~Another Mental Health Update~

I just wanted to give you all a little update on my mental health and everything.

So I'm officially 1 week on medication, and while I know the effects won't be really noticeable (or if any at all with this specific medication) until about a month in, I'm hopeful that they will work for me.

I talked to my therapist and I think we kind of worked out why I'm having some of the worst mental health of my life right now. 

I think that all of the things that I've been peripherally stressing over, (money, deadlines, appointments, other commitments etc.) finally all hit me at once, especially with the Executive Dysfunction making me near unable to do any work at all. The threat of looming deadlines that I wasn't gonna be able to meet but needed to meet to continue to make money just finally sent me into a mental break.

My therapist also reminded me that this is the first time in my life I've experienced Executive Dysfunction to this degree when not masking and not having anxiety as my main coping mechanism. We've learned through 2 years of therapy that the reason I had crippling clinical anxiety was mostly because it was being used as a coping mechanism for undiagnosed ADHD.

So a combination of all of these things and my brain just said, "Nope, I literally can't." and while I've been trying to manage and navigate my ADHD by non medicinal needs, I reached a point where I knew I needed more help. The Executive Dysfunction started to encroach upon my hobbies, and who knows when it would encroach on me trying to take care of myself or my dog.

I guess the long and short of this update is, is that I'm still having a hard time getting work done. The mental block is so strong that I can maybe get a small piece of work done every day. I try to takes these small victories, but they feel empty when the looming threat of the end of the month is coming down on me.

I want to continue to create audios. I love doing it, and honestly, I need to continue to do so to be able to, you know, live. I'm trying, I'm really really trying my best to do as much work as I can, and I know I always ask and thank you for your patience and support, but truly, you all are so very kind to me.

And I guess the truth of the matter is, and maybe I've been stalling a little bit, but I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get all of the audios/content I've promised as tier goals out in the next week. I'm going to try my hardest to get as much done as I can, but I don't want to exacerbate my mental health too much in the already fragile state that I'm in. 

I'm just sort of at a loss as to what I'm going to be able to accomplish on Patreon for the foreseeable future. I don't want people to sign up or continue their subscription to me with me unable to produce the amount of content they might expect/I've promised in my tier descriptions. But I also recognize that there are a lot of people out there who care about me and my wellbeing and will continue to support me anyways, and from the bottom of my heart I cannot thank you enough.

However, I understand completely if you as a Patron would like to delete your pledge until my mental health is better. I don't want anyone to feel as though they're going to be cheated, or that they feel obligated to continue to support me at this time. There is never an obligation.

Thank you everyone, and I'm sorry for how long this is, but as always I want to be truthful to you all, even though it's really scary, and I keep having fears that I'm going to wake up and everything I've worked for in the past 5 or so years is going to be gone. Please take the time to take care of yourselves and listen to your mind and your body. Treat yourselves with kindness and grace because you deserve it.