Satisfaction Guaranteed

I can't tell you all how tickled I am you guys wanted to see Theo in a story- trying to work his usual routine on a beachgoing manticore that stood out to him, Theo finds that everything he tries has a way of backfiring on him. Thanks as always, and enjoy!

**************

Theodosius— or Theo, to his clients and friends— always did love the beach at summer time. Oh, the white sandy dunes did not have nearly as much greenery as he would prefer, but as far as pure expressions of summer, one could not find anything better; the sun was bright and hot over a clear blue sky and rolling waves, the throngs of people were cheerful and enjoying themselves in such magnitude that it was palpable. For a cheshire cat like him, it was harvest time.

Some of his kind preferred subtle methods for attracting mortals, but Theo believed in being so overt, he would be covert. Bright white hair, rich green fur, a tall and broad-shouldered frame, complimented by his usual outfit— a blue embroidered overcoat over a gold waistcoat and diamond-studded cravat. Like any good cheshire, he was never fully dressed without his bright, wide smile, and while he turned heads amongst the crowded boardwalk, no one, he was fairly certain, could be sure what he was up to— just as he liked it.

He was watching out for someone— anyone with an exceptional hunger, a drive or ambition he could pluck out of this crowd of beachgoers and tourists. His eyes went to someone who was exactly his type— exceptional by far, and one who was brimming with hungers and appetites of so many types and such intensity, he was already plotting how to satiate them. An enormous rat towered over the crowd, a monumental edifice of muscle and virile brawn— gold stripes were streaked over a back as wide and sturdy as a brick wall, arms thickly girded with beef as hefty as steel beams. He was handsome, too; chiseled features, blond hair and bright, golden eyes. Ah, he was a moving work of art, but Theo's smile dimmed somewhat looking the rat over. Oh, he would be marvelous fun, but Theo needed someone in need of something he could provide, and the more he examined this marvelous specimen of a rodent, he felt something deeper, a gnawing hunger that seemed a touch darker than Theo's usual clientele. No, if he were looking for a challenge, perhaps, but at the start of summer, the colorful feline needed an easier project, at least to get him started.

Ah, there was his man. Walking alongside the massive rodent was a manticore, his barbed tail swaying side to side. His otherwise leonine features were well-groomed, but understated. He looked so small compared to the rat, and perhaps that explained the slight chip on his shoulder Theo detected. There was a slight irritation under his tight grin, a skeptical eye cast all around the boardwalk. The cheshire could work with all of that.

He waited until the manticore and massive rat had parted at the end of the boardwalk. Slipping next to his mark, Theo's eyes cast a brilliant hue as he caught the manticore's gaze. "My dear fellow! A moment of your time?"

The manticore arched his brow high, taking all of Theo in. "This ought to be good. Wait, don't tell me— you want my soul, my name, or my firstborn child."

Theo put a hand to his chest. "Why! Do you greet every one this way? My dear sir, I want to help you." He leaned forward. "I couldn't help but notice you and that very large fellow earlier, a friend of yours?"

The hybrid threw his thumb over his shoulder. "What, you mean Victor?"

That set off a flash in Theo's mind. "Victor? Victor Magnusson, the notorious ex-powerbuilder? Ah! I thought he looked familiar." His smile widened, an image of molding this manticore into an exact copy of the rat's physique— clearly, he couldn't keep his eyes off him. There had to be a desire there. "I don't believe I caught your name— I am Theodosius, but my clients and friends call me Theo," the cat said, holding out his hand.

The manticore glanced skeptically at Theo's hand. "You can call me Harper. So— let's cut straight to business, what do you want then, huh?"

"As I said, I want to help you. It's what I do," Theo said. 

"Ah, a real philanthropist, are you?" Harper muttered, folding his arms.

"I like to think so," the cat said airily. "Now, Mr. Harper, there's really no need for any animosity— I really do want to make you happy."

The manticore scoffed. "Oh, you're that kind of guy," he smirked, looking Theo up and down. "Well the outfit is certainly unique, but for someone in your line of work, shouldn't you be wearing something that, y'know… shows off the goods a little better?"

Theo's smile flickered, and his whiskers curled. Laughing flatly, his eyes flashed a faint red— maybe he should have tried working on the rat. "Ah-ha. Very droll. Mr. Harper, I am here to make people happy— I can make you happy, but I need you to work with me."

"There's that word again, 'happy,'" Harper mused, stroking his chin. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers. "Ah. You're an Eldest Child from the Summer Court, aren't you?"

Theo blinked. "I… Well, yes, but I assure you, Mr. Harper, I'm not— How did you just pluck that out of thin air?"

Harper gave him a level look. "You're out in summer, first of all, you're at the beach dressed in an outfit that hasn't been worn in public in over two centuries and hasn't been worn at the beach… well, never, your fur is green, you're obsessed with making deals, and my mouth is starting to ache staring at your smile which shouldn't be anatomically possible for a cat beastman— is… that all enough for you?"

For the first time in a while, the cat found himself speechless. His smile almost disappeared entirely from shock, but he recovered. "Ah. You are… Hm." He stroked his chin, studying Harper intently. "You lack the usual academic air of a researcher or scholar, though clearly still well-read and worldly. What drew me to you was your slight cynicism and irritation, no doubt you have a hunger I want to satisfy, but now I think that irritation came not from the world around you, but at yourself. You were irritated not by anything around you— no no, you were irritated with yourself, because you were too easily distracted by your very, very large friend."
 He began to circle Harper, his thick tail flicking around the manticore's legs. "We'll put that aside for the moment. You get irritated about being distracted because you always want to keep your eyes open— you lack the precise gait or rigid stance of someone with military or law enforcement training, but you want to keep your eyes out not for… threats…" Theo mused for a moment, his smile curling. "But for stories." He snapped his fingers. "You, my friend, are a reporter. You specialize in stories around the arcane, and, dare I say, darker matters."

Harper grinned, nodding in concession. "Fair play. I've been working as an independent, investigative reporter. So you know how suspicious I'll be, and how likely I am to be skeptical of any of your claims— so you had better have one hell of a pitch in mind."

Theo grinned, guiding Harper further down the boardwalk and away from the crowd, on to the sprawling white sands. "Mr. Harper, I've seen the look on your face when you were in Mr. Magnusson's shadow a hundred times over. And I imagine you spend a lot of time chasing stories about shadowy, powerful individuals— you have a sense of justice in this, don't you? Wanting to expose the corruption of the powerful for the sake of the innocent, yes?"

"Are you… offering me some sort of ability to better tell my stories, spread my message?" Harper asked. "Because that I might actually be interested in."

"What?" Theo snapped his head to the manticore. "Well," he cleared his throat. "Something more than that, but if you did want to get more attention," he tapped his nose. "I am just the man for you."

"You certainly do command attention, I'll give you that," Harper muttered.

"Now, your friend Mr. Magnusson, he commands attention." Theo turned to face Harper immediately, placing his hands on the manticore's shoulders. "Let me do the same to you. Mr. Harper, I work with people with exceptional hungers and exceptional talent. I take the ordinary and make them extraordinary. Let me make you strong, powerful— there is a part of you that wants it, I know it. So allow me to do what I do best, and we can discover together how you can use my gift to you."

Harper was quiet for a moment, his eyes wide as he studied Theo. He cleared his throat, then nodded brusquely. "Alright. Alright, let's do this. Before we do anything drastic, tell me what your process is, first."

"Oh, it's very simple," Theo rolled his wrist, and produced a small crystal bottle filled with a vibrant pink liquid. "You drink this, it transforms you into an Adonis, and then your happy ending."

"Really? That's all?" Harper asked, folding his arms.

"Oh, well, I usually make people work for it, but I'm feeling generous today," Theo replied. "And since you appreciate honesty, this is the first deal I'm trying to make after the low season for my court, so I could use a bit of a pick-me-up."

"Ah, there it is," Harper smirked, but the manticore took the bottle all the same. "Well, since I'm doing you a favor more than you're doing me a favor, perhaps we can talk about this after, right?" He quipped, then tipped the bottle back, drinking it down to the last drop. "Ah— nice. What is that, elderberry?"

"Mm, yes, mixed with lavender and vanilla for flavor. The rest is, ah, strictly proprietary."

"Naturally," Harper said, then looked around the beach. "So… Now what?"

Theo's smile dampened a bit. Nothing was happening to the manticore— he should be growing at least double his size. "Well that…" He scoffed, circling Harper. "That is peculiar…"

The cheshire's head snapped back up to Harper. "Do you have any allergies, old boy?"

"Uh… just seasonal."

"Damnable…" Theo shook his head as he grabbed one of Harper's arms, studying it for a moment. "Not so much as a tremor…" He recovered, bouncing on his heel. "Well! Never mind all that, I may be a touch rusty." He shook his arms loose, shedding off his rich blue waistcoat as he draped the coat over one arm. "I'll just try something a little heavier." He gestured again as he summoned another bottle, more ornate than the last one. "Now this, this will put some hair on your chest."

Harper arched his brow, gesturing to the mane trailing down his chest. Theo waved it off. "Figuratively, of course. Here, just drink."

The manticore did so, down to the last drop. "Mm… strawberry, very nice."

Theo's smile almost completely failed as Harper didn't grow so much as an inch. "What? This is absurd… How… I don't understand," he muttered, shaking his head. Huffing softly, he summoned out another bottle. "Here."

Harper took the drink again, and made a face. "Ugh— What is that… grapefruit?"

"Yes well I can't cater all my formulas to your tastes, Mr. Harper!" Theo snapped, his smile falling all the way off. "This is… maddening! What… what is going on?"

"Well, actually Theo—"

"These formulas have been fine-tuned for centuries." Theo ranted, pacing back and forth through the sands. Harper's eyes bulged slightly as he saw what seemed to be nettles and thorny bougainvillea poking up from under the sand wherever the cheshire stepped. "I haven't had a flop like this since the plague years."

Harper held up his hands. "Theo, I gotta tell you—"

"Quiet, Mr. Harper, if you please!" He turned on his heel, a mad glint in his eyes. "This is what will transpire— I am going home to my estate. I will prepare new tinctures, from scratch. You will not move from this spot until I get back."

"What? Look, you can't—"

"Not an inch, Mr. Harper!" the cheshire snapped harshly, a minute tear running on his coat's shoulder as he yanked it back on. 

Harper's brows arched as the cheshire seemed to fill in more space than before, his arms tensed, shoulders spread out— he looked like a tiger ready to pounce. "Uh… Right, sure."

Theo turned on his heel again, stomping under the boardwalk and disappearing into the surf. The manticore was still as a statue. "As an agitated fae…" He said quietly. "How… how serious and literal do you think he was with those words?" He asked out loud.

Theo stomped through the shifting grounds of the Wylds until he came to the well-manicured lawn and rich gardens of Ilthadach, the sprawling estate he had made his home for millennia. He hardly noticed as the ground seemed to tremble as he approached, tears running up his silk stockings as his legs suddenly billowed out with finely sculpted, round and thick calves. His velvet waistcoat split along his shoulder seams as his sides suddenly jutted out, rolling out with each step. The topmost button of his waistcoat clattered to the pavement as his chest flowed out like rushing floodwaters, two hefty pecs filling out his increasingly tight shirt. His collar began to stretch and pop as his neck thickened into a pillar. 

His sleeves burst into tatters as thick sprawls of muscle billowed out, from his wrists up to his shoulders with hefty, slab-like triceps and ballooning biceps. When he went to dramatically throw open his heavy oaken doors, he didn't notice as he tore them right off the hinges.

"Aurele! Nox!" Theo called out loudly. "Attend me! We are in the midst of a crisis!"

He shrugged off his split waistcoat, tossing it into the waiting limbs of a flowering vine that immediately crawled up a pillar to tuck it away in his wardrobe. With every step, the cheshire began to grow thicker, heftier, and wider. The zig-zagging stripes along his green fur began to warp around his torso, bolstered by heaving flanks that spread out and unfurled like flags caught in a strong wind.

When Theo went to flop dramatically on his chaise lounge, he didn't expect the furniture to collapse under his weight as he went crashing to the floor, his dense bulk cracking the marble floor beneath him. Gasping, Theo suddenly became aware of the transformation that he had undergone as he leapt back to his feet; he had become a hulking, musclebound titan, the tattered remains of his clothes clinging to hefty bulwarks of brawn, his thighs swelled thick as ancient oak trees, his torso adorned with cobblestone abs and mammoth arms. As he stood to his full height, Theo felt the raw strength in his body— and the complete lack of an ability to change back. "What…?"

His mind reeled, he looked large enough for one, two, even three doses of his elixir, and then it struck him like a thunderbolt. Every bit he had offered to Harper, had bounced back on him. "Boys!" he called out to his apprentices. "Attend me now, this actually is a crisis!"