AO 6 Ch 37

"Well, yesterday was a day, wasn't it?" I said, chuckling amid the silence of my anchors as we flew along on the bluesteel plate.

My mother had tried to give us more supplies, only for me to open up the shadow bag and stuff more inside of it in front of her. After that, she told no one to give me any more supplies, insisting that we already had plenty even as people looked on at our meager belongings when we left.

Many looked to my mother with confusion as to why she was punishing me, but she wouldn’t give in.

Since we had left camp, my women had been incredibly quiet, and I had failed to break the mood.

"Are we far enough away yet?" Emlyn asked, the others glancing over their shoulder. 

"I think so," Zuri said. 

I eyed the five ladies on the platform with me. "You're all making me a little nervous. Is this the part where you shank me? Maribelle told me yesterday that some of you talk about, you know..." I swiped a finger across my throat. 

"Never seriously," Emlyn said. 

I narrowed my eyes. "Even jokingly, that's a little harsh, don't you think?" 

"Not me," Emlyn hurried to absolve herself.

“Mhmm.” I said squinting at her. “You jumped to the defense pretty quickly.”

"That's not the point, Ard. And no, we are not shanking you. For one thing, if we did that, we would all fall out of the sky. It would be more like assisted suicide." Emlyn countered.

I shrugged. "Sometimes you can be crazy. Wouldn’t put it past you." That earned me a very firm glare. 

"It's about last night," Zuri said in a hurry to stop the banter before it started. 

"Well, speaking of last night, I actually have a few things to talk about with you all myself." I puffed up.

All of my anchors and Eva glanced amongst their group. 

"Actually, why don't you go first, Ard?" Eva apparently became the spokeswoman after a moment. 

"Well, a lot of things happened last night. Um, where to start?" I stalled for time. Something wasn't right. If I misjudged the direction this conversation was going, well, then I was certainly going to put my foot in my mouth. 

"So, apparently my mother promised the Strathmores that I would give them a kid." I smiled as delicately as I could at the rest of the group. 

"Maribelle told us," Emlyn said and sounded unconcerned. That wasn’t what they wanted to talk about apparently. Yet it was a safe topic, I could use that.

I shot Maribelle a look. "And while I am very happy that Maribelle broke that news to you, there is more that I would add. My mother did this without telling me a thing. Apparently that's a big reason why Strathmore agreed to bring armies and potentially go against the king." 

I started to ramble and Emlyn held a hand up to get me to stop. "That's not what we have to talk about." She paused. "Well, it is," she frowned and glanced at the other anchors.

"But it also isn't." Eva clarified oh so helpfully.

"Gee, is it or is it not? Those are two distinctly different things. And very unhelpful for it to be both of them because that means it could quite literally be anything." 

"Maribelle also told us about the goddesses." Eva told me.

"Yeah, what about them? Has she told you about Bad Kitty?"

Emlyn coughed, choking on the name for Bastet. 

"Please tell me you're not actually calling her Bad Kitty," Zuri looked like she was staring at a dead man. 

"Well, it didn't go over as badly as you guys think. And she's like a cat. She has cat ears." I put fingers behind my head and wiggled them. "And she has this disappearing tail. I cannot figure out where that tail goes! Since she’s going to tease me with it, she’s a Bad Kitty." 

Maribelle was eyeing me skeptically. "You were really looking for the tail, weren't you?" 

"Duh," I grinned at her. "And don't worry, later I understood why Missy was maybe a little upset.”

“Because Missy has the hots for you." Aurelia dropped that bomb right into the conversation.

"Yes, and Missy and I had a conversation about that last night too." I offered.

That statement got the attention of my anchors.

Maribelle squinted her eyes. "But you were completely oblivious," she gasped. "That was an act?"

I kept quiet with a smile hanging on my lips.

When she said those words, Emlyn smacked her face against her palm. "Alright, everyone, I hate being right, but you all owe me in the bet."

There was some slight grumbling amongst the platform as money quickly changed hands, mostly flowing towards Emlyn. 

Then Zuri made a few balanced trades.

I frowned before deciding to play it up. "You couldn't believe I was that oblivious.”

“So were you really looking for Bastet’s tail?" Emlyn asked, her eyebrow cocked full of judgement. I had no idea how her eyebrows could be so expressive, but they were. 

