Models and insecurities

Disclaimer: I will try to write this post without naming any of my real insecurities, because it’s not about them, and I’m not fishing for compliments to soothe my soul.

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I’ve tried to talk about this so many times, and every time I felt like I didn’t have the right words. Because who am I to discuss self-confidence issues if I never had any "real" problems? Like every girl, I had a ton of insecurities, but I was lucky enough to grow out of them quickly.

But in modeling, insecurities seem to be part of a deal with the devil. You’ll be admired by many, but deeply judged by yourself. Models can’t escape comparing themselves to one another—or being compared by photographers (who often think they’re giving compliments this way). Models compete in their heads with other models: the more experienced ones, the newer ones, the ghost of their 25-year-old self, or with unreachable celebrities who have a completely different budget for self-care.

Is it a problem I want to fight? Not really. Self-doubt is inevitable in every creative field. I think it’s part of the complex reality and a way to learn about yourself. But again, I was just luckier than many other models. I literally got bored of being fixated on my measurements and didn’t develop serious body dysmorphia.

Still, I remember being incredibly proud of myself for being 174 cm tall and weighing 49 kg. I had a 58 cm waist, and everyone referred to my body as a Ferrari. Little did I know that some years and kilograms later, my body would still be a Ferrari.

But it’s still a challenge to accept change—whether it’s age, measurements, fitness level, income, or social media success. All of it is so temporary.

It’s still a challenge to see yourself as separate from what people admire in your appearance. To value yourself independently of your social media stats. And most of us go through that process alone. Even the most “successful” models are not immune to self-doubt.

That said, I have to say the art modeling community is incredibly supportive. Many of my colleagues are living proof that personality and uniqueness matter far more than age or measurements.

A few final pieces of advice to sprinkle at the end :)

• If you’re a photographer, please refrain from complimenting a model’s appearance if you don’t know her well. Looks are ephemeral. Talent and knowledge are what most models are truly proud of.

• Don’t compare models to each other.

• If you know a model has certain insecurities, don’t try to talk her out of them. It won’t help—it never does. In my experience, the only thing that does help is sharing your own vulnerability.

And what I would tell my younger self: start therapy sooner, and don’t rely on validation from strangers :)

Ph IG @michael.schalla

P.S. I felt it necessary to write this post before sharing my personal story about a five-year struggle with a particular challenge that I just recently overcame. So to be continued...