~Bucky X Listener NSFW: Forgiven~ {Patreon Exclusive}

He didn't end up hurting you, but he still can't get it out of his head that he needs to be forgiven. You've come to a mutual solution.

Contains: Dom/Sub Dynamic, Sub Bucky, Kissing, Crying, Punishment, Spanking, Praise Kink, Begging, Hand Job, Use of Russian,  Safewords (Physical Object, Red for backup), Accidental Use of Safeword, Mentions of Triggering and PTSD, Panic Attack, Aftercare

I think my main motivation with this audio was to find a situation where I feel like Bucky would feel like he needs to be forgiven in a different way than what's been told to him previously. He still feels partially responsible for his actions even though he was brainwashed, and sometimes really hates the 'it's not your faults' instead of just being like, 'Yes, you did wrong, here's how you can fix it/make up for it'. I also kind of wanted him to have a little bit of a breakdown, because he feels safe with the listener and feels like he can just let everything go, and he's kind of desperate since the listener was the one he attacked in the first place. Also! I've read about physical object safewords, and the uses of them, and I thought it would be a good one for Bucky, so I've implemented it here. Hope you all enjoy!

Sorry about the quietness of the audio, but I kind of top out the scales here with some shouting, so unfortunately to not blow out the audio, I had to keep it quieted down a little. But if you turn up your volume, it should be ok!

~Audio Transcript Below~

Bucky:  I know.....you want me to--to state what I want.....and why it's....it's....difficult.....

*swallows* I know....communication....is important......

*pause*

I want.....I need to be punished.......

I did.....a bad thing.....I had.....an...attack and.....for one terrifying moment....I was.......it again.

*swallows* A-and....I almost hurt you....in the process......

I....I can't be punished.....by other means.....but I've.....I feel the need....to....make up for it.....and......I know there's some....twisted part of me that.....misses being.....punished.....from when I was.....it. At least it was a clear message that....that I did wrong.....that I....fucked up......that I could be corrected, and then move on.

Now.....it's all, "It's not your faults" and "You can't control it" and kind words and reassurances and I just......

I need some sort of.....physical punishment so I can be forgiven and it doesn't feel like I'm.....itching to get out of my skin.......

*hushed* I'm sorry I can't just take your word for it, that everything is ok........

*pause*

*shudders a breath* I think.....I think that the reassurances and everything else.....softness....will be more....effective....if I feel like.....I've earned them......if I've been forgiven.......

*pause*

I know....I know I don't have to.....part of me mentally knows.....but there's another part......part me and part....it that just......needs the validation that I've made up for what I've done wrong.......then I can move on from it.......

*long pause*

*shudders softly, on a moan* You're so good to me......

I.....I want you to punish me.....but nothing....unexpected.......because I don't--I don't want to have another episode.....I think....an expected punishment......is what I need......

I think.......spanking.....almost being treated.....like a--a thing......or.....a pet....maybe....I've.....liked it when you've done it before.....

Discipline me.....please......please......Владелец (Vladelets) {"Owner/Master/Possessor"}

*pause*

S-safeword?

I.....I don't know if.....

*hushed* I don't know if I trust my mouth........right now......

I.....I don't want to do that tapping.....it's.....I don't know.....I---

*pause*

Hold onto this....?

This is.....a bottle cap.......

*pause*

S-so....I hold onto this......and if I want to stop.....I just.....let it go?

A-and the....the ridges bite into my palm......to remind me of it.....

B-but.....but what if I?......I don't want to crush it.....

*pause*

*swallows* "Then don't?"

I.....I.....

I can......do what I'm told.....while being punished......

You're.....You're right.......

S-so....just this then?

*pause*

W-with 'Red' as a backup........Ok......

красный (krasnyy) {Red}......in case I.....don't say it in English.......

S-So, wh--

I…...I’m sorry…...I didn’t know……

Y-yes…..we’re…..we’re starting now……

Please punish me, Владелец (Vladelets) {Owner}

Over your knee?

Y-yes.....

*shuffling*

I.....I'm still holding on to it.

*swallows* Y-yes......let it go if I want to stop......

Spread my legs a little? *spank*

*hisses a gasp* Ah!

F-forgive me, Владелец (Vladelets) {Owner}.......clarifying....not questioning.....

*shuffling*

*spanks intermittent with panting and soft hitching moans*

*harder spank*

Ah~

*panting*

I-I am hard.....I'm sorry....I'm sorry for being hard.....*spank* Oh~ I'm sorry for not being able to control myself......

*long pause*

*spank* AH~

*spank* Oh........

*bitten back moan*

*a little woozy* Huh?

Go kneel on the floor....?

Over....there?

I--

*pause*

*hushed* Yes.....I want to be a good boy.....and do what I'm told.....

*shivers*

*shuffling*

L-like this?

Eye--*swallows*--eye contact.......

*long pause*

I.....I'm hard b-because.....I.....

N-no, I just.....I can't help it when your hands are on me.....I'm sorry Владелец (Vladelets) {Owner}.........

*sniffs* I'm embarrassed.....a-and.....humiliated.....being so hard even though it's a punishment......I don't want to be bad.......p-please forgive me.......

*pause*

I do--I am sorry for....a lot of things.......please.....please punish me more for it......

Yes.....yes.....spank me more......thank you.....thank you.....

*shuffling*

*moaning and panting with various spanks*

I......I......there's....nothing.....I.....I can't.....I can't.......