"I was legitimately looking for the tail. It wasn't until she bent over that I actually paid attention to her ass at all." I answered.

"So eventually," Emlyn started, only for me to hold a hand up.

"When you meet Bad Kitty, ask her to bend over and tell me if you could turn away from that." I clicked my tongue at her. 

"We will meet her?" Emlyn pressed.

"Yeah, of course. I mean, look, I get the Missy thing. And then it's clear whatever they're planning, all three goddesses are going to form a group of some sort. I might be taking some part in the group; it's not entirely clear how. But I think some of Ditzy's flirting is genuine. And once Bastet learned some of the finer points, I think some of her interest was genuine as well. Though I can't read her very well. She's kind of hiding herself the way she’s pretending to be an actual ditz. So of course, if they're going to join anything with me, you guys have to meet them. Obviously everyone needs to get the Emlyn seal of approval. And though I hate to put Emlyn in charge of anything, I think Emlyn's seal of approval should probably come as some sort of joint consensus amongst you all." I answered.

"Oh," Emlyn said, taken aback. "So you knew, and you're not planning to do anything until we all sign off?" 

"Well, to be fair, Missy kissed me last night." I shrugged helplessly. "Didn't realize it was coming until it was there.” I paused, waiting for their reactions.

My anchors looked amongst each other, shrugging. Apparently they had expected far worse. 

When nobody said anything, I continued rambling. “Just a kiss. It wasn't a big deal."

Emlyn sighed. "Fine, if it wasn't a big deal, then it wasn't a big deal, right? And if it wasn't a big deal, you could just tell us all the details," Emlyn continued. 

"Right. We were in Soulgard. We were talking about my new magic, Ardenium. Oh, also, I figured out what light magic does. It lets me see the future, but I also might go mad if I look too much." I flashed them all a smile, only for Emlyn to turn back to the rest. 

"He's already crazy, so there's really no downside." She told them. Meanwhile, the others all shrugged and waffled their heads in agreement. 

"Really?” I rolled my eyes.

Emlyn turned back with a cocked eyebrow that meant she was ready to go to war. “Oh? Yes. I needed to take at least a couple more shots at you after I learned that you went and made out with Missy." 

"It was just a kiss." I held my hands up.

Emlyn gave me a flat smile. "Judging by how you're taking this, it was not just a kiss. Was there a confession too?" 

I squinted at her. "Were you peeking?" 

"No, I was not peeking, Ard. I just know you well enough." She pressed.

Eva cleared her throat before we got started. Sometimes we could bicker for hours. "Apparently, Ard isn't completely oblivious, so we don't have to warn him." She mimed checking off an invisible list. "He's taking our thoughts into consideration before moving forward too fast." She added the last after a brief moment. "And he understands that his change in magic is interesting to the goddesses in some way that we don't understand." 

"Oh no, that I understand," I said quickly. "The existing gods are bound by rules through the pantheons they had formed. And without a pantheon, a god was too unprotected. And sort of like that, it spread like an illness. Except," I hooked two thumbs at myself, "me. If I become a new god in this sealed world they're all trapped in, then I am not bound by the rules and can make a pantheon, which is then also not bound by the rules. Ergo," I pointed at myself, "rule breaker."

My words caused a long pause amongst my ladies. "For that to make sense, you would need to make a pantheon, so you would have to become a god," Emlyn said, hesitating more with each word. 

"Yep. Isn't that great? Ooh, what should I be the god of?" I asked excitedly. 

Emlyn scowled and murmured to herself. "How will we ever keep his ego in check if he becomes a god?" 

Aurelia shrugged. "Do you have to keep it in check?" 

"Yeah, because if you don't, then he'll Ard things at a godly scale. The world isn’t prepared for that," Emlyn looked around in shock that not everyone was panicking. 

"I can hear you, Emlyn. And there's no worry. I don't even know how it works. So, it might not happen now. It might not happen in ten years. That’s the best part, no one knows!" I grinned.

"Well, at least Missy can..." Emlyn was cut off as I held up a finger.

"Nope. That's the tricky part. No one can help me on this journey. I am supposed to figure it out as I go." I answered. Even though Missy was once a mortal who became a god as well. If anything, I should trust her advice most.

Emlyn shook her head and looked to the others for help.

