Make Marks On Paper: Metal Men #1 Script (Pgs 1-6)

This is a public post providing some script pages for artists (who are uncomfortable writing their own stuff) to use for storytelling practice. It's obviously superhero/action-based, so, people who like the biff-bam-pow might find it useful. Others, not so much., but I'm knocking this post out quickly before getting back to work on some commissions. 

These pages have already been posted on my Patreon (in 2020, iirc) along with an essay about the project, how it collapsed, etc. And some thoughts on the industry as a whole (if you're unfamiliar with the Patreon, I post process, scripts and essays -- as well as new comics/work, random nonsense, etc etc -- most of them available at the $1 level. 

Anyway, here's some script pages I got paid for, which you can print out and try drawing. I'm not making any claims for quality, and if the format's off from psoting it, forgive me. Anyway, they're honest-to-Zod "comic book pages" someone can draw (Mike Allred drew them once, actually). Reference for the DC characters (tm/copyright DC Comics) can be found all over the world wide web if you aren't familiar with them. If you don't care for the Metal Men, no reason why you can't design your own characters for the exercise (although drawing them on model and in action would be an exercise in itself). It's not something you can publish, so, draw old 50's robots, or the cast of One Piece, or old Hollywood character actors. It doesn't matter. It's practice. If you're someone who need words to motivate you to do some panel-to-panel, page-to-page storytelling work, here's some words. You can just do thumbnail layouts to flex some sequential thinking, you don't have to delineate like crazy. If this example leaves you cold this you can find scripts all over the internet, there's probably published scripts out there by your favorite comics writers if you want to give someone a few dollars. Make some marks on paper. Whatever.

Feel free to ask questions in the comments if you have any, answers might come slowly. Busy week, drawing hand is in the wrist brace all the time right now. Bye.

EDITED TO ADD: FYI, we ditched Platinum's "Doc Magnus lovey-dovey" crap in the series, but in the first issue certain Silver Age tropes were retained for reasons that would be revealed in the second issue. Overall, I kept the MM characterizations as established -- in fact, Mike Allred and I fought DC on this (and it's part of the plotline that the characters are seen as outdated and "uncool" in the then-modern DCU), but we tweaked a few things, and one of them was to not go full-tilt Robert Kanigher with the Platinum-as-Betty-Cooper in regards to Doc Magnus. I never liked it, and it wasn't like we were redesigning her to use a skateboard and current slang or be a Transformer/Gundam or anything drastic (see, "fought DC over...). 

PAGE ONE

PANEL ONE  We open with a thin panel across the top of the page. Tight on GOLD’S FOREHEAD, the element symbol on his head taking up most of the shot.

LETTERING NOTE: All caption text in this sequence should be rendered in a computer-style font within stylized captions.

1) CAPTION: Status update: Beginning final recovery phase.

PANEL TWO Pull back to reveal GOLD’S DISEMBODIED HEAD in the grip of two mechanical arms, eyes closed, expressionless. A cable is attached to the top of his head by a suction-like clamp. All-black BG.

2) CAPTION: Final cranial connect underway (Au).

PANEL THREE  Pull back further, overhead shot revealing GOLD on a table in the SECRET RECOVERY ROOM. The lifeless bodies of his fellow METAL MEN – IRON, MERCURY, LEAD, PLATINUM and TIN -- all lie on similar tables in a circle. Gold’s head is being attached to his body by the mech-arms, maybe there’s some welding going on, sparks, etc. Similar arms are finishing work on the other robots and rising towards the ceiling. It’s okay to obscure the MM somewhat here, but show Gold clearly.
 For the basic layout of the lab, see SHOWCASE #40, PAGE 6, PANEL 4. I’d like to punch up that simple design with a cooler, more detailed look that will still go with the retro-future look of Magnus’ facility -- a robot emergency room by way of a Detroit auto plant, eerily lit by emergency back-up lights. Instead of gurneys the MM lie on more complex, hi-tech, recovery tables, tilted up slightly, the robots set partially into them as if in a mold. The tables are wired to a central machine in the middle, by their heads. A similar unit is on the ceiling above, anchoring most of the automated arms and wiring. Keep the round room, but lose the window and add some computer terminals, view screens (featuring computer text from the captions), etc in the BG. There are no visible exits in the room.

3) CAPTION: Final cranial connect complete (Au).

4) CAPTION: Downloading core memory.

5) CAPTION: Activating Repro-Responsometers:

PANELS FOUR-NINE Don’t panic, this will only take up the space of one decent-sized panel across the page. Referencing the splash page roll call in the old MM comics, each small sequential panel features the head of one of the Metal Men, in order: GOLD, IRON, MERCURY, LEAD, PLATINUM and TIN. Over the course of the six panels the MM awaken as if we’re following one continuous face, starting with a “sleeping” Gold, then a slowly stirring Iron and Mercury, a yawning Lead, Platinum with half-lidded eyes, and finally, a fully awakened Tin, eyes wide open.

