Cat Core, Chapter 24.

Chapter 24.

“Knock, Knock, Bartleby Bingman and his bag of bountiful baubles has arrived on your doorstep looking to trade. May I have safe passage to present my wares?” a strangely dressed human said as he knocked on the entrance to her home.

“What gives with this guy?” Florence asked.

“I’m not sure, he’s claiming to want to trade, do we take a chance on letting him in with our home set to neutral?” Doug said.

“I don’t know, can you detect anything, I don’t want him to turn into another licking skeleton or something,” Florence said.

“For the last time it was lich, not lick. As far as this character is concerned, we may as well see what he is offering,” Doug replied.

“So, how do I invite him in? Our dungeon is kind of always open,” Florence said.

“I’m not sure, but go ahead and set us to neutral, we’ll see if he gathers up enough courage to walk inside,” Doug said. The man stood there for a bit, knocking and going through his whole schtick again before pulling something that looked like a pocket watch out of his vest pocket. He held the device up to her entrance and Florence could feel a slight wisp of something brush past her door. Looking at the device one last time, the man tipped his hat and walked into her dungeon and onto the front lawn.

“Now, there’s a pair of good kitties, I tip my hat to you as well brave defenders. So, I hear you are quite the unique dungeon. Old Bartleby here knows things,” the man said, twirling his moustache and tapping his temple. “I’ve been in dungeons far and wide, my name is known to beggars and lords. Whether high level or low, Bartleby is sure to have something you need, and many things that you want. So, my good dungeon, feel free to speak up, I know you can speak. All the dungeons can speak you know, and all talk to me, well, excepting the core in charge of the Pits of Endless Despair, he likes to keep in character, always silent and brooding to set the mood of his home,” Bartleby said as he strolled up to the front door.

“Now you, on the other hand, look to offer quite a different experience than most of the other’s I’ve seen. Congratulations on becoming unique and not a cookie cutter dungeon full of slimes, fairy’s, and the like. A bold move going with named creatures, not to mention such a narrow choice of creatures. I have introduced myself good dungeon, will you have the courtesy of giving me a reply?” The man asked.

“Wow he sure likes to talk, but I suppose we should invite him in,” Florence said, Doug nodding his agreement. She opened the front door, allowing Bartleby inside. He looked around for some time, intrigued by her impeccable design decisions and the noble bearing of her defenders, obviously.

“Welcome, Mr. Bingman, would you like some tea or other refreshments?” She asked through Tater, wanting to be a good host.

“Why yes, that would be lovely, may I inquire as to your name or the moniker you wish to be addressed by?” Bartleby asked.

“Sure, I’m Florence Valentine and I’d appreciate it if you refer to this as my home, not a dungeon,” she replied.

“My apologies, I should have realized based on,” he gestured toward the décor. “Oh, and please call me Bartleby, my friends all do, and I hope you will become a friend as well, Florence Valentine,” Bartleby said.

“Thank you, Bartleby, I don’t socialize much, but I’m not one to put on airs, so call me Florence if you’d like. As far as friends, we’ll just have to see about that,” She said, creating a tea service on the coffee table in front of the couch. There was coffee, tea, and various treats. She always enjoyed putting out a good spread if she were able to.

“This is lovely, thank you for the refreshments, it hits the spot after some time on the road, just like home this place is,” Bartleby said, making himself comfortable on the sofa after looking at bit confused over the stylish and protective plastic slip covers.

“Make yourself at home, you mentioned something about a trade?” Florence asked.

“Yes, my dear, I didn’t want to jump right into business, but I also don’t want to impose on your hospitality. As far as a trade goes, perhaps I should explain. You see, I’m not like normal merchants, I’ve got a very specialized niche in dungeon business. I’d be glad to explain if you wouldn’t mind,” Bartleby said.

“He seems an interesting fellow, Florence, let him have his say,” Doug told her.

“Thank you, Doug, I appreciate the complement sir, I shall endeavor to be entertaining as I always say, there is nothing wrong with having a bit of dramatic flair while conducting your business,” Bartleby replied.

