Butler Boy - Chapter 9

I tore out of the backdoor of the house, running over the back lawn and past the warre, and was in the forest almost before my mother's voice could ring out-

“Be back for dinner, Arden!”

I would have called back an affirmative, but I was in the middle of hurdling one of the large rocks that peppered any landscape in this area that hadn't been properly developed. Barely stopping, I put my fingers to my mouth and gave an ear-piercing whistle.

I could have stopped now that my ride was on her way, but I was enjoying the freedom of running.

My enforced bedrest and light exercise restriction were finally – finally – fully lifted. Officially, the rules had been cut yesterday, but as much fun as it would have been to run off and do something, I'd had a date.

A howl in the distance let me know that my ride was here and I hopped up on a stump as a great shaggy best came loping into view through the wood. Almost four feet of jet black fur, claws, and teeth that I'd put money on against sheet metal... all of that in a frame that was seven feet long and over a hundred and fifty pounds of muscle.

“Who's a good girl?” I asked in the most cutesy voice I could, fearlessly reaching out to give her rubs. “Whossa gurl? Whossa good puppers?”

Shadow immediately rolled over and demanded belly rubs, making happy doggo noises as I scratched her all over. “You are so lucky I'm already used to taking care of monsters like you. Oh, and let's see... need to introduce you!”

A quick hand-seal later and there was suddenly another pair of canines in the forest. Yin and Ynag, the spirit dogs I'd received a week or so ago, tucked their tails slightly for a few moments... but relaxed when Shadow proved non-hostile.

“Okay, I've got three tickets to pull, an incredible discovery that might change my life to test, and other powers that I still haven't really gotten to flex as much as I wanted,” I muttered, clicking my tongue and hesitating. “But right now... I just really want to do one thing...”

As much as she might look it, Shadow wasn't just an animal.

She was my familiar, and that meant something.

I couldn't exactly control her, not like a puppet or anything. That was outside of the scope of my abilities. I also couldn't order her to do complex tasks. She was still a dire wolf, after all. Even if her association with me increased her cognitive abilities somewhat, she couldn't exactly read or do electronics repair or something like that. I had no doubt that some familiars offered by the gacha could, in fact, perform up to those parameters, but... I honestly wasn't sure if I wanted one.

My spirit dogs, magical creatures that they were, I could cheat a little bit. They were connected to me a little more strongly and could read my emotions and intent to some extent. Again, nothing complex, but I could (and had) get the to retrieve objects for me and the like. They were also excellent trackers and – through that connection – I could feel when they properly locked onto a scent.

Shadow, my dire wolf, had stricter conditions.

First, she wasn't able to hide in my shadow. Which, upon reflection, made her name a bit questionable, but whatever. She was a giant black doggo who could move around far more silently than something her size should be able to. The name was fine.

While she couldn't intuit orders from me non-verbally, Shadow was able to discern my intent a little bit more clearly than I felt she should be able to given how new we were to each other. I kind of assumed she had a keen nose, but I didn't get the same ephemeral feeling I did when using Yin or Yang to track something. Other than that, she could pretty much do anything the spirit dogs could with the added benefit of being generally bigger, stronger, and with a larger bite.

But, unlike the spirit dogs, food wasn't optional for her.

Shadow was a living creature, full stop.

And that meant I'd probably have to leave her to hunt fairly frequently or figure out how to clandestinely acquire significant amounts of dog food locally without arousing suspicion. I'd only be able to get away with buying an extra bag or two so many times before someone at the store would compliment my willingness to run errands for my mother to her face.

Dad would shrug it off, but Mom?

Mom kept an eagle eye out on the food ever since someone started sneaking into the pantry and stealing kibble between meals.

Shadow was, in many ways, a omen of things to come with the gacha... or, at least, how I suspected things would go. I couldn't hide her, not really. Her saving grace was that – as a wild animal – she was largely self-sufficient outside of the times I needed her. Sooner or later, I'd likely get something that required significant attention, couldn't be conveniently hidden, and created some kind of disruption simply by its presence.