6) CAPTION: Gold

7) CAPTION: Iron

8) CAPTION: Mercury

9) CAPTION: Platinum

10) CAPTION: Lead

11) CAPTION: Tin  

Below Panels 4-9 is a final caption:

12) CAPTION: All systems reactivated. Recovery successful.

PAGE TWO

PANEL ONE SPLASH PAGE group shot of the METAL MEN, posing before the recovery tables, a happy little robot family coming out of their traditional Saturday night coma. GOLD stands cheerfully with his hands on his hips. IRON flexes a bicep, examining it appreciatively. A still sleepy LEAD looks confused as he yawns and stretches. MERCURY literally stretches all over the place, his fluid body weaving around everyone, head arcing towards TIN to needle the nervous little robot. PLATINUM stands between them, admonishing Mercury like a big sister. Perhaps pulling on his ear or giving him a noogie or something.

1) CAPTION: Welcome back –

2) LOGO CAPTION: METAL MEN

3) GOLD: Rise and shine, gang! We’re back in business!

4) IRON: Guess we got killed saving the world again. Anybody remember how we died this time?

5) LEAD: -Yawwn - Blown up, probably. Gosh, I hate blowing up…

6) MERCURY: Bet your weight in bolts Tin blew up first!

7) PLATINUM: What does it matter, as long as we’re all back together again, good as new!   

8) TIN: Y-yeah! G-good thing Doc Magnus is always able to resurrect us! R-right, Doc?

CREDITS AND STUFF –

PAGE THREE

The Metal Men panic slightly as they realize they’re alone in an unfamiliar place. Of all the MM, only Gold remains completely calm.

1) TIN: Doc?

2) PLATINUM: That’s funny…where is he?

3) MERCURY: Where is he? Where are we? This isn’t the regular recovery room!

PANEL TWO Focus on Gold attempting to work the main computer console while the others look on in a state of confusion. On the wall above the computer terminal is a large, darkened telescreen.

4) GOLD: Not only that, but Central Control’s down. No juice.

5) TIN: B-but, if Doc didn’t revive us, and the auto-lab didn’t -- then who d-did?

6) GOLD: Hmm. Maybe the Controlbot?

PANEL THREE A frowning Mercury uses an elongated finger to write the words “WASH ME” in the dust on the telescreen. Platinum starts to really panic.

7) MERCURY: He must be down, too. The Servotrons haven’t cleaned here in ages.

8) PLATINUM: That clinches it! Doc wouldn’t let that happen unless he was in trouble! He hates dirt worse than communism!

PANEL FOUR The MM spread out and search the sealed room for a way out. Lead literally stretches himself out, bumping into Mercury.

9) GOLD: Don’t worry, Tina. We’ll find Doc, and some answers to this riddle. Everyone, spread out and look for an exit --

10) MERCURY: -Oof -! Not like that, you lunkhead!

11) TIN: Gee, I don’t s-see an exit anywhere --

PANEL FIVE Iron cheerfully punches a large section of wall out with a giant fist, startling the others and barely missing a wriggling Mercury.

12) IRON: I do.

13) MERCURY: Yeeowwww!

SFX: B-KROOM

PANEL SIX We’re outside the lab in a winding corridor lined with riveted steel plates and lit by dim emergency lights, the architecture in keeping with the look of the Magnus labs. Iron takes the lead, as the MM walk through the hallway, ignoring a boiling-mad Mercury. Tin lags behind the others, lost in thought as he looks back towards the lab.

14) MERCURY: You cast-iron clod! Must you solve everything with your fists?

15) IRON: Keep talking, buster. You’ll find out.

16) GOLD: Can it, you two --

SFX (Mercury’s steam) SSSSSS

PAGE FOUR

PANEL ONE  On Tin, noticing that one of the steel corridor plates is slightly ajar, like a hidden door, revealing a sliver of darkness beyond. In the BG the others continue down the hall in the distance. LETTERING NOTE: Maybe Gold’s dialogue is slightly smaller, “fading” in the distance.

1) GOLD: I don’t recognize this part of the facility, so let’s keep our eyes peeled for anything unusual --

2) TIN: H-huh --?

PANEL TWO   Reverse angle, from inside the darkened ROBOT VAULT. In the BG, Tin peers nervously inside, sticking his head and body partway through the slim opening. The dim corridor light allows us to see only a hint of DRAPED FIGURES inside the dark room, like a closed department store full of covered mannequins. We’ll be revealing the Vault robots/secrets later on, so let’s make this as moody and mysterious as possible.

3) TIN: Um, hello? Anybody in th-there --?

PANEL THREE  Back out in the corridor. The MM are ascending a staircase they’ve discovered. Mercury hangs back, stretching to yell down the corridor at Tin in the distance, startling the little robot.

