ROYAL REWARD: The Underwear Research Club (Clothing TF, Blue Archive)

The clubroom door flew open with a crash, and into the room leapt Chidori Michiru, a giant scroll in her hands. “I foooooound it! I finally foooooooound it!” 

Izuna and Tsukuyo almost leapt out of their seats in shock. “E-eh?” cried the former. “What do you mean you found it?” 

“Wh-what is it?” said Tsukuyo, looking like she wanted to melt. 

“Only the Scroll of Seals!” cried Michiru, holding the scroll up triumphantly. 

“What’s so good about seals?” asked Izuna. 

“I like the way they b-balance the ball on their noses,” said Tsukuyo.

“Oh, I know, right? It’s really cute!” 

“Not that kind of seal,” said Michiru. “The Scroll of Seals! The famous one!” 

They stared at her blankly.

Finally, Michiru sighed. “...The one from Naruto.” 

“Oh!” At once, Izuna and Tsukuyo’s eyes lit up. “You mean the one he steals in the first episode?!" 

“Yeah! The one that lets him summon a million shadow clones! That one!” 

At this, Izuna leapt from her seat. “Show me! Show me! Show me!” 

“H-hey, wait a second…” Michiru backed away, raising the scroll to keep it out of Izuna’s grip. “I haven’t read it either yet.” Fighting her way past Izuna, Michiru planted the scroll on the table and unfurled it with a frown. 

“It’s… it’s a little smaller than I expected,” said Tsukuyo.

“Yeah, wasn’t the one from the show really big?” said Izuna. “And it was made of cloth, too. This one looks like it’s made of parchment. Is it really the Scroll of Seals?”

“Of course it’s the Scroll of Seals!” snapped Michiru. 

“...How do you know?” 

“Because–” Michiru stopped. How did she know? She’d kinda just assumed it, actually. “Look, do you want to make a million shadow clones or not?” 

The two of them shut their mouths very quickly. 

“Okay,” said Michiru, with a silent sigh of relief. “Let’s see…” The Scroll was written in English or Latin or something, not Japanese like you’d expect, but she’d found a translator on her phone, and she thought she knew what it said. “It says we have to stand in a circle and say the word ‘panties’ three times three times.” 

“P-Panties?” said Izuna.

“Three times three times?” asked Tsukuyo. “You mean… nine?” 

“That’s what it says!” said Michiru. “Now do you want to try it or not?” 

After a moment of hesitation, the other two joined her. Linking hands, they stood in a circle and struggled to hide their embarrassment from each other. 

“Are you sure this is how it works?” said Izuna. “I don’t remember Naruto ever creating shadow clones like this!” 

“...It’s more like the Flying Thunder Formation Technique,” said Tsukuyo, almost inaudibly. The others ignored this. 

“Well,” said Michiru. “Are we doing it or not?”

Izuna and Tsukuyo shared one last look and sighed. They nodded. 

“Alright, here goes!” cried Michiru. “Panties! Panties! Panties!” Izuna and Tsukuyo hurried to join in with her. “Panties! Panties! Panties! …Panties! Panties! Panties!”

As this last word left their mouths, the three of them stopped breathing and looked around, expecting their clones to appear at any second. When even a single copy of them failed to make an appearance, however, they dropped their hands and looked around in annoyance. 

“What gives?!” cried Michiru. “It didn’t do anything!” 

Izuna and Tsukuyo shared another look. “I don’t think this is the Scroll of Seals at all,” said Izuna, folding her arms. “In fact, I think it’s a complete–” 

Before she could finish, the world cut her off: all three of them had started to glow, their figures shining with a faint pink energy. 

“Hah!” cried Michiru. “It was the real scroll! I knew it!” 

Izuna and Tsukuyo, on the other hand, could only stare at themselves in terror. “I-I don’t remember this ever happening on Naruto.”

“Oh relax,” said Michiru. “Reality isn’t always the same as fiction, Tsuku–” Before she could finish, she found herself flung suddenly forward, and she wasn’t the only one: Izuna and Tsukuyo shot forward too, and the three of them promptly crashed together like they’d been magnetized. Michiru squealed as her chest slammed into Izuna’s and Tsukuyo’s (who was really the only one with any significant amount of mass in that department). “H-hey!” she cried, struggling and squirming. “G-get off me!” 

“Nn~! I can’t!” cried Izuna. 

“What’s happening?!” wailed Tsukuyo.

As the three of them struggled to pull free, the pressure forcing them together grew even stronger. Pressed face-to-face and chest-to-chest, all but kissing and rubbing their boobs together, the three could only squeal and moan and make muffled little whimpers, and the pressure grew more and more painful, and at last–

Just as it seemed things couldn’t get any stranger, that the force crushing them must make them pop, they instead found themselves smushed together like three pieces of gum, squished and rubbed till it was impossible to tell where one ended and the others began. For a moment, their cries were muffled beyond comprehension, and a moment later they cut off entirely as lips melded with lips and cheeks with cheeks.

For a moment, the three floated in the air, a formless, shifting mass of flesh and clothes, a ball of clay being sculpted by a pair of invisible hands. Crushing them into a sphere no larger than a football, it forced a pair of fingers through what had been their heads to carve a new mouth for them, and, as if this wasn’t enough, continued straight through them, making the rest of the esophagus as well. At the last second, it split, emerging from their other end in two places, and leaving them screaming inside at the feeling. It felt as if someone were fingering all of their lower holes at once. 

Drawing them, the hands slammed together and crushed them flat, leaving them to flutter to the floor as sadly as a fallen flag. When they hit the ground, however, it wasn’t as three women: it was a simple pair of men’s underwear, white with a pink shuriken motif (and a few violet flowers near the sides).

Nnn~! In their heads, the three could only whine in pleasure. 

What happened to us? cried Mizuni.

Help! wailed Tsukuyo. Heeeeeeelp! 

W-wait! cried Izuna. The door! 

With a creak, the door swung open, and into the room stepped whoever other than Sensei himself. Sensei! 

“Oh, I guess they’re not here,” he said. 

Huh? What do you–?

Slowly, his eyes slid to them. Cocking his head, he marched over and stooped to pick them up.

Sensei! Help us!

Sensei frowned. “Why would someone leave a perfectly good pair of underwear lying around like this?” 

P-pair of underwear?! 

When no one answered, he shrugged. “Well, I guess I might as well take them for myself. I need a new pair after last night with Asuna anyway.” 

E-e-eeeeh?!