The New Ron - Chapter 44

“Rejoice, my American Homies! For I have returned!”

The doors clanged open as the posh upper-crust voice raised itself to cry out over the teeming teenage masses within the school. As one, the collective body of Middleton High School turned to see a snazzily-dressed young man wearing a stylishly cut blazer, far too many hair care products, and a wide grin.

“Yo, Wally's back!”

“Ohmygosh!”

“Woo! Good lookin' out dude!”

“Long Live the Prince!”

Kim took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and held it for a long moment. “This is exactly what I needed this week.”

“Well, I guess one good thing that comes from associating with Possible is that she can't monopolize Wally this time,” Bonnie thought aloud with a smirk.

I turned and raised an eyebrow at Tara silently, who just gave me a small giggle and shrug in response as Wally worked his way through his admirers and sycophants. I'll give him this much, the boy had charisma in spades and knew exactly how to wield it. Even if Kim and I found his entitlement grating, he also had a good heart and didn't actually mean to hurt or insult anyone. I think that helped his case too.

“What, planning on getting on your knees to honor his royal majesty?” Kim snarked.

Bonnie jerked as if she'd been struck, then a slow, proud grin etched its way across her face. “Oh Kimmie! You do have some bite in you, I'm so proud!”

Kim's shoulders slumped and she blushed as she swiped a hand over her face. “Ugh. I can't believe I just said that. You're a horrible influence, Bonnie.”

“I am an amazing influence and you know it!” Bonnie smirked cattily.

I sighed and slipped a hand around Tara's waist. “Well, this is my life now, I guess.”

Tara giggled again, holding a hand over her mouth to hide how pleased she was. “I can't decide if I should be happy they're finally getting along or upset that B's being... well, herself about it.”

I was similarly of two minds about the situation, though in a slightly different way. I liked and supported Kim, don't get me wrong, but... she could be a bit too much of a people-pleaser sometimes. Which, yeah, her job was 'saving the day,' so there was some serious good in that, but people took advantage of it. We'd had a few 'clients' who had burned us in the past by asking for services we'd provide for free that they just didn't want to pay for.

And Kim almost always caved and let them walk all over her.

So, yes, Bonnie was a mean girl and I very much didn't want Kim to follow in her footsteps, but I did totally support the idea of my partner learning when and how to tell a particularly egregious request to fuck right off and make it stick.

My hope was that Bonnie would actually provide some ablative or deflective shielding by being closer with Kim. Seeing the redhead as a potentially exploitable resource for herself would mean that she'd chase off anyone who came by with a scam and a sob story. Especially since I thought KP's gig as student council president was wearing her a little thin at the edge with all the time commitments she was being pressured into.

But that might just be the fact that Archer had gone completely dark and we had no clue where he was or what he was doing.

Kim still wasn't precisely sold on the whole 'time travel' thing, but Wade and I were working on her. More data was still coming in, the boy genius had sent some drones to former Drakken bases to see if we could get lucky and find a DNA sample, and we were trying to collate the sightings and tech we had evidence of him stealing into a possible dossier. All of that took time, effort, and a few favors here and there to get done, so Kim and I were stuck in the daily tedium of high school.

“Okay, this is where we split,” I nudged Tara, who sighed and nodded. “Let me know if you need help in math?”

“Please and thank you,” Tara grinned, leaning up to kiss my cheek.

“If you're stealing my line, Tara, then I'm stealing yours,” Kim snorted.

My blond girlfriend paused, cocking her head as she stepped away. “Do I have any lines?”

“You might want to practice a few,” I cautioned her. “I've got 'Booyah' and a few others. If you get the chance, might want to come up with something to say when something cool happens, like winning against a villain or something.”

“Ugh, catchphrases,” Bonnie muttered in disgust. “Please, T? I'm dying here, don't go gently into that good night or whatever.”

I blinked, opening my mouth to ask Bonnie if she just-

“Cheese!” Rufus cheered from my pocket, poking his head out. “Catchphrase!”