*spank*

I'm sorry! I'm sorry.......please forgive me Владелец (Vladelets) {Owner}.......please....I'm sorry--! I'm sorry I'm--*spank*

*moans* I'm sorry I'm s-so hard.....oh-f-fuck! Sorry....sorry....please.....sorry!

*panting*

Kn-kneel on the floor a-again? S-same....spot? I--I.....

*spank*

*gasps* Yes! Yes.....

*shuffling*

*harsh panting*

*soft whimpering*

Y-you're not g-going to s-spank me unless....I tell you?

I-....I.......

*starts to sniffle with hitching breaths*

*starts to sob* Sorry-! S-o sorry....I....I'm....please....please! I-I need....I need--Please--sorry....I'm sorry....please...I'll....I'll tell you.....please I'm sorry f-for keeping it---I-  I'll tell you please.....just please spank me more....I p-promise I'll tell you! J-just please punish m-me! I'm sorry--

*soft sobbing and hitching breaths*

T-thank you! Thank you!

*shuffling*

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you~

I will....I'll tell you I swear....please....please!

*pause*

*spank*

AH--!

*Through sobbing and hitching breaths* I--I feel like a-a-a... a failure! I thought that--that.....Oh--I h-had this under c-control.......myself under control, b-b-but now every---everything feels like it's back to square one!

I-I hate how hard it is to exist s-sometimes.....the only t-time I feel like...... I'm worth anything and I'm not a-a f-failure......is.....is when I'm with you.....

Some--*swallows*--sometimes I-I just want it to be this....all the time.....w-where I can just be your pet.....and just do as I'm told....and be punished if I don't......

I-I love it.....and it's easy.....and I feel so s-safe and cared f-for!

*hars spank* AHHH!

*hisses a breath* Thank you~ Thank you~

*sobbing moans through spanks*

I'm sorry....I'm sorry I kept that f-from you! I-I didn't want to worry you...on-on top of everything.....I'm sorry~

*spanks*

*harsh gasp and panicked sobbing*

I--I No! No! I-I'm sorry! I don't! I didn't mean it! I don't! I don't want to stop, I don't want to stop!

P-please, please! I didn't mean it! Please don't stop!

I did it on accident! It was an accident! We're not done! I'm--I'm not---I didn't mean it! Please I'm sorry!!!

*spanking stops*

NO! *harsh sobs* P-please I'm sorry! Accident! P-please let me! I just need to get it and you won't stop! I didn't mean it! Please! Don't make me stop now~

Please let me get it, Владелец (Vladelets) {Owner}! Please!

*grunts*

Ah!

Thank you! Thank you! I'm sorry....I'm sorry I dropped it, I didn't mean it....please don't stop....please~

*panting and panicked sobbing*

*Slap*

*Harsh gasp*

I'm--I'm sorry! I'm sorry--*sniffs*--I'm....I'm listening....I'm sorry......

*pause*

*soft sniffling and hitching sobs*

I......I did what I was t-told? B-but I dropped the----the bottlecap in the middle and I---

*pause*

I-I did say....what was bothering me......

*pause*

*softer* A....and I did....take my punishment.....like you said.....

*pause*

*hushed* You're in charge.......

*pause*

Then I'm.....forgiven......

*pause*

I.....no.....I--I want to stay in the scene.....*softly* At least a little longer......

*sniffs*

I-in your arms....this time?

Yes, Владелец (Vladelets) {Owner}.........

*shuffling*

Oh......

*swallows* I....I just f-feel.....suddenly....s-so....small....*sniffs* curled up in your arms like this......

*moans softly* I....I am still hard......

*pause*

P-please?

*soft panting and moaning with sniffing and hitching breaths*

Thank you.....oh thank you Владелец (Vladelets) {Owner}......s-so....so good....oh~

*pants and moans*

Good boy.....am I......am I your good boy again?

*keening moan* T-thank you.....

*soft sniffling* It's good....it's so good....thank you....thank you, thank you, thank you.....

Ah~ Владелец! (Vladelets!) {Owner!}

P-please....c-close......m-may....may I--ah~--c-come....?

*sniffling pants and moans*

Thank you....thank you~

*whining moans*

Ah-ah-ah-ah-aah-haaa, oh~

*panting and repeating пожалуйста (pozhaluysta) {Please} over and over again*

AH~! C-coming!

*shuddering sniffling moans*

*soft panting*

T-thank you.......

*soft hitching panting*

Th-the bottle cap?

I.....h-here.......

*heaves a sigh*

*long pause with occasional sniffing*

*hushed* I'm sorry......

*pause*

I know I just.....what I said.....in the scene.....was true.......

Sometimes....being me feels so....fucking difficult.....even though I'm trying so damn hard.....

I feel like I can't get anywhere....without having a major set back.....and it's so fucking frustrating and---and terrifying....especially after today.....

I know you've already forgiven me.....in more than one way.....but I really truly am sorry I almost hurt you today.......

*soft kiss*

*sighs softly* Whenever I'm with you.....even if we're not in a scene....I feel like I can actually.....function.....It's....so easy being with you......just....existing......

*pause*

I....can't thank you enough.....for being there for me.....and......for being....a Dominant.....when I.....when I need it.......

*soft kiss*

I'll keep going.....I'm going to keep trying.....to get better in the future.......I swear......

*pause*

I love you.......

*kiss*