intertwining

final contemplation on relationship (for now)

Added 2023-07-23 14:14:15 +0000 UTC

still thinking about relationship. it hurts to let go and to crave connection but also push it away. and it is bewildering to me because i really do think we heal the most deeply through relationship and that life is all about relationship. but it’s also incredibly scary to trust. to receive love after destruction. to forgive. forgiving myself is the hardest. to be seen while the layers of defenses peel away. and be held in all the mess.

it’s so simple. just Love. but no. we bleed all over eachother and then it gets so messy. we dance with our shadows. we dance wildly and out of control. we die. we are born. we die and die. we labor and are born. some fall away. we dance again. we love out of the rawness of the wound. we love. we love. we love and never stop.

when was the last time you felt held? what did it feel like? it doesn’t have to be physical. i was just talking to a friend and it felt like my heart was being massaged. we both acknowledged the terror around vulnerability. we gently opened. and Love overflowed. the fear was still there but it felt so small compared to the vastness of something else… mysterious, vast, impersonal, divine. i love you. you are not alone.