Lewd Dungeon, Chapter 400

Chapter 400 – Beach

Picking someplace to do a honeymoon was difficult, for deities. Fortunately, since we could each use the other’s shrines now that we were married, there were plenty of options on where to go. Still, since we’d done the ceremony in Greece, Athena suggested that we take our honeymoon to a city more closely associated with me. And of the places more associated with me, Miami had the best beaches.

Sure, it was in the middle of fall, now, but it never really got all that cold in Miami. Maybe it was a bit less humid, and temperatures were in the seventies, instead of pushing triple digits before the heat index, but it certainly wasn’t cold. Definitely not cold enough that you’d need sweaters or anything like that.

Still, even though the crowds were typically smaller this time of year, by the time we’d been out in the sun for an hour, we already had a couple hundred people in our immediate area, and it was just past ten, on a weekday. That kind of crowd, in that short a time, while many would be working, was fairly impressive, especially since we hadn’t advertised or made any announcements. Which meant that things were going as planned.

Schemers and strategists can’t just turn off that part of their brain. Yes, they can relax, but their mind naturally moves along paths to find how they can tweak situations for their advantage. In this case, both Athena and I knew we needed more ‘natural’ exposure to common people, to help drive home the reasons for the wedding, and put more pressure on governments without looking like that was what we were doing. With that in mind, we wanted to grab as much attention as possible, without it seeming like we were actively trying to get people to listen to us. People needed to think that the changes were their idea, rather than gods dictating to the masses.

The first part of this was our outfits. Since this was our first outing after the wedding, we compromised. Athena chose my outfit, and I chose hers. The results made getting people’s eyes on us child’s play, while still keeping us from violating any city ordinances about letting it all hang out. Sure, we could have gone to Haulover Beach, which was ‘clothing-optional’, but that would have decreased our reach. And besides, a scantily clad form could leave something to entice the imagination and distract the senses, more so than just having the body be wholly on display.

Divine avatars were perfect bodies, made of magic rather than flesh. Even gods who were portrayed as pudgy or fat had bodies that were flawless, even desirable, despite that. Budai, the Laughing Buddha, was one example. When speaking of mortals, one would assume that such an incredibly overweight individual would have oily skin and a certain smell about them, but Budai was nothing of the sort, and he certainly didn’t have the stamina problems that a mortal with his bulk would have when moving about.

This meant that one had to actively work to make a divine being unappealing, and neither of us were interested in doing that. Which is why Athena was wearing a black swimsuit that was technically a one-piece, but showed off more than a normal bikini. A loop behind her neck held the top in place, before the two lines descended over her breasts, expanding just enough to keep her nipples covered, before crossing at her stomach and then meeting at her tailbone, before diving down like a thong between her cheeks and a strip emerged on the front to meet the rest of the suit on her stomach. A simple wrap of black fabric rested low on her hips, tied off on her left, and allowing the whole of her left leg to be visible, including the simple sandals she wore. Her only jewelry was a simple band on her finger, made of polished obsidian, which was associated with me, since I’d used so much of it in my dungeon.

As for myself? Athena picked out a black and red speedo that left very little to the imagination, and a pair of sandals in the same style as hers. She also picked out a black, hooded sleeveless jacket that trailed down to my ankles and hung open in the front, like the bastard child between a zip-up hoodie and a long coat. Like Athena, the only jewelry I wore was a band on my finger, though mine was made of a single piece of lapis lazuli, which had often been associated with Athena in the past.

The result was… interesting. Not something I would have picked for myself, but then, that was the entire point of picking out each other’s outfits. And the matching bands of different stones, rather than simple gold, was something we’d worked together on while Aphrodite had her fun planning the reception and everything else that went on with the wedding. The symbolism was simple, each of us carrying something that symbolized the other.

And then, there was our ‘camp’. Not an actual camp, of course. Public beach and all. But a big beach umbrella, a couple chairs, a cooler that never ran out of beverages, boom box playing tunes, and so on? It was like the Platonic ideal of beach party scenes from movies. Especially when Athena and I made a show of taking off jacket and wrap and started putting lotion on each other.

Surprisingly, the formerly virgin goddess was well versed in how to play for an audience. And we were getting an audience. Just a couple hundred people, but gathered in one spot, and since I was willing to share the drinks from the cooler? We definitely had a beach party on our hands.

“I wondered who was causing the commotion. Figured it would be you.”

I was not surprised when I heard a familiar voice sounded from nearby. Part of the point of so openly visiting the beach here in Miami was that, eventually, it would catch the attention of someone who knew me, and had seen my avatar in the flesh before. One of those who were more willing to actually speak with me, which would give me the opportunity to guide the conversation, which the crowd would, no doubt, listen in on.

Turning my gaze from where Athena was entertaining a group of women by describing the events of our wedding night, I grinned as I saw Jen Sanders standing over me. She was the Fighter who had been part of the group that helped me test out the Water Temple a few years back. I noticed that she was dressed for a fight, rather than a day at the beach. But, considering she’d managed to hit Tier 2 and became a Waveborn Human Female (which was a version of a human that could breathe on land or underwater pretty much indefinitely, and was Tidesworn Spearwoman and Master Armorer. Basically, she got really good at fighting underwater, and making armor.

