Nerding Day: REAL Heat

Yes today i would like to bare my testimony that i am thankful for brothers because who else is gonna send you stuff like this-

I realize now sayin it out loud that some of you might not have the family circumstanses that include such a sibling situation and, maybe you care about that and maybe you dont, but for are purposes today i humbly offer my services as like a proxie brother, sendin you weird shit from the internet. And i promise if ever we meet in person: i will toss a remote or game controller on to your crotch when youre not lookin, as is the custom among my kin.

Anyway mine sent me this video of some gun fellas recreating that one scene from Heat and it was pretty much a immediate delight and im super excited, i bet youll like it too. Maybe you can imagine me lookin at your face carefully while your watchin it to see if you thought the same parts I did are funny.

So what we got here is a Utah outfit: the mountains are a clue but also the distinct napoleon dynamite elements of our narrators dialeck (hes right though: safety is paramohnt) and also he has a physical build known as: Mormon Unit.

I aint pretendin its the exact same, but these XXL fellas like this its a little like big bosomed gals in that in some ways you might get a lot of admaration and attention (probly unwanted) to your body especially when youre young but you might want to find a good back surgeon sooner rather than later. Anyway this fella’s compny made some new guns what shoot a lot real quick and to properly demonstrate how their guns are good for real life tactical and personal defensical situations, they decided to remake their very favorite action movie scene with them:

Which you know what it might be mine favorite too or at least pretty up there or at least HEAT itself is just top of my pops i think we all agree and not to brag but i had the opportunity to visit the City of Angeles once and took some time to walk around that self-same downtown plaza and breathe in that sacred air and make kinda a mess of my gyro on one of the benches there. It is not too far from where Arnold rode a horse up a elevator, if you ever visit let me know and i will send you a list of these and other LA must-sees.

So lets meet our operators here, they were pretty nice to make a honestly well-edited lil intro clip for eacha themselves, here is our Tom Sizemore-

And then i was embarrassed to learn that I been saying this next one wrong my whole life:

Which, I do feel silly but that makes more sense actually, anyway here he is:

An then of course the one you been waitin for, the last man ever to look cool in a goatee, The Intern himself:

Bobby DeNirMore

I also ‘preciate that these guys pretty much made some titles graphics for me to use here about their video for example:

Good question! Now I will borrow from my good bud jesus for a minute and answer your query with a allagory: I had a buddy once liked to make ARs in his garage and he told me that for him it was just kinda a relaxing grown-up legos situation to do the different builds and attachments and stuff and he knew thats what it was and wasnt pretendin it was actually gonna help him defend his castle doctrine or anything.

But thats not our Utah Heat crew, nuh-uh: they made a company that makes “tomorrows weapons” (mostly bullpups from what i can tell) and they say about it: “We have a strong belief in the second amendment and strive to provide the best firearms, ammunition and training possible for military, law enforcement, and private gun owners.” so you should all know that: when they spend a lot of money and time and like 5000 rounds and 200 go pros to remake a part of a michael mann movie? Its to help our country and freedom warriors defense against tyranny and NOT just cause they think action movies are very cool and possibly: real. And its not weird or fringe its good, mainstream Christian activities:

Yes that's Nick playing the part of Robert D. and yes I know what youre all wonderin:

So that’s our ‘’why” answered, who here has a next question go ahead raise your hand dont be shy

Yes this is a good one to know about guns have been known to be dangerous after all how did this crew insure no accidents? Well for one they hired a Israeli special forces guy to come do choreographics and supervision for their after-school scrimmages in a secure parking lot:

That’s him in the sunglasses and camo. But you can probly tell he doesnt have to do much with these pros, they know there movements and firing solutions and trigger disciples and obviously the most important first rule of hunter safety which is: never fire your gun unless its to hunt a animal for food or the most necessary of self-defense senarios…

…or if it makes you feel real cool like your in a movie.