“Little late on the draw there, buddy, but entirely valid,” I nodded at him, receiving a hopeful grin in return. “But you'll have to wait for lunch.”

With a mournful whine, the naked mole rat ducked back into my pocket to mope.

Another round of semi-flirtations and Kim and I were off to our homeroom.

“Stoppable, a word?” The cool and deep voice of our VP spoke up.

Or I could be called off by one of the many banes of my existence. Kim shot Barkin a mildly venomous glare and snorted before turning and giving me a silent nod. I sighed as I walked over to the man, standing stiff-backed as I slouched and leaned against a long bank of lockers.

“What's up, Mr. B?” I asked, shrugging and masking the slight double-tap I gave the pocket of my pants.

Specifically, Rufus' pocket.

His gaze narrowed and his detention-writing digits twitched... before settling. Taking a deep breath, he crossed his arms. “The cheer trip this weekend, Stoppable.”

I blinked, cocking my head. “I turned in my permission form, didn't I?”

He jerked his head. “You did. I checked your mother's signature on the paperwork agianst the one we have on file myself.”

I stared at the man just a tad blankly. “Why would I bother forging my mom's signature on something this unimportant?”

“Strategic penmanship drift,” Barkin replied without missing a beat, his gaze bearing down on me. “You start out with the unimportant paperwork and get the office staff and your teachers familiar with your own version of your parents' signature, then slowly work your way up to your report cards.”

I opened my mouth, honestly stunned and... nothing came out. My mind was blank.

“C-can we just move on before I start smelling burnt toast?” I asked.

Barkin's arms uncrossed and he slammed the flat of his fist against the lockers, leaning into my personal space. “Burnt toast? Is that some slang for the new drug on the streets? You dealing, Stoppable?!”

“Ah... okay, ow. Ow, that's... my brain hurts now,” I admitted, reaching up to rub my forehead. “No, you're supposed to smell burnt toast when you're having a stroke. I was making a sardonic remark to imply that your train of thought is sufficiently alien to me that I can't understand it and trying to do so would break my brain.”

Barkin stared at me for a moment longer, snorting disdainfully. “This is why we're never going to get along, Stoppable. You're a slacker with no respect for authority, content to be rescued by a girl.”

I twitched and felt an actual headache building. “Mr. Barkin, you decided I was a bad egg or something the moment I gave the weird military guy standing at parade rest an odd look on the first day of school. That decision-making rationale isn't something I understand or respect. If you want me to respect your authority, I'd ask you to reflect on the way you exercise it towards your students in general and me in specific.”

“That's all you've got to say, huh?” Barkin scowled. “I basically call you a wimp and you let it go?”

“I fight supervillains for my extracurriculars, sir,” I replied plainly in monotone. “I'm afraid that if things between us ever escalated, I'd put you in the hospital.”

“Miss Possible fights supervillains,” Barkin disputed without easing his scowl. “You're... what was it you said? A 'rodeo clown for the henchmen,' I believe?”

“Okay, putting aside the insinuation that rodeo clown is an easy job, because it isn't,” I replied patiently, “I have my own archnemesis now. He's a crazy English aristocrat who became obsessed with ancient monkey-worshiping cults and had his feet surgically-altered to have opposable thumbs. We've got this whole 'there can only be one' deal going on in a competition to master mystical monkey power.”

This time Barkin blinked.

And stared.

Yeah, that's about the normal response when I tell someone about Monkey Fist, and it never gets old. Heh.

“I see what you meant about the burnt toast comment,” Barkin conceded, then rallied. “Regardless, Stoppable, you're weak. And I'm not going to stop putting pressure on you until you man up and stop waiting for a girl to do the hard work.”

“And I'm going to continue to respond in a patient and even-tempered manner, as I believe is appropriate,” I paused momentarily, to inject just the right amount of afterthought disrespect in the last word. “Sir.”

Barkin twitched, narrowing his gaze.

