Reflections on HTBAW 5 years later

I probably should have written this closer to my actual comic birthday (Feb 3rd), but dog obligations sort of pushed my whole life back. Regardless, I'm just pulling this out of my brain in real time, so we'll see what happens.

When I started How to be a Werewolf, I wanted desperately for years to make a comic. I wanted to prove to myself that I could, and that I could actually focus and build a narrative and characters and bring the whole thing to completion. I knew I had a project like this hiding in my psyche somewhere, just taunting me, but I couldn't figure out how to get it out. I kept making false starts. I had multiple story ideas before HTBAW that never turned into anything, either because they lacked substance or a real plot drive or structure or I wasn't at the right place in my life to tell a story that I really wanted to read. Nevertheless, I knew in the back of my mind that this would be something I was good at...if I could find a way to make myself take that leap, I knew I'd do well. 

The building blocks of HTBAW came to me while walking my dog. I was working my way through making short comics based on a challenge my friend gave me: twenty comics in twenty weeks, at least one page each. It wasn't intimidating, and for that reason, I knew I had to try. You can't fail a project that slow, that low effort, with stakes so low. I don't know where I came up with the idea of werewolves, other than that I love deconstructing things people don't tend to think deeply about. Why are the lyrics to this song so creepy? What about reality TV makes people so fascinated? What motivates my neighbor to leave dead cars in the driveway? I hadn't found a lot of narratives that challenged what people already accepted about werewolves. Not every werewolf would feel the same about being a giant beast occasionally. It'd be really inconvenient!

Somewhere in there, I realized that I changed a lot in my late 20s. I freed myself from a few bad friendships, I quit a job I hated, I had conquered a lot of my house projects...and I wanted to write a story about how scary it is to be faced with so many responsibilities and having to buck the fuck up to deal with the situation. Malaya starts the story in a place where she's stagnate but somewhat content. Her life isn't hell, but she's also not much of an individual. When Elias comes to town, she has an opportunity to open her world up or stay hidden away forever. It's a scary proposition! I wanted to write a story that showed how Malaya grows and steps up and becomes someone who isn't afraid anymore, because that was who I had become at 29. I wanted to offer that message to everyone. 

Five years later, I'm still so damn proud of this comic. I don't know what I'll do when it's over in a few years, probably something completely different tbh, but I gave myself the gift of taking a chance and seeing what would happen. As much as I thought I was exactly who I wanted to be at 29, I'm even happier with myself at 34. You never know what you're capable of until you throw yourself to the fire and burn off all the excuses. It hasn't been easy, and I've put more work into this comic than probably anything else I've ever done, but I did exactly what I always wanted to do and I have no regrets.