“Wait? You can hear me? I’m not even in the room,” Doug said, both him and Florence shocked at this visitor’s ability.

“Yes, I apologize to you and your assistant for assuming you knew what this was,” Bartleby said, pointing to the one earring he wore. Doug scrutinized it for a moment.

“Why that is unusual, it appears that Bartleby has acquired an artifact that allows him to hear a dungeon and its assistant. Such things are possible, and its even more unusual to see them pick up my thoughts inside our home,” Doug said.

“Any other surprises we should know, it is kind of rude to listen into a private conversation, you know. Get on with your story,” Florence said, a bit angry at his actions, but too curious to shoo him out just yet.

“My apologies, I shall give you abridged version. This little trinket was found during a delve into a high threat dungeon. The rest of the party didn’t have any use for it, but coming from a mercantile background, I had an epiphany. There I was, standing inside a place that had no access to outside markets, a customer who had almost limitless resources at its disposal that wasn’t being served by any supplier. So, I took what wealth I had acquired at that time, a not insignificant amount as my party was a well-respected adventuring crew. So, I took that wealth and headed to the largest markets, scouring for magic items that fit my needs and even commissioning various works from some mages, alchemists, and witch doctors I had a good relationship with.

“The things I was looking for weren’t your usual fare, no, I sought items that were more useful to a dungeon than an adventurer. My search took quite a while, but eventually, I had assembled quite an inventory, an inventory of things that nearly every dungeon would desire. That led me to a new problem, how to complete a transaction? What I wanted, and what I believed the market needed, was a product that let them experience the rewards of an adventure while avoiding any chance of bodily injury or death. The product I needed, and that I now exclusively deal in, are the reward chests you can create,” Bartleby said.

“Hey, I’m not buying that for one minute, them there reward crates would open the moment you touched them, they can’t be brough outside any dungeon or home,” Florence said.

“Exactly, that was my conundrum, and one I overcame with a special item I had commissioned. Let me show you,” Bartleby said, digging into the bag at his side, pulling out a pair of leather gauntlets with strange runes etched into them. Florence could feel the magic in the object, it were something right powerful if’n she were any judge.

“Do you mind holding those up for a moment?” Doug asked. Bartleby complied, holding up the enchanted gauntlets.

“Ingenious, how did you acquire these?” Doug asked, curious.

“That, my friend Doug, is a trade secret,” Bartleby said.

“Fair enough, I take it those gauntlets allow you to somehow touch a reward chest without activating it,” Doug said.

“Exactly, it keeps them sealed until I allow a paying customer to open them,” Bartleby said.

“So, what exactly are you offering and what do you want fer it?” Florence asked.

“Right to the point, I must say I find that very refreshing, Florence. Let me show you a few of my wares,” Bartleby said, starting to dig inside his bag.

“Hey Doug, can we just create reward chests willy-nilly to pay for stuff?” Florence asked.

“Yes, to a certain extent. Remember that reward chests are the only thing you can create while someone is inside our home. Our only limitation will be the cost involved and our available funds,” Doug said. Florence did a quick check, she had made a few more kitties and traps but still had a sizeable amount of cash on hand with exactly $203.25.

Bartleby started laying things out on the coffee table and a couple of larger objects on the floor next to it. The table held a glass jar of a glowing liquid, three fist-sized crystals, and a pair of rolled up scrolls. On the floor to one side of the coffee table was a huge barrel, how that thing fit inside the little bag, she had no idea. On the other side of the coffee table was what looked like an animal cage, it was covered by a tarp, keeping her from seeing what she heard shuffling around inside of it.

“So, what is all this stuff?” Florence asked.

“I’ve unlocked the descriptor on all my inventory, so feel free to peruse at your leisure. The system should give you an accurate approximation of each item,” Bartleby said. Florence got right to it, looking first at the large barrel, as the merchant had claimed, the system informed her of the item.

Barrel of Rabid Gnomes. This barrel can be used as a powerful trap or a last resort measure to defend a dungeon. Suspended inside are several rabid gnomes who will attack anything they see whether it be part of your dungeon or an intruder. Actual count of gnomes varies per barrel, but at least twelve are guaranteed to be inside each one. Cost $100.

