Intention

It’s been a busy time juggling work with American Pickers and my own Burlesque career as well as the success of my students. I’m trying to find balance and I’m trying to move forward with intention. As I’m sure you know it can be really difficult. I feel lately like I’m just kind of tossed about on the open seas which is a beautiful place if you’re looking at it from the shoreline or from the perspective of a yacht on a nice sunny day but it can be quite a terrifying place if you’re not feeling secure.

Lately I tend to be struggling with that feeling of security. There are a multitude of reasons why and each of those reasons are substantial enough for me to take pause. However I still have to move forward with intention.

What does that even mean, moving forward with intention? I know I talk about it a lot. I believe that the intention that I am setting right now is rooted in trying to make myself understand that slowing down is OK. That sometimes you have to stop and recuperate in order to grow. I’m trying to embrace the roadblocks and milestones ahead of me with gratitude and patience. Two things which I lack far too often. I’m trying to take control of my life by taking control of my schedule. It’s incredibly important to me lately that I don’t waste any excess energy. There are so many important things happening around me that I really need to stay focused on only those things so I tend to be missing out on some of the fun things in life like friendships, family, downtime and relaxation, nurturing my creative side and allowing myself body to heal. So I suppose right now I’m setting an intention to do those things. Those things that have been lacking in my life. That means that the future is going to look different and that’s a scary thing for me, as it is for all of us, am I right?

If I continue to move forward with no intention I’ll simply make myself crazy. If I move forward with the intention that I’m going to stay organized and expend as little energy as possible while staring down the face of a very rewarding but stressful upcoming two months but I think I’ll be able to make it through just fine. I have some pretty big things coming up in the future the honestly strike fear in my heart but I’m not really ready to talk about them yet. I also have every reason to believe that in the end there will be nothing but success and a better future spiritually emotionally physically in regards to family and friends and actually having a social life of some type. I feel like I’m on the edge of a really beautiful Cliff and I have a parachute on and I have a safe landing and I have people around to help me get to that safe landing but I also love the ground and I’m afraid of heights. So I feel like lately I’m just holding onto that ripcord before the big jump. And it’s terrifying and exciting and bring forward a lot of emotions that I’ve not felt in a long time and to be honest I’m struggling to deal with. So I’m setting my intention. My intention is that I am going to make it safely through and that there will be a better life on the other side. But I found myself setting my intentions in a little ways also. Definitely becoming much more OCD the normal. But I suppose that makes me feel like I have control and right now that’s a good feeling. So I’m just kind of going with it. I’ll be on the island for about another week before I head back to the Midwest. After landing at the airport and my niece will pick me up like normal and she will drive me to my parents house like normal and she will stay the night and we will hang out And gossip and eat and celebrate our time together like normal. I will then make my way to Chicago where I will be with my family much of the time. I’m so excited about this! I get to see memphis Oliver Miles Amy Liam Madison Abigail both of my sisters both of my parents and some dear friends. I will be doing some filming for Pickers during that time as well as co producing the event we with my friend Sio, September 16 at “handlebar” in Chicago for the riot fest after party. Its called “Obscura” It’s going to be an outrageous show and I cannot wait to be with my friends on stage again! I’ve been working so hard on this routine. My daughter memphis and I hand made the dressing gown and négligée for this routine. I also added many embellishments to the silk fans I will be using as well as the rest of the costume. This costume has gone through so many transitions in about five years. It looks completely different than when I started thinking up this routine and now, five years later I get to put it on stage with one of my best friends from the island, Yulietta. Is definitely gonna be some BDSM love and realness on stage and I cannot wait. It’s a beautiful creation and it showcases the art of sensual sacrifice.

After that performance I will be filming at the Iowa store for a few days before I make my way to my dear friend and manager Haley‘s wedding to her incredible fiancé John. It’s going to be a beautiful night at their cabin, the cabin they built themselves. The cabin sits on generational land and they’re very lucky to have had this opportunity to purchase this cabin that started out as an early 1900s barn and give it new life as a house for their budding family. I hope babies are in the future for them soon, they would be incredible parents and I know they both have so much love and excitement for a future with babies.

As for me though, my intention is no more babies, just Burlesque babies! I feel like the troop is at a point where they are ready to start sharing some of their successes. Hopefully I’ll have some videos soon so you can enjoy some of our practice time. The videos will be on camera phones from their own personal phones because that’s how we videotape our long practices that way nobody has to wait for me to get them footage. But, if you’d be interested in seeing it I’m sure that they would be happy to showcase and hear your thoughts on their progress.

Anyhow, speaking of setting intentions, I promised myself that today would be a mental health day and that I would do no work so I am going to get back to watching iron Chef Brazil and lay in bed with a heating pad on my belly while I marinade in the THC running through my veins.

Do you set intentions for you life? What are some of your intentions the you’ve set that have worked out for you? What are some intentions you’ve set for yourself that have not worked out for you? What are some intentions you plan to set for your future?