"So they have a plan that requires you to become a god, but they can't help you become a god. Instead, you have to figure it out yourself, and you have no clue what you are doing." Zuri simplified.

"Exactly," I said, snapping my fingers and pointing at Zuri. "See, isn't this great?" 

"I wouldn't usually describe this situation as great.” Zuri frowned.

“Okay, it's not as bad as you think." I patted the air to get them to calm down. I could feel they were starting to rile up, and that should be saved when we find the chancellors that we were going to kill. "So, just hear me out for a minute. I'm supposed to have some sort of magical self-aggrandisement epiphanies, where I realize that in my genius I have transcended humanity and become a god." Kind of like when I first became a mage, but godlier. 

I frowned as I twirled around, my hands out wide. "Holy shit, I sound like King Martin." The smile fell off my face, and I felt icky before I started to rub at my arms to get it off. 

"In fairness, you're not slaughtering your own people and sucking their souls out to get as powerful as a god." Emlyn answered, her voice softening as she watched me struggle.

"Good point, Em. I knew we kept you around for a reason. Ooh, maybe you could become a god with me, or like a godling, because you're attached to my soul. I don't know how it works, but maybe you could be the god of mudpies. Goddess Mudpie, it’s a promotion." I laughed.

The softness in Emlyn’s face disappeared as she looked around for something to throw.

I was becoming an even bigger fan of the shadow bag because she had nothing.

“Anyway,” I moved on. "We have a lot to talk about. Want to talk about the fact that I can see the future with my new light magic, what I have found out about Ardenium and becoming a god, our plan to defeat the Chancellors? Any preferences?" 

"I'm kind of curious about the story behind Princess Mudpie," Aurelia said, and the rest of the group nodded. 

"Oh, story time?" I smiled at everyone. "Emlyn, do you want me to tell it or do you want to?" 

My anchor was scowling. "It's not a happy story," she told the rest of the anchors. "That's why I don't like the name." 

"Yeah, but it's a part of our lives, Em." I told her my tone softening.

Eva seemed to pick up on the tension and turned to the rest of my anchors. "Ard cracks jokes to get over difficult times or when he's nervous. And that means Princess Mudpie was for some difficulty," She reasoned with the rest of the ladies.

"So putting it together, there’s only one sad reason children would be eating mudpies..." She hesitated and looked to me and Emlyn for confirmation. 

"Yeah. The village flooded every few years, one was really bad. Ruined all of the crops. It was a rough period and why there's not so many kids from our village." I answered.

"Well, don't talk about it in half-truths. Yeah, the crops got washed out. Those who could, left," Emlyn said quickly. "We didn't have a lot of food. Our bellies were hungry and so yes, I made mudpies baked in the sun. I put little kernels of grain in them along with tree bark and whatever else I could find. I found a hot stone in the middle of a clearing and I baked the mudpies." Emlyn turned to me. "And this guy won't ever let me forget it because I used his fistful of grain in the mudpies."

"You had a fistful of grain," Aurelia said, trying to make it better.

"Oh, that was supposed to last those four days," I clarified. "So Emlyn here took that and baked it into the mudpies. You're sure as shit that I wasn't wasting any of it." I turned back to the group. “And thus, the legend of Princess Mudpie, who could turn a fistful of grain into an oven full of delicious pies, was born.” I gestured grandly at Em, who wasn't smiling.

Instead, her eyes were distant in the memory. The rest of the anchors were unsurprisingly quiet.

"You're allowed to laugh," I said. "That happened. It's over. We survived. And if we can't laugh about it, then that's just silly." I said, sticking firmly to my belief.

"Can't believe that you ate those," Emlyn broke the silence. "I mean, it tasted like shit." She chuckled and shook her head.

"They were pretty bad," I agreed. "But in good news, Emlyn's cooking has gotten much better."

"Asshole." Emlyn took a playful swing at me, but there was no force behind it.

"See? We can laugh about it, Em." I then gestured for the others to join us.

Eva rolled her eyes. "I have no idea how you survived growing up with Ard. He should have been thankful for your mudpies. That he wasn't bowing and sweeping his head against the floor to welcome in Princess Mudpie every time she walked through the door is an utter travesty. You’re royalty, and royalty should be respected by a peasant like Ard."

