Dadbod, part 1

Gee, let’s see here. Where to start? Uh, my name is Richard Dooley. My hometown is Dunston. I’m 21 years old, going on 22 pretty soon. Um... I’m tall. I’m real tall! Like 6’3”, maybe a little more?

I guess I haven’t really known what I wanted to do since I left high school. For work I’ve been taking odd jobs around the neighbourhood. You know, painting the Jeffersons’ drywall, fixing Mrs Cooper’s roof, stuff like that. It pays alright. Just not I-can-leave-home-alright, if you know what I mean.

My best friend is Paula, she lives with her folks a couple doors down; we met cos I’m often round there fixing their sink or whatever. We usually spend the whole time dunking on each other, and I kinda love that. She makes me laugh so hard. I guess it became obvious after a while that I wasn’t into girls. I think she knew before I knew, actually.

But I’m getting off-course a little here; we’ll come back to Paula in a bit.

I’m probably gonna forget a bunch of stuff but I promise I’ll circle back to it!

So I just started dating this guy, Angel. Okay, maybe not dating yet, but we’ve been seeing each other on and off. He’s super hot and older than me and - I don’t know - I like him. He’s got some beef on him, I mean around the pecs and the abs and what have you. It looks real nice. All my ‘beef’ went to my middle since since I left high school. I guess I like beer too much, heh.

I was actually on a job over at Paula’s place one afternoon - something was up with the AC - when Angel dropped by on his bike; a Suzuki GSX. You could hear it roaring up the street outside, pulling to a stop, then he honked the little horn. It’s cute that he stopped by to pick me up after work, I think.

Paula peered through the blinds to get a better look at him.

‘Oh my God, is he from the 50’s or something?’ she laughed. ‘He just needs a comb and a cigarette. Where’s he taking you, a drive-in movie?’

I laughed too, but felt I needed to stick up for my man.

‘He’s cute,’ I said. ‘Leave him.’

She squinted through the kitchen blinds. ‘He is cute, I’ll give you that.’

‘Okay, I gotta go.’ I packed up my tools and slung them in my bag, dusted myself off some.

‘Are we good?’ she asked, nodding to the AC unit. ‘Is it good to go?’

‘Should be.’ I hugged her a quick goodbye. ‘I’ll see you soon.’

I heard her say behind me, ‘If he mentions Jets or Sharks, call for help.’

I just rolled my eyes.

Angel was cute. He worked out. He had a great jawline, some stubble that felt good to kiss. And in his biker leathers? The man looked good.

‘Hey babe.’ He lowered his sunglasses for a sec, winked at me. ‘Hop on.’ He was always chewing on something.

I gave him a sly little kiss before swinging myself into the back of the Suzuki and wrapping my long arms around his middle. Even through the leather, his body felt hard and defined.

With a couple of revs he hit the gas and we lurched forward, taking off at speed out of my street and soon out of the neighborhood.

I loved riding with Angel; holding onto him tight, the wind in our hair, the two of us getting out of this town. It felt like we could go anywhere. I think I needed that.

He tilted his head back slightly. ‘Gettin’ a little dadbod there,’ he called. ‘I can feel it pushin’ into my back.’

I laughed. It was true.

As I said, I guess I’ve gained some pounds since my school days. You know I used to be the tall skinny one? I ran track, I played football, some basketball. After I graduated I suppose I just... slowed down. Some days fixing folks’ houses got real long, and it was nice to kick back with a beer or two after. I think I was around 248 pounds last time I checked. My folks didn’t really say much about it. They didn’t really say much about anything.

Hearing Angel tell me I had a “dadbod” did something to me, though. My little belly pressing into the small of his back? I don’t know what it was. It sent, like, a pang through me. I can’t explain it. I think my heart sped up a notch. This was a new feeling, and I liked it. It felt like a kind of warm glow inside.

I had a dadbod...

‘You know you should really start going to the gym, man,’ he added. ‘Get some cardio going. The weight’ll come straight off.’

Oh.

Oh, okay. I… didn’t really know what to say after that, so I just stayed quiet. The glow inside me dissipated. Probably it was better that I kept that new sensation to myself anyways, at least for now. I didn’t really understand it. And maybe he was right.

We got to the outskirts of town, the sun was starting to get low. He pulled the bike over down a little dirt track, next to some farmer’s field. We always stopped at places like this. Secluded and quiet. I knew it was cos Angel wasn’t out to anyone, so we kept things pretty hush hush, I guess. I’m not gonna pretend that I didn’t want something more... real, like everyone else had, you know? But it was early days. It felt rude to push.