That would be my secret's undoing.

“Which is why I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can in the meantime,” I grinned and prodded Shadow into a laying position. “Okay, I have treats-”

Three sets of ears perked up at that.

“-for later,” the whines sounded out in disappointment, “but first... we're going for a ride.”

Then, I slipped one leg over Shadow and patted her shoulder, prodding her to stand up and me to sway slightly as I found my balance. This was the primary reason I wanted to keep her around if I was painfully honest. Beyond being an amazing familiar/pet, I mean. The gacha text had outright stated that she could be used as a mount, and I intended to make the most of that today.

Because I was a dirty, filthy weeb at heart and had loved Princess Mononoke from the very first time I'd seen it.

“Okay, now... slowly,” I stated.

And immediately regretted several recent life choices.

But for only a moment.

“Oh My God!” I screamed, my voice high and panicked as I fought back manic laughter. Suddenly traveling at extremely high speeds had that effect, apparently. And, yeah, I'd almost certainly gone as fast or faster in a car on the highway, but...

The wind whipped by.

Shadow leapt over a bush, landed on the side of a boulder, and bounded away using it as a springboard.

Needless to say, riding a highly-mobile animal was a very different experience from even something like a four-wheeler or dirt bike, let alone a regular car or truck on a paved roadway.

“Wooo!”

Around the time that I almost lost my grip on my mighty stead while she took me up a nearly-vertical cliff a few dozen feet high, though, I finally gave in and pulled her over.

I barely managed to hobble off and roll onto the rocky bed Shadow had found to set down.

“Note to self,” I muttered aloud. “Either get a saddle for the dire wolf or start building up riding calluses.”

Because even just a ten minute ride? Little ouch.

Hearing the sound of lapping puppies, I groaned and sat up.

“Oh, wow...” I breathed quietly, looking around. “This is... really high.”

The sun hung high in the sky, not quite noon yet. In the summer, it would be harsh, but this early in spring... it cut the otherwise brisk air with warmth and left the scene before me bright and crisp. Mountains stretched off in several directions, the valley that Thomasville rested in distant enough to make me wonder how far we'd managed to get in just...

What, fifteen minutes? Twenty?

Looking around further, I saw the three dogs drinking from a small pond on the... oh, we were on a fucking cliff, weren't we? The mountain continued up higher behind me, climbing quickly into areas that were still covered with lingering winter snow. Here, though, there was scattered grass growing on an otherwise rocky ledge that extended for another few hundred feet with the aforementioned pond taking up one side of it.

“You are so lucky I can get myself down from here without going splat,” I told the dire wolf as I pulled off my backpack and slipped my thermos free to take a deep pull of the water within.

I stood and stretched, feeling refreshed as the canines lazed by the pool of water, walking around the space and taking note of a... not quite cave, but close. A gap between boulders that would shield you from the wind. Given the mostly-destroyed deer carcasses, I could guess that this was the home that Shadow had made for herself when I'd told her to go find somewhere to bed down outside of town.

“This is prime secret base territory,” I stated aloud to myself, appreciating both the view, the relative isolation, and the fact that civilization was still, if barely, in sight. Far enough away to have space to experiment with my powers, but close enough for medical help if I did something particularly stupid.

I mean, I had a healing power, but I wasn't completely brain-dead.

That didn't make me invincible.

“Okay, this will work,” I nodded and began 'making camp.' Which, really, it was just a folding camp chair and a fire-log that would last for a few hours. I might have pyrokinetic powers to shield me from most of the cold, but I'd never met a person who didn't appreciate a nice campfire.

That took all of a few minutes before I was nestled with my back against a large boulder with a mound of rocks built around another bare area of the cliff next to me.

Within crackled a merry fire built from the log I'd brought and what sticks I'd found lying about.

Shadow, Yin, and Yang had all reoriented themselves nearby, enjoying the warmth...