Emlyn chuckled, and I smiled at the group for helping her laugh.

"Oh, but it gets better," I said with a giant grin. "Of course, after I told her how delicious they were, lying out of my teeth, Princess Mudpie got a little overconfident and made enough for the whole village." I grinned at Emlyn as she shook her head but still had a smile on her face.

"I don't think I made that many." She argued.

"You made a ton of them. You spent at least three days doing nothing but making mudpies and delivering them to everyone in the village. I remember old Tom with those wooden dentures even taking a couple bites to please you. Of course, everyone doted on little Emlyn because she was the only little girl left in the village." I smiled.

"Stop. You're embarrassing me." Emlyn frowned.

"Oh, no. Trust me. You did that plenty on your own. Princess Mudpie was a renowned figure that season, all across the countryside," I swiped my hand in front of them all as if to paint a picture.

"I mean, it sounds like she saved you from starvation, Ard." Zuri added.

"That she did," I readily agreed, smiling at Em. "If nothing else. She added a little light in a dark time, which goes a long way. And during that time, we all needed food to go further than it could. And so to this day, every now and then, I like to pay a little homage to Princess Mudpie." I curtsied to Emlyn.

"Okay, storytime over." Emlyn chuckled. "Now all of you know the story of Princess Mudpie and why I get to throw something that's not too dangerous at Ard every time he makes me relive that memory."

I hummed in agreement and nodded along. "Now you all know why I talk about Princess Mudpie and try to put a smile on Emlyn's face while I do it. To this day, some of those memories still haunt her. It's my job as her ever-faithful servant to try and help her get over the hard times."

Maribelle, who had not spoken yet at all, took one of the ribbons out of her hair, wadded it up, and handed it to Emlyn. It was a show of solidarity that I never expected from the maid.

Emlyn grinned and threw the wad at my face and caught it before it blew away. "Justice has been served," she said proudly. "Now, if we can all shut up with the sappy things and get back to grilling Ard about the goddesses and their plan." Emlyn tried to refocus the group away from her. 

"Whatever you wish, Princess Mudpie," I curtsied. "But before we talk too much about them, you should know that they could be listening." I hesitated, glancing around to see if one of them was going to pop up to prove me right.

When none of the goddesses showed, I shrugged. "Or not. That's probably for the best anyway. We should focus on the Chancellors because there was another interesting fact shared last night. Apparently, what we're doing to weaken King Martin might affect the goddess Freya behind him. If she severs her connection to him to protect herself, he could become even more stark raving mad than he is today.”

“That would have been nice to know before we started all of this.” Zuri scowled, no doubt some of her strategies now ruined.

"Still good to know now! Which is why there's a change in plan. The next time we attack Freya, we want as many fragments as we can gather. To aid us in that…” I held up the compass. "They gave me a magic Chancellor finding tool. So, bad news, good news," I shrugged. "At the end of the day, our mission doesn't change. We're going after the Chancellors." I confirmed for them.

"I want to go back to the part where Ard is supposed to become a god." Aurelia held her hand up. 

Eva held her hand up in response. "What would Ard even be the god of?"

"Jesters," Emlyn answered without an ounce of hesitation. 

"Revelry?" Eva offered. 

"Sex," Maribelle nodded, and I pointed over to her, nodding that she was on the right track.

"Magic?” I offered. “Though it seems you get to have a few things.”

“How does that work? Doesn't Missy have magic?" Zuri asked. 

"Once again, the best part. I have no clue how any of this works, and apparently I'm not supposed to understand. All Missy said was that there's a very thin, dangerous path from mortal to god. And only I can find it. Anyone else's advice is like taking advice from a blind man. So, while you're all hilarious, apparently it's up to me to shape the type of god I become. And sorry to let you down, Princess Mudpie, but it won’t be jesters." 

Emlyn held her hand out, and Maribelle gave her another piece of cloth that swiftly smacked me in the face.

I paused for a moment before unfurling the cloth into a pair of Maribelle's panties. "Really?" I asked as the other women started laughing.

I handed the panties back to Maribelle, even though I knew I was likely loading the same cannon that had just fired at me. But as long as everyone was laughing, and most importantly, Emlyn was over her own Princess Mudpie hang-up, then I certainly had no problem aiding the enemy.