A K-pop Idol 64

In his next meeting with Dr. Wong, the psychologist, Alex told what had happened in the studio. The feminized man was convinced that this couldn't something normal, and that there was something wrong with his mind. Maybe everything that was happening was finally driving him crazy. 

Dr. Wong, however, didn't seem so concerned about the fact that Alex was no longer able to speak English. After a few moments of reflection, he asked if Kim Hana had been in touch with Dr. Yeob recently. Alex didn’t understand why the psychologist was asking this question at that moment. What was the relationship between this with his problem? 

Still, he replied that he kept going to Dr. Yeob's office periodically, and that the doctor for some reason seemed very interested in the Sweet Dolls' schedule recently, always asking when they would have a few weeks off. 

Alex thought that this was because he, as a doctor, believed that the girls needed some rest from their excruciating routine. But Dr. Wong knew that this wasn't the case. Dr. Yeob, his friend, was interested in Kim Hana's commitments for a very specific reason – He wanted to know when he would be able to perform the final procedure that would rip off the last vestige of Alex's masculinity forever. 

"I don't think you should worry so much about what happened in the studio, young lady" the psychologist finally said. 

"But, Sir... This isn't something that happens every day, right?"

"This is true. But in your case... I am sure that what is happening is that your subconscious is trying to get rid of the things that associate you with your old life, when you pretended to be a man. That way you can get even more immersed in your new persona, as a woman, like you always wanted."

"So, do you think I can't speak English anymore because I'm a transsexual? I don't know if I understand that, sir."  

"This isn't simply because you're transsexual, Kim Hana, but because of everything that has happened in your life and the fact that you are still feeling insecure about your femininity" he said smiling. "In other words, I believe this is because you desperately want to be a woman, but you are still not convinced that you can, even if all the evidence points to the fact that this is already a reality. Your subconscious has associated your feminine condition with your Korean identity and is trying to erase your American identity. Obviously, this is okay if you want a second opinion. You can go to a neurologist, but I'm sure no CT scan will find something wrong in your mind."

On leaving Dr. Wong's office, Alex had a hard time digesting everything he had heard.

"Are you okay?" asked Choi Hyun, who was waiting for him at the reception.

"Yes, I think so, unnie."

He didn't know what to think. Had he forgotten how to speak English because he really wanted to be a girl? But that didn't make any sense. He had never thought about being a girl before… On the other hand, he now saw the girls only as friends and felt attracted to men. 

Also, when he was performing as K-Pop Idol, he couldn't deny that he felt happy. This was such a good feeling… And the fact that he was acting and looking as a girl, while performing, seemed simply... normal. Could it be true that he had always wanted this life, and unconsciously collaborated to make it come true? Maybe that's why he had always been so obsessed with K-Pop Idols... But it couldn’t be. He had signed a contract by mistake that had forced him to do all this. That was the truth.

Well, no real man, no matter what, would accept to live as one of the girliest girls in the world, said an incisive internal voice. A real man would have preferred to be sued, and even to go to jail than be a female Idol. And this contract thing might have been a good excuse for you to believe that you were doing this because you had ‘no choice’.

Alex, more than ever, was really confused…