. I really have gotten to the point where, ehh, it’s just emotions. Later I took her with me to the grocery store. “you don’t mind being seen with me?”. This felt like skittles man energy here. Going to the grocery store with me was some sort of reward, besides I’m often much more charming when I’m out and about. What was funny was how mad she became next time I went to the grocery store by myself. We had just had some great sex before I went. She struggled to directly tell me what was up. It’s like chicks have some sort of allergic reaction to being direct. According to her she had asked for flowers next time I went. Total covert contract on her part. Great sex and she wants flowers in return, fair enough. Doesn’t seem like a bad trade. So next time I had to go to grocery store. I made out with her before I went, but didn’t feel much sex drive. I considered going for it anyway, but didn’t. Conflicted because I want to lead us, but I do want her to turn me on. At the store, I grabbed flowers anyway(I was conflicted, am I keeping the peace, did she earn them today, etc.). When I got home I left them in the car and started unpacking the groceries. We were about to start preparing dinner. When I could tell that she looked deflated, I grabbed the flowers. She became really sweet and it turned me on so I took her to the bedroom. I did feel like I wasn’t doing things quite right, but the outcome was good. Not because we had sex, we do that regularly. Something about how unscheduled this was. Praxeology Vol 2 was great. Loved the field reports, both the good and the bad. Shows how to do it right, and shows how to not do it. Real nuts and bolts instead of high level. I could see where people are complaining about the spelling, it’s only in the field reports though, basically wrong word spelled right. It’s been about a year since I started writing reports(under another username, doesn’t matter anymore), I’m in a much better place now here’s some highlights. 6 months before I wrote my first report, I would listen to Kevin Samuels shit on whamen. I figured I had the 666 stuff, why was I having a hard time. Pearl was briefly next and then Rollo and then Rian. I got in great shape and improved my dress, started going to the office. I picked up some hobbies away from the home. I quit smoking weed, and started initiating much more. I was grumpy. I wasn’t following some plan, this first part I sort of bumbled through on my own. One time we didn’t have sex in more than a week and I lost my shit. her in a sarcastic tone: “I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment”. I said “Well at least you fucking realize it”, and that was a big moment for me, as for years, I would have said something like “no honey, you’re wonderful”. Had sex 14 days straight after that. Strangely, she wouldn’t talk to me during that time. Instead of divorcing, I thought I’d give this a try. Writing that first report and sharing it was nerve wracking. Immediately as soon as I wrote it, I could see problems. I had covert contracts and would constantly DEER. It’s easy to read NMMNG and wave things away, harder when you write them down, and nearly impossible when others point them out. Those early stages were great. “It would really mean alot to me if you ”, me: “No”, and then hot sex that evening. I went on a solo vacation, getting away allowed me to be in my own frame for once. I started doing catch and release. This made a huge difference for me. Probably the most effective thing I did. I stopped being a codependent in my wife’s drinking problem and as soon as I stopped she started going to AA. In general a much more peaceful life, but sex was hotter when she was drunk(sometimes).
Op Sec
2023-12-14 17:24:33 +0000 UTC12/14/23 I changed my username but I'm the dude from last week who had the thing with a coworker. I'm about half way through day bang from Roosh and it has been pretty helpful.I noticed is my conversation skills were lacking so I've made it a point to talk to a couple of strangers everyday. Last Saturday I actually went skiing solo over the weekend and I made it a point to talk to every person who sat next to me in the lift. I've had 2 failed attempts at getting a number but I'll eventually get one. So far it's I've pretended like nothing ever happened with that coworker and it really hasn't been too bad. If she does re-initiate I'll just have her as a pivot like you mentioned. Reading back at last week's field report, holy oneitis cope. Thanks for the insight, it was very helpful in breaking me out of that loop.