...and likely smelling the hot dogs, marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers I'd brought with me.

But that wasn't all I'd grabbed on my way out the door.

Because, contrary to every expectation I'd had, I might be able to learn a little magic ahead of schedule.

'Magic' was a taboo subject in the Villin home, for the most part. There were some movies and tv shows that touched on it that weren't outright banned, but even those were best discussed outside of my mother's hearing. But for something like Dungeons & Dragons? Right out. That wasn't to say I hadn't pirated virtually the entire first and second edition systems.

Granted, I didn't play much, if only because there was still some social stigma over the subject and finding a local who knew proper hygiene and would be willing to GM was difficult.

Long story short, I'd already verified that the original version of the DMG and Player's Handbook were not, in fact, secret spellbooks in disguise, regardless of what the Satanic Panic of the eighties would have led someone to believe.

So I'd made a detour to the local game store and picked up a Tolkien dictionary and a few other things.

Nope.

I'd stayed away from the black magic section, though. I mean, I wanted to learn magic and everything, but there were limits. Even if I could tell anyone I sold my soul to to fuck off with that noise, I knew there's be consequences once I started doing so.

That was like... not even a last resort.

Maybe a 'superman goes evil' resort or something?

But just as I was about to start spelling stuff sdrawkcab, I'd finally found it.

A real spellbook. A magical tome of power. A grimoire.

I cracked the book open and took a deep breath. “Okay, let's see... here we go... nice and easy for the first spell. No fireballs or lightning bolts. Just a simple light spell.”

I took another calming breath, focused on the soft crackling of the fire, and held out my hand.

“And God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light.”

My magic flexed and a small orb of light hovered over my palm. I sat there, blinking at it, before beginning to laugh, then chuckle, and then outright full-body laugh.

“I did it! I fucking did it!” I grinned, the thrill of success running through me. “Fuck yes!”

“Woof!”

“I choose to take that as a congratulatory remark and not a noise complaint,” I informed the dire wolf primly, unable to keep a smile off my face.

Still, I was coming down off the immediate high and realizing what this meant, now.

“Okay, so... I think it's the tattoo,” I said aloud, humming thoughtfully. “I've been going to church every week for the past several years and never noticed a weird surge of energy during the hymns before... so, either that or the gacha just spontaneously give you the ability to learn magic.”

I doubted that.

“No... I'm pretty sure it was the clause in the Brand of Tzeentch. That I'm capable of casting spells I wouldn't normally be able to or something like that...” I cocked my head thoughtfully. “Something about racial restrictions, I think.”

I closed the bible that I'd just read from and considered the matter.

“Okay... so I'm drawing energy from heaven... probably,” I stated, standing and beginning to walk around the pond. “This is DC, so I'm dealing with The Presence-”

I jerked as I felt a thrum of energy pulse through me, my eyes going wide.

After an obligatory moment of watchful near-panic and nothing happening... nothing continued to happen. “Okay. Note to self: Total ban on addressing any deities by their names or titles. Someone is eventually going to hear me and show up. With my luck, I'll be in for interesting times.”

I shook my head and wandered over to grab my water bottle again.

“Alright! All of that aside... I should be dealing with the Silver City, and that place is mostly isolationist, as far as I recall. There was that one angel who came down to earth...” I cocked my head, trying to remember who that was. Azazel? No... that was DxD. I knew his name started with a 'Z,' though. “Eh, probably best I don't remember who it was. Can't say the name if I don't remember it, ha!”

That bark of laughter at the end there might have been a bit manic, but who would blame me?

“I am in so far over my head it's a wonder I haven't literally drowned already,” I sighed, my shoulders slumping. “Alright... angels... isolationist. They're... mostly assholes, I think?”

I knew Gabriel was a dick, at least.

But enough of a dick to actually get off his heavenly throne and come down to smite a random human channeling holy power?

I was leaning towards no.

