Learning Day: Real Men Do Yoga
Added 2021-11-22 13:00:06 +0000 UTC
Good news, men! It’s me, 1900HOTDOG’s man expert, Lydia “Shark Punches” Bugg. I’ve finally done it. I’ve found a book that makes it ok for both veteran and novice men (which is what I call babies) to do yoga!
Yes, all babies are novice men. They are bald and round, and they either grow into veteran men, or they fail. I originally picked up Real Men Do Yoga because I’m constantly seeking ways to identify fake men, vampires, robots, etc. I saw this book and thought, oh, this is great. Now, whenever anyone says, “I’m a real man!” I can just reply, “prove it-- do a backbend!”
Unfortunately, Real Men Do Yoga has nothing to do with vampires or robots. I know I’m just as disappointed as you are. Still, I thumbed through it, and there’s some pretty good advice on how to do yoga without harming your eXXXtremely fragile masculinity.
To help explain Real Men Do Yoga for you, I wrote a commercial for the book that will make you feel a rainbow spectrum of manly emotions from angry to horny. It would cost about fifty-five million dollars to produce, but other than that’s perfect. Any scans added to this will flash on the screen for about a minute or so. The commercial will be at least fifteen minutes long, maybe a half-hour max.
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If these images are borked, you can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.
Comments
(Okay, this is what I found...he is a real journalist, including working at the New York Times, and he is a professor of journalism at the University of Florida. Along with this, he wrote a history of soul music in Florida and a biography of Gorgeous George).... so... he seems to be a normal person whose written a few unusual books, but we could have much, much worse)
Matthew Harris
2021-11-24 09:29:58 +0000 UTCLiddy, I think one day this article is going to have to fight itself for the main reason why it's my favorite piece you've written. To put it in damn robot terms, this article is both Tusk.
Brendan McGinley
2021-11-23 04:12:10 +0000 UTCThere's actually one word that's more manly, but we don't xy it in earshot of women so they don't xyplode. But it's spelled X-Y-X-Y.
Brendan McGinley
2021-11-23 04:10:05 +0000 UTCShe did ask me to pick her up outside a bank that was suspiciously on fire. Maybe there was more to that then I originally thought...
kerry budding
2021-11-23 02:40:32 +0000 UTCI'm in for contributing to the Kickstarter for the advert as long as Chris from Covenant Eyes plays Tusk. Could really help sell yoga to the no-fap brigade.
Matt Edwards
2021-11-23 02:28:34 +0000 UTCOr recruiting you for a heist.
Flippant Sausage
2021-11-23 02:12:45 +0000 UTCOr just trying to help you survive the snake rain.
LyraV
2021-11-23 01:14:55 +0000 UTCCan I eat a handfull of M&Ms to make up for it? They are basically minieggs, right?
Matthew Harris
2021-11-22 22:39:06 +0000 UTCWhen I was in Airforce tech school, I was recommended yoga by another student. She said it would "build the muscles you're looking for, and the stamina and flexibility I'm looking for." It was years before it finally clicked that she was hitting on me
kerry budding
2021-11-22 22:36:59 +0000 UTCWe have received a report of your use of egg and will properly shame you until you stop.
Yeyo
2021-11-22 22:35:45 +0000 UTCAnd now I am making a mental guess with myself: is John Capouya a man who wanted to bring health and well-being to the masses, but knew he had to put it in terms they understood, or is John Capouya the type of man who really believed meditation was scary and just wanted men to be more efficient stockbrokers? Or alternatively, was John Capouya a committee of ghostwriters churning out books for money? I should say, every time I give a 1900HOTDOG subject the benefit of the doubt, it turns out they were even worse than the article suggested. Anyway...make your own guesses, I am off to Google.
Matthew Harris
2021-11-22 21:53:21 +0000 UTCStill will need some science done to make our feet into non-organic trapezoidal shapes, but I'm pretty sure there's a strong base of funding for it. After all, what else would they spend the science dollars on? It's either Liefeldian physics for feet or those ape picture NFTs.
Flippant Sausage
2021-11-22 21:29:40 +0000 UTCIt takes a certain kind of keen mind to con people, and this kind of thing is a con. At the very least you have to understand how the marks think, and that takes a weird amount of intelligence and a strange, strange kind of empathy used for a truly evil purpose.
Flippant Sausage
2021-11-22 21:24:42 +0000 UTCOff-topic but I have to admit this---I fried a single egg for breakfast. It was going into my quesadilla, so only using one makes sense, but I still felt a sense of shame while doing it. And 1900HOTDOG is basically my Jeff who have to know my egg-frying lapses.
Matthew Harris
2021-11-22 19:39:47 +0000 UTCYou mentioned the Youth Pastor, and to me, that was funny, because the entire thing had a big Youth Pastor energy. "Yo guys you like sports...but when you think about it, Jesus was the ultimate quarterback!" It is hard to tell whether the author was stupid, or if he just thought his audience was stupid. Maybe there is a lesson here---if someone has to dumb down their message past a certain point, maybe that message isn't worth sharing.
Matthew Harris
2021-11-22 19:38:17 +0000 UTCWedge staring contemplatively at the space where Big was supposed to be is an image that will stick with me forever.
Andrew Meyer
2021-11-22 19:07:10 +0000 UTCThis is the secret we’ve needed to turn people into Rob Liefeld characters: giant men, ultraflexy men, grimacing men!!
Chris “Ace” Hendrix
2021-11-22 16:54:11 +0000 UTC"Oxygen" is the 2nd manliest word. It has "XY" right up in there. 1st manliest word: xylophone
Vooster
2021-11-22 16:53:44 +0000 UTCLydia is an S tier pick for most fighting games because of that, with high crossup and good zoning.
Flippant Sausage
2021-11-22 16:11:27 +0000 UTCI hope so because they would draw attention to my dick and ass in a positive way. People would be like "Jesus he looks like he's trying to cross the German border with counterfeit sausages!" in a hushed and reverent tone. Also I like the colors and they look comfortable and are more upmarket than sweatpants.
Flippant Sausage
2021-11-22 16:09:22 +0000 UTCIncredible article.
Fatamatician
2021-11-22 15:44:20 +0000 UTCDoes this mean guys now can wear paint-like pants and shirts that adhere to the skin and wonder why so many people are staring at them?
Talking Alpaca
2021-11-22 14:19:15 +0000 UTCThe typos in the script are an excellent touch. That's how you know it's for real men, not those sissy boys who care about things like spelling.
Bonnybedlam
2021-11-22 14:16:43 +0000 UTCholy moly this one took a turn i had to go cool down after readin that line about regular old twentieth-century American sex brought up so many powersome memories and sensations and then when i came back to finish the story I guess now everybody's robots and vampires and it was the end of the wizard of oz (real-mans version) the whole time!?
sissyneck
2021-11-22 14:08:38 +0000 UTCI instinctively flinched at Lydia’s nickname until I remembered that every time she punches, it summons a shark to add to her combo.
FancyShark
2021-11-22 13:51:41 +0000 UTCYou need to Kickstart that commercial right now.
Jeff Orasky
2021-11-22 13:49:24 +0000 UTCI miss read the title and got real excited thinking there's a 21 star system athletes use to rank themselves. Like, stopping at 5 stars is nowhere manly enough.
Dan B
2021-11-22 13:40:40 +0000 UTCThe moment Wedge revealed he had a stake, I knew I was home.
Intillectrician
2021-11-22 13:36:55 +0000 UTC
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