Inevitability ch.1

(read the tags its very important but ignore them if you don't need a warning)

Getting to work late was the last thing I needed, especially with the presentation starting in just ten minutes. I’m never starting a new show on a work night again. Rushing out of the car with papers and laptop in hand, I tried to mentally rehearse my part of the presentation before I even reached the front entrance.

It’s not every day your boss asks you to recruit a small team of coworkers to plan and deliver a presentation to the higher-ups. If this goes well, it could earn me some serious credit on his internal employee point system…which I’m pretty sure he has. As reserved as he is, I know he keeps a favorites list. And if I want even a shot at making it to management one day, then I’ve got to give this everything I’ve got.

The elevator doors opened at 8:54 a.m., revealing one of my teammates, and my cubicle neighbor, waiting on the other side.

“Please don’t tell me they’re in already,” I pleaded, out of breath.

“No, just on time, love,” David replied in his usual velvety tone. His voice always feels like warm honey, soothing and rich, and a little disarming. I haven’t known him long, and I don’t think I actually know all that much about him. He seems more introverted than I am, and I didn’t think that was possible. Still, David’s probably the only other person on this project who values punctuality as much as I do.

He gave me a soft smile. “I’m betting Rhi and John show up five minutes late.”

I grinned, accepting the challenge. “Nah, I think they’ll make it with a minute to spare.”

David chuckled, and just hearing it brought a smile to my face. “Loser buys the other lunch today.”

“Deal.”

—-

Walking out of the conference room left me feeling anxious and a little uncertain. The entire management team responded with the same blank, unreadable expression. I’m pretty sure I caught the world’s smallest smile creep onto my boss’s face at the end, which hopefully means we didn’t utterly fail, but I won’t know for sure until next week. 

With my hands shaking from the familiar waves of social anxiety, I made my way to the staff room for a cold drink. I needed something to settle my nerves before facing the mountain of emails I knew were waiting for me and iced water was usually the key to that. 

I stare at the ice cubes floating in my glass a little too long to distract from the anxiousness running through my arms. They were small cubes shaped like stars, around the size of a mini Reese's cup. Rhi must’ve bought these in. She’s always adding something cute to the office and it makes the little girl in me smile. 

With the cold water not working as well as it usually did, I thought some fresh air might settle me back down. Just as I turned to leave, I heard footsteps behind me and almost dreaded not leaving the room sooner. I don’t do well around people when I’m anxious. 

“I hate to admit it, but I think your speech topped mine,” David said with a playful smirk. Then his face dropped. “Hey, hey, are you okay?”

His hands gently reached for my shaky ones, and I almost cuss at myself in my head for not having hid them behind me.

“I’m okay,” I said with a soft smile, hoping I didn’t sound too unconvincing. As much as I appreciate the gesture, I’ve never been great at being comforted by others. “You know me, presentations just make me a little jittery. Really, I’m fine.”

He didn’t look like he believed me but let it go. David has always shown genuine compassion for the people he works with, something that’s surprisingly rare these days, and a quality I admire deeply. I don’t consider many people friends, but the more I get to know him, the more inclined I am to put him on that short list.

His voice pulled me from my thoughts. “John offered to get us all a round at Sally’s Pub tonight. Says it’s to celebrate the small milestones, but I think it’s just an excuse not to drink alone.”

I laughed, maybe a little louder than was appropriate for the workplace.

“Thanks, but I think I’ll stay in tonight and catch up on some sleep. I’ve had way too many late nights lately.”

“Sorry, I won’t take no for an answer,” he said, his voice laced with amusement. “You owed me lunch today, but I’m trading it for a drink tonight.”

His smirk said he was waiting for me to try and decline.

“I really do need a—”

“I said I won’t take no for an answer, love. I’ll see you there. 8 p.m.” And with that, he turned and walked away.

I guess I could spare an hour or so. A small night out might actually be fun for once.

Okay. Eight it is.

— 

The flashing pile of emails in my inbox felt much easier to tackle knowing I had something to look forward to tonight. I’ve gone out with Rhi for coffee a few times, and joined her and David on the occasional quick lunch run, but never a full group meetup.

I’m not usually one to get excited about gatherings or events, but maybe spending my Friday night a little differently isn’t such a bad idea.

After shutting down my computer and waving a half-hearted goodbye to whoever was still around, I headed out quietly, taking the elevator down and headed to the car. The late afternoon air had that weird in-between feeling, not quite hot, not quite cold, but the perfect middle making me wish I was napping with all of my stuffies instead of having to work. 

