Twitter Story: Exposed

"Who's a good baby?" The daycare lady coos at you.  "Who's a good baby?"    You are!  You don't say it; you're too full of the giggles.  She runs her fingers up your sides, tickling you like an eensy weensy spider and making you wriggle and kick on the changing table.

She unsnaps your onesie and shuffles it up above you diaper.  More tickling on your bare feet and legs.  More giggling.  The last of the pee pee trickles out into your soaked padding.  "I LOVE changing diapers!" she chirps.  "So much fun!"

You agree.  It's one of your favorite parts of any day.  All the attention and love focused just on you.  You hide your giggles in your hands, playing a one-sided game of peekaboo, as she untapes your diaper for you.  "Oh wow!" she says.  "So wet! You really needed a change!"

She's right, and in more ways than one.  You totally needed this.  "Let's clean this baby up!"    More giggles from you.  All the giggles.  They're only cut short by the chilly willy wipes.  The first one elicits a gasp from you.  You stick your thumb in your mouth.

"Get the baby clean" she says with each pass of the wipe.  "Get the baby clean."    You work up a really good rhythm sucking on your thumb.    For a short while, you feel vulnerable after she rolls up the used diaper and tosses it away.

Comfort and security comes back with a new diaper unfolded and slipped under your now clean bottom.  You let out a little moan over your thumb.    "Almost done, almost done."  You know.  You've done a lot of these.  The powder is welcome and cool and sweet smelling. Best smell!

"Changing diapers, changing diapers," she sings. "Is such fun! Is such fun! You're no longer stinky, you're no longer stinky! Nice clean bum! Nice clean bum!"  She finishes taping the diaper up during the song.

When she sings "Nice clean bum!" She gives your freshly padded bottom three tiny pats.    "Such a good baby!"    She snaps the onesie back up and tickles you again.  "Did you have fun?  Ready to play some more?"  Thumb still between your lips, you smile and coo.

The relief is short lived.  As soon as your feet reach the carpet floor, there's a small group of others dressed much like you, looking incredulous and judgemental.  "So..." one of them says.  "You're an adult?  Potty trained and a big kid and don't belong here? Nothing like us?"

Uh oh! You wipe your thumb on the onesie and hide it behind your back.  You've made a terrible miscalculation.  Your last daycare had the changing tables in the bathroom not out in front of everybody.  Should you even keep insisting and pretending?