Dear John,

As you’ll see, I’ve packed up all my things and left the house. I left my keys in the mailbox. I know you’ll be shocked and that you didn’t expect this from me. I’m scared to face this situation and how you might react—I don’t want to break down seeing you cry or asking me for explanations. This has been building up for a long time. As you know, I stopped enjoying our intimate moments, and I’m sure you noticed. You always avoided talking about it, and now everything’s come crashing down.

You know how I used to go up to the rooftop to hang the laundry a lot. You should’ve checked if I was really just hanging clothes. It wasn’t my intention, but one day, while I was up there, he made a move on me, and I liked it. I’m talking about the man I love, the man I’m leaving you for today—though I gave myself to him long before now. It’s our Senegalese neighbor, Ettiene. Please don’t go looking for him. We’ve moved in together; we’re sharing a rental starting today. It took us a lot to scrape the money together. I didn’t want to humiliate you by staying in the same building with him.

He’s an incredible man. I know you weren’t happy when he and his brothers moved into this building. I also knew that you knew I’ve always been drawn to Black men. I experienced this amazing man, and I fell head over heels for him. I want to get him out of his street job, marry him so he can get his papers, and someday have his children. I know I’m breaking my vows, but I couldn’t keep being unfaithful to you. I’m so sorry, but the heart and the bedroom don’t follow orders. You neglected me as a woman, and Ettiene, being the passionate man he is, saw his chance and took over every part of me.

Don’t worry about your health. With Ettiene, I go all in because his incredible energy drives me wild, but with you, I always used protection during the few times we were together in recent months. That delay in my period last month was because I’d already been with Ettiene regularly, and there was a chance I could’ve been pregnant. To avoid gossip, I’m moving to the outskirts of the city. I wanted to tell you this in my own words, before our mutual friends or family see me pushing a stroller with a baby of a different color. I’ve stopped taking birth control, and I’m trying to get pregnant with Ettiene to start a family and a life together.

I’ve deleted our photos together from social media and blocked you everywhere. I owe respect to my future husband. I hope you do well and can forgive me for this.