The drive home was quiet, which was nice for a change. I didn’t feel like playing any music. My brain was too busy going over the busyness of today: the presentation, trying to figure out if there was anything I could’ve said differently to get a better reaction from the managers, and David telling me he wouldn’t take no for an answer about tonight. 

He always says things like that, almost teasing but calm, like he’s already decided and the rest of us are just catching up. People probably think he’s a little charming when he does that. I think he just likes things to go a certain way. And the smirk he sometimes carries? I’ve seen it since I met him, it’s just how he talks. Confident. A little smug even. But not in a bad way. 

I don’t think he even notices he does it. 

I’ve never really been good at reading people like that anyway. I usually just take things as they are. Less surprises that way.

— 

Once I got home, I dropped all my things by the door and just… melted into the couch. My apartment was the safest space there was. Here I don’t have to worry about outside noise, no judgement and disapproval on who I just naturally am. I like who I am, being little brings me peace. 

Wrapping myself in one of my favourite blankies, I sink lower into the couch and hug one of my stuffies close to my chest. Everything felt heavy and light at the same time, like my body was tired but my brain was still bouncing around. It always takes a while for work mode to settle down inside of me. 

I glance at the clock. 6:17pm 

There was still time to change my mind. 

But there was also time to actually get ready without being late. I hate having to rush when I have plans, it usually ends with me backing out or leaving early. I reach for the remote across the other side of the couch and turn on a cartoon for background noise. The comforting sounds of the tv give me enough strength to peel myself off the couch and head to my bedroom to change. Tugging open my closet, and choosing to ignore the chaos pile of clothing I still hadn’t gotten to packing, I flick through my options repeatedly. I stood there for way too long, staring at the clothes like I expected it to magically produce the perfect outfit for me. 

What do people even wear to a pub night with coworkers? It’s a simple night, nothing fancy, but I didn’t want to be underdressed regardless. I like piecing outfits together, especially because I never really go anywhere to wear them, and it makes me feel a little bit like a princess… kinda like I’m playing dress up. 

Eventually I decided on an off-white long sleeve with thin baby-pink ribbon woven along the neckline that Rhi once told me made my eyes look pretty. I remember feeling good about that compliment and have started to kind of like the top on me more since. I paired it with some skin toned tights and a pink pastel skirt with soft colored flowers printed across it. Skirts have always been a favourite in my wardrobe. They’re one of my favourite ways to feel little in secret when I’m not in the safety of my apartment. 

At 7:35 I was almost ready to leave. Adding the final touches of some soft lipgloss and brushing through my hair that I had styled earlier today, I was ready to head out. The nerves were starting to kick in now. I kept trying to tell myself that this wasn’t any big deal. Just a small after-work thing with friends. Or… people who might be turning into friends. That thought made my tummy flip but if I thought anymore on it I probably wouldn’t go tonight, so I chose to shake it off. 

I grabbed my stuffies, giving them all tiny kisses goodbye and promising some coloring before bed when I got back. 

By 7:54, I grabbed my purse, put on my shoes and stood by the door, fingers fidgeting with my purse strap. 

One last chance to stay home. 

But I didn’t want to stay home, not really. 

I smiled a tiny smile and whispered to myself, “Okay, you can do this.” 

I lock the door behind me with one last glance at my stuffies that I know are cheering me on. 

—

The pub was already lively when I stepped inside, a comforting warmth to it. The space rang with loud voices and clinking glasses. Brass bulbs hung effortlessly above the bar and ceiling beams, emitting everything in a soft, golden hue. 

I spotted them before they spotted me. They were standing towards the back, near a large art piece made up of old beer caps. I stopped walking as I watched them for a moment: John waving his arms dramatically as he tells some story, Rhi laughing so hard that her head throws itself forward, and David… calm as always, quietly watching the group like he was more part of the background than the noise.

I took a deep breath and headed over to them. 

“There she is!” John called out, waving me over like it was my birthday party. 

I smiled slightly, already fidgeting with the ring on my index finger. 

“Yay, I’m so glad you made it,” Rhi said, reaching over to give me a small hug. She always smelt like vanilla. “What are you drinking? I was just about to go get another.” 

“Oh, uh, maybe cider?” I suggested. “Just something light.” 

She nodded. “Perfect, I’ll go grab them for us, go settle in.” 

I thanked her before walking over to where the guys were now, taking my purse off my shoulder and choosing the seat across from her empty one. John beside her and David on my right, who turned just enough to look at me. 

“Told you I don’t take no for an answer,” he said, his voice low, teasing. 

I smiled, leaning my arms on the table. “I guess you win.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Again.”