jtayag17
2023-12-14 16:10:14 +0000 UTC12-12-2023 Wife- asked me to go to her Catholic church for Christmas Eve Me- no I don't want to Wife- "WHAT " I'm not going to make your plates for dinner anymore. Me- fine if you're going to be petty and stop doing stuff for me to get your way FINE. We talked more about her anxiety about holidays and she brought up how she was about to get her period might be part of it. And she calmed down more about other logistics stressing her out. I went out to get us snacks at gas station, and thought about what just happen. And started practicing what I was going to say to reverse my backing down. Got back and said now that things are more settled down we can revisit the church thing there is a closer church that neither of us have been to that's NOT Catholic. I pointed out her not making a dinner plate was being manipulative and she played it off as that was because another logistical not because I wouldn't go to church with her. I said if you really want to go to church with me and not just parade me at your Catholic church then I'll go with you to this other closer church. She tried to say something along the lines of "I see other families there (at her church) and people that never come to church except for Easter and Christmas for their mothers and think "it must be nice". I broken recorded with if it's really the experience that you want than the closer church should be fine. Then she fired back with "Fine I'll never ask again and never bring it up again!" I felt the feelings she wanted me to but realized what she said was exactly what I wanted so I just said "okay". She was done talking and so was I, went and got my dinner My review of myself: So a bad start by caving like classic Mr. Nice Guy but didn't let the night close on it. Used broken record and ended with STFU and avoided DEERing at the end. I called her on her manipulation. Not sure if that was needed, but I think drawing attention to it might point out what she's doing if she realizes it or not but way more important that I'm looking out for it so it would hopefully discourage further attempts.
Eric Blair
2023-12-14 13:43:38 +0000 UTCWhat does redirecting funds mean? Don’t answer. I would be upfront. Putting new money into rolling t bills at Schwab. Or…. I inventory our assets and liabilities every year and show it to my wife(1 time a year). Unless she asks to see it. Which she has never done. Basically, if I die she should know where things are. If I felt the need to hide money, big money. (beyond barriers for her to spend it such as in investments, ira…) that is a big relationship red flag.
Cousin Eddie
2023-12-14 11:42:18 +0000 UTCQnA 250 So, I received a modest pay bump (around 2-3%, nothing groundbreaking) and I’m contemplating the best strategy to divert some funds toward my personal savings or investments. Currently, I’m the sole earner, and all income flows into a joint account. We have multiple savings accounts, with my wife earning interest from savings in her name for tax reasons. With a slight increase in pay and a monthly bonus, I’m considering redirecting some funds. Should I keep things as they are and move money afterward, potentially raising questions, or be upfront about it? Yesterday, feeling frustrated with the kids and the wife, I took a step back, walked into the bathroom, and slammed the door. Shortly after, my wife started yelling at the kids, blaming me for starting it. I accepted it without much reaction and owned it. (Yep i fuked up but didnt let it out any further) Later in the evening, I mentioned something to my wife, she asked some stupid question about me looking after the kids and said “yep with a smile on my face and a spring in my step” and holy shit… her reaction turned it into a manufactured outrage event. It was comical. I remained unfazed, acting as if nothing happened. I went to bed early that night, been up since 2AM due to a work incident (so that contributed to my poor performance earlier). The next morning, I woke up with morning wood, she grabbed my cock, and then sucked it, oh shit the door was open, so wife closed the door and we goto pound town. Thank fuk for door locks as the kids attempted to open the door just after i finish. Decided to go for a surf during the day (to make up for the extra work from day prior), and I randomly met another dad at the beach. We exchanged numbers, discussed kids and surfing, and planned to meet up for a surf or a kids’ beach playdate.
Fez
2023-12-14 07:07:42 +0000 UTCHow old is the son? Is this really about safety? ——“this is the guy ex had an affair with and is now playing step-dad to my kids during her parenting time.” —— Frame : jealousy, anger, you are a function of others actions, You need to get to: : I will throw in half a house, a car and part time childcare duties. If you get can get her. Don’t focus on her time with the kids. Or Trojan horse revenge fantasies. Focus on your free time. 99.99% your kids are fine. If you have evidence to the contrary then go to your divorce lawyer with that.
Cousin Eddie
2023-12-14 06:12:57 +0000 UTCZeroed out. A topic not talked about enough here. It is a mandatory prerequisite to change. There are different types: divorce, financial ruin… Death has to be the most powerful one. I have to remind myself of this from time to time. I flew very close to the sun. I intimately know that you die alone and nobody gives a shit. Even then I still find myself sucked into the vortex of others.
