Best of 2023 - Robert Brockway
Added 2023-12-28 13:00:03 +0000 UTC
2023 has not been kind to Brockway, and Brockway, in turn, has not been kind to 2023. He has taken revenge for his crumbling body with online guides that teach you how to develop a mental illness, video game molesting news anchors, and the entire life and works of Craig Stormon, comic book berserker.
Learning Day: WikiHow to Live Like a Vulcan
If you hate emotion, secretly believe that all humans should operate purely on cold logic like meat computers, and think you might be from space - have we got an article for you! It’s about contacting a mental health professional. It’s not this one, don’t read this one.
Nerding Day: The Mortal Kombat Live Tour Promo
The 1990s thought everything needed a stage show for children, and Mortal Kombat was no exception. Even though it really should have been. Let’s all remember the time Mortal Kombat Live performers had to do local news segments to promote it and got molested by an out of control news strangler.
Craig Stormon ran a comic book imprint called Blue Comet Press, and Brockway is its most passionate and only fan. Cursed Worlds is the Source Book for the entire Blue Comet universe, by which we mean it’s a deranged, seemingly random collection of poorly illustrated pages bookended by unhinged editorials about the many betrayals of Craig Stormon.
Hey, remember the time Billy Zane fucked a RoboCop so hard it exploded a building, killing several caught in the shrapnel blast? It’s absurd that you don’t. It should be a moment celebrated by our culture for all time, like the Moon Landing. Come learn about important American history, you philistine.
Nerding Day: German Disco Christmas Star Wars
Look at that title. That’s self explanatory. You know what this is. You love it. You should have only one question: Does Yoda breakdance in this? The answer is yes. Yes! YES!!
With some caveats.
Comments
Rob bless us, everyone.
Brendan McGinley
2023-12-29 15:18:17 +0000 UTCOh, and of course sissyneck has that asshole kid who works at the Hawkins (and maybe Stephen King)
SudsiestPanda
2023-12-29 05:32:52 +0000 UTCIt is fun that Brockway has Storman, Lydia has Nathfield, and Seanbaby has Diebel as their muse/nemesis. Just need to find someone for Dennard and Swaim, unless I’m missing an obvious foil.
SudsiestPanda
2023-12-29 05:30:32 +0000 UTCThe follow up question is: did they just take those covers from Amazon, or does Seanbaby have all of those books in his legendary library?
SudsiestPanda
2023-12-29 05:27:36 +0000 UTCBrockway taking vengance on the world for his destroyed body makes a scary amount of sense. The emotional damage caused by his Blue Comet articles alone has got to be worth at least a kidney.
Jeff Orasky
2023-12-28 22:13:18 +0000 UTCAnd a Robert New Year! UGH. Get a funnier name, Brockway. Got nothing here.
Bim Talzer
2023-12-28 16:45:28 +0000 UTCThose can't be real holiday books. They can't. [huddles in a corner]
Talking Alpaca
2023-12-28 14:52:24 +0000 UTCMerry Brockmas!
FancyShark
2023-12-28 14:27:57 +0000 UTC