“Who’d want a barrel of crazy gnomes in their home, especially one that costs a hundred dollars,” Florence said, not impressed with the first item, but happy that system translated the cost into the funds she was used to.

“I can sense your reluctance, but keep in mind that when your back is against the wall and adventurers are seeking to destroy your gem, they can gnaw a party to death in no time. Gnomes of all types are very popular and as people like to say, Gnome’s Rule’,” Bartleby offered.

“What kind of moron says that gnome’s rule?” Florence replied.

“I don’t disagree with your assessment, but this barrel of insanity can come in handy. Moving on, I think the next item will be more to your liking,” Bartleby said, indicating the jar of glowing liquid.

Soul Bond, New and Improved Formula. Soul Bond is a magical elixir that will seep into you gem, granting you the ability to rebuild your gem should it be destroyed by invaders. The bond will slowly draw any surviving pieces together over several days, restoring your gem. It should be noted that a significant loss of funds and experience will occur during this process. Bonus upgrade! This new and improved formula reduces experience loss by 20% all at no extra cost! Buy yours today for only $150.

Now this was something she could use, a chance to survive if some of them bad folks won a fight. She wouldn’t be too happy with losing experience, levels, and whatnot, but it sure beat being dead…again. She was tempted to buy it right away, but held off, wanting to do the prudent thing and examine all her options first.

“These scrolls contain schematics for some uncommon second and third level traps. You may already have the designs, but they can help fill in any gaps you might have in your defenses. They’re in high demand and relatively inexpensive so I would be willing to trade them for three minor reward chests each. These gems are a bit more interesting. Sadly, they are the remnants of other dungeons that met unfortunate ends and didn’t have the foresight to purchase a soul bond elixir. By consuming them, you can relive some of their experience, learning from the failure of others and granting you a large boost in experience. I would need seven minor reward crates for each. In fact, I should mention that I’m really only interested in the minor reward crates, not any of the higher-level ones,” Bartleby said.

“Why only the minor chests? I would have though you would want the more lucrative ones?” Doug asked suspiciously, it was a good question as far as Florence was concerned.

“It’s all about the cat doilies. I’m gambling that they’ll be a big hit back in the capital, people go crazy over collectable magic item sets,” Bartleby said.

“Magic? They’re just doilies,” Florence said.

“Not at all, they have a minor magic enchantment that requires a complete set to activate. Once collected, a magic item will be created. The item it will create is still a mystery as nobody appears to have collected the full set yet. A doily featuring Tater here seems to be the rare collectable,” Bartleby said.

“Florence, it must be due to our restrictive dungeon specifications; the limited defender variety is being used by the system to create a unique reward. That’s good news for us, once word of this spreads, we’ll become even more popular,” Doug said.

“That’s fine, I can create minor reward chests as easy as I can make the bigger ones. Of course, since that’s all you want, I’m sure you’ll be willing to lower your prices a bit,” Florence said.

“I can tell you’re going to drive a hard bargain, Florence, but let’s save any further negotiations until I reveal the last item in my inventory. I’ve had this for a while and I think your home is the perfect place for this amazing creation,” Bartleby said as he pulled the covering off the cage. Florence was shocked to see what looked like a mechanical kitty inside of it, all moving around on its own like it was remote controlled or something. The kitty was painted orange and even its eyes had an orange magical light in them. The system gave a description to her as she examined it.

War Cat Mech, Level 5. Gnomish inventors combine technology and magic to create various incredible automatons to defend their homes. The war beast line of gnomish defenders is highly regarded for its engineering and combat prowess. These mechanical beasts are the perfect way to bolster your dungeon defenses without taking up any of your precious defender expense. Purchase one today and your war cat will be upgraded for free with the single use, piercing roar upgrade, a $29.99 value. Buy now for the bargain price of $100.

“Quite the assortment, isn’t it, a collection of goods that is the perfect complement for your dungeon, shall I assume you wish to purchase the entire lot?” Bartleby asked.