Right now, she was dressed in leather armor, except it had a certain sheen to it, like it was oily, or perhaps slimy. Her bracers and greaves were made of coral, however and her spear was a straight shaft of coral taller than she was, with a blade that was like a short sword, easily capable of stabbing or slicing, and she had a round shield slung across her back.. Her boots looked like leather, but I knew that they were enchanted. They were called [Boots of the Merfolk]. Basically, when someone wearing them entered salt water, their lower half transformed, like a mermaid’s, and allowed them to swim and move freely through the water. If a mermaid put her fin in one, though, it would transform to a leather ring around the base of her tail. When they left the water, their tail would split, and become legs, allowing them to walk freely. Naturally, getting used to an entirely new mode of locomotion took training, but the boots were considered essential equipment for anyone who went on the regular Vurlock purges of the coast.

“Well, if it isn’t Miss Sanders, or should I say Salty? You look to be geared up for some fun. I thought the regular hunt wasn’t until next week, though, and I notice you don’t have a party with you. Did you decide to do some solo reconnaissance? Or just an abundance of caution as you went diving?”

The fighter shrugged, unconcerned with my questions. But then, she’d had a chance to get to know me, before I became a god, so I wasn’t surprised that she didn’t treat me like some of the mortals did. “Caution, primarily. Though I do plan to scout the area near the Vurlocks, just to make sure their territory hasn’t changed any, but the real reason I’m heading out is because there’s been reports of new monsters coming up from the deep water, now that there isn’t a dragon there claiming territory. Need to make sure nothing too nasty is moving in, or we might need to take action.”

She paused, and then looked from me to Athena and back again. “What about you, though? Didn’t have anywhere better, or more in season, to go on your honeymoon?”

Athena chose that moment to intercede, as she pressed herself against me in a move that made every man (and more than a few women) in the crowd stiff with envy. “Well, we considered Fiji, but since the wedding was in my city, I thought it best for our honeymoon to be in my husband’s city.” The Goddess of Wisdom and War ran an appraising eye over the fighter, and grinned. “An accomplished warrior, with shield and spear, like the fighters of old. Though the materials and methods are different. But you didn’t want to ask my husband about our honeymoon, did you? After all, you hardly need my stories to know how energetic he can be, having been his guest before. I’m sure you have a story or two about him, no?”

Jen coughed once, and said, “Not like you were telling the crowd, no. Stories from the dungeon, yes. But even when we were helping to test out the Water Temple floor as he was designing it, we did not really interact with him too much. When we weren’t testing, we were mostly relaxing, talking with the floor bosses, and so forth. I believe Lord Kuronoth was mostly contenting himself with the news lady, her camerawoman, and the academic who were observing the process from ‘back stage’, as it were.”

“Mmm, the academic, that would be one of the women who you gave a child to before we met, Husband?”

I chuckled. “Yes, her, and a few others. I do have a reputation that I earned the legitimate way, and, as a god, I really ought to keep it. But I see no reason to do anything like turning into a swan and go plucking maidens, like Zeus. The women I’m with are typically far more eager, either for the act itself, or because of something they want in exchange, or they’ve done something to specifically warrant my rough treatment of them.”

“Yes, I am afraid I do not have Hera’s patience for antics like my father, Zeus used to get up to. I understand that you have your concubines and your deals, and those children already born, but otherwise?”

I grinned at the Goddess of Wisdom, and planted a kiss on her forehead. “I promise that, at the very least, you’ll know about it beforehand, with the option to join in. Though I don’t see it happening, as a rule. Transitioning to godhood as well as having a dungeon to run and all the other things does not give me time to run off to Crete and turn into a bull, or other such silliness. Either way, clear communication and consent are important in any relationship. And, at this point, anyone who runs afoul of my rules has consented by default to what they know will happen. One might as well argue against gravity, without magic.”

Jen shook her head. “It is so weird, thinking of you as married.”

“Well, the world is changing, Salty. And those of us in it must change as well. Not just gods and those who speak for dungeons, but the mortals, too. Beyond just adventurers adapting to the life of dungeon-diving and monster-slaying. The world is on a timer until what remaining protections are in place are removed. The earlier people and their governments begin the changes, the less traumatic that the changes will be, overall. Like the difference between rebreaking a leg that was not set properly, or allowing things to get to the point where it is gangrenous, and needs to be removed altogether.”

Athena offered a radiant smile at the mortals who were not even pretending they weren’t eavesdropping. Including a few who were actively recording this on their phones. “There is only so much those of us who have transcended mortality can do to help in the transition. Not without stripping away free will, and none of Earth’s old gods are willing to tolerate that. We, like the mortals who gave rise to us, are far too contentious to allow someone to just dominate everything. There would be constant threats of divine rebellion. It is part of why this union with the old gods and the new is so important, because, despite the different civilizations that have risen and fallen in the meantime, it shows that we can work together, when times call for it. Why, even the messengers of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam have been working closely together. What excuse do nations have when those who represent groups much further apart, with such bad blood between them, clasp hands and walk in common cause?”