Fucking Day: 123 Frisky Sexual Fantasies & Erotic Roleplay Ideas

When someone asks if you want to have sex, do you ever think, "I don't know. What's my character's motivation? Where is the pageantry? What are the stakes of this sexual interaction? Will there be terrible consequences if I don't cum? God, I hope so." Well, my friend, I have the perfect book for you.

It's a book for people who want to roleplay during sex but aren't creative enough to come up with their own roleplay characters. Or, at least, they aren't good at coming up with sexy characters. I bet there's someone out there who can crush a D&D character sheet, but when it comes to sex, no one wants to fuck your level 7 Orc mage named Shlumpy Pickles. Bad example, because that's very hot. The point is, if you aren't confident plotting erotic role-play scenarios, Michael and Barbara Kortekaas, the owners of sexysuggestions.com, have some ideas for you!

Should we trust Michael and Barbara Kortekaas? A quick Google search did not produce any prison records for either of them, and that's where my bar is at this point. I do, however, take issue with using the word Frisky in the title. It's something I associate more closely with cat food than sex. They've done worse things, though, for example:

Also, this book was written in 2013, and Barbara published some solo books in 2022 that indicate to me the possibility that Michael may no longer be in the picture. I could be totally off base, but here's the follow-up written by Barbara alone. What do you think?

Putting this book and its sequel together really makes a complete story without even cracking the cover. Let's go ahead and do that though. It's time to crack that cover and see what's inside. This should be fun and educational and, oh God.

I closed it. I closed it so immediately. This is from the Fairytale Fantasies section, which also includes "Medusa's Dildo Collection," "Three Chubby Piggies," and "Naughty On The North Pole." Don't worry it's not a magical tale where you fuck Santa. It's a magical tale where Mrs. Claus bones an elf that makes sex toys. Which is better?

I'm surprised by how detailed some of these ideas are. They aren't just improv sex prompts. Sometimes, there are whole stories, side characters, conflicts, and consequences. Number 113 creates a scenario wherein climaxing at the wrong time will result in the birth of a demonic beast, which really raises the stakes on sex.

Simultaneous Supernatural Climax is especially funny to me, because it puts a lot of emphasis on the female partner who gets to be a witch priestess, while the guy is just some guy who is there. He doesn't really get a lot of backstory. His character's title is simply: man who might cum wrong and doom the world.

This book isn't all "So you want to fuck an elf, you little pervert?" and "Guess who's eighteen? It's Goldilocks." They do some very standard sexual fantasies, like your French maid and your fireman. There's an entire chapter devoted to library sex, which seems oddly specific but still pretty boring. I understand a sexy librarian scenario is popular but there's a whole chapter and nine different scenarios that revolve around libraries. This seems like a lot of library for most couples. Apparently, it's because of the psycho-sexual symbolism of libraries.

The loving in the library isn't all that lascivious, actually. It's early enough in the book that they're still playing the sexual standards. You have to wait for the upper fifties until we start getting to the good stuff. By the good stuff, I mean there's one scenario that is ripped directly from the episode of Sex And The City where James Urbaniak plays a shoe salesman foot pervert. That's a cultural touchstone for everyone and not just me, right?

In the eighties, we get to the scenarios that require considerably more setup, which makes it more fun. There's real pageantry in some of this sex. You're not just pretending to check out a book and then railing the librarian. They have suggestions for set design in the Wild Western Fantasies section.

I don't know if we need a book to tell people to fuck in the barn. That's natural instinct. That's how all of my ancestors were made. Where I grew up, we called children not conceived in a barn little lord bedleroy's, and they were always sickly. I know there's someone who can't have sex with access to a full bale of straw (hay if you're freaky), and that's perfectly natural because of our national shared history of barn fucking.

There are a lot of parts of the Western section that I find extremely not sexy. I've actually never gotten the idea of The Wild West as a sexy time. I don't want to bonnet shame anyone, but I actually cannot think of a sexy way to remove a bonnet. In fact, if your sex costume includes a hat at all, I think I'm out. Hats aren't sexy.

You know what is sexy, though? A big gray Gandalf beard. Take a journey with me, friends, to the section on Wanton Witches and Wizards. It's the section where they suggest you fuck to a spooky Halloween sound effects CD. Can you cum to the sound of being chased by a Frankenstein? You'll find out!

They also suggest you wear a big grey Gandalf beard for sex, which makes me angry because I was going to make a joke about that, and then they straight up put it in the book. It's a real suggestion they make, right above having your partner refer to your butthole as a dark portal. That seems rude. Don't make my portal sound so menacing.

Reading this book made me wonder if it came into being when someone made a wish on a magic lamp for the dorkiest possible sex. This would make a lot of sense because the sex with a genie scenario is very complimentary to the genie character. He's a superhero whose power is finger banging. He can also grant wishes, but nobody cares about that!

Obviously, there's nothing wrong with dorky sex. I'm firmly pro dorks having sex in whatever cowboy, demon, or Santa Clause scenario floats your sex boat. Whatever the state of Barabara Kortekaas's relationship with her husband is currently, I found parts of their book of weird little sex stories to be kind of adorable.

Can't you picture two people having the sweetest, cuddliest, most loving sex, and they're both wearing big gray Gandalf Beards. It's a beautiful image that Michael and Barbara Kortekaas have put in my head, and now I'm gifting it to you. No, don't try to give it back? It's yours. You're welcome.

The final pages of the book really show how lost Barbara and Michael think some of their readers may be. The target audience is people who have thought about trying role-playing sex but have never had an additional thought in their entire lives. It's several pages that explain to people they could pretend to be their favorite comic book characters having sex, or movie stars, or even people they've seen on television! Revolutionary.

Clearly, no one has thought about this before, and Thank God someone was brave enough to teach us how to do it properly. Imagine the budget people could have wasted purchasing bales of hay. Or, the boring sex with no terrible consequences for cumming wrong they might have had without the loving guiding hand of a married couple who also co-created an app called Succulent Expressions that has two one star ratings in the Apple store.

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Alpha Scientist Javo, our erotic improv coach yelling ‘Yes, and!’ at the worst possible moment.

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