“I was born during the day, but it wasn’t yesterday, buster. You’ve got these things marked up worse than a used car dealer. How about you cut to the chase and give me your best, rock bottom price,” Florence demanded. She was used to dealing with pushy salespeople, they always wanted to take advantage of old folks and she weren’t going to fall for any flim-flam artist.

“I’m not sure what a used car is, but I can assure you I’m only here to strike a fair bargain between us. How about this, I’ll cut you a deal on the whole lot for say…seventy minor reward chests, that’s a substantial discount over the retail price if purchased individually,” Bartleby offered. She didn’t have nowhere near the funds to create that many crates. The most she could make was forty.

“I’m not interested in everything, especially that barrel of weirdo’s you’re trying to pawn off on me. The robot cat is kind of neat, but it’s not part of my dungeon and once it breaks down its useless. I’ll take the whole lot off your hands for twenty-five minor reward chests and not one chest more,” Florence offered.

“I couldn’t do that, you’d beggar me. I’ve spent more to acquire these treasures than I expect to recoup from your reward chests. I could, say, cut the price of the entire collection by five chests, but even that pains me,” Bartleby countered.

“Well, it’s not my fault you paid too much for crazy junk like barrels full of gnomes and robot cats that nobody else wants. Just how long have those things even been in your inventory?” Florence asked.

“They’ve been there long enough for me to offer you one final discount. I’ll give you the lot for the low, low price of only sixty chests,” Bartleby replied. Florence could tell he was having almost as much fun as she was with the whole haggling thing.

“Nope, let’s cut the junk out, I’m flexible and could go up to thirty chests for the stuff I want,” Florence countered.

“I can’t do that, but since my time in here is limited, I’ll give you the whole collection for fifty-five chests, a once in a lifetime opportunity. Florence could sense that the negotiations were reaching the endgame, and Bartleby didn’t want to leave empty handed. She needed to strike a deal with the next offer, it was time to put all her cards on the table.

“Fine, you’ve been a nice guest and entertaining for both me and Doug. The most I can pay is forty chests, that is using up all my reserves. What would you like to do?” She asked. Bartleby made a show of thinking, twirling his moustache and taking a sip of his tea. This wasn’t Florence’s first rodeo; she knew that the next one that spoke lost. She was a simple woman that spent all day alone with her cats, she could be quiet for a long time.

“I like you Florence and I’m going to cut you an unbelievable deal. Your dungeon is new, and I can understand that you have limited resources as you grow. I’ll sell you the whole collection except for the schematics and all but one of the experience gems for forty minor reward chests, provided you agree to pay asking price the next time I come into town. With my cousin Ben starting a business here, I think I’ll be seeing you fairly often. Now that I know your preferences, I’ll see about finding some unique inventory that would be perfect for your home,” Bartleby said.

“Really, how about…” Florence started when Bartleby held up his hand stopping her mid-sentence.

“No further negotiation, time to take it or leave it Florence, I can sell the experience gems and scrolls more easily than the other items, so I’m willing to give you a break on the rest. Say no to this deal or try to haggle any further and I will leave and not return for some time,” he warned. She thought about it, it weren’t a bad deal, even if a lot of the good stuff had been pulled from the offer.

“I suggest we take his offer; the soul bond could save both our lives and the other items are icing on the cake as your people say,” Doug offered.

“Bartleby, you have yourself a deal,” Florence agreed.

“Excellent, you are a woman of wisdom as well as exceptional home designer,” Bartleby said. It was good to hear someone acknowledge her many virtues. She started creating minor reward chests, pushing five dollars out at a time. As each chest materialized, Bartleby would carefully place it into the bag, the magic gauntlets allowing him to handle them without opening. The crazy thing was that his bag never got no bigger even when all forty chests were stuffed inside. She could have really used one of those at the market, them stupid biodegradable bags the market started using to save the environment, or polar bears, or some nonsense would break if you just looked at ‘em wrong.

“I must take my leave, Florence, it has been a delightfully challenging negotiation and a true pleasure doing business with you. We’ll have to do this again the next time I’m in town. I look forward to getting a complete tour of your lovely abode during my next visit,” Bartleby said, giving Tater a pat on the head as he left. Florence couldn’t wait to check out her new purchases.