dev log #20, october 23'rd, 2023

Hello everyone ❤️ A very raw dev log this week— last week was pure unadulterated hell and piss for me. My past traumas kicked my legs from under me. My dog having intense flares of backpain put me on my knees. Unexpected economic hardship grabbed me by my neck and held me underwater. I'm not trying to be dramatic— I'm still in survival mode and I have no idea how to even sugarcoat it. It's ugly. Every productive week is seemingly followed by this void where I'm left scrambling for scraps of energy all the while life bombards me with Situations.

I'm awfully sad I couldn't show you any of the extra content I had planned for last week, as all my spoons went into carving out the small details and beloved changes for ouro from somewhere beneath my breastbone instead. I'm almost done with the new outline, all that's left is looking it over and tweaking minor things. I am very excited for nano, praying that it will be the thing that sets me off into some good momentum. I am going to start with writing ouro and hope that I can write write write without judgement or pausing for edits— just get as far into the story as I can, with the confidence the new outline gives me. Revisions and coding will be saved for December and January, right now I just want to build momentum. I might write by hand, even. Just anything that kicks my evil brain in the nuts and brings back the Fun of writing. I know I can do it. I've gone through worse periods in life and still written thousands of words per day. My writing used to be my safe haven— I want that back! I think by allowing myself to write an absurdly bad first draft, for my eyes only, might help. (Of course, if I write any particularly good words, I will share them with you!) Part of me feels like this is my last chance before I admit defeat, and though it sounds pretty drastic, it does give me a healthy dose of good pressure.

On a more fun note, I have made my writing space very cozy and very dungeon like. Lookit.

I very much share this trait with Leith. Heh. (Why on EARTH have I never bought LED candles before? Life changing stuff.)

That's it— I'm making another post after this to talk about the polls and the posting schedule for November. I hope you have a good week, but if you don't, know that you're not alone and I'm bumping my shoulder with yours. Better times are coming. <3