Abe

hey everyone, i’m catching up on some projects. here is a story from before the pandemic. and here are some pics from my gyno visit. shoutout to speculums everywhere.

I was lounging beside one of the VIP booths after a series of dances taking a break. When I noticed a black man standing nearby in a white undershirt and slacks. I hadn’t considered talking to him because it struck me as strange that he would show up to the strip club without a proper shirt. But he leaned in to speak to me.

Me: What’s your name?

Abe: It’s Abe what’s yours?

Me: Selena. Is yours short for Abraham or something?

Abe: No, it’s just Abe.

Me: I like that. Nice to meet you.

Abe: Working all night?

Me: Maybe, depends how it goes. Hopefully not.

Abe: What does it depend on?

Me: Depends on when I meet my goal.

Abe: That’s nice, you get to choose like that.

Me: It really is.

Abe: It’s so nice talking to you. I swear I was about to give up on humanity before I met you. But you really brightened up my evening. You’re so sweet and I love your energy.

Me: What happened that had you so down today?

Abe: I just retired from the Air Force.

Me: Wow, that’s at least twenty years of service! That’s a big deal! Congratulations!

He seemed like such a lonely, deflated man. I’ve started encouraging my customers by impressing upon them that their accomplishments are significant, and I, your friendly neighborhood stripper, am proud.

Abe: Twenty years today. A long time… I always thought I’d be married, have a few daughters and a home by now, but life doesn’t always go as planned.

Me: Tell me about it. But you’re young.

Abe: I’m almost fifty now.

Me: Fifty is young!

Abe: What’s your name?

Me: I’m Selena. And you’re Abe.

Abe: Did I already introduce myself? Wow, I am getting old.

Me: Don’t worry about it.

Abe: I like your name. I always wanted to name one of my girls “Brianne,” but now I like “Selena” for the other one. I always wanted to have girls. Two little daughters to love and spoil. I’d want them to be beautiful and sweet like you. Where are you from, Ms. Selena?

Me: I’m from Oklahoma.

Abe: Oklahoma! You’re a long way from home. But I guess I am too. I’ve been living on base since I got here, but never settled in to unpack. I don’t like it here. It’s too expensive.

Me: It is. You have to adjust the way you see money. I can understand not liking it here. Where are you from originally?

Abe: Baltimore, born and raised.

Me: Oh that’s dope. I lived there for a while.

Abe: Really? Where?

Me: Oh lord, it’s been a while... Let me think.

Abe: It’s okay, you don’t have to worry about it.

Me: No! It’s on the tip of my tongue… Fed--

Abe: Federal Hill is a very nice neighborhood.

Federal Hill is a bougie white neighborhood— the place where former frat boys drink craft beer and former sorority sisters go clubbing mid-winter in mini dresses without jackets. I couldn’t afford to live there, nor did I have the desire.

Me: No, that wasn’t it… Station North! That’s it! And I lived in Bolton Hill.

Abe: I lived in (neighborhood I wasn’t familiar with).

Me: Where’s that?

Abe: If you keep driving up on Calvert, you’ll hit it. The city has changed so much since I left it. I don’t even know if I would recognize-- It’s a good city, though. Look, I don’t wanna waste your time. You’ve been so kind to me. I wanna support you. How much are dances?

Me: Let me list out the prices, and you can make a decision.

I gave him the price list, as I do, because I believe it’s best to allow customers to pick the number they’re most comfortable with.

Abe: Can I pay with my card?

Me: You can, but there’s a 10% service fee for cards. Also, the ATM’s charge a percentage for use. It’s ridic.

Abe: Wow, that’s crazy.

Me: So I would suggest, if you wanna save some money, going to the gas station across the street to withdraw money. You can walk there from here, and they’re only gonna charge you a couple dollars for the withdrawal.

Abe: Wow, I really appreciate your honesty, and I can’t get enough of your energy. Thank you so much for taking the time to really talk to me. I think I’m gonna try that Skybox. You said it was $210?

Me: Yep.

Abe: You’ll be here when I get back?

Me: Yeah, I’ll be around. Don’t forget to let the bouncers know you’ll be back.