John’s voice came in before I could respond, already halfway into another story, this time about his cat falling asleep on top of his face and almost suffocating him. I laughed…actually laughed, which caught me off guard a little. All the noise and ambience of the pub made it easier to just be, without overthinking what I was saying or how I was acting or whether my laugh sounded weird.

Rhi returned a minute later with a little tray of drinks and handed me the cider I’d asked for.

“To surviving presentations and pretending to know what we’re doing,” she said, raising her glass.

“To small wins,” David added.

We all clinked glasses. I took a sip. Cold, fizzy, sweet, with a lasting hint of sour to it. I look into the glass and notice the tiny bubbles dancing at the rim, and I take another sip. 

“So,” Rhi said, leaning forward. “You gonna tell us where that skirt is from? It’s frickin’ adorable.” 

“Oh um,” I look down at myself and then back up. “Um, I think it was at that tiny thrift store near the pharmacy? I don’t remember the name.” 

“Ugh, your outfits always look so put together, I love it” she groaned, leaning back, her arms now crossed over her dramatically. 

John raised his finger as he spoke, “Okay, can I just say, I feel like we really crushed it today. You can’t tell me I was the only one who caught the boss’s face. He twitched… smiled? Whatever, that’s basically a standing ovation from him.” 

That made everyone around the table laugh. I felt calm, warm, and I don’t think it was just from the cider. None of this was a usual Friday night for me, but it was kind of nice being here. I’m starting to see why people enjoy things like this so much… the surrounding of mood lighting, good music, voices and people who didn’t expect you to be anyone but yourself. 

About halfway through my drink, though, I noticed something starting to feel a little… off. 

Not bad, just weird. Like I was underwater. Or like someone had turned the volume of the world down a little, but not all the way. My skin felt warm, too warm, and my limbs started feeling slow, like they didn’t belong to me. 

Squeezing my eyes shut, I rubbed at them before blinking hard. Maybe I was just tired. This week has been so long and busy… maybe my brain is just overworked. Yeah, that had to be it. 

David turned to me, his face raised in a slightly concerned expression. “You okay?” 

I nodded, though it took more effort than it should have. “I’m just feeling a little unwell. Maybe I didn’t eat enough earlier.” 

“Can I give you a ride home?” he offered. 

“No, thank you,” I said, trying to sound calm. “I’m not far, I’m good to drive myself, really.” 

“You sure? I honestly don’t mind.” 

I gave him a small smile. “Promise.” 

He didn’t push it. Just gave a small shrug and went back to listening to Rhi tell a story that made John laugh so hard he almost knocked his glass. His laugh echoed against my ear in a way that made my brain feel like it was buzzing in my skull. 

What felt like ages later, but could have only been a couple of minutes, the group started getting ready to leave. Rhi leant over and gave me a quick hug, and John slurred out something about doing a good job on the presentation. David lingered for a moment, his hand gently brushing the chair near mine. 

I watched them leave, Rhi waving as she stepped out. The three of them crossed the lot to David’s car. John stumbled his way to the back seat and Rhi laughed at something he had said, but I couldn’t quite make out what it was. I watch as David turns to look at me with an expression I can’t read before getting in the car and driving off. 

I sat there for a little longer, the faint of the music echoing in my ear in a way it shouldn't. Finishing the last of my cider, I rest my cheek against the cold of the glass, closing my eyes for a moment to balance myself. 

With the sky now darker than when I had arrived, the air felt different against my skin... cold and sharp. I pulled my sleeves down over my hands and folded my arms into my chest for extra comfort as I began walking to my car. The streetlight above was flickering a pale white, making it harder for my vision to get into focus.

Setting my purse beside me, I manage to get into the driver's seat, not thinking I'd actually make it that far with how limp my legs were beginning to feel. I take a deep breath, noticing how loud the silence actually was.

A five minute drive. That's all. You can do this.

I drive out of the parking lot, the night around me starting to fade where my eyes attempt to focus. Sharp strokes stretch out against ongoing lights causing me to squint harder. My hands began to shake again, this time the tips in my fingers numbing against the wheel. My head was heavy... too heavy to just be tired.

Something doesn't feel right. I just need to breathe for a moment…

I turned off into a quieter street away from the glare of the lights, and pulled over, letting my head rest against the seat. I close my eyes, only being able to focus on the heartbeat in my chest slowly erupting into an overflow inside my ears. My breathing felt funny, like I was forgetting how to do it.

Just a second to rest…

I let myself sink into the seat.

And right before the world faded out around me, I heard the subtle click of my passenger door opening.