“I mean, priests and pastors and whatnot have to drive away vampires and demons somehow, right?” I asked, the dogs and wolf not answering me because they were dogs and a wolf. “I just haven't been ordained or anything. Basically using a cheat code to siphon off God-juice.”

I paused for a moment.

“Yeah, never saying that again. Ew,” I shook my head. “Pros and cons?”

I sat back down and thought intensively on the subject for a few moments. “Pros. I'm very obviously not using demonic magic. I'm quoting scripture to use as a spellcasting focus. Virtually nonexistent chance of a demon showing up to fuck with me. And demons are a real and legitimate concern that I – as a magic user – need to be worried about at some point. Holy magic can drive them away, so that's good. Also, when and if I make a public debut, I won't have to worry about criticisms form the evangelical crowd if I cast spells like this. Holy magic is also traditionally good for healing and restoration, which are generally in short supply. Might be able to deal with toxic stuff, too, if I can get into purification.”

That was a big draw, honestly. If I could actually purify things, I'd be able to deal with various kinds of toxins and pollutants, possibly even radioactive waste. Beyond the really awesome fact that I'd be fixing otherwise irreparable damage to the planet's biosphere... well, it'd also be a great reliable source of gacha pulls, too.

“Alright... all valid points, how about cons?” I hesitated again, considering the point. “Becoming a beacon of holy power might actually invite demons to come knocking just to kick my shit in, entirely possible. A pissed off angel could also show up at my door and hand down anything from a very stern warning to a personal smiting, unlikely as it might be. Let's see... secret identity becomes hugely important if I go down this path. If I start using what amounts to angel magic and get my name and face splashed across the afternoon news, my life is beyond fucked. Forget lawsuits, I'll have to deal with crazy evangelical cultists and religious nutjobs out the wazoo.”

Which... brought up the important question of whether or not I actually needed magic.

I was already a top-tier pyromancer and could pull a decent Human Torch impersonation. That put me in the top one percent of heroes world-wide if I could really max out that ability.

Do I really need magic?

This was one of those moments where people asked why superman's bodysuit didn't have a lead lining to it. Or why Batman didn't use this or that gadget. Many people just thought that because you could do something – become stronger – it meant you should do that. But... there were consequences to that kind of escalation. Even if you were willing to put people in the ground to make sure they never got back up again with a new weapon or a coalition of villains to take you down, power attracted power.

Someone – or something – would probably step up to fight me.

But, more important than some nebulous threat...did I want to become the kind of person who chased power? Was I already becoming that person because of the gacha?

I looked down at the slip of paper that had materialized when I'd cast that spell.

My first spell, an achievement worthy of a bronze ticket.

I rubbed the shiny paper between my fingers for another moment. I owed it to myself not to go into this blind, at the very least. I wasn't going to be the kind of person who went looking for the next hit, the next high mindlessly. Magic, just like the gacha, needed to be a choice.

My choice.

“I learn magic,” I decided. “I want to be a hero. Learning holy magic will let me heal. If another hero died because of some mystical shit that my blood couldn't cure, I'd blame myself. I'll learn magic.”

That decided, I pulled out the tickets that I had stored up.

“Big one first,” I stated, tearing the gold one I'd gotten for attracting Batman's attention. The capsule appeared in my palm with the usual fanfare and I cracked it open to reveal another slip of paper. “Let's see... Helltaker – that doesn't sound, wait...”

I stared at the small blurb in disbelief.

“You wake up, dreaming of a harem of demon girls. Infernally-aligned or demonic beings find themselves more attracted to you and it is easier to earn their affection.”

I opened my mouth, turned to stare at the canines, then shook my head and turned back to the slip of paper. “You know what? No. I'm not going to touch this. My life's already weird enough. This is going in the same fucking box as the Kama Sutra shit.”

This would bite me in the ass one day, I knew it.

