Hot Dog Appreciation Day: 'Tis the Season to be 🌭

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that each of us wears a secret waifu tie with a hidden image of the other. But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where every town function is held in the parking lot of a Walmart Supercenter two towns over.

He got a little too excited about Tom’s Judge Dredd article…

The poor man was begging for help. We cannot believe not a single one of you told him Frank’s stage name was Frankie Stallion, and the song is called “Ey Dredd!”

Sissyneck may technically owe royalties to Fabio for this dream.

You are allowed to dream of Fabio, you are allowed to dream of wine, and you are allowed to dream of falcons, but if two or more of these elements are present together, you are in copyright violation of Fabio.

And finally, for the holiday season, Sissyneck got downright inspiring.

Hocdogtopus bless us, everyone.

Now let’s move on to the Comments …

FancyShark picked up what we didn’t know we were putting down in Covenant Eyes.

You know Brockway and Seanbaby are each other’s Christian porn-app sponsors, and you know Seanbaby has the much worse deal.

Flippant Sausage yearns for the old ways of tabletop perversion…

Yep, back in the good ol’ days before you could just login to your Fuck Sheet on Bone20, select ‘Robot’ from the dropdown menu and click ‘Assreaming’ to automatically apply your proficiency bonuses.

Bonnybedlam brings up an excellent point she is now under arrest for…

These two Matts have really got our site ethos down.

This one Justin has really got our site ethos down.

That Aidan Mouat has really got our site e-

You get it. More importantly, do we have any lawyers here? How can we legally steal our fan’s services and profit from them? Does this also include your services, as our lawyer?

Kickin’ Jeans really kicked a nerve with SoylentRobot. You know where that nerve was located.

We’re not sure what ThatFoxOverThere is trying to say…

But we are sure that it deserves an In The Mouth of Madness-style ‘reading is the real terror’ movie adaptation.

Fleabag has a story so inspiring we’re already in talks with our IP-thieving lawyers to use it in promotional materials.

Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month!

Author Ape is exactly as insufferable as you’d think, and way more sufferable than you’d hope.

All of Doctor Ape’s prescriptions are for “Ape Juice.” The efficacy is questionable, and while the data is peer reviewed, all those peers are apes.

Mafia Ape talks with his hands and sings with his tommygun.

Philosophy Ape believes that inside every ape there are two apes, at war. One ape is darkness, the other ape is light, and which one wins is irrelevant since all ape fights are sweet.

Crusade Ape thinks it’d be a shame if something happened to this nice entire religion you’ve got here.

Wizard Ape controls all the power of the Sacred Ape Stones which, when gathered together, grant any ape all the proportionate speed and strength of an ape.

Gellaho has so many craft-brewed micro-apes on tap that he’s taken to leaving them about as traps. Brockway thought he guessed one…

He was incorrect, but only for about an hour.

Now on to the Discord …

Darthlthead has uncovered the least shocking revelation in Hot Dog history:

Javo longs for the glory days of medicine, back when young top gun lobotomists played by their own rules: None.

We’re taking a page from Gellaho and laying out theme song traps. Haraka just fell into the Miller Pit!

Brockway made an unsettling discovery: WikiHow is aware of, and mocking him.

He was so thrown by this discovery that he got brutally joke-scooped by Mo.

The rules say that Mo is the Brockway now, and his body will soon decay accordingly.

Mike spent the very finite time he has on this mortal plane to make a virtual car for an online hot dog conglomerate, and we have to assume he has no regrets. Why would he?

The holidays are a joyous time here at 1900🌭, and we celebrate in the traditional way: With vigorous karate. None better exemplify the spirit of giving (punches) and receiving (justice) like Ferroday:

There ain’t no Christmas like a Karate Christmas cause a Karate Christmas don’t stop (until sensei has been avenged).

The choir falls silent. The stage lights dim. A spotlight picks out a single figure. Take us out with a solo, Seanbaby:

Fatamatician has the best Christmas cards this year:

Wait, second best.

That’s a surefire way to end up on Santa’s naughty list, DeltaFoxtrotll.

Will Black brought us all the gift of Corey Haim’s Blood Dolphin, the best movie that was never even conceived.

Gellaho is always brimming with 🌭 spirit. But apparently this year he was visited by seven Frank Ghosts representing the fundamental aspects of 🌭, and he learned a valuable lesson about Maximum Hype.

Human-dicked Cyborg Steele is one of our many Discord-exclusive 🌭s, and it’s entirely Gellaho’s big beefy screaming baby. We definitely mentioned that before.

Behold the Steele tree, complete with, we all assume, an intact human penis.

We probably mentioned that Gellaho does weekly live-reads of goofy books in the Hot Dog Discord, but maybe we failed to mention he also records them as downloadable audiobooks.

We CERTAINLY forgot to mention that he’s turning them into videos now. So we’re doing that! Right now! Consider it mentioned.

Clearly Gellaho is the winner of the Hot Dog Spirit Award this month. Just like every month. It is actually illegal to display more sheer mad 🌭 enthusiasm than this, so in the interest of keeping things fair, he doesn’t win at all. That’s fair! That’s what fairness looks like.

It’s actually Tommy G who wins, for building an actual Seanbaby action figure and actually sending it to actual Seanbaby!

You could have kept that for voodoo purposes, Tommy G, but you are a giver. And givers are winners! Congratulations!

You are the new custodian of the Prince Photo:

Don’t worry, that’s not a big job. It mostly consists of wiping the remains of ProseAndKahn, our previous winner, from all the nooks and crannies in the frame. Don’t forget to soak the fox tails, which have escaped from the photo into our reality and thus hastened the destruction of all mankind! The portents of doom get all matted if you leave previous winners in their fur overnight.

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll feed them to the vast army of themed apes that threatens to overwhelm us at any second.

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