HOB Mean Pussy 5

So here’s a little bit about this costume and this routine. I started this project before Covid. Far before Covid… It has taken me at least three years to put this routine and costume on stage. I did perform in this costume here in Puerto Rico at Nova Ley, in Mayaguez and it killed! Everybody loved it and that’s where I got my sea legs with this costume. So why did it take me so long to perform in it? I keep asking myself that question. I think I was quite burnt out on Burlesque before Covid hit. A lot of us were. A lot of us were hustling for jobs that we weren’t making enough money at and constantly trying to outdo each other with wardrobing and drop splits etc. I think Covid gave me a chance to sit in silence for a bit and see what I wanted to have come out of this routine. I’m glad I didn’t do it before Covid, for some reason I feel like it’s more impactful now. I feel like it’s more well thought through more intentional, but still has a long way to go.

I remember sitting for hours, days, weeks at a time with my friend Sylas Crowe at my house in Rincon adding Crystals to this costume. Especially the Cape, it was a beast to Crystal.

I think of all those hours with my dear friend gossiping, drinking Medella, talking about all of our plans for the future. I remember photographing this costume for the very first time with Madison Hurley. I remember just how proud I felt in this costume and the many shapes and variations this costume has taken since those years ago, pre-pandemic.

I simply cannot put a costume or routine on stage until I feel it’s time. Even after that there’s always something I want to change about it, make better, more impactful, more intentional. But that’s just the process of creating. I get emotional talking about it at all because this was a project that I really had to trust the process on. There were so many elements and moving parts. Christina Manuge did a beautiful job on my Pastie and G string set as always and my leopard gauntlets too. Lady Vermillion absolutely delivered beyond my wildest dreams with this costume. I asked her to line the Cape in impactful red silk and boy did she deliver!

Looking at these photographs really gives me the chills now, the photos make my heart skip a beat. Even if my body is not in the exact same condition it was a few years back, I still feel fierce in this costume, doing this routine. And the more I put it on stage the more fears I will feel. Remember to trust the process when it comes to creativity. There’s always a point where you feel not good enough somehow. Something can always hold you back if you let it. Whether it’s added weight to your body or insecurities about your performance, there’s always something to hold you back but do it anyway! Do it while you can, do it while you’re living, do it while you still have bones in your bones because you absolutely will regret it later if you don’t. Whatever it is, do it now. Trust the process, even the ugly parts.