Goblin Defender—Chapter 1

Sometimes, when I stared at Eldrick’s shield, I wondered what was wrong with it. If it had any secret quirks or “hidden features.” If there were any hidden powers that wouldn’t make themselves known until the first time I tried to use it in combat. I imagined slipping my arm through the loops on the rear of the shield and then the damn thing started talking to me.

Fortunately, that didn’t happen. In fact, very little happened.

The shield itself was quite beautiful. It was a kite shield, made from an unknown metal. It was as light as aluminum, but hard as steel. Perhaps even harder. Elven in design, intricate carvings of vines and leaves ran around the silver border of the shield. The inner section of the shield, interestingly enough, was lacquered in a black so dark it seemed to drink in the light.

It was light on my arm, and fit as if it were made for me. I found that strange considering its age and that my arms were almost certainly larger than Eldrick’s had been. It took me a moment to realize that the straps sized themselves to the wielder.

I stood there in my room in the temple, shield on my left forearm. While it was an immensely powerful magical artifact, I found myself…. Well, disappointed was the wrong word, but it was close. I used my magical tendrils to feel around the shield. Nothing. In fact, when I tried to use any magic on the shield it almost seemed to drink it in and absorb it. Strange. I had expected it to have its own powers, though I didn’t know what. It seemed to be just a lightweight shield.

Whatever its powers were, I had to figure them out. Vogrim was amassing an army with the intention of swarming us. At the earliest, I had two months. With a bit of luck, I would have three.

“He did what?” Anna asked from behind me.

“Not that I’m surprised,” Cirro said.

I turned and saw my wives lounging in chairs, chatting and enjoying a light breakfast. They were all so beautiful in different ways, from Lossia’s voluptuous curves and purple hair to Anna’s slender body and dark blue braid. Green skin or not, they were the most beautiful women ever, and I was the luckiest guy in the world.

Thilli looked at me and smiled as she continued telling the story. “Yeah, you heard me,” she said with a slight laugh. “Nerras and I ran out of the burrow on Andrew’s command. With each step, I was afraid that thing was going to vomit acid on my back. After killing Andrew, of course.”

“Of course,” I said, removing the shield from my arm.

“But it didn’t,” Thilli said. “We ran out of the burrow and a few seconds later Andrew exited as well. He had that wild look in his eyes that I’ve come to recognize as a sign that he’s going to do something stupid. Or in this case, stupid but heroic.”

Anna laughed. “That sounds like the Andrew I know.” She gave me a smile filled with love.

“Fortunately, the plague beast couldn’t walk very quickly,” Thilli said. “It was strange, like a spike-covered frog but as tall as a minotaur. And with teeth. Oh, by the gods, its teeth were terrible. Sharp, and yellow, and just horrible. Anyways, Andrew climbs on top of the stones at the mouth of the entrance. The plague beast finally came out, and it immediately spat a wad of green…stuff right at us.”

Lossia wrinkled her nose. “That’s disgusting.”

Thilli grinned. “Disgusting is the right word for it. I managed to deflect it using magic, and then this genius,” she pointed at me, “leaps onto its back, completely ignoring all the spikes.”

Lossia, Anna, and Cirro winced at the same time. Three sets of eyes turned to me, looking at me as if I had lost my mind.

I shrugged. “I saw it attack Thilli and had to do something.”

“You should have seen him,” Thilli said, leaning forwards. “His armor protected most of him, but the spikes tore through his legs. He ignored it and sawed through half of the plague beast’s neck with his sword. I was so afraid Andrew was going to die that I couldn’t focus. I kept trying to attack the plague beast with fire, but it barely worked. Andrew did the job, though. It crawled over to him as it died, trying to take him with it.”

“You cut its neck half off while lying on its back?” Anna asked. “I’m just trying to picture this in my head.”

“It was every bit as ridiculous as you would think,” Thilli said. “It wasn’t fully dead at that time, although it was close. Andrew used magic to pull water out of the plague beast. It shriveled and dried up right in front of us. It tried to spit poison at him but that dried up as well.” She shrugged. “And it died.”

“And then Andrew was poisoned,” Lossia said, her eyes going down to my legs.

I smiled and tried not to think about it. It wasn’t a pleasant memory.

“We all thought he was dead,” Thilli said, wiping a sudden tear from her eye. Her voice quivered slightly as she spoke, but she looked at me and smiled. “He refused to die, though. He tried to heal himself and failed, then Ulenor and I tried to heal him and failed. It took Zozella herself to finally get it done right.”