Cousin Eddie
2023-12-14 06:01:46 +0000 UTC39. I say no field note. Making a big health decision for kid with wife. I say no. My time was scheduled out by my wife without my knowledge. I said no. This was responded to by manipulation. MM: a child throwing a tantrum to get what they want. I said no. It turned into big emotions from wife. In the middle of her tantrum I stopped her and told her I did not want to hear it and walked away. Big emotions ensued. I ignored it. Round 1 of this fight was over a phone. Which I hung up. Later, in round 2 she said “the manager and my mom heard you on the phone. they said…” I cut her off and told her “I don’t give a shit who heard me or what they think. Completely irrelevant.” She dropped that shaming manipulation tact. This fight ended the next day with her hitting on me. It was a textbook Number 2 captain situation. I do not need a drama/sex loop in my life. RP points: WIsnifg, and ooda manipulative communication, type 2 captain situation, I am my point of origin (I make my own schedule.) Rubber meets the road: Child's health. Our child is displaying some OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) mannerisms. Think repetitive touching, body glitching, repetitive mannerisms. This occurs more when she is tired, stressed, or excited. She has done this since she was a child, but it is getting worse. Batman: We had my child tested 1.5 years ago with my health practitioner. Her body was also burnt out and detoxing massive amounts of metal. The Health practitioner said when she gets near puberty she will have some issues: adhd, ocd, anxiety. We started her on my protocol (not pharmaceutical) but I had to stop because my wife and I got into huge fights over my daughter not wanting to take the supplements (because of taste.) I did not have the energy to fight back then as I was struggling. Last week I was told that I need to take our daughter to a slew of dr’s. We got into a fight. I told her where this leads: Ritalin, and other psych meds. Dr’s are complete retards with chronic health. I told her I am starting her back on the health program we tried 1.5 years ago (my program.) As this issue is very common and it is standard treatment. Wife got upset when I started the kids program. I said:”It is this protocol or she goes on Ritalin and anxiety meds. (At 9 years old.) What do you want to do!?” She tried to shirk the question and got emotional. I stopped her and said, “cut the shit. The most important person in your life: dr’s and drugs or my protocol?” She wanted me to start my protocol. When the rubber meets the road the truth comes out. All the shit my wife has given me for doing my protocol… “it is a cult, it does not work, you are hurting yourself…” all bullshit. When things get real, she chose to put our child on my protocol. The ocd symptoms have reduced by half. It is normal for the body to respond fast. For example, my 6 month migraine broke after about a week of treatment. Sharing Notes for other parents: Children are toxic, and their bodies are burnt out. The practitioners I use have seen tests that go back 60 years. Every decade they see worse tests from young kids. Allergies, adhd, ocd, (possibly spectrum and autism.) all get better when you heal the body and unload the metal, chemicals… kids heal very fast with little pain. Much harder for 45 year olds like myself. Also note, exceptions to this trend are almost nonexistent according to their testing history. Think: Lead… multi-generational accumulates from mother to baby. Rp points: captain (me) making a decision with an emotional and irrational 1st mate, negative inquiry to show how retarded the dr option is. In both field notes: I had to display power for them to work. Meaning my speech had the subtext: " I am my point of origin and if you don’t want to be apart of that you can so kindly see yourself to the door.” Both situations were charged, highly dramatic (for her.) And then they were nothing. It was all emotion.
Cousin Eddie
2023-12-14 05:36:08 +0000 UTCNo logistical reason why he couldn't come here. I did also point her in the direction of right of first refusal I had written into our unsigned draft separation agreement.
4thMostImportant
2023-12-14 03:55:23 +0000 UTCWith the son, was there a logistical reason why he couldn’t go to your place? If it was important, broken record and negative inquiry might have been tools to consider.
