We Were Real Among The Clouds.

It was about to rain. I could smell it coming. We were at least ten kilometers away from our campsite and I had no idea how we had even gotten to this particular peak. As the clouds were descending and the white nothingness was flowing through us, I knew we had to start making our way back. I can never explain this to people who haven't been in the mountains. It's not fog but clouds that descend so low sometimes you can't see a thing. You breathe cold wet air and you feel like you're being carried by something that doesn't even exist in  tangible form.

"We should go," I told her, putting my fingers on her windbreaker, immediately the heat of my fingers made an impression in lines of condensation on the plastic-like material, "We'll probably die if we get stuck out in the rain."

"We are not going to die," she said out loud, while under her breath she said a little prayer and with her fingers she made a few ritualistic gestures, like a cross but with kisses and fanfare.

She did this all the time: when she saw dead animals anywhere, when she was scared, when she was happy about something, when she saw any house of prayer of any faith. Just all the time. Mostly in face of fear and a lot of things scared her. She was scared of heights and mountains too which is why coming on this trip with me had been a huge deal for her. I think she was bolstered by the fact that I was taking her to my home and not a place I didn't know well. She insisted then that she was doing it for me but I think a part of it was so she could have sex with me without worrying that someone in our daily lives would see us and call her a lesbian. She dreaded that word more than anything else in the world.

"I promise we're not going to die," I told her, "But you have to get up and walk now, you understand?"

She made a face. She had an adorable face. When she smiled she could actually light up an entire room; her eyes sparkled and shone. But that's not all there was. It was a damaged sparkle, even her brightest smiles were sad. Maybe I saw it because I knew her so well but I can swear that I saw it the moment I laid eyes on her. She wasn't broken, even if she was I could never see a person like that because I refuse to believe that people break, but she wanted to be. And I just wanted to take care of her. I wanted to hold her at night when she cried and I wanted to kiss her toes.

"You can make all the faces you like," I said with amusement, "But you have to get up and start walking, it's going to rain any minute."

She got up and I held her arm. Even behind my head I could feel her pout as she took tiny reluctant steps. There was no way we were going to make it back to the camp site walking. I figured we could go down the mountain and to the nearest road so we could get a ride to the campsite in a truck but even after twenty minutes of being on the road there wasn't a single vehicle that passed us. The weather really didn't allow it. In the summer months when the tourists come searching for peace and culture, these roads fill with cars but in the monsoon or the winter, you can walk hours without crossing anyone. I figured they had issued an avalanche warning, which they often did when they expected a cloud burst. The thunder was scaring her as so many things did and she kept asking asking these insane questions.

*Where are we going?*
*Why can't I see anything?*
*What if we bump into a jaguar?*
*Will I die if I breathe in too much fog?*
*Where are we going?*

I don't know why I liked it when she behaved like this. When she was unhappy she complained loudly and when she was confused she asked *many* questions. When she was scared she asked even more questions. And sometimes, I just couldn't explain her behavior at all.

"Do you want to see my boobs?" She asked pulling my hand suddenly.

It took me by surprise but she was like that. She had so much life in her despite spending so much time being afraid of it.

"I always want to see your boobs," I told her.

It took a few minutes for her to somehow keep her warm clothes on while still revealing her breasts and I stood there impatiently. My fingers itched to help her but somehow I couldn't, or maybe I wouldn't. Maybe I liked watching her make the effort. I liked watching her fingers move and I like how despite her constant bravado she avoided looking at me while she undressed. When she was done unbuttoning and pushing aside three layers of fabric she stood there with her hands on her hips; her lower lip pushed out a little further than it needed to be. Deliberately. It didn't matter though. She had a magical power over me, I always wanted to touch her and put my mouth on her. My mouth just moved towards her nipple. I forgot about the impending storm and she forgot about her fear of the thunder. We forgot even that we were walking on the road searching for our temporary home. I just remember biting her soft skin and I remember how she moaned. In bursts. Moan. Sigh. Silence. Repeat.

"We need to find a place I can lay you down," I said, perhaps desperately, as I pulled away from her chest and grabbed her hand, "Come. Pick up your bag."

"Let me get dressed first!" she said.

"Are you cold?" I asked her looking straight at her face.

"No, it's not really cold just wet," she said merrily.

"Then leave it like that," I told her, "There's no one here and I like being able to look at your boobs whenever I want."

