An Update and More Frivolous Pictures of My Cat Because

Hello hedgehogs.

(Edit: for those of you who prefer to listen to these, an audio version is attached below.) 

Well. What a pickle this all is, eh. Let’s do the corona bit first and get it out of the way.

I’m doing fine. Are you doing fine? For now cases in Bulgaria are either at a manageable level, or there’s been such a shortage of testing we naively believe it’s at a manageable level. I suspect the truth is somewhere in between.

Chances are, wherever you are, you’ve been inside for almost a month now and we’re all probably experiencing largely the same things. Namely: fairly extreme restlessness, and a deep desire for life to go back to normal.

I bet we all have a moment when this got real for the first time. Mine was the evening of – I think – the 13th of March. The Bulgarian government had just announced a two week lockdown. This seemed almost overly-cautious at the time and it still didn’t really hit home. I was making my way through Sofia to a friend’s place when the announcement was made. As I walked down a street I suddenly noticed that despite it being 8 or so in the evening, the supermarkets and shops were packed with people. No one was dawdling. And the public spaces felt electrically charged, a weird hint of something wicked this way comes. 

My friend lives on the 15th floor and later that night we sat in his living room watching the city. I remember looking out at all the lit windows and thinking for the first and probably last time in my life that I knew what was going through the heads of each and every person in each and every lit window. And it was: Please, please, please don’t let me get sick. 

I know this sounds morbid, but that has been the one upside of this situation one can reasonably think of. Total solidarity. Not a month or so ago, most of our lives were private, unique affairs. You met with people and had to really do some work to understand how they lived and what they wanted and often it felt like they came from an alien planet. Now you can generally guess the daily routine of everyone around you and what they’re afraid of. Because most of it is the same as you. Everything we prided ourselves on being unique for has been totally negated by just trying to make sure we get through this thing as best we can. 

Weirdly I find myself a lot less anxious about asteroids and nuclear war and unexpected brain aneurysms and all the things I worried about just a month ago. Now the existential threat is very palpable, just outside our garden gates.

The second phase of this getting real was when people I know started coming down with the thing. The third phase was when people I know knew people who began actually dying, and that has been way beyond strange and way beyond horrible. If you’ve been directly affected, I can’t even imagine how scary and weird that is, and for what little it’s worth, all of our thoughts and love is going out to you, obviously.

How are you getting on in general? I hope you’re living with people you like, or else you don’t mind being by yourself. I’m now quite convinced the only thing worse than being kept inside alone is being kept inside with other people. 

That’s a joke of course. But damn, there must be a lot of couples who’d just moved in together when this all started, and they’ve had to get to know each other properly by a baptism by fire. Or couples who were just in the process of breaking up too. That must be fun.

Anyway. When this all began, obviously control of my life completely went out the window, especially living alone. I spent the first week and a bit getting up at three in the afternoon and quickly preparing to become a fat drunk. I also did a few days of proper horror at what was happening to the world right in front of us, and I’m sure you’ve been to that place too.

But a routine developed. I’ve found running in a face mask almost totally impossible; it’s like being suffocated by a very gentle hug. Besides the parks are closed. Instead I’ve discovered a VR game called Beat Saber. If you’ve never played it, safe to say it’s like working as a sushi chef trying to give himself photosensitive seizures. An hour or so of that a day and some push-ups seems to keep me in shape. 

There’s a k-pop song in the game that I cannot physically stop listening to and you know what, I’m not ashamed to admit it and who the hell are you anyway. South Koreans are fucking musical wizards. https://youtu.be/UOxkGD8qRB4 After 3 cups of coffee and listening to this thing on headphones, the chorus at 0:46 is quite close to a drug experience. I like the bit where they sing about being popstars and how dey gonna wear da crown etc. I am 30 years old.

I still don’t understand why that one girl has a tail or how any of this relates to League of Legends or what League of Legends is but that’s fine. 

Anyway.

It’s been about 2 months since I’ve posted a video. There’s a fairly simple and boring reason.

One day in the gym about 2 months ago (remember gyms?) an idea turned up out of nowhere and I knew from the toddler-like excitement that followed that I had to try making the thing immediately. After writing the idea out as it had appeared I realised it was going to be rather long and rather complicated. Longer and more complicated than anything I’d done before. It was, and I’m just really hoping you’ll forgive me for that when the thing is finished. It has an attempt at a happy ending for once and there’s spaceships and shit. I’m not promising, but it should be done in around a week, all being well. It’s finally at the coming-in-to-land phase of editing and I’m able to think semi-straight again.

It’s a story about a man living under the sea going to the surface to find his grandfather. It also accidentally ended up as a….prequel to another video. I won’t give much more away than that. I played with the idea of uploading the first two minutes for you lot, but I think that will spoil the surprise. Instead, there are some pictures below to hopefully keep you entertained until the thing is finished. I’m extremely lucky to be doing a job (if it can be called that?...) that can be done at home, and not a day goes by when I don’t feel thankful. Please just bear with me until this thing is finished, I'd like to get it just right.

I have also been moonlighting as a cat photographer and if I may say so, the model herself is very pretty. She has been keeping me in excellent spirits and providing much purring and fuss in the morning, generally just after the sun comes up whether I like it or not. Photos below of course.

I’ve also finally gotten into Subnautica, and fuck me, what a world. 

So there it is. All’s fine on this side and I really, really hope you’re doing okay too.

I can’t tell you when we’ll be getting out of this, but we will be getting out of this. Lockdown will probably be eased slowly at first for most of us – the young going out again to begin with. Obviously the trick is to avoid a second wave, and South Korea and Taiwan seem to be leading the way for that with shit loads of testing. I’m praying that the rest of us follow suit.

Three things are for certain and they are that medical staff are very brave, epidemiologists are very clever, and many normal folk are very kind. And by combination of all three we’re going to come out of this. We’re going to look back on it and hopefully – I pray to fucking Yahweh – alter global health policy so it never, ever happens again. All of us will forever now be the generations that lived through a pandemic in the 21st century. We are going to have the strangest stories to tell to our kids and nieces and nephews when they’re old enough to ask. We’re currently living through the bit of the story when we climb out of the story. We’re at the end of the beginning at the very least.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re up to, I just wish you all the good health it’s possible to have and I hope you’re getting on okay. Please stay safe, clever, and inside, and keep in mind the ridiculous parties we’re going to throw when we’re out of this. 

Much, much, much love,

Ex

P.S – As always your support is super appreciated, and when my next excuse for content finally drops, please know it wouldn’t have been possible without your kindness. Thanks for sticking with me despite the gaps in uploading. I can’t promise what’s coming is good, but it’s all I’ve been doing for 2 months now, and what I lack in talent, I hope I can make up for in pointless perseverance.