CovertContractAttorney
2023-12-14 02:42:35 +0000 UTCI learned late last week that my mid 50s aunt died. (Please don’t offer sympathy it’s not needed and I’m tired of being gracious to people and just accepting the thanks.) I wasn’t close to her. My mother was and she’s been heart broken. I’ve been dealing with that as one will: Listening and fogging as warranted to avoid tail spins. For me, I’ve been staring into that existential abyss. She was 10 years older than me and her death was sudden. I ruminate on the question of whether I would be satisfied with only 10 more years. I’m not. I don’t find myself to this space if I was. The question has been posed about how can a man truly red pill until they’ve been zeroed out. I don’t think I ever was truly zeroed out before. I came close but it wasn’t the full Monty. Hence, I oscillated and used this space as a purple pill. I know the words and mental models but held back on applying with discipline. I’ve become angry again. A cold anger. Not the red hot anger at my wife and grievances. Or even myself. Or maybe it’s just determination/resolve to be done. Honestly it’s all feelings and I should feel bad for having them instead of discipline. Rollo had a video from the other week the algo about why guys go through a “mid life crisis.” All the points hit them in the head for me. It’s the tiredness of being the good boy. The actual facing of the end of my life and regretting my decisions and failure to meet my promise. The what have beens as it were. Check, check, check. Worked out everyday no matter what. Handled work and didn’t have time nor energy to care. Unrelated, A few weeks ago, I started the semiglutide medication to speed up weight loss. A slight help in the first month (5 lbs) but it’s mostly placebo at the introductory dosage phase. I’ll provide periodic updates along with notes on what happens after I go off. Funnily enough, I got shit from My wife about starting it and not telling her. I fogged since it was none of her business. I later I got questions and gave simple answers that allayed her. Did she deserve the comfort? No. My needs aren’t getting met so comfort isn’t warranted. Still, I gave the answers to avoid rocking the boat to set up for the divorce. The laws changed in my jurisdiction regarding alimony. Not that it matters since I can make more, but I have 6 months to divorce otherwise years of alimony almost doubles. Im likewise already planning to delay asking to be made partner next year because of this. I’ll avoid significant pay increase at the same time I’m strongly supporting my wife in a potential move from public sector to private sector—albeit that switch would likely happen after the divorce papers get filed. (Although I might be able to delay service of papers for a bit to allow that to play out. Something for me to investigate if that ever develops.) Anyways. Won some more cases. Looking at a good bonus. That’ll be socketed away towards debt so as to fund war chest.
CovertContractAttorney
2023-12-14 02:20:32 +0000 UTCMid 30s Lifts - 5x5's - I've been working on proper form Squat 205 - down from 225 due to pain in knee Bench 225 with spot, 155 no spot Overhead Press 105 Game / Social Attended my buddy's work xmas party as his +1. Suit and tie event. His wife didnt want to go. I played up the role of being his date and had fun with it. At the party, I cold approached an 8/10, about 10 yrs younger than me. Chatted for a couple mins and I used false time constraint "I've gotta get back to my friends" then asked for her number. She responded "I'll give you my Instagram and I told her I dont have IG, then she grabbed my phone and put her number in and sent herself a text. Asked her out that next day for a drink on a Monday by text. She responded "I don't drink, also Monday night omg haha". I responded "you're cute, I bet you've got a few Monday night dates lined up" to which she said "I do (winking emoji)". Left it at that for now, I plan to reach out again next week when I'm not busy. This girl is hotter and younger than my other dates. Parenting Son asked my ex if he could go to her bf's house while she is out with our daughter during her parenting time. I used a mental model of "going to the balcony" on this one since my initial feeling was rage - this is the guy ex had an affair with and is now playing step-dad to my kids during her parenting time. GOING TO THE BALCONY = Imagine you’re negotiating on a stage and part of your mind zooms out to a mental and emotional balcony, a place of calm, perspective, and self-control where you can stay focused on your interests. “When angry, you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” My ego is telling me to say fuck him he should never spend any time with my kids, although my interests in this case are keeping my kids safe and happy. I asked my ex if there are any safety concerns I should know about. Dealing with one-itis for my kids also applies here. I told my ex, if that's what my son wants to do, I am fine with it. I realize I don't have much control over who she's introducing into the kid's lives. I saw a meme I thought was funny of a trojan horse with a label SINGLE MOMS. The outside of the trojan horse was labelled "sex and fun", and inside the trojan horse "babysitting and helping with finances" with the dude letting the trojan horse into his castle..... good luck Divorce Recap - served my ex divorce papers, she didn't actually respond or serve me back within the required timeframe. I've now filed the remaining docs. My goal is to pay 0 spousal support which I am not currently paying and pay mid-child support which I've been doing already.
4thMostImportant
2023-12-14 02:04:17 +0000 UTC