“We're off-track,” he decided to say, even if a muscle in his jaw jumped and the words came out through slightly-gritted teeth. “The cheer camp over the long weekend. You're going to be at my side continuously. For reasons I can't fathom, Ms. Strong is willing to date you. Under normal circumstances, I would trust Ms. Possible to rein in any pitiful attempts to hit on any of the squad, but under these conditions, I am forced to concede the fact that – unlikely as it is – you might 'get lucky' on a school trip, thereby endangering my employment.”

“That's... surprisingly reasonable of you, even if it was phrased in the most condescending way possible,” I admitted.

“I try,” Barkin's voice was as dry as the desert. “You will attend all public events, cooperate with all of the programs, but you will not spend one iota of time alone with a member of the fairer sex, am I clear?”

“Crystal, sir,” I stated with a nod, then expounded at his skeptical look. “Believe it or not, I prefer to keep bedroom antics in the bedroom. The idea of having private time with a partner in a sweaty locker room or something? Ew. Mega-gross.”

I shivered dramatically, not entirely for effect.

Barkin snorted, then nodded slowly. “Well, at least you're slightly more hygienic than I gave you credit for initially.”

I took a deep breath. “Was that it, sir?”

Barkin frowned, but nodded. “I'll have my eyes on you all weekend long, Stoppable.”

I nodded, then stopped. “I'm going to be late for class, may I please have a note?”

Barkin paused, no doubt trying to find some token, petty reason to refuse before grunting and taking out a small pad from his pocket and scribbling something on it before tearing it free. Slapping it into my hand, the man stalked off to find someone else to yell at.

I reached down and tapped at my pocket again, prompting Rufus to emerge holding my Wade-crafted communicator. I was still kind of on the fence about actually calling it a 'Ronnunicator,' but... eh, it was growing on me.

“Got all that, buddy?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

The mole rat's pink head bobbed up and down with a wide grin. “Uh-huh, uh-huh! Got it all!”

I grinned back and gave him a little scratch on the back, “Good work, buddy. I swear to god, though, the second that guy lays hands on me, I'm breaking his fucking jaw.”

Rufus merely laughed sinisterly, my rodent pal having been deprived of no few snacks due to Barkin's draconian policies.

And, contrary to my normally cool-tempered response to Kim, I was reaching the end of my rope with the guy. Oh, I still believed that he was trying to be the 'tough, but fair' educator and instilling discipline in me, but he was such a complete asshole about it that I really had to hold back from doing something I... well, no, I wouldn't regret it. I'd just regret the consequences of it, among which would be a disappointed look from KP.

Barkin, at the end of the day, was a small man. Emotionally immature, obsessed with appearances, hyper-focused on a traditional outlook of masculinity, and just generally small-minded. I really had no idea what the man had gone through to put his panties in such a twist, but as much as he pissed me off, I also pitied him. He lived the way he lived out of – as near as I could tell – a complete and total fear of losing control over the tiny patch of reason and sanity he clung to in a world that was rapidly and dramatically changing around him.

That didn't mean I wasn't going to break the dude's jaw, though.

It'd be a graduation present to myself, if nothing else.

I sighed and shook my head. “God, I need something to happen. It's been a looo~ooong week, dammit.”

My personal high school hell wasn't made any better by the fact that the incident last week with Archer had driven home just how much the timeline had diverged. Even more than some weird time-traveling doppelganger of 'myself,' I was pretty sure the incident with the truth ray just plain hadn't happened as far as Drakken was concerned. The Seniors should have been villains by now, if nothing else, so there was no way we'd have been invited to one of their parties.

And, vaguely, I remembered something about them getting kicked out of a 'billionaire's club,' but I had no idea when that had happened.

All of that wasn't made any better by the fact that I was quickly losing grasp on the 'canon' timeline.

It was a frequent-enough gripe that I'd voiced to my friends on occasion. None of them watched the show, but they understood the frustration of my core complaint. Basically, the Kim Possible 'timeline' was a complete mess. This was because the order that the network had aired the episodes in wasn't the order that they'd been created in. The best example was, in fact, the... third episode of the series? I think?

