RIVER OF TENSION [essence of individuation]

the problem

and the solution

are in the individual.

/

a teacher says this

and i nod in comprehension

but it is different to feel it alive

/

inside the navel

the tension of opposites

how do polarities relate to one another?

/

a friend tells me

i regret being a parent

she shares another stomach bug with her child

/

and in the same breath she would

do anything for her daughter

this is not a problem,

/

but the truth

the truth which fucks us

open wide; and is the pot still precious

/

after it is cracked open

is it the vessel, or what is inside

that matters? are the two different?

/

what is the Third?

/

i witness myself, a child

and i learn patience and mending

i watch the river of demands swell, subside

/

i learn discernment,

like sifting sediment …

how to separate real from illusory,

/

and what is the third?

/

how to keep a distance from impulse

to tolerate the insinctive demand —

at first confusing, challenging

/

yet to hold it consciously creates vigor

not to say this is good, this is bad

rather i am in everything

/

and everything is in me

/

in learning to raise myself

sometimes i do not like what i see

but i look directly at the messes to clean

/

and this is endurance

the essence

of yin

/

to not turn away

from Truth especially

when it gets unbearable, nasty

/

now

/

there is

a part of us

that wants to abandon the baby

/

let it cry

alone for five, ten minutes

to taste temporary discomfort

/

how does it feel

to admit that

sadistic urge?

/

or is it too much to stomach

/

the stomach, i press around

the navel and feel soreness in the channels

of the river which connects us to Our Mother

/

i will never understand her

and i am her

how can you say you know yourself?

/

you are a child

i am your mother

you are my parent

/

soon i realize

there is no one

external

/

to forgive

aside from the parts

of our Self