She was still considering it when she started walking. We must have walked for an hour and it still had not rained. Nor had the promise of the storm let up. In fact it got fiercer and more ominous as we walked closer and closer to what I hoped was the path to our little nest in the woods. She was quiet as she walked behind me. I turned around often. Sometimes just to look at her. Sometimes to check on her. To touch her skin. To kiss her neck. She said nothing for the longest time.

"I'm very horny," she said finally and she was pinching her nipple with her head thrown back, "Please."

"I promise I will make you come so many times just as soon as we find our tent?" I told her as I rubbed her breasts.

She wasn't happy about it but she kept walking. By the time we actually reached our little corner she was mad at me. She let go of my hand and walked straight through the little flap into our tent. Somehow she had decided that it was my fault that she had to walk back so far. It was my fault that she was horny and hadn't come yet. It would be preposterous if it wasn't so cute.

I sat outside and smoked some pot. It was a tiny little clearing behind the tea gardens where I have been camping since I was a child.  It's close enough to home that I can run back in an emergency yet far enough that no one can find me unless they know where I am. No one could find us. It was perfect for her. It was the only time in years of something of a relationship that she really was with me. We weren't hiding from the world and she wasn't hiding from herself. As I put my joint out it started to rain. Big, fat raindrops falling from the clouds that were walking among us. I knew I had to go inside. I knew the rain would scare her and she would think that the tent was going to collapse on her. She was going to ask if the tree over the tent was going to fall on us. She had already done it all the previous night.

"I told you I wad horny," she said the moment I stepped inside and saw that she was under a blanket and presumably completely naked, "What were you doing outside? Don't you remember me telling you I was horny?"

"Are you still horny?" I asked her, taking off most of my clothes.

"Yes but that's not what..." She started to say. Her tone was different than it was a moment ago though.

"Are you still horny? Yes or no?" I asked her as I sat down in front of her and tied my hair up.

"Yes," she said but as always she wasn't happy about it.

I climbed into the blanket on top of her. She was warm and it was so incredibly loud outside. For a moment even I was afraid the trees would fall on top of us but as soon as I put my mouth on her skin, I forgot all of that. She liked being held and every time I climbed on top of her my hands automatically searched out her wrists while my teeth can't help but find more spots to sink into. In the faint light coming from the lantern in the corner of the room I can see the marks from last night and earlier that  evening on her neck and breasts. I could never do this to her when we're back in the city where our lives were. She couldn't explain my marks when we aren't hidden away. But there she didn't care. About anything. She screamed as she begged me to bite her harder and she begged as my fingers moved lower on her body.

"Tie my hands together please?" She begged with her eyes closed.

I realized she was still thinking about the previous night. She couldn't stop talking about how hot it was to be tied up during sex. I found some kind of strappy rope nearby and was happy to oblige her. Anything that pleased her I would deliver. And that's all I wanted to do when I saw her lying there like that. That blanket had been flung away long ago and her legs were spread wide open. Her eyes were closed and her hands were stretched above her head. Stray strands of hair we're bothering her on her face but I could focus only on how everything around me suddenly smelt of her cunt. I could never help myself with her and within second I found myself kneeling between her legs.

The smell of her, it was heady and I could feel myself bruising her thighs as I pushed her legs apart further. I don't know how deep inside her cunt I wanted to go but I remember every single time feeling her so close to my face that I couldn't tell where one ended and the other began. I couldn't get enough of her inside my mouth. From her tiny little asshole to her horny little clit, I could spend all day there​. Everytime she bucked against my tongue and pressed her legs tighter around my head and shook in ecstacy, I felt her look up to see if I would stop. I couldn't stop. I don't know when I stopped.

I woke up several hours later, still at her cunt. Her legs were on top of my head as she had turned to her stomach and she was snoring gently. Her wrists had come loose; I didn't tie them very tightly. I could still smell her and feel her so close to my face. I repositioned myself and my fingers reached out to the folds of her cunt. I felt her stirring as I probed deeper. I couldn't help it with her. Immediately my mouth closed around her clit as I played with the wetness that was growing around her holes. For a while she just moaned, moving herself around to get to my tongue. She stirred more and more and I felt her jerk when she woke.

"What are you doing?" She asked a little startled and still half asleep.

"You looked a little horny again," I told her getting my face out of her cunt for a second.

She giggled.

And then spread herself wider on top of me.

"You're the best," she said sleepily between moans, "I love you."

My tongue stopped flicking for just one second.

'*I love you too,*' I thought to myself, '*But I can never tell you that.'*