Story Time! When Luce and I met for the first time part 1 - Backstory

Hey everyone :)

yesterday Lucy and I celebrated 9 years since the first time we met IRL and I thought some of you might like to hear about the fetish-related things she indulged me in that night, and also a little about how fetishes work for us within our relationship. I know something that a lot of people worry about is meeting someone they feel comfortable enough to talk to about their fetish, let alone to actively indulge in it. I wanted to show that it’s not just possible to have that kind of relationship but that there are lots of people out there who’ve already been lucky enough to find it and it could be your turn at any time.

Part 1 is a recap of how we met and got to know one another for those of you who don’t know, plus a little about when I opened up about my fetish. There’s kink-related stuff sprinkled through this part but feel free to skip it if this is stuff you already know or just want to hear about the night which I’ll be posting in the next couple of days :)

So, we met on Tumblr in 2013, following each other four months to the day that I‘d made the decision not to end my life. I had given myself a year to get happy. The tenth anniversary of that day is this Thursday, by the way. I am forever grateful that the silliest, most trivial thing imaginable saved me that night. Look what I would have missed. Homestuck literally saved my life. I then put my faith in Tumblr to get me through, pushing myself out of my comfort zone to talk with people and try to make new friends - something I find really hard because I rarely connect with people. 

However it was through this that I ended up first coming out about my fetish. I’d kept it a secret for 33 years and I was already so low in general that I guess I felt like I had nothing to loose. Someone had sent me an anonymous message asking for advice because they had a fetish they were ashamed of but really wished they could talk about it. I encouraged them to share safely on my blog, and that I would share mine in return.

well. Didn’t that open a can of worms? :P people started sending me all kinds of questions, trying to guess what my fetish was. I ended up giving a series of clues and eventually two people guessed at almost the same moment. I swallowed my pride, published the asks and confessed the part of me I‘d kept hidden since I was really young.

Many of you will know this already but I was seriously surprised at the reaction. I only lost about 3 followers, no one gave me any kind of crap for it and several people messaged me to say they thought it was cute or fun and a couple of people even shared that they had similar fetishes or kinks. It felt like coming out, all over again, the relief was amazing! After that, it was just... a part of me, I guess. A part of me I talked about sometimes. I became more open about it and gave myself a break for once. And then, I met Lucy.

I had just hit about 400 followers and had stopped automatically following back a week or so earlier so it was only by sheer chance that I checked out Lucy’s blog to see if we had much in common and it turned out we shared a lot of the same fandoms so she was an instant follow back. Three days later I had a flashback to these gross sandwiches my best friend at college used to bring in every damn day (lettuce and marmite, I wish I was joking) and I received two responses; one said simply ‘dude D:’ The other was from Lucy who told me about something stupid a friend of hers used to do with a particular brand of sweets and we talked back and forth all morning. I laughed like an idiot. We clicked so fast it was ridiculous. I hadn’t felt that happy in years.

After that we talked every day, regularly throughout the day. Very quickly we became best friends (or palemates for the few homestucks still out there) and grew closer and closer. It also turned out that she shared one of my more obscure fandoms, for which i‘d written a 3 million word-strong fanfic series and she said she was going to read her way through the entire thing. I didn’t think for one moment she would manage that because it was SUCH a long series that I couldn’t imagine anyone reading it from start to finish, especially not 3 years after the show ended, but she was true to her word and I reread along with her during which we used to talk for hours late into the night. I don’t know at what point I realised I was in love with her but I did everything to try to deny, get over or bury it. I was terrified of ruining our friendship.

Unbeknownst to me, she was feeling exactly the same. And we both started to do things to turn each other on in a ‘ha ha, look at me, teasing my best friend! It doesn’t mean anything!’ Kind of a way. I started incorporating some of Lucy’s kinks into my cosplays and photo shoots while Lucy began to eat loads and write me fetish smut. I remember one day when I was doing TMI Tuesday she started sending me - piece by piece - anonymous Cotton Candy (Roxy x Jane from Homestuck) fetish smut which I posted as she sent it, and not only was I going absolutely crazy over it but a load of my followers were getting hot under the collar too, including people who didn’t even have the same kink!

Lucy started to ‘research tummy noises’ to help her write me more fiction ( this was where her overeating started, some hands-on research! But then she discovered she just liked being greedy so she kept doing it!) and one night she informed me she’d found my YT channel. My embarrassment absolutely skyrocketed! I talked about my videos on my blog fairly often but I don’t think I’d ever posted the link. Lucy found it just researching for her fics and watched a whole bunch of my videos much to my shame! I was terrified she was going to be disgusted by me but she absolutely out my mind at rest and told me she just thought it was fun. That’s something she still says to me today when I moan jokingly that I have the worst fetish. “No you don’t, it’s fun,” she always grins :)

Fast forward to the start of September. My feelings for her were absolutely killing me. I had been trying for the past 2 days to work up the courage to tell her how I felt and failed constantly! Eventually, at the end of my last message of the night, I told her ‘I’ve got something to tell you in the morning if I’m brave enough’ and sent it before I could chicken out. I laid there awake all night, worrying. Unbeknownst to me Luce also spent the night awake, wondering if I meant what she hoped I meant. And her first message of the morning ended, ‘are you feeling brave?’

I wasn’t. I really wasn’t. But I somehow forced myself to confess my feelings - coincidentally exactly 3 months to the day we followed each other’s blogs and 10 months to the day I chose to live - and a couple of hours later I received a reply that sent me throwing myself onto the bed with the biggest grin plastered across my face, shaking my arms and legs in the air with a joy I had never felt before in my life, letting out shrieks of happiness! Inevitably we began to talk more intimately and we found out a lot about one another’s kinks and fetishes as a part of that. I had never imagined feeling close enough to anyone or trusting anyone enough to want to do anything fetishy with them but I found myself wanting to try things out with Lucy and she always made it clear that I was safe to try anything I wanted with her. It’s a two way street; we’ve both helped each other explore so much about ourselves over the last 9 years.

We had originally planned to meet irl for the first time that November but neither of us could wait that long and we arranged to meet on Halloween 2013. I booked a hotel and we spent the week leading up to it wishing the days away. I worried that my shame would stop me being able to do fetishy things and Lucy assured me she would make me feel comfortable. More than that, she told me she was going to make me touch her tummy, and I almost lost the plot! I could barely contain myself, I felt like I could explode even at the thought of it.

Eventually the day arrived; I got ready, packed my overnight back and took an extremely nervous journey to the station.

Even I had no idea how fantastic the night would be 💙

So there’s the backstory.... in the next couple of days I’m going to share the full story of our first day and night together, which included a 2 litre bottle of coke, an illicit first tummy touch and an all you can eat breakfast the next day!