I didn’t know whether or not he would be back. I’ve been left so many times by men claiming they’ll “be back.” After Abe left, and I went off to visit with a group of Indian men who had come in once before and shared me. They had taken turns dancing with me. It was friendly, like they wanted to share a good thing. I sat with them while I waited for Abe to return.

Sid: Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all night!

Me: I’m sorry! I’ve been so busy.

Sid: You’re a very popular girl! Come, meet my new friend, Raj.

I went over and introduced myself to Raj, who legit smelled like curry, and I was so hungry. I put the thought out of my mind as Azealia Banks’ infamous bigoted rant popped into my head. On the one hand, historically I’ve had an unfortunate number of scarring run-ins with Indian customers who have groped me without consent; pressed or ignored my boundaries; and have followed up with a nearly nonexistent tip. On the other hand, Sid, other Sid, and Raj had historically been courteous, and while they’d tried a bit to push my boundaries, it wasn’t any more than any other man I’d dealt with, plus they tipped (albeit somewhat modestly). There’s the constant push and pull of my politics versus my lived experience. I sat on Sid, and hugged the other Sid who was wearing his Sik turban, but before I could ask for dances I saw Abe out of the corner of my eye, hunched by the bar. I excused myself.

Me: Back so soon?

Abe: Yeah. I didn’t go to the gas station.

My heart dropped a little.

Me: Oh.

Abe: I decided I didn’t want to waste any more of your time, so I just used that ATM over there. You said it was $210 right?

Me: Yep, it’s $210.

We paid at the register and I led him up the stairs toward the neon-lit sign advertising this mystical destination: the Skybox.

Abe: You’re everything I could want and more. I love your smile, and your skin. I want someone who looks just like you to have my daughters. Can you take off your socks?

Me: Sure.

I took off my knee socks I wear religiously to protect my knees and feet from the dirty stage.

Abe: I just have this thing for pretty little feet.

Me: I have some lint in my toes.

He didn’t seem to notice or care. He was focused on my newly exposed feet.

Abe: That’s better.

He started massaging my feet. I was glad he didn’t try to put them in his mouth. I was even gladder that he was genuinely massaging them, instead of delicately princess touching them as so many men have, thinking I might break with a proper massage.

Abe: If you were my wife, I would massage your whole body every day. I’d eat your pussy every night. You ask for it, I’d give it to you. My first wife was so selfish. All she wanted to do was take! She was crazy. She wanted half of everything, but thankfully I always kept money tucked away so she wouldn’t even know about it. She was greedy, but I didn’t know any better when we got married.

Me: Marriage is a partnership. You both put in half and half.

Abe: I guess. You’re so smart. I can already tell. I love that about you. You’re smart, and caring. You’re honest. I hope you have a good man who is taking care of you; listening to you; treating you right. I hope he’s massaging you every day, and making love to you every day, because believe me, if you were my wife I would make love to you every day. I’d cook you dinner every night. We would raise our baby girls to be smart and kind. We’d go to church only on Sunday because we’re not really religious, but we understand we need the Lord in our life. I’m looking for something real. You seem so real to me. I know I keep repeating myself, but I just love your smile, your hair, and your light skin-- if I’m honest!

I can’t help but have a soft spot for him, because he’s from Baltimore and when he says anything with an “oo” sound at the end, he makes it into an “oor.” He says “I do’r,” “you’r,” “blue’r,” which is something I missed. I smile at him, as he continues his fantasy and stuffs my fingers into his mouth, like he’s trying to consume me. I know he’s just called his ex-wife “crazy” for demanding half of the assets they accumulated during their marriage, and I know he just complimented me based on some dusty chromatism, but I can’t help but wish I could be the missing piece to his puzzle. However, I don’t like children, I’m an atheist, and I’m in a long-term relationship. The bouncer knocked to signal our time was up. I hugged him, because I could still hear the weight of loneliness in his breath. I didn’t ask for a tip, even though I knew he could afford it. I just wanted to leave him as much intact as I could. Afterwards I went home, because I couldn’t bear speaking to anyone else.