Or, rather, 'third episode.'

It was the one where Ron ended up back at Camp Wannaweep, the place of his childhood trauma. But the catch was that Ron – me – was already the Mad Dog cheer mascot when it aired. Ron only became the mascot in a later episode, though.

Were we going by the actual production dates?

I had no fucking clue anymore.

And, again, that was if any of this even counted after all the bullshit I'd changed. I had no idea if that was even relevant. Oh, some of it was probably going to happen no matter what. Global Justice still existed, obviously, and Will Du was probably going to be assigned to shadow Kim and I at some point in the near future, which... I'm pretty sure was the introduction for Duff Killigan?

“Let's see, what else was there...” I muttered, frowning as I took my sweet time getting to class.

Something about a dance, I think? Oh, and the clones that dissolved in soda, that was a thing, too. I remembered a Halloween special, too, but I forgot if that was this 'season' or one of the latter ones. It was important for introducing Kim's nanotech battle suit, I remember that much, but as far as specifics... something about learning an important lesson about not lying?

Oh, and Kim was due to meet Monique at some point, too.

Although how that would work out now, what with the detente between Kim and Bonnie... eh, my partner probably still needed a legit female BFF that she wasn't constantly sniping back and forth with. Or dating, in the case of Tara.

When did DNAmy get introduced? Was that season one? Or season two?

Of course, nothing was helped by the fact that there were very few legitimate landmarks for any given moment in the series. I don't think there was a single episode for Kim's birthday for instance, and only one for a Mother's Day event. Likewise for Christmas and Halloween. If I recalled correctly, So The Drama was probably our Junior Prom? Which meant the fourth season was just senior year...

Probably.

Ugh.

I finally reached my destination and passed a note to the teacher, who glanced at it before nodding and waving me off to my seat. I gave Kim a discreet thumbs-up and smiled at her before dropping my backpack and sliding into my chair, going through the motions of getting ready for Social Studies.

Though... there was the issue I was avoiding considering.

'Archer.'

Was he me? Or was he Ron?

Did my appearance alter things such that Future-Me would feel the need to come back? Or... we didn't know when he came back, not really. Could it be that him coming back had resulted in me appearing? Would the impetus for the time travel be separate from me, then?

Or did I have to worry about effectively wiping my own existence out in order to preserve the world?

This world's time travel rules were... very soft sci-fi, if it could even be called that. The main mode of time travel was a magical monkey idol, after all. Future-Wade had only developed the tech after the process had been used to disrupt the time stream. Then things had reset after the Tempus Simia had been shattered, but was that just because of magic? Or was that how all time travel worked?

Were we on Back to the Future rules, Terminator rules, or MCU Endgame rules?

The bottom line was that I couldn't trust Archer to have my best interests at heart. If he really was me, then things would have had to go incredibly bad to break my personal rule about time travel.

The rule was very simple: Don't.

And even if he was me, he could have been hit by that 'evil ray' from later on in the timeline and be out for world domination or something. But if he was the OG Ron Stoppable, I had no idea what his mindset was or how he'd react to virtually anything I did. The fact that he'd chosen the name 'Archer' in and of itself hinted that he and I were the same person... or it was just dumb luck on his part.

I shook my head, sighing as I returned to my school work.

I could only hope that Kim got a call that a mad scientist was trying to kidnap someone or turn a building into cheese or whatever.

~~~

Okay, here's chapter 44 of The New Ron.

This is kind of a bridging chapter between last 'episode' and the one that's coming up. A lot of it's internal monolog, but there's some good character interaction, too. Ron's really stewing in his own thoughts and anxiety about Archer, specifically.

Is he Ron? Or is he The New Ron?

Is that good or bad?

Only time will tell.

Next update will either be Mind Games or Entrepreneurial Spirit. Look forward to that. As always, thank you for your support and patience. IRL stuff is heating up with Thanksgiving around the corner, but I'll try and keep updates constant.