Booty Claus - TG Caption

Santa, please come in. Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice. We know this is a busy time of year for everyone.

What is the meaning of this? Why aren’t you elves making toys?

Oh, we’re still hard at work. Don’t you worry about that. But Santa, we need to take a moment to talk about the future. You have an image problem.

A what?

An image problem. you’ve gotten a little too invested in your ‘jolly old fat man’ shtick. Don’t get us wrong, it was a good scam in the beginning. What says saintly generosity better than a big, red-suited fat guy when most of the world is starving and can’t afford socks, am I right? But times change. The world has changed, and, to stay relevant, we have to change with it. Which brings me to our latest toy.

What’s that? Some kind of squirt gun?

No, no, no, definitely not. We’re staying far away from the whole ‘gun’ thing for a while. No, this is a Happy Funtime TGRay.

A ray gun?

NO! Not. A. Gun. (Sigh) Santa, have you been paying any attention to the requests board? Do you even know what people are asking for anymore?

I don’t need that silly thing. The classics never change. What could be better than a nice toy train or a pair of smart-looking trousers, hmm?

Trains? Trousers? Yeah, I’ve heard enough.

(ZAP!)

My goodness, that tickles. You elves… You're being quite naughty. Santa is very disappointed in you. It seems there will be many coal-filled stockings this year.

(ZAP!)

Oh my! Ohhh… Santa feels funny. Everything is all floaty and my Santa suit’s getting tight.

(ZAP!)

Mmm…Hehehe...Oh my gosh!…I have boobies! Ahh...they’re so squishy! You’re right, Mr. Elf. Your gun-ray thingy is a great new toy!

Not. (ZAP!) A.(ZAP!) GUN! (ZAP!) (ZAP!)

MmmAAHHHH YES please! Zap me again. Zap me MORE! I've been so naughty…

Err...Might have overdone it a bit. 

Ohhh wow! I’m different down here too! Where did you go, Santa's little helper?

So, do you still want to give out pants for Christmas this year?

Eww no that's so boring! How about a bunch of pretty panties instead!?

Much better, panties are way up on the board this year, especially for the boys…

And do we have more of those Not-A-Gun Ray guns?

F***ing F***!…(ZAP!) (ZAP!) (ZAP!)

OMG look at me!!! Biggy bouncy booty! Thank you Elfie! This is gonna be the best Christmas, EVER! BootyBooby-ray guns for everyone!

(ZAP!) (ZAP!) (ZAP!)

YAYYYY!!!