Now I see some hands goin up here it looks like some a you might have had this rollin around your head long enough by now that youre spottin a problem. In Heat, Robby Dee and his crew, this fuckin crew, are the BAD guys and they are firin their very cool weapons direct into the hearts and minds of the LAPD. Which: gun companys? For profit reasons? When they shoot people for fun they want it to be NOT police cuz they dont condone firing on police, you know? There very pro-police. Look he says so too-

So how to do a Heat (1995) re-enactment without EVEN PRETENDIN to endanger a officer of law enforcement? Put on your puzzlers and see if you can think of, i wanna say a THREE STAR solution to this one, not just a answer thats correct (1 star), but also most tragic (2 stars) AND Hot Dog Level: On High (THREESTARS). Take your time, think it over.

Haha I betrayed you its a trick question it is impossible to do better than…

…filled with cans of Mountain Dew!

THREE AND A QUARTER STARS!

I think its mountain dew anyway unless maybe we were also supposed to be mad at and shoot Heiniekins?

Anyway thats just pretty beautiful problem-solving, i personally love it very much. Lemme wipe a lil o this mirth off my eye here, just a second.

Ok so the shooting part itself isent that long its like four minutes with like 20 minutes of intro and then another 20 of:

In which the tom sizemore guy instantly indears himself into the hearts of everyone watching by being just so charming:

The reaction discussion part is really just a lot of: “‘member when we played Heat!?’’ for kinda a long time.

But back to the Pre-Reaction Action heres the rest of the good parts watch them with me wont you:

Thankfully no lady mannequins were harmed durin this part. I like to think they included this clip in as maybe just a way a kinda razzin Val there about how he didnt hit shit hahaha

Thats a fun clip from when his gun cooked off and fired a round on its own and almost got Val in his leg there! Haha they just kept that in their promotional video about how they make good guns because: This is Real Life.

Professional examination of the casaulties

“Memberin fondly when we rolled up on them mannequins in that buick and I got to shoot through the windshield. Haha That was just like in Heat.”

I have to imagine hes maybe thinkin about the decisions that led him to this strange land and people and moment. Or maybe hes just prayin a cartridge doesnt get stuck behind his ear that happened to me once and burned me pretty good.

Heres where they reanact the tender rescue of Val Kilmore:

Yes we're laughin but can you imagine how charged that moment of shared physical masculinity contact musta felt? Somethin they maybe both crave and desire but can never allow outside the context of lets-pretend violents. The lil guy just surrenders his full weight over to bein held and cradled by this Wasatch Colossus, and then damn, just think of feelin all that heat and noise reflectin off that outback while Big’nTall just sprays rounds at any and all lady mannequin invaders…i doubt you or i will ever feel as safe.

Now: Some of you might remember the movie doesnt go so good for Tom Sizemore, he takes a hostage and then gets Al Pachinko’d right ‘twain his eyes:

Thats pretty cool but its no way for a high deseret operator to go out. So they calculated that it was 1.4 seconds between sizemore turning and takin one, and, bein’ good sportsmen, they said: ok slim so you got exactly that much time to make a move for life and freedom and he said bet

Not today, Pachinko.

Whew what a fanally that was excitin! But it also give me a sober thought which is how fragile our second amendment freedoms are at this juncture in history. Imagine: a humble small rural business owner with a subsidiary in India and a part on his webpage that says “government contract wins” and barely even three wives (‘legedly) to cut his cube steak for him. Keep picturin’ him with me: A church-every-sunday kinda gent in a worship group that’s only a little too weird for the Mormons and pretty much not really any previous legal troubles. Now, imagine what if all he does is: have a few friends over to run drills in the middle of town with full auto weapons for a couple weeks? And then uses his hard one capital to have a little boys’ day out with drones and cameras and like 20 cars and only about 1200 rounds per person to practice killin and blowin up police officers? and puts it out on youtube with their full names and faces and sayin: that was the best that was so fun we would love to just keep doin escalatin activities like this? and just cause of this lil harmless and very safety fun, they have the full FEDRAL HAMMER of goverment tyranny brought down on there heads…

…and not only get almost raided by also probly youtube shadowbanned cause theres only 167k views on that video that’s crazy it should have like 5 billion!? Well actually now that I say it out loud it seems like there probly gonna be just fine no matter what, looks like they can do pretty much whatever they want, but due to my community dynamics Im aware of the social cost I’d pay if I ever ‘mit to that out loud so you understand, youd probly also keep it to yourself in the name of jesus christ amen.

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Daniel Sloane, who played Val Kilmore's ponytail wig in REAL Heat 2: Hot Enough For You?

You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.