Pretty soon we’d dismounted the bike and Angel was closing in for a kiss. His cologne smelled like some kind of exotic spice. That and the smell of the leather, that was a nice combo alright. I backed up against a tree and felt his lips on mine, then his tongue. He felt so good. God, he was handsome.

‘You’re so hot,’ I breathed.

Then I took his hands in mine, made to rest them against my body but he resisted, pulled away.

‘Let’s get rid of that dad-belly first, huh?’ he whispered between kisses.

Until that point I had been getting pretty hard pretty fast, but when he said that? Well, the excitement was ebbing, that was for sure. I thought about what to say. I’m sure he hadn’t meant it in a bad way. Maybe... maybe...

‘We could work out together,’ I suggested, putting my lips to his neck. ‘I could come to your gym.’

‘Uhhh.’ He took half a step back. ‘Yeah... Thing is, you’d be on the treadmill, I’d be on the freeweights with my bros, so...’

He didn’t say any more. He didn’t need to.

‘Oh. Oh right,’ I said. ‘It’s just that - What? What is it?’

He’d put his forefinger over my mouth while I was taking. His eyes darting to the side. He stepped back some more.

Then I heard it too. The soft burring of engines, several of them, getting closer. In a second, Angel was getting back to the Suzuki. I went to follow but he started saying ‘No, no, no, no!’

In a matter of moments, more bikes were upon us, stopping in a little semi-circle. I didn’t recognize any of these guys who were dismounting casually and dangerously.

‘Angel,’ one of them drawled, sauntering up to us, thumbs hooked in his denim pockets. He was older than Angel. They all were. ‘What’s going on, man?’

‘Rex, hey...’ This didn’t sound anything like the Angel I knew. I didn’t know what was going on. ‘I was just-‘

‘Who’s your friend here?’

I went to speak but Angel piped up so fast and so loud. ‘He’s no-one! Just - Just some random fatass trying to hitch a ride!’

....

... What?

‘Is that so, random fatass?’ The man called Rex leered at me. I didn’t know what to say. I felt trapped in that moment. I couldn’t believe what Angel had just said.

‘No... Uh, what...,’ I started. ‘Angel...?’

‘Looks like he knows your name,’ Rex said smoothly.

‘No, man. He just got it from you,’ Angel replied, more confident now in this totally different persona. Then he addressed me. ‘You’re too big for my ride, piggy. Why don’t you run on home?’

This got a laugh out of the rest. One of them kicked up some dirt at me. ‘He said run on home! What are you, deaf?’

‘He could use the exercise!’ one of the others shouted out.

I wasn’t even fat. I wasn’t - What was this? All my thoughts were getting mixed up. I couldn’t breathe right. I stumbled back.

‘That’s it, dumbass. Away from the goods.’

I just kept staggering backwards, stumbled over some rocks, which brought more laughs. I tried to meet Angel’s eye but he wouldn’t do it. He kept staring at his shoes.

I didn’t know what to do. I just - I just turned around and walked. They made pig noises behind me and revved their bikes and yowled like frat-boys.

I just kept walking until the laughter faded away. The sun had set.

What the hell just happened? I didn’t get it. I couldn’t process it. My confusion was interrupted for a moment by another thought: Was I really going to have to walk home? It was miles away!

Pulling my mind back to the present, I dug out my phone from my pocket. There was no other option. I had to call Mom.

‘Hello?’

‘Mom, it’s me.’

Who else would it be? I don’t know why she always did this.

‘I, uh, something happened, Mom. I... is it possible you or Dad could come pick me up? I’m on the outskirts of town. I hate to ask but I need a ride home. I can give directions.’

There was silence on the line for a while. In panic I checked the battery charge on my cell: 78%. It was fine.

‘Is this to do with that - that man?’

Welcome to my Mom.

I sighed. ‘Yeah. It - listen, can I tell you about it later? If you came to pick me up, I’d -‘

‘Richard, you know how your father and I feel about... that stuff.’

“That stuff”. That’s how she referred to anything related to my sexuality. She couldn’t even say the word “gay”.

‘I know. It’s just - Paula’s at work now, I haven’t got anyone else to call, I’m sorry.’

Paula worked nights at the local hotel in town; The Regent.

‘I’m afraid we’ve both settled in for the night now. Your Dad’s getting ready for bed.’

‘Mom, come on. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t-‘

She hung up.

I’m gonna tell you, I felt like throwing my phone across the nearest field right there and then. Mom and Dad just... didn’t wanna know, when it came to my homosexuality. It was like a wall came up.

