Nerding Day: Silver's Spells for Abundance

I’m in. Let’s get fucking paid.

Luxury’s the last virtue. You deserve wealth, and last week’s Hades backgrounds took forever. Making Silver’s Spells for Abundance the best use of time before nuclear testing kicks off. You won’t read a better book called Abundance this year.

Not sold? Enjoy penury. But read the back cover before they cut the power:

Finally: turning lead into shitcoins. The keys to an astral mansion. Chants to raise dead portfolios. I may want demons, but I need sponsors.

Abundance has evolved from coping by thinking really hard about money, to spells. We could mock Ezra for the next twenty pages, but I’d like to focus on less magickal thinkers. Suffice to say, Abundance helps readers flee reality at subsonic speed, while Abundance has perfect maxims to soothe a lifetime of avoidable mistakes. Silver just shows a better grasp of how people think.

That should get me on the pod.

A spirited debate.

But who exactly is Silver Ravenwolf? I’d have asked last week, if I wasn’t busy laughing at her name. I’ve played D&D characters called Jaqq ManyDates, Slayer of Drunk Fathers, and I still laugh at Silver Ravenwolf. It’s the Silver Ravenwolf of names.

I've engaged Silver's most famous work at length, and gleaned nothing about her. Rough sign for art, but these aren't poems for drug-friendly middle children. They're manuals for God's teleprompter. Silver frontloads her resume this time, so that we know her book’s an investment:

Decent advice. Getting personal makes Americans hide hate behind distance or masks. At that point, only pinkos like Magneto complain. Let your magick flag fly, and respectability handle the Friends of Humanity.

As for Silver's fellowships and publications:

Sounds like horsegold. While liars have one Canadian girlfriend, Silver has a full coven of escape visas. And you have to be legit to get in the Times. Or endorse carpet-hugging hospitals weekly. Or write Gettysburg dick jokes in the perfect Thanksgiving gift.

Unbelievers might add an asterisk to Silver’s spotless record written by Silver. Per my secret sources in our public comments, Silver's reputation amongst mages matches mine. Unsurprising in isolation, but wild directly after Dr. Alonso, a flat earther mocked by other flat earthers. We're close to the "double vampire" horror franchise stage. Hopefully Lochlainn gets along with other klansmen.

Still, that’s all hearsay. To us, Silver snrrt Ravenwolf is archmage of the bored gentry. And thus, based on a glance outside, fucking invincible. Even without dark magick. As long as murder ghosts fueled by the goddess of destruction aren’t dark magick. If that’s dark magick, Silver loves dark magick. She’s all about dark magick.

This might seem familiar:

Because it’s the same bullglory. As penniless students, we’re powerless before repetition. We can only wait for our betters to liberate us. While I only read the first half of books, I’m pretty sure that’ll work out.

Like Silver, I’m something of a martyr. I hold tainted money for my friends, to keep their spirits clean. Thankless, painful work, but someone has to do the Dubai cleansing ritual. Don’t follow my example, unless you want my dates. If you need negative energy relief, consider sending it to Jamaica. Things are as fucked as usual, but in a more condensed way.

Like me, Silver enjoys her preambles. See, papermancy’s a bit technical compared to not dying. I suspect she cares more. For one, timing matters:

A big part of magick’s making it personal. So for the rest of this article, building will be called stacking. It helps me consult the spirits of black wealth: unspeakable dictators, their enablers, and the Palantir guy. Sorry. But if you go way down the list, you hit pop culture figures. Isn’t that fun? You can forget that the database of black activists is black excellence.

Silver’s gives her soft magick system a hard magick word count. But I think we need more data. Here’s what my research yielded.

Whatever you’re after, start stacking now. Before we even read the spells. You can rebound more quickly after they do nothing:

Even if you bribe fate, Spirit may want you poor. Bankruptcy might even be cosmic justice. Sadly, half of you reincarnated from workaholic vikings, rich in negative energy. The rest were Mongols. You can only declutter the map so many times before your karma takes your checkbook with it.

Still, believe in yourself. Spirit's looking out for you, unlike everyone starving on wheat farms. Just in its own way, where nothing happens after a lifetime of devotion. Spirit cribs a lot of tricks from God. I didn’t call tax bracket predestination, but I’m also a lifelong idiot. For us to bend economic fate, it has to exist in the first place.

A modest attitude, for reality warping. While Silver’s Spells for Protection reached a few miles beyond its grasp, one stacks slowly. Try to appropriate carefully across multiple pantheons. You only have one bank account (if that).

My bad—Silver needs you to all-in. If magick’s vapor, this is a guide to starvation. Or if Spirit doesn’t care for you. Or if Spirit loves you like Job. Silver’s really best for wytches with starting capital. I only recommend stacking if you can’t say “stacking” without embarrassing yourself.

