Blondes Have More - TG Caption

Well, if it isn’t little Carl showing up solo yet again. What’s wrong, couldn’t get a date?

Hey, Noah. What can I say? I’m just too picky.

Picky is a word for it. You know, if the campus is running out of blondes, you could always branch out. Maybe try a redhead, or heaven forbid, you actually date a brunette. They’re all equally fuckable, my man. 

No way. There's nothing better in this world than a blonde with big tits. No other woman is worth the effort. They're all pale imitations. 

Oh my God. What are you, a 12-year-old?

Ahh hell... Who invited the creepy goth chick?

Uh, hey Carl. Maybe you shouldn't…

No, no, it’s fine. It sounds like Carl here was just getting started. Tell me, Carl. How did you come to this amazing conclusion? Why do you think blondes are better than all other women?

Why? Because blondes have more... everything, that’s why! They're what all men want and what all women want to be, and the fact that you can’t admit it is just sad. And really, it’s too bad. With a dye job and a little sun, and maybe some bigger tits, you wouldn’t look half bad. Not great, but I wouldn’t kick you out of bed. Not ‘till the next morning anyway.

You… ASSHOLE! You want blondes with big tits, huh? Fine! That’s exactly what you’ll get! From this point on, that’s all your life will be filled with, until the sight of even one more makes you want to gag!

Whatever, crazy lady. I think all that pale make-up has soaked into your brain. But hey, if you wash that crap off and promise not to talk so damn much, I’ll at least throw you a quick pity fuck.

...

Hey, look at that! She finally shut up and already looks better!

You are truly disgusting, Carl. No woman should have to suffer your presence, and if big boob blondes are all you want, no woman will. Starting now, you will only see those shallow qualities you desire most in other men, and women will appear uninteresting and bland to you.

Huh? Crazy lady, you’re acting even nuttier than before. That doesn’t make sense. I’m not going to start wanting dudes because you waved your hands around and said some words, and you already appear "uninteresting and bland." 

I don’t care if it makes sense. You will no longer be a bother to other women, and that’s good enough for me. But just to be sure, let’s tweak it just a bit more. And… there. Now your own stupid desires will be reflected back on you too. If you meet anyone as horrible to women as yourself, they will see the same thing in you that you see in them, nothing but a big-boobed blonde! Good luck, Carl! POOF

Whoa! What? Where did she go? Hey Noah, did you see where that bitchy goth girl went?

Huh? What are you talking about? And since when do you talk to goth chicks? I thought they didn’t meet your “high standards."

They don’t, but she was just… right…ughh my head. Hey Noah, are you sure you didn’t see... Holy Shi-! Hey there sexy! I don’t know where my buddy went but you're a definite improvement! Blonde hair on a black chick is so hot!

Carl, what’s wrong with you, man?

Oh, so you already know my name? Were you looking for me, baby? That makes sense. I do have a certain reputation around here with the ladies, and you look like you're out for a good time.

Now you know I’m always out for a good time Carl, but not with you. Maybe that mystery goth chick spiked your drink or something, 'cause you should know I’m all about the pussy. I’m not some picky bitch like you, one's as good as the other an- ahHH shit. My fuckin head…

Hey girl, you okay? If you need something for your head, I got a great big shot of vitamin D for ya right here.

…What? Vitamin D? More like vitamin P. Damn baby, you’re looking fine. I gotta admit, I don’t usually go for Carl’s whole big boobed blonde thing, but you got it goin on! How about you and I head back to my place, and I’ll show you what it means to be with a black man.

Black Man? Damn, are all the women I meet today gonna be crazy? Look, you want to call yourself a man, that’s fine with me. With your tits you could call yourself a Ficus and I’d still fuck you. Sure sexy, let’s go back to your place.

My tits? Right, there’s definitely a crazy chick here but like I said, I’m not the picky one. That’s my buddy who… took off… somewhere. Forget him, let’s head out. I’m gonna show you the most amazing night of your life!

***

Hey Chloe, who's that guy you were talking to?

Hmm? Just some idiot talking shit about women.

Really, because I think he might be gay or at least bi-curious. He just walked around the corner with some built black guy and now they’re making out like teenagers. It’s kind of hot.

OMG, that was fast! I should have known his buddy was just as bad. Oh well, good for them, I guess. With as much magic as I just wasted on that illusion, I’m sure they’ll be very happy, very confused couple for quite a while. Giggle

You’re such a romantic bitch.

I know. It’s a burden to be me, but what can you do?

Want to go find some other guys to mess with?

You know it…