Cirro whistled loudly. “Healed by a goddess. You really seem to have gained her favor, Andrew.”

“I owe her everything,” I said, remembering how she not only healed me, but helped to give me this amazing life.

“Whatever she wants in return, you had better do it,” Cirro said with a laugh. “Oh, wait. I have a feeling I know what she wants.”

I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. They all laughed, as they also knew.

Zozella wanted me to save her people, nothing more, nothing less. That included defeating a thousand-year-old minotaur sorcerer as well as helping the goblins to repopulate and grow stronger. At least the latter was fun.

“Speaking of that,” Thilli said. “He needs to get to work. We talked about his numbers, and about how many women he needs to breed with in order to create a new generation. I’m afraid he’s quite far behind where he needs to be.”

“How many does he need to mate with?” Lossia asked.

“As close to a thousand as possible,” Thilli said. “He should be around two hundred now.” She turned to me and smiled. “We’ll all help how we can, but I’m afraid it’s going to be a lot of work.”

“I’m fine with doing it,” I said, slowly walking closer to them. “It’s just a matter of timing. In a week, I’m leaving for Holmar with Cirro, Ulenor, and Nerras. There’s no way I can impregnate eight hundred women in a week.”

“I’d like to watch you try,” Cirro said quietly. She winked at me.

“I’ve been praying about it,” Thilli said. “Fortunately, being so close to you means Zozella has more time for my prayers. I believe she will help you.”

Oh, great. I had received several blessings from her in the recent past. The first one seemed to be made of pure viagra, while the second one was basically a mild steroid cycle. I was curious what else the goddess had up her divine sleeve.

“I also talked with Ulenor about it,” I said. “When I went to York, he made me a potion that helped quite a bit.”

Cirro nodded and smiled as if it were settled. “So, you’re good then? Just let me know if you need any help. Especially with any of those women calling themselves Zozella’s Daughters.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh, stop,” Lossia said with a laugh. She leaned her head on Cirro’s shoulder, then turned to me. “She makes a good point, though. Let us know if you need any help.”

“We’re all just here to help you succeed, Andrew,” Anna said as she reached down and grabbed onto Lossia’s bottom.

“You three are nearly as bad as Andrew,” Thilli said.

“I can assure you I’m much worse,” Cirro said with another wink.

I laughed and walked over to them. Group hugs were always a bit awkward, but I didn’t care. I wrapped my arms around Cirro, Anna, and Lossia and squeezed them tightly, just enjoying the feeling of them pressed against me.

“I love you all so much,” I said quietly.

“You can show some of that love by helping us with the house,” Lossia said. “I know you have a lot to do today, but if you can make it there tomorrow that would be great. Some of the timbers have been delivered and we need to start installing them.”

With all that had happened over the past week, I had nearly forgotten about my house. “I can’t wait to see it,” I said. It was going to be a beautiful place. “Oh, and I want Nerras to be our neighbor.”

Cirro blinked and looked up at me. “Nerras? The guy you’re traveling with, right?”

I nodded. “He needs room for himself and his two partners. And, fingers crossed, some children in the future.”

“He’s saved our lives on more than one occasion,” Thilli explained. “He’s a good man. A bit unsettling at times, but the exact kind we need to defeat Vogrim.”

“I’ll talk to the mayor later about giving him a plot of land,” I said. “At least we know he’ll be able to afford it now.”

“Why is that?” Anna asked. The other women all looked at me with interest.

I went back to my wardrobe and fetched my belt pouch, or coin purse, or whatever the hell they called the things. It clinked loudly as I bounced it in my hand a few times. My wives eyed me curiously as I walked back to them.

“Here,” I said as I tossed it to Cirro.

She caught it, then raised an eyebrow at me. With a flick of her fingers, she pulled the drawstring open, revealing that it was filled with not only gold coins, but several shining gemstones.

Cirro gasped loudly. “Andrew! This is a fortune!”

“I don’t know if this makes us rich or not, but it’s a good start,” I said. “I’m just glad I have enough to take care of you all.” I turned to Lossia. “Including you. I’d rather use my money to provide for you than have you delve into your family fortune.”

“I understand,” she said, smiling sweetly. She watched as Cirro counted out the money onto a nearby table. “That is a lot of money, Andrew. All five of us can live comfortably on that for several years.”

“Good,” I said. “I plan on giving some to the mayor later today. The rest will be invested, somehow. I don’t really have any skills that will earn me a living in your world, except for perhaps my ability to kill monsters.” I smiled and turned to Thilli. “Perhaps we can get started on that vineyard.”