Though some charms have lower stakes. Like your dreams:

A common self-help exercise, useful when adult coloring feels too intense. Now I’m a little leery of spells without celebrity backing. And a wealth scroll even mentioning fiction. I’m two books in, and my three roommates are very proud of me.

I feel a bit stupid for cutting unpaid leaves in kindergarten. Luckily, Silver’s pathologically helpful. She suggests recruiting children, which spares questions of wasting my time and opens doors to magickal child labor. We have enough rituals for me to found BlackRock Kidz.

One oddity: while there are spells to draw wealth from fire, water, earth, and Jesus, there isn’t a hex for job interviews. Frankly, that’s the best proof magick exists yet. After all, why would anyone making this shit up leave out job interviews? Silver skips a real hole in her real knowledge of the world. Merlin didn’t have spells to catch the A train, and Silver doesn’t have job hunt charms.

There is a catch-all prosperity chant. A daily, three page ritual. The rite’s square one of papermancy, essential to stacking, and a lead weight on any productive schedule. It starts with a bit of gratitude:

Silver’s Spells for Protection suggested a sheltered author, from a private coven. The trend endures. Some readers of a book about free money might not have clothes on their back, or food to eat, or a phone they didn’t build themselves. Begging Hera for scraps might be a Hail Mary after Mary abandoned them.

Harm to none: our tradition, even today.

Across a lifetime of unprompted conversations—some with strangers—I haven’t met anyone descended from slavers. Did plantation owners reproduce with spores? Or were they vampires, like a first draft of Sinners? Was one master gelded for every twenty slaves? Then I’d call Reconstruction a rousing success.

Try owning it. The Overton window’s already gaping, you could probably spin it as activism.

In fact, let’s try a thought experiment. Take magick as real, which we already do. Along with American exceptionalism, which we champion. Would American money sorcery be victimless? I call shenanigans. Eaglemancy turns melanin into gas like Hohenheim shit was Fullmetal Alchemist already about that?

I can see why charlatans dislike Silver. If Silver’s Spells for Prosperity were fake, it’d be a South Park level attack on chanting and capitalism. I would, in a backwards way, be jealous as a professional clown. Debt prisons are still around. You know, prisons.

On one hand, Silver was poor until she levitated her bootstraps and disintegrated her doubts. On the other hand, this ends in lesser wyzards learning SNAP machines are pranks now.

Maybe this is shouting into a well, after last week’s spells to banish muggers and skinsuit artisans. But Silver’s playing a high stakes game. Escaping dire straits should be a spellbook’s bleak subtext, not the bleak promise. Wytchcraft’s best edge on Bible nuts was selling fewer books called Prayers for the Tumor Blocking Half This Sentence.

Ah, that was just negative energy again. Not my brain punching the walls of its arcane prison. For a second, I thought Silver published a magickal payday loan. If she targeted people willing to trust something, anything to get out of the hole, she’d earn box seats in hell. L-let’s learn to banish poverty!

Remember, it’s your fault for spawning in that zip code. At the very least, you should’ve started stacking early. Imagine twenty years of manifesting instead of whatever dumb shit you learned in school or jail. Unless Spirit wanted the Yakuza heat-attacking your door.

I really can’t imagine Underworld Sodomy for Postgrad Warlocks competing with Silver. Inquisitors see this paragraph when they blink. I wouldn’t blink if Kyuubei showed up, introduced himself to readers that go outside, and then ruined Silver’s life. Honestly, I’m manifesting it.

We’ve inflated the stakes. Can the bars follow? “Debt scatter, money gather” couldn’t summon Monopoly money. Turn Loan Shark deserves an internal rhyme. Two, if Silver can afford it. I wouldn’t say this if it worked.

I skipped this dig for profit magick, because you have to spend mana to make mana. But how much shit do I have to buy to deflect poverty? Is there an installment plan? Can I let Polymarket bet on how much I spend before giving up? Can I join in? Is there a spell to keep me off Polymarket?

At last—long-term solution magick. Student loan forgiveness is a big ask for one wytch, but a zombie almost did it.

Intriguing! I’d like to introduce a new standard for Emergency Magick. Situations that matter. It’s a little heavy, but I think Silver would support me. She cares. It’s one short question. A gut check.

Is it more helpful than jerking off?

Stroking one out reduces stress, just a little. It clears your mind, just a little. You can even, chat willing, make some money. Nothing life-changing, unless you go all Crisis Zone with it. But can writing genie spam on your medical debt compete?

This spell is, I submit, less helpful than dancing alone.

This book is, I submit, less helpful than grip training.

Silver is, I submit, less helpful than using both hands.

For beginners, at least. I see beyond the veil: Silver’s Spells for Abundance is our first meta-spellbook. The text itself banishes poverty–for Silver. We’re out fifteen bucks. Until I find a guide to hexes full of anthrax, this is the peak of human spellcraft.

I’m humbled before a master that banishes giving a fuck. A true hell magick tutor. Now I’m closer to spitting in The Maker’s eye than ever.

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