“Next up,” I sighed, picking up the silver ticket and tearing it. Another sound effect and another plastic egg. “Let's see what a successful first date gets you... Intermediate Item Construction. You know how to make decent magical and enchanted items, if you know fire magic you can making a flaming sword, etc...”

I hummed and tucked that one away as well, much more satisfied as I felt slightly light-headed from the surge of knowledge. “Ugh, might have to pop my Stim thing after this is all over. Hopefully I don't get another major skill dump... even if I think I'm getting used to them. Still, that's a really useful long-term thing... and I can actually use magic now! So it's not completely useless!”

Seriously, if I'd pulled this before figuring out how to steal magic from angels, I'd have probably lost my shit a little.

“Anyway...”

Bronze time, and...

I shrugged, tearing both at the same time. One for my first kiss and another fir my first spell.

Cracking the first egg, I blinked as – in addition to the usual paper – a large walkman popped into existence. It was a huge cassette-player monster from the eighties... or it looked like that at first glance. I frowned and stared at what should have been the tinted plastic showing how much magnetic tape was left on the reel. Instead, it was...

“Is that a digital display?” I asked, making an odd face before shaking my head and turning to the paper slip. “Okay... Music Player. Not just an ordinary music player, this player is indestructible and has excellent sound quality, with built-in speakers and headphones. It is capable of playing any song the holder has heard of before and records it inside its archive.”

“Oh my god, this is fucking amazing!” I squealed like a teenage girl and fought the urge to activate it right that moment. I still had another plastic capsule in my hand. “Okay, okay... calm down. Now... last one.”

I cocked my head as I read over the blurb. “Intermediate Blunt Weapon Mastery-”

I winced, my head feeling full enough that I was bordering on a migraine. “Shit... I should have brought pain killers. Ugh... yeah, okay, stim time.”

I triggered the ability and felt my body reset, energy draining out of me as I wobbled while I sat. “Oof, that's still a huge bite out of me... but I don't feel like my head is going to explode, at least.”

Even if it still felt full, like I needed a full eight hours in bed, I didn't feel like my skull was splitting. “Okay, let's see... you are fairly skilled in handling blunt instruments such as weapons, hammers, mauls, and clubs. You know how to effectively move your body and weapon to make good use of it, being able to match most practitioners in skill and finesse.”

I cocked my head curiously. “Do fists count as-”

I blinked, information streaming in.

“Okay, yeah... fists, knees, feet, elbows... kind of a general fighting perk. Neat,” I nodded. I hadn't really gotten one of those yet, so this was nice. Actually knowing how to punch things instead of needing to resort to setting people on fire was a hell of an improvement.

“Now time for the music player!” I grinned, hefting what was easily my new favorite toy. “How do I, oh – little keyboard, okay... does it have? Yes! It has everything I've ever listened to! Oh thank you, god! Now it's been over ten years, but...”

You know one of the weird things this world didn’t have?

Transformers.

Which meant that one of the greatest songs ever made wasn’t around.

I resolved, then and there, as Stand Bush began to sing, to bring this song to the masses one day.

I felt something in me relax as I listened to the music.  Letting it wind down, I reached into my pack and pulled out the smores and hotdog fixings I had stored away, instantly drawing canine attention to me.  Grinning, I grabbed a couple of metal rods from my backpack as well, lancing them through and beginning to cook even as I tore a couple of dogs into pieces for my quadrupedal compatriots.

That done, my notebook made an appearance as well and I reopened my grimoire.

“Now, time to find some spells.”

~~~

Here we go! Picking back up with Arden's adventures, he's a very busy young man scraping the last of his enforced vacation for some time to himself.

Next, a return to school!

And facing down the parents of his bullies!

Lot of stuff to cover even as he slowly begins to plan his future super heroic career.

Little does he know, however, problems are just beyond the horizon....

As for the Awesome Tier poll, this month has Entrepreneurial Spirit winning by virtue of my single voter on Subscribe Star. So that will get the extra long chapter this month.

Oh, and next update will be Mind Games. Look for that in a few days.