4) MERCURY: Hey, widget! Hurry up! You’re slower than a Commodore 64!

5) TIN: B-b-but –

6) MERCURY: Just get your butt in gear! We’re ditching this funhouse!

PANEL FOUR Panels 4-6 run across the bottom of the page, the panels roughly the same size. In panel four we’re in fairly close on a patch of rough, weed-strewn ground. LETTERING NOTE – not sure if the balloons would work better emanating from the ground or tail-less. Either/or, obv.

7) LEAD (OP): See? I, uh, found a door…

8) MERCURY (OP): Well, open it, nano-brain!

9) PLATINUM (OP): Eeeeek!

SFX (from below ground): THUMP BDUNK

PANEL FIVE Same shot. A section of the ground opens up, a trap door camouflaged to resemble the surroundings. Lead has opened the door, his head and wide shoulders wedged into the opening. We can see only the grasping hands and the tops of the heads of some of the MM trying to squeeze past him.

10) IRON: Oops! Sorry, Tina, I thought that was Tin’s head –

11) MERCURY: Whoever –uff- let Lead go first oughta have his –nngh- head defragged --

SFX (from below) CLUNK POING KTANG

PANEL SIX Same shot. The heads of the Metal Men have shoved, squeezed or stretched around Lead and through the opening. They all stare straight towards us, stunned by what they see off-panel.

12) MERCURY: Oh…

13) PLATINUM: Oh, no --

14) TIN (smaller): It can’t be --

PAGE FIVE

PANEL ONE   A big, panoramic wide shot, high above and behind the Metal Men standing before the ruins of what was once Doc Magnus’s huge laboratory complex. The remains of a MAGNUS INDUSTRIES sign can be seen in the piles of wreckage, as well as the shattered hull of the Metal Men’s JETAWAY ROCKET DISC vehicle. The devastation continues as far as the eye can see, the Washington D.C. outskirts are in ruins, charred husks of vehicles and buildings, city and government landmarks demolished in the distance (game logic geography). The sky is filled with dark, ominous clouds choked with pollution.

1) TIN (smaller): I-it just can’t be…

PANEL TWO On the Metal Men as they react in shock and disbelief to the destruction all around them.

2) PLATINUM: The lab…everything…it’s all gone…

3) TIN: This can’t be real! It’s a g-glitch…some kind of bad dream –

4) MERCURY: Too bad robots don’t dream. It’s real all right.

5) MERCURY: We slept while the world ended.

PAGE SIX

PANEL ONE The MM explore the debris around the Rocket Disc, Gold checking the disc’s husk, Mercury stretching his neck to survey the area. Platinum is on her knees, picking something up. In the FG Iron holds up the battered head and torso of THE CONTROLBOT, the physical avatar of the Magnus facility’s central control computer (We’ll be seeing more of him later, so keep that in mind when designing him). When and if possible during this sequence, try to throw some pop culture/materialistic crap into the wreckage scenes, SUVs, big televisions, vending machines, Doritos bags, etc. The remains of 21st century human society and culture.

1) GOLD: Well, the Jetaway’s a goner…

2) IRON: I found the Controlbot, or what’s left of him. Poor guy’s scrap city –

PANEL TWO A distraught Platinum holds up a tobacco pipe for the others to see. The chunky pipe is made of platinum and adorned with pink hearts and bolts. It looks like a child made it.

3) PLATINUM: Look! It’s Doc’s pipe! The one I made him for Valentine’s Day! He h-ha-hated this p-pipe –

PANEL THREE A sobbing Platinum literally wraps her arms around the others in a wiry embrace, crushing them together and squeezing the life out of poor Tin. Her head rests on Iron’s chest, clearly making him uncomfortable. Room for dialogue above the fray.

4) PLATINUM: Ohhh, Doc, why did you leave meeeee --? Boo-hoo-hooooo --!

5) TIN: D-don’t cry, Tina! Doc saved us, he could’ve saved himself!

PANEL FOUR As a sniffling Platinum releases her despondent teammates, Gold tries to rally them like a coach giving his losing team a pep talk.

6) PLATINUM (small): -snif- I guess you’re right…

7) GOLD: Look, folks, let’s take a deep reset and try to stay positive here –

8) MERCURY: What’s there to be positive about? Okay, no more American Idol. Then what?

PANEL FIVE  Mercury explodes at Gold, maybe he points to the wasteland or throws debris in the air to emphasize his point. Tin isn’t paying any attention to the outburst; he’s fixated on something off-panel.

9) GOLD: Well, we search for survivors, help pick up the pieces --

10) MERCURY: Pick up the pieces? Are you damaged? Have you seen how many pieces there are out there? Even the pieces are in pieces!

PANEL SIX   Smaller panel. Focus on Tin in the immediate FG, staring and pointing off-panel and drawing the confused attention of the others in the BG.

11) TIN: Um, e-excuse me…but did any of you just see that tree stump move?