I took a long, deep breath of the evening air. Looked up to the darkening sky. The lights of crappy little middle-of-nowhere Dunston were off in the distance. I don’t think I could’ve felt more rotten, except...

Now I had to walk home.

It took 3 and a half hours.

Hungry, angry, hurt, tired, I finally made it back to my street. My feet were just about ready to fall off. I’d texted Angel a couple times but no reply. I didn’t understand at all...

PHWEEEEE!

The sharp, unmistakable sound of Paula’s two-fingered whistle. I looked up and she was on the roof of her garage. It attached to her folks’ house in such a way that she could climb out of her bedroom window onto there anytime she wanted. Growing up, we’d spent a lot of time up on that roof, just hanging out, talking crap.

‘Whatcha doing?’ She called down, bottle of beer in her hand. ‘Where’s John Travolta?’

‘I thought you were at work?’ I asked back.

‘I got fired. Get up here. Let’s commiserate.’

The way up, for me and my lanky-ass, was easy; a quick step onto the trash can, grab the next ledge and alley-oop. I sat down beside her on the rough surface and she passed me a beer. My feet kind of fizzled from having my bodyweight now relieved of them.

‘You got fired?’ I asked, wanting her to take the lead. I wasn’t ready to narrate my evening out loud just yet. Truth was I felt so ashamed.

‘Ugh, one of the hotel guests told my manager I had “resting bitch face” and I kinda popped off about it.’

I couldn’t help but let out a little snort of laughter with my mouth full of beer.

‘It’s not funny!’ She went on, but with a giggle of her own.

‘No, it’s - I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘It’s more like Resting Salacious Face, haha.’

She laughed and thought for a moment. ‘I’ll take it. And what about you? What’s your deal?’

‘Uhhh,’ I began. The words didn’t come easily. It felt embarrassing to say aloud, but the beer helped. I told Paula the whole thing. The weight-loss comments, all the stuff with that Rex guy. The way they all... laughed. All while Angel just stood there...

‘Oh my God, Richard. Oh my God!’ She looked appalled. ‘Jesus... what a douchebag! Ugh, I’m so mad for you!’

‘Yeah.’ I guess I went a little quiet.

She squeezed my arm. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Thanks. I... I don’t know. I liked him a lot.’

Then something strange happened. Paula turned and looked at me so intently, so seriously, right in the eyes, but it was like... like she was looking through me.

‘Have you ever been to Cresthaven?’

Huh? That was a curveball.

‘Uh, yeah,’ I said. ‘When we were kids. It’s by the sea, right? They got that cable car. What are-‘

‘I’ve been thinking abut getting out of this place,’ she added suddenly. ‘I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.’

‘Wait, what? You mean like on vacation, or...?’

‘Do you see yourself here in Dunston for the rest of your life, Dicky?’

That’s when I knew she was deadly serious: Those were the only times she would call me Dicky.

‘Well... No, but,’ I faltered. ‘You just got fired. I’m not exactly making gangbusters fixing AC units. We’re kinda stuck here.’

‘Says who? I’m serious. I’ve been thinking about taking off. You could come with me.’

‘That’s - that’s crazy, we can’t just-‘

‘You and me. Tonight.’

‘Tonight?!’

‘We get in my Civic, point her towards Cresthaven and we don’t look back.’

I didn’t reply. I sipped my beer.

I mean, she was crazy, but... What was keeping me here, really? My parents? My ‘job’? Angel?

I had a little bit of money in the bank, not much but enough for a rainy day, kinda thing.

‘Well... I guess... technically I could fix houses anywhere...,’ I heard myself say. And I felt it in my gut. My dad-gut, which I had absolutely no intention of losing. In fact, if anything...

‘Right?’ She seized my words and rounded on me. ‘Dicky, we can do it! Grab a bunch of stuff, and we can hit the road! We can find jobs, and rent our own place. It doesn’t have to be a palace. I know we can!’

‘You’re totally serious?’

‘Oh my God, Ive never been more serious in my life!’

The seed was planted. And I felt it taking root. Everything she said made a ton of sense to me. I didn’t wanna be in this craphole town my whole life.

What was I gonna tell my parents? I couldn’t just leave them a note.

(Was I really doing this?)

‘Are you in?’ Paula asked.

I could start somewhere fresh. By the sea. I was just starting to discover something new about myself, too, something I wanted more of. This notion of beginning again, being who I wanted to be, it had me.

I took a lungful of night air.

‘Alight,’ I said, downing the rest of my beer in one. ‘I’m in.’

My name is Richard Dooley. I’m 21 years old, soon to be 22. I’m tall and I have a dadbod.